Cthulhu Idol Soft Vinyl Debut from The Cryptocurium

 

    Ol H.P. Lovecraft never lived long enough to see his work become as insanely influential as it did, and while any mention of him now almost requires you to denounce who he was as a person, it's hard to picture so much of what many of us love without his stories.  His greatest creation was the slumbering god Cthulhu, who lies at the bottom of the ocean waiting for the moment when he will rise and drive humanity to madness.  He is secretly who you've all been praying to when you've been hoping for 2020 to end already, so don't be surprised when he takes you quite literally.  You have to be careful what you ask for when you're within earshot of the old ones, as sarcasm wasn't a thing until long after their prominence.  

    The Cryptocurium makes some of the best resin figures out there featuring horror films, halloween, and of course Mr. Lovecraft.  This is their first foray into the world of soft vinyl and nothing would be a more appropriate debut then a story accurate statue of Cthulhu himself.  Available in a blank translucent green and as a tri colored glow in the dark marble, they will retail for $55 and $75 respectively, or a special price of $110 for both.  They'll be up for grabs today, Friday the 28th, at 6pm eastern time at this link.    

The Great Cthulhu Vinyl Toy Kickstarter from Sea Demon Vinyl

     The other day I learned that, in what can only be described as the biggest "ok, boomer" move this holiday season, Joe Biden has named his little bus tour of the Midwest "No Malarkey".  Of course he didn't stop there, because in the second biggest "ok, boomer" move this holiday season, he actual printed the Websters dictionary definition of the word beneath it.  I hate Donald Trump with as much vigor as I love cats, and I will vote for anyone who runs against him, but Joe Biden makes my butt clench when I think about his ability to move our country forward.  Next year is gonna be a rough one for sure, but as long as we get the orange idiot out and fitted for his prison jumpsuit in upstate New York, we still win.  But there's also a third option...

     The Great Cthulhu could rise from the depths of the ocean and wipe out mankind before we embarrass ourselves any further!!!!!  Sea Demon Vinyl is tired of waiting for our reckoning and has decided to get the process started on their own...and with a little help from all of us.  Right now on Kickstarter they are running a campaign to bring their interpretation of H.P. Lovecraft's most famous creation to life in four inch vinyl form.  Check out this link for all the different ways in which you can score a killer new toy by supporting this fundraiser.  

"Old One" Fiberglass Cthulhu Sculpture from Colin Christian

     Is anyone watching the Presidential debates and just wishing that the idiot moderator would receive urgent news that Cthulhu has finally risen from the depths to put us all out of our misery?  Seriously, I feel like I'm on some bad reality show with this nonsense and if this isn't a pilot for NBC then maybe as humans we have just over stayed our welcome.  So I implore you to vote for the only candidate that makes sense; the one who's agenda is not paid for by big business and who respects all people no matter their race, creed, or credit score because as far as he's concerned we all make the same crunching sound when trampled on:

    That is really the extent of my involvement in politics, so let us move on.  Colin Christian has immortalized our future world leader in this stunning fiberglass sculpture that is ready to (possibly) protect you when the oceans swell and his minions are set upon us.  Hey, it might save you from getting eaten, you never know until you try.    

    There's two different versions with the first featuring a black finish and the second adding some metal flake to spice it up a bit.  These are extremely affordable and available right now by visiting http://sasandcolinchristian.bigcartel.com.  

Killer Toys You Need from Skinner

    It's hard to do a serious post on April Fool's Day because everyone thinks you're just yankin their chains.  Well, we don't do any chain yankin when it comes to toys, cause that's serious business not fodder for a good laugh.  Besides, there's plenty of other things to laugh about: like Donald Trump's hair, or the fact that he might actually become president, or if that happened how life would be just like sliding down a greased pipe straight into the fires of Hades.  F-U-N-N-Y.

    What's Skinner been up to recently?  I dunno, but somewhere in his schedule he worked out the time to paint up some toys for ya.  He made 10 of the dashing cyclops Ogos, and he made ten of this big ol heap of a Cthulhu figure.  Snatch me up quick like on Aril 1st at noon pacific  from www.shopcriticalhit.com.

Cthulhu Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    I've decided my favorite genre of monster is anything that is lying dormant on the ocean floor, waiting to enslave mankind.  The joke's on Cthulhu though, because we've already been enslaved by our cell phones.  Yesterday, Sharon and I decided to begin celebrating our anniversary by eating lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, followed by a visit to the Body Worlds Animal exhibit.  Before we continue, I would like to offer my critique on the Cheesecake Factory.  First off, why are the employees dressed like an orderly in a mental hospital?  The all white kinda made me nervous, as if someone was going to come to the table and give me a little something to help me sleep.  Then I'd wake up in a straight jacket waiting for my turn on the electro shock machine.  It's creepy.  Secondly, what in the world is going on with the decor?  "Tuscan villa on acid" is not a good design choice.  The food is pretty good though, so I can't be too hard on them.

    While we were eating at the Cheesecake Factory I noticed a young couple, probably in their 20's, at an adjoining table.  The only time they put their phones down was when it was time to eat.  No conversation whatsoever that didn't involve talking about how they liked their food.  Then as soon as they were done they were back on the phones, completely ignoring one another in favor of seeing what everyone else was up to on Facebook.  Is this really what life has come to?  If so, whenever Cthulhu makes his way to land he's gonna be sadly disappointed with the state of things.  At best he'll trend on Twitter for a day or so, probably get a ton of uploads to Instagram, and then he'll be forgotten.

Cthulhu:  "I am here to enslave mankind."

Mankind:  "That's a pretty boring status update, so, like, I'm just gonna play Candy Crush until my retinas melt."

Cthulhu:  "But, you don't understand.  I have risen from the depths to rule once more over this world."

Mankind:  #annoyingseamonster

    But as a consolation prize, the Old One will be forever immortalized in Pop! Vinyl form by Funko this January.  

Legends of Cthulhu Kickstarter Campaign from Warpo

    I'm digging this new trend of making retro style action figures that should have existed.  There's been a few cool ones, there's been lots of crappy ones, and now let me present to you the very best ones.  From the tales of H P Lovecraft come the Legends of Cthulhu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you want them all right now, but in order to make that happen you gotta donate to their Kickstarter campaign.  Click this link and pledge all your monies to the elder gods in order to earn their favor when they return to enslave mankind.  Or to just get some cool toys, but not pissing them off couldn't hurt either, right?  

Brought to you by the fine folks at Warpo.