Friday, November 28, 2014
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Sharon and I just watched the Monday Night Wars episode about Stone Cold and there is no doubt in my mind, he was the greatest superstar in WWE history. He was the epitome of the anti-hero, someone you could look up to when you hated your job, hated your car, hated whatever else it was you hated. And you wish you could have reacted the way he did, just flipping your troubles the bird before solving them all with violence. It's the stuff you dream about doing. Real life is of course not like wrestling, because of laws and police and life imprisonment and blah, blah, blah. But you gotta pay tribute to the guy who every Monday Night, made you think that you could just as badass as he was.
McFarlane Toys has released this as the latest in their line of WWE Icon Statues. I don't know if it smells like cheap beer or not, but I know it's limited to only 500 pieces and each one comes with a piece of the ring skirt from Wrestlemania 17 when he fought The Rock. Not only would this look great under your Christmas tree, but it would also be a good replacement as the focal point of your living room when your tree starts to turn brown. Surrounding it with lit candles and offerings of beef jerky seems appropriate. Step up your decorating game at http://www.mcfarlanetoysstore.com/.
Black Friday is a tradition in America where people forgo any sense they may have once possessed in the name of bargains. I have never personally taken part in this shopping phenomena/hell, but I have worked plenty of them to have an entertaining story or two. My best one was the first Black Friday I ever worked. I was employed by one of those big box stores the year that "Tickle Me Elmo" was the must-have toy. Our store received four of them, and people camped outside our doors overnight trying to get one. The store manager thought the most fair thing to do would be to line them up on the service desk (which was directly in front of these cold and already irritable people), unlock the doors, and let fate play out how it would. I'm not sure whether he thought it was a good idea or he knew it was dumb and really just wanted to see what would happen. The sight of the toy alone had sent the gathered crowd into a frenzy usually reserved for starving animals that happen to stumble upon a buffet. The manager walked over, twisted the lock, and was knocked backwards by the unleashed tide of desperate parents. They kicked, shoved, and clawed to get to this red plush toy and then I saw what was one of the craziest things I have ever witnessed in person. A grown man, in an attempt to fend of a woman grabbing for his prize, turned and punched her square in the face. I wish I was exaggerating this.
Having worked Black Friday in retail means that I will never participate in it as a customer, because people loose their minds over nonsense. It's better to just stay home, finish digesting the unnaturally large meal you had the day before, and buy your presents online. And let me tell you, no matter how long you wait outside of Target, they're not gonna have anything nearly this cool inside.
Skinner is unleashing his newest creations this Friday in the form of Morgogg and Ogos. This is the first time he has self produced toys, and he went freakishly large with these two thirteen inch madmen. Sculpted by David Arshawsky, who worked on some of the most iconic toy lines ever produced, these two monsters will be first available in unpainted Gamma Ray Green for $300 for a set of two, or $175 each. The only place to get them will be http://shopcriticalhit.com/ at noon Pacific time.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Don't you just love how I summed up everything you need to know in the title of this post? I totally just freed up your day to do other stuff. You can finally go outside and power wash that sludge off the side of your house, or teach your cats to do something fun and become famous so you can live off of the ensuing merchandise money they make. The day has just become your oyster, and you my friend have some pearls that need harvesting.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Good lord did I ever have a crush on Agent Dana Scully when I was a teenager. Not that the X-Files wasn't one of my favorite shows because of the great stories, but Gillian Anderson's character ensured I was glued to my tv every time a new episode aired. Here's a six degrees of separation story for you:
Sharon and I used to be friends with a guy who worked on video games and other intellectual properties. When he lived in Vancouver his boss was Gillian Anderson's husband (they're since divorced). This is at the same time when people started cutting and pasting celebrities head's onto random naked bodies and evidently they used to torment this guy every time they found a new one featuring his wife (of which there were A LOT apparently). How this dude never snapped and killed them all I'll never know, but that's pretty much how the story ended every time I ever heard it told. I for one would have defended him in the hopes that I got invited over for dinner and could steal whatever I could fit in my pockets that belonged to her. Ok, I don't steal, but the thought would have crossed my mind. Though I could have taken her tooth brush and frozen it until they perfected cloning. Imagine explaining that one to your wife when she asks why there's a toothbrush next to her Hot Pockets in the freezer.
Not only do you have to file your taxes next April, but you now have to buy these X-Files Pop! Vinyls from Funko. Hopefully you get a nice refund so you can get them all and not have to pick and choose which ones you want. See how I just want the best for you?
