"Rainbow Flavor" Abominable Snow Cone from Jason Limon x Martian Toys

    Man, I do love a good snow cone.  I get em on the boardwalk during the summer and usually end up ruining a shirt and looking like a four year old eating it, but it's delicious and if people on the Wildwood boardwalk suddenly had an epiphany about how they looked they'd realize I am far from the freak show.  Watching these folks is one of the best (only) reasons you should ever come to the state of New Jersey, unless you're just the kind of sicko that loves high taxes and people treating you like you're a jerk.  Some of you might be into that I guess.  But people in Wildwood have the same mentality that the old guy driving in his car and with his finger jammed knuckle deep in his nose suffers from.  There is just a level of oblivion so profound it's like seeing the Virgin Mary on your toaster waffle when everyone else only notices freezer burn.

    The Abominable Snow Cone just brings those summertime feelings rushing right back to ya!  No longer will the mighty chill of winter impede your memories of sunburn and aggressive sea gulls.  Jason Limon and Martian Toys will be debuting the newest version of this impressive figure at this weekend's Designer Con.  Booth #603 will be the place to get one, but fear not if you can't be in attendance, because the rest of us will have a chance to own one come the first week of December.  The above picture is the only one I have of what this dude will look like, so I will show you his previous incarnations now so you get a better idea of how bad you need one.

Crazy Catzilla from Joe Ledbetter

   Am I totally bummed that I won't be at Designer Con this weekend?  Yeah, it sucks, but it's not like I had grand plans and they suddenly got cancelled. I knew my behind was gonna be at work and I would be living vicariously through the magic of the Internet and I'm ok with that.  At least that's what I keep telling myself so that I don't throw an obnoxious fit and get locked out of the house.  But all hope is not necessarily lost, because nice folks like Joe Ledbetter know we can't all make it to California, so he's doing something special for us.

    This is the final version of his popular Fire Cat and only 75 have been birthed into this world.  It will be available at his booth at noon on Saturday the 21st, but a special batch of figures have been saved for an online release.  Those figures will be for sale on his website Tuesday, November 24th at 8am pacific time.  Crazy Catzilla can be had by all!!!!  Well, 75 of us anyway, so not really, like, everyone. How about: Crazy Catzilla can be had by the lucky????  That sounds better.

Help Kickstart "The Bear Death God" From Akashik Records Vinyl Toys

        I'm really excited that I was only born with one head.  The maintenance on the one I have is bad enough, so I couldn't imagine having to take care of two of these things.  I'd have double the sinus issues, double the sets of eyes that would need glasses, and I'm sure Hair Cuttery is gonna charge you twice even though each head is attached to the same body.  Seems like a scam to me.

    I'd be totally down though if one of my heads wasn't human, maybe a bear like this dude.  Then I'd be on tv all the time, rich as hell, and if my bear head bit the crap out of you oh well, you shouldn't get that close to a bear.  You wouldn't try taken sefies with The Bear Death God, cause for one that name alone should drain the power from your phone's battery, and two, this sucker would straight kill you.  He's not only got duel melons, but double the weaponry to keep your sassy mouth in check.  As mean as this bro looks, Akashik Records Vinyl Toys can't make him a reality with you.  Check out the Kickstarter here to help out any way you can and score yourself some cool stuff as a result.

N.W.O. 100% Bearbrick from Medicom

   This Bearbrick is just tooooooooo sweeeet!  This all black figure only needs a minimal design when it's sporting the logo of the most dominant faction in pro wrestling history.  This logo turned Hulk Hogan into a bad guy, ripped Scott Hall and Kevin Nash from the WWE, and put WCW on the map as a legitimate contender.  Of course we know that Vince McMahon eventually won that war, but the New World Order shirts can still be seen at any major wrestling event around the world.  You can own this beauty from Medicom when it goes on sale this Saturday.    Just don't be surprised when it immediately starts a feud with all of your other toys.

Friday the 13th Releases from doubleparlour

 

    There is no better way to celebrate Friday the 13th than hacking up a bunch of teenagers at an abandoned summer camp, I mean with new releases from doubleparlour.  Silly me, how I get confused sometimes and mix up holidays with plots of horror films.  I know Friday the 13th isn't technically a holiday, but if we're gonna continue and kid ourselves by giving Christopher Columbus a day when he showed up to America waaaaaaaaaay after Leif Erikson, then I can declare every Friday the 13th a holiday.  And so it is done.  Get yourself some goodies from doubleparlour starting at noon pacific time to commemorate this new and glorious holiday.

http://www.doubleparlour.com

Stingy Jack Swirl from Brandt Peters

    "Be still my heart, for thou beatest too fast at the sight of marbled vinyl!!!!!!"  That was taken from an unreleased Shakespearian play about a cobbler whose real dream was to one day produce multi colored vinyl toys to win over the nobleman's daughter, until she was tragically killed by a rogue gang of circus clowns and he spent the rest of his life becoming Batman and avenging her death.  I found it on The Bard's official Tumblr, which he somehow still updates much in the way Tupac still releases new music from beyond the grave.  Supposedly JJ Abrams has signed on to direct as he wants to focus on art pieces after Star Wars.  Can't learn this crap on TMZ.

    Now that it's become painfully obvious I've taken too much of my medication this morning let us quickly get to the facts before I really lose it.  Brandt Peters' Stingy Jack is not only sporting a killer swirl of colors that I love in a completely non platonic way, but he also glows in the dark!!!!!!  It's almost too much goodness.  And they're very limited with only 50 available worldwide and only half of those in North America via Circus Posterus this Saturday, November 14th (Tomenosuke will take care of the rest of the earth.)  A few will also be available at Designer Con booth #519.  

"Don't Cuddle the Krampus" Kickstarter Campaign from Warpo

   This toy is called "Don't Cuddle the Krampus" but I know none of you are gonna pay attention to that and snuggle the fur off of him anyway.  You're always out there cavorting with dark entities after buying that occult-inspired shirt from the clearance rack at Urban Outfitters.  Do your thing, I ain't mad at you.  And really Warpo should have known that no one can resist hugging Santa's evil little friend if they're gonna make him so dang adorable.  

    I love this time of year because I know Krampus is coming and is gonna beat some bad little heathens with sticks.  If that was a tv special every Christmas I would lose my mind.  You could make it like Scared Straight, where parents sign up their little monsters cause they've been bad all year, and then the scary goat man comes out and whoops em.  You could put that on pay-per-view and be instantly rich.  Can anyone help me make this happen, because I am seriously all about it.

    Ok, first you should support Warpo's Kickstarter for this dude, then you should give me whatever money you have left over for my show.  This dude is a cool riff on the classic My Pet Monster toy, but unlike his predecessor, this one comes with three snot nosed kids who think they're tough one minute, until you flip em over to reveal how aware they are of the beatings to come.  Just the thought of some little punks, plush or not, getting put in their place is enough to make me smile (hey, I used to work in a mall for many years, I've done my share of suffering due to unruly kids).  

    You can support the campaign, and get yourself some pretty amazing rewards, by clicking on this link.