Battlesaurs from Small Angry Monster x Goodleg Toys

    If this picture is not what the new Jurassic park movie is based on then I can guarantee I'll never see it.  This is why Hollywood sucks, because they'll never understand the need to have a big budget robot dinosaur movie.  They're so focused on remaking things that have already been successful that something this insane would probably send them into meltdown mode.  Who of you wouldn't go to see a movie with characters like this?  If we could mix in professional wrestling then we'd have an instant classic on our hands.  

   Movies will never be this cool, but thankfully we have the people at Goodleg Toys to keep the dream alive with their War on Prehis line of figures.  For these Battlesaurs they enlisted the help of Small Angry Monster to give them a super sick paint job.  These reptilian warriors go on sale Friday at 11pm GMT+1 (that's Berlin time) over at http://goodlegtoys.storenvy.com/.

  

    

Pushead's Snotblower Verdigris Edition from Medicom

    Oh, I'm a sucker for a good patina and this my friends, is A-1 Antiques Roadshow grade.  Not to mention the figure itself is quite stunning/disturbing.  If you bought a house and found something that looked like this wrapped up in stained linen behind the basement stairs you should legally be allowed to burn the place down and get your money back.  

    Thankfully this figure from Pushead is made from plastic and not the biological remnants of some weirdo's enemies.  That's not to imply that it won't prevent your kids from sleeping until they move away to college, but the only permanent damage will be mental and not to their eternal souls.  

   I want one of these pretty badly, so I'm gonna go ahead and officially start my Christmas list for this year with this at the top of it.  You can get one for about $134 in hard American currency when it goes on sale this Saturday, January 24th through http://shop.syncstore.jp/.  They are based in Japan, so you might wanna consult the world clock and get your timing down so you don't miss it.  

Wanted: The Masked Marauder from The Sucklord

    Ol Cobra Commander looks like he may be riding a horsie too big for him.  I'm just concerned that he's gonna pull his groan playing cowboy and no ones gonna take him seriously as a super villain if he walks around like he's got a poop in his trousers.  I don't care what acts of horror anyone may have committed, as soon as they display the hint of having soiled their britches the effect is ruined.

   Sucklord has been on a cowboy kick recently, this being the second of his western bootleg offerings.  He made 29 of these and somehow you can still buy one.  You waiting for your W-2's to come in or something?  Buy now, regret later.

http://supersuckstore.com

Breaking Bad's Infamous Crystal Ship Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    When young people ask me for career advice I always say two things.  First, I ask them why the hell they're bothering me, then I recommend they become drug dealers.  I'm just kidding, I would never say that.  But when you think about it, it is a stable job.  There's plenty of demand and every day is an adventure.  You never know if someone will rob you, or try to kill you, or if the police will lock you up and seize all your earthly possessions.  Talk about never getting bored!  

    Breaking Bad sure made it look like fun, kinda sorta.  I just tried to focus on the barrels of money buried in the desert and not so much all the violent parts.  When you look at it like that it's pretty much living the dream.  They even had a sweet Winnebago, which I wouldn't mind having without all the meth equipment in it.  Funko has captured this now iconic caravan as a Pop! Vinyl with a little Jesse figure included.  Hopefully they made it so he can't lock the keys in it again.  This sweet ride will be available next month.  

A Clockwork Carrot: Lil Alex Haunted Edition from Frank Kozik x Blackbook Toy

    I'm glad that the "haunted" part of this toy is just implied and not really a testament to the fact that a malevolent spirit has taken up residence in it.  I have enough things in my house with the potential for bad juju without having to worry about the toys I buy needing a young and old priest.  For my birthday my wife bought me an antique glass eye cause I've kinda been obsessed with them for a while.  The craftsmanship on them are mind blowing and they really are stunning little works of art that just so happened to have once resided in a real human being's vacant ocular cavity.  No big deal right?  But on the off chance that the previous owner is not too happy about not entering the afterlife with his prized prosthetic, the wife and I found a vintage pill box, propped it up with some cotton, and gave it a display fit for royalty. Or hopefully fit enough to calm any angry ghosts.  When you have peculiar tastes you sometimes have to go out of your way to prepare for anything.

    This is my favorite edition of Frank Kozik's Lil Alex figure by far.  I like the fact that it's made out of what I can only describe as a smoky vinyl.  Sounds classy right?  Like you could be sipping Absinthe and discussing art with Marlene Dietrich in Weimar-Era Berlin.  

Snap out of it doll face and flick your cigarette already before you burn yourself. 

    Blackbook Toy has this guy available right now on their website: http://www.blackbooktoy.com.  

Goodleg Toys Presents The Masters of the Underworld

    You ever see professional wrestlers when they stop competing and they don't have to work out 13 times a day?  They shrivel right up and look like normal dudes.  When you're a skeleton you really have to stay up on your fitness game or you deflate like an untied balloon.  Just look at my boy Skeletor here.  Bro stops chasing He-Man around and he loses his physique.  Personally, I think he was juicing the whole time, but I'm not trying to get a lawsuit thrown my way.  I can't afford those legal fees.

     Goodleg Toys is proud to present their newest mash-up entitled Masters of the Underworld.  You can pick one of these carded versions for $65 (limited to 5 pieces each) or one of the $40 bagged versions (5 one colored pieces and 5 two color pieces).  They go on sale January 15th at 11am GMT time only through http://goodlegtoys.storenvy.com

The Four Horsies of the 'Pocalypse Kickstarter is Now Live

    Let me tell you something, I've now watched two documentaries on the whole "Brony" thing and I am not a fan.  Each movie was filled with countless socially awkward men waxing poetic about friendship and other life lessons taught to them by little horses intended to amuse little girls.  Stop being wusses with your wussy shows!!!  Horses can be tough, and cool, and you don't have to try to hide them from your biker friends.  Just look, look with your man eyes and behold horses that are so tough they could bring about the actual end of the world!!

    Keep your man cred while filling your toy shelves with The Four Horsies of the 'Pocalypse.  But like anything sinister and fun, they need you to open a door to this world and welcome them in.  Don't bother dusting off your Necronomicon though, cause the only way to make this set of figures from Bigshot Toyworks a reality it by supporting their Kickstarter campaign.  The coveted reward in obviously the four figures you see, but there are tons of other items for everyone's budget and interest, including a pretty amazing bust of their previously funded Maddie.  Leave those other ponies for the kids and get your hands on these by visiting this link.