You're stranded at sea, floating at the will of the ocean's current in your life boat. Starvation has set in as you and your crew have eaten the last of your rations, and the constant exposure to the sun has pushed you to the brink of madness. But then, just when it seems that all hope is lost, you spot land. The glorious site of sand and palm trees reinvigorates your will to live, and you use what little strength you have left to guide your craft to shore. The feeling of land beneath your feet is better than anything you could ever remember, and your euphoria guides you through the dense vegetation. There you feast on tropical fruits, filling your shrunken belly to the point of sickness. And then you hear it. The most dreadful cry rings out from a creature you couldn't even imagine in your wildest dreams. The comforting earth begins to shake, animals scatter towards safety, and trees are crushed as whatever this thing is comes closer and closer to you and the other survivors. Your salvation is now your doom.
I loooooooooove this new Cinema Monster figure from Splurrt. He looks ripped from the stop motion world of Ray Harryhausen and ready to feast on some unsuspecting humans. If you want to welcome this beast into your life you'll get the chance tomorrow at noon eastern time when these go up for sale. No lottery involved in this one, just the luck of your computer and a good internet connection. Oh, and you'll need $150, cause that's what he costs. Buy me one at http://splurrt.bigcartel.com/.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Thankfully people now have something to talk about other than Bill Cosby, how cold it is outside, and whether Obama is responsible for both. Yesterday it was announced that uber detailed action figure company NECA had purchased Kidrobot for four magic beans and a Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card (kidding, I'm sure it involved more money than I've ever seen) and that Frank Kozik is the new creative director. What does that mean for us collector folk? Well, it probably means that our bank statements are gonna make us a little sadder each month because more of our funds will be diverted into buying cool toys that otherwise may not have existed. While I'm sure it will take some time before the impact is felt in the product (toy making is slow business) you couldn't ask for anyone better to be in such an important position. Not only does he create, but he collects, and he's been involved in every aspect you can be in the designer toy world. Plus, he likes cats and you can trust a man that likes cats.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
New York can be an intimidating place, especially when it comes to the subway. Not only is it confusing to figure out where you're going, but some of the stations look like they are preparing to film the next installment of the Saw franchise. My best subway story, which I may or may not have told here before, started off innocently enough. Sharon and I are standing on the platform, waiting for the train to arrive, and all of a sudden some lady pushes past us in disgust, continuously looking behind her, and mumbling "oh my God" over and over. We turned to see what had got her in such a panic and no more than ten feet away from us was a grown man dropping the deuce. Now when you think about pooping, which who doesn't, you picture someone squatting down. Not this guy. He was standing straight, sweat pants around his ankles, and growing a brown tail like it was as normal as checking your text messages. Now try as I might to look away, I just couldn't. It had nothing to do with the horror of what was happening as much as it had to do with making sure he came nowhere near us. A man that will poop out in the open on a subway platform is a man that :
1.) is full of germs
2.) is probably a tad unstable and might decide that a stabbing is next on his to do list
He finished his business, pulled up his pants, and got on the train like nothing was out of the ordinary. We walked three cars up from where he got on (the recommended distance you should always have between yourself and someone who's committed such an act) and went about the rest of our day unable to speak of anything else.
My point behind this story is to say that the subway could use some sprucing up, and I don't mean with the random spattering of Scientologists and American Idol hopefuls it has now. Bigshot Toyworks remembers a time when you could at least see colorful, albeit illegal, artwork adorning the sides of every train. So much so that they created the All City Style subway train car so artists now can relive those days when Times Square was more Mad Max than Disneyland, and riding the subway meant getting an art show to go along with your mugging.
A tone of artists have customized these cars to put on display this weekend at PIQ in Grand Central Terminal. The show opens November 22nd and will feature tons of artists you know and love. A listing of participants can be found in the picture waaaaaaaaay up at the top there.
Good lord did you watch Sons of Anarchy last night? Talk about emotional. I won't spoil it for you in case you have it stowed away on your DVR because you were somehow unable to make time for it when it originally aired (what were you doing that was more important?). And it's killing me a little on the inside because no one I work with watches it (they're bad people) and I wanna talk about it soooooooo badly. Especially the brilliant scene when Jax and Nero are talking on the phone. Uggh just call out sick and go watch it.
If you watch Sons of Anarchy I'm guessing you're a person that spits danger in the eye. You don't just live on the edge, you dangle from it with one hand while taking a selfie with the other. You need a surprise at every turn, and that's why the S.O.A. Mystery Box from Mezco is for you. It's kinda like gambling, but without the shame of signing over your Ford Focus when the Eagles fail to cover the spread against the Packers. I'll miss that car.
