Being lactose intolerant means that cheese is the devil. I've actually only tasted cheese once and it was a terrible accident that was very traumatizing to me and should have resulted in a lawsuit. I was attending a birthday party when I was young at Burger King and I distinctly recall ordering mine plain: meat and bun and nothing else. I take a bit into what I anticipated was flame broiled deliciousness and was instead met with some awful taste. I inspected the sandwich that had betrayed me and found that there, just atop the meat patty and below the top bun, was a slice of cheese. I blacked out with the realization that cheese had made its way into my mouth despite being so careful in my 6 years of life. I spat out the offending bite, wrapped up the Benedict Arnold of a hamburger, and returned it to the counter for a replacement. Now I am much more careful and thoroughly deconstruct all of my food to ensure no contraband dairy filth makes it past my defenses. I'm gonna need a minute to work through some feelings.
I have no quarrel with things that merely look like cheese, so I feel ok with endorsing this latest release from Rato Kim. Her ridiculously popular Bread Cat is living the fromage life in this exclusive release with Strange Cat Toys. There are only 10 of these available and for the opportunity to purchase one you must enter a lottery via email. You have until August 2nd to get your entry in at firstname.lastname@example.org, and please use "cheese cat" in the subject line so they don't think you're a hot single in their area trying to meet up tonight.