For $20 you get two official Sons of Anarchy products. What will you get? I don't have the slightest idea, but that's what makes it exciting. Seven lucky people that order one of these will get an upgrade to a box featuring everything you see pictured above. That's one for each season the show has been on the air, in case you're ever on Jeopardy. Order yours from http://www.mezcotoyz.com/.
Friday, November 14, 2014
I always get a kick out of spotting a rat whenever Sharon and I are in New York. Not only are they the most famous rats in the world, but it always surprises me to see wildlife in the city other than pigeons. The ones you see are still kinda cute, even though they're covered in muck and would probably steal a hamburger from your kid's mouth while leaving behind a healthy dose of plague. But you always wonder whats lurking around in the abandoned subway tunnels and sewers that people don't get to see. Rats that have evolved beyond anything we would ever want to imagine. Maybe they look something like this.
Mike Sutfin's Battle Rat is one bad rodent. At least he gives off that air of badness by dragging that skull around. It's pretty much the best method for conveying that you are not to be messed with. You might want to leave it out of your profile pic on your dating website though. It's best to wait until the third date to bring up your love for carting around the decapitated heads of your enemies.
This dude is the final colorway ever of this figure and is up for preorder right now at http://sutfin.bigcartel.com/. He features some pretty intense paint techniques and you can interchange the heads to suit your moods. And he's much safer than trying to tame one of those critters you find rifling through the trash in Manhattan. You only make that mistake once.
These vinyl Alien figures have been nearly impossible to get and have left a lot of people with no alternative other than to bang their heads into a wall until the part of their brain that wanted one to begin with is bruised into forgetting. Trust me, it's far less painful than seeing everyone you follow on Instagram post pictures of all the fun things they're doing with their Aliens, while you sit at home nurturing that growing void in your heart. Stop your bellyaching cause Super7 and Secret Base are making everything ok with this open edition figure. What that means for you is that you have from tomorrow until November 30th to preorder this glow in the dark bro. They will be made to order so everyone who wants one will get one. No more paying ridiculous eBay prices or having to patch forehead size holes in your living room.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Art doesn't have to suck. Art is not all about some weirdo glueing a screwdriver to a urinal, or those crappy prints that you're forced to stare at in your doctor's waiting room. It should make you feel something, whether you just like how something looks, or whether it makes you want to charge into battle, double fisting a couple broad swords, while "Reign in Blood" is blasted from the heavens. If the latter speaks to your Lord of the Rings-loving soul, then do I have the place for you to be tomorrow night.
The Cotton Candy Machine in Brooklyn is presenting "New Maps of the Abyss" featuring the work of Arik Roper and Skinner. This is gonna take you back to the time when you were hiding in the basement in your Iron Maiden t-shirt, playing Dungeons and Dragons with your friends. These are your most vivid fantasies, your darkest fears, brought to life and ready to hang on your wall.
The event starts at 7pm and both artists will be in attendance.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Not enough people wear fuzzy suits. I'm not talking about those furry people who like to dress as animals and touch each others butts and stuff. They make me reaaaaaallllllly uncomfortable. I used to work in the mall and this family would come in and they all went to those furry conventions and wanted to talk to me about it which made my skin crawl. They also looked like they might of had a "Hills Have Eyes" living situation going on, but that's something else entirely. Have you ever noticed that attractive people aren't into stuff like that? You never see anyone roaming around Wal Mart with cat ears on their head that you'd like to picture naked.
What I want people to start wearing are business suits that look like they were created from the remains of a dead Muppet. How much more fun would it be to get fired by a guy (or girl, I'm all for women in power and whatnot) firing you while looking like Oscar the Grouch? You couldn't even be that mad.
I'm digging We Become Monster's latest creations, the Shagghoulies! If they're isn't already there should be a horror-themed rock band with that name. I don't know if these guys have any musical talent, but they look like fun. Only 8 of these dudes were ever created and they will be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world this Friday, November 14th, at noon Pacific time for $75. They stand over a foot tall too, so that's a lot of fuzzy toy for your money. Get yours at http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
It's rare that I would ever open an email with a subject that involved the word "unAmerican" cause I am not trying to get on some government list or have the feds parked outside my house trying to see what I'm up to. Not that I'm up to anything, but it just seems like a hassle. I'd have to step up my style game if people are gonna be outside taking pictures all the time to go in my permanent file. This is how their briefing on my case will play out:
Boss: "So, have you determined what the deal with this guy is?"
Cop: "Sir, all we've been able to ascertain is that the house is filled with cats, and the subject looks FABULOUS!" (throws glitter in the air, much to the chagrin of his fellow officers)
And that is how I will waste the taxpayer's money. End scene.
I opened that email anyway and instead of finding something that would send me to Guantanimo, I found out about a killer toy show this weekend. It's called "UnAmerican Activity" because the artists involved aren't from America. Oooooooooooooh, that makes much more sense than what I was worried about. The show opens this Friday, November 14th, at Toy Art Gallery and features the work of Jon-Paul Kaiser, Doktor A, and Seymour Art. Check out this little preview of what you can see live and in person:
Law school is expensive, and what's a girl to do when she wants to be a district attorney and the student loans just aren't covering it? Citizen Brick is known for making the building block sets that a certain company would never even dream of creating. Now you can make it rain on little plastic strippers without ever leaving the privacy of your own home! Usually that costs a lot of money and you have to burn the pants you wear after you sober up and/or see the performer of your lap dance in natural lighting. There's a reason these places are dark.
Impress your friends and forgo the feeling of needing a hazmat shower with your very own Center for the Performing Arts. This thing is beyond amazing: it comes with four exclusive figures, working led lights with batteries, and is made using the same techniques that the big guys use, so this thing is completely legit. For $275 think of the endless fun you will have without having to worry about the strength of your immune system. Seriously, have you ever been in a strip club that didn't resemble a third world country? Order yours now and it will ship out Black Friday.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Chuck Norris is already the most feared man on the planet, so what insane person would combine him with the most feared creature in the ocean thus creating mankind's doom? Goodleg Toys of course! They have totally disregarded the fact that Shark Norris is the most unstoppable killing machine ever dreamed of. No tank can stop him from laying waste to his enemies, and he's gonna run out of those pretty quickly and therefore need new enemies, which is where the whole "humankind is screwed" thing comes from.
The carnage begins this Sunday, November 9th, when you can order your very own over at http://goodlegtoys.tumblr.com/.
Nothing as exciting as this has happened to the city of Chicago since the opening of the 1892 Columbian Exposition. I wasn't there, but I heard everyone who wasn't turned into a medical school prop by H. H. Holmes had a wonderful time. Tonight you can witness an event of comparable proportions (to the fair, not the murders) when Brian Ewing opens his solo show at Galerie F.
Those in attendance will have the chance to purchase the first ever marbled release of Shub Zeroth. He is the perfect blend of dark gray and flesh colored vinyl, formed into a beast whose name shall never be spoken thrice, lest the underworld rise up through a tear in the temporal vortex of our minds, forever poisoning our very souls.
Check out http://www.galerief.com/ for more info on the show.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
I really shouldn't be allowed to watch stuff like because I am so pumped up right now that I could sword fight all of my neighbors. I wish I lived in Middle Earth. But instead of killing Orcs and conquering lands I have to go and take out the trash and pay the car insurance bill. Real life is quite dumb.
Wait a second, are you telling me the guys from Suburban Vinyl are actually allowed to leave the state? California is in for it as the Robs will be making the journey to set up at this weekend's Designer Con. But they won't be showing up empty handed, as they will be bringing with them many quality wares for to peruse at booth # 515. Let's get to it.
This Brent Nolasco figure looks like a pretty chill bro. I'm sure he scares visitors to his swamp when they see him coming towards them, but all he really wants is someone to talk with about the new episode of American Horror Story. He thinks they should drop the musical numbers and reign their wacky story telling in just a tad to make a more concise experience for the viewers. He's got a lot of opinions about shows. Only 3 of these in this color scheme exist in the world and you can be one of the proud owners for $120.
Look, I get it, you think that if you hang Starry Night on your living room wall that naked chicks are just gonna fall out of the wood work for how artistic and sensitive you are. It's a load of crap, in fact women should beware of any man who tries to use this ploy, cause it means they don't like art enough to explore it beyond a picture that is offered by Capital One as an option for their first credit card. And if it's hanging next to a Bob Marley poster or one of "beers of the world" you need to get out of that house immediately before you needs years of counseling to undo whats about to go down. The Toy Viking is nothing if not a resource for keeping women safe.
Now if you're at someone's house and they have a picture like this one from Jon-Paul Kaiser, then you've got the green light to have all of their babies. For $70 you can up your art game with one of these prints that are signed and numbered to 50.
If the power happens to go out in Pasadena don't worry, because they will have enough glow in the dark toys at booth 515 to light the bathroom up so you don't pee on yourself. Like these Bio Buds from Manny Romero or these Primordial Ooze Munny heads from artisdead with little ninja turtles trapped inside. They will be priced at $40 and $21 respectively.
Or get yourself a mini Ice Scream Man from Brutherford Industries to light your way during those dark moments. Get one for $20, but please don't lick it cause people will stare.