Shark Tank Action Figures from Biff Bang Pow

     I'm not gonna lie to you; I'm completely obsessed with Shark Tank.  I get so into it that you would think I had money to invest in anything other than lunch.  My wife and I spend the whole show dissecting their ideas, their pitches, and then determining the offers we would make.  It is without fail that we always want to invest in everything that never gets any money from the rich people, which may explain why we are not one of the rich people.  And it's always the dumbest stuff that ends up making the most money, like some dude will walk in and say "hey, check out my pills I made that can transform a dog's farts into the smell of fresh oranges" and everyone loses their minds trying to get him cashed up.  Then I see them in Bed Bath and Beyond and kinda want to buy them even though I don't have a dog.  I have a problem.

    Entertainment Earth has turned the stars of everyone's favorite investing show into action figures under their Bifff Bang Pow label.  They're debuting at San Diego Comic Con but you can get them for yourself by clicking the Entertainment Earth link to the right.  Bring em home and tell them all the great ideas you have.  The results will probably be better than yelling ideas at them in person.    Now if they'd only make figures for The Bachelorette I could finally act out all the fan fiction I wrote.

    

Amazonian Poultry Rex from Ron English X Toy Art Gallery

 

    Man they are reaching with these Jurassic Park sequels.  I'm guessing this is how the story would go:  scientists tried to breed a new, more docile form of dinosaur that visitors to the park could interact with and possibly even raise as pets.  They crossed Dino DNA with that of the common chicken in an effort to balance out their desire to kill. Needless to say, as they always do with these damn tourist attractions, things go horribly wrong.  This time the hero of the film is a descendent of Colonel Sanders who then opens a killer fried chicken joint with Flintstones size portions.  With ideas like this how in the hell am I still working a day job?

    The wings on Ron English's Poultry Rex aren't gonna fill you up, but those drumsticks look meaty as all get out.  Toy Art Gallery is releasing the first ever painted version of this prehistoric fowl on Friday, July 8th at noon pacific time on www.toyartgallery.com.  He stands 8 inches tall and most likely does not taste as delicious as it may look.  

Andy Warhol Dunny Series from Kidrobot

    We all have dreams, some of which are way more amazing than others.  Some of us may want to score the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, or write a best selling novel.  Others may want to sell out Madison Square Garden, or find a dead body in the woods ( a stranger of course, who obviously did bad stuff in life).  But I have a different sort of dream.  I'd like to walk into one of those fancy New York City galleries, grab an Andy Warhol off the wall, and pay straight cash for it.  Then I would like to come home and hang it up with Command strips right above my bed.  That's what a baller would do.

    In lieu of probably never being able to afford a Warhol original, I'll take this entire Dunny series instead.  Kidrobot has taken some of his most iconic designs and plastered them across everyone's favorite platform toy.  These blind boxes go on sale Friday, July 8th wherever it is you prefer to buy your designer toys.  I'm gonna need em all, btw.

KEIKOJOKER at Coin Rides Game #4 from Fool's Paradise

   Let me tell you something, Fools Paradise does licensed toys like no one else.  I love to see a company take such well known characters and blow my mind with such a refreshing presentation.  How many times can you make just a miniature version of some dude that everyone knows and expect people to get excited about it?  The answer is apparently "infinite".

    But enough bellyaching when there's this beauty to talk about.  It's equal parts cute, frightening, and irreverent, and thankfully looks nothing like the meth head Jared Leto version of the Joker that we're stuck with courtesy of the Suicide Squad film.  Ahhhhh negativity is like a bad burrito that just won't stop haunting me.

    I really don't know any better way to describe this thing than to have you look at the pictures and try to wrap your own head around it.  You got a nearly naked hot chick with a Joker-styles panda head riding a miniature coin operated Batmobile.  Actually, that does sum it up quite nicely.  I may have a future in this yet.

    You can preorder this beauty until July 13th by visiting http://doublefools.blogspot.com.  Only 380 of these will ever exist though, so get on it and own the greatest conversation piece a Batman fan could ever hope for.

   

"Rocket Pop" Edition Jerome from Frank Kozik X Rotofugi X Squibbles Ink

    Would you be so brave as to doubt that I have a story involving a rocket pop?  Ok, I'll admit, I really don't except for the time that I was little and we went to Washington DC in the summer and I got one from a food cart.  And it was delicious.  That's still a better love story than anything that turd Nicholas Sparks has ever written.

   So while my rocket pop story may not have got you feeling those sweet summer vibes, Frank Kozik's nicotine addicted ice cream Jerome will do the trick.  I'm so ashamed of myself for using the phrase "sweet summer vibes".   This dude, produced by Rotofugi and Squibbles Ink is decked out in red, white, and blue and is arriving just in time to crash your weekend BBQ.  Limited to only 75 pieces, snap yourself up one on July 1st at 10am central time only from www.rotofugi.com.

Seathing Micro Run from Naomi Knaff

    The ocean is a frightening place.  There is stuff lurking under there we can't even comprehend and I would bet most of it wants to taste our sweet flesh.  I live near the Atlantic Ocean and this time of year the Coast Guard is always searching for people who get swept up in a rip current or fall of a boat and most of the time that is it for them.  What's left may wash up a week later, giving whoever finds them an image they'll never get out of their minds.  They sea is not only a cruel mistress, but that chick has got the creepy crawlies too.  I don't know how people swim offshore on purpose without being consumed with wondering what's lurking beneath them.  

    Is Naomi Knaff giving us a glimpse of the abyss with her Seathing resin creature?  Have our murky overlords sent them as spies to assess how easy it will be to rule both surf and turf?  Have I finally gone off the proverbial deep end?  That was all supposed to be read in one of those dramatic voices that go with movie previews by the way, so if you didn't do it right I'll wait for you to go back and try it again.  Go on now....

.....ok, now back to business.  There are only three of these dudes in this small run and they will be available beginning July 1st at noon eastern time only from http://www.naomiknaff.com

Glow in the Dark Bite Size from Radioactive Uppercut

 

    I know that by Tuesday of next week one or more of you are probably gonna light some explosives to celebrate America's independence.  I'm not saying don't do it, cause I grew up down south and bad ideas are pretty much a lifestyle, but whatever you do don't do anything that would prevent you from getting the best, most informative and strikingly handsome toy news on the internet via this very website.  If you lose a couple of fingers you'll probably still be able to type The Toy Viking address and be enlightened (pun intended) by whatever wisdom I choose to bestow upon you.  But you were only gifted with two eyes, and losing both of them while kneeling to inspect whether or not a Roman candle is a dud would suck pretty hard.  Plus, I know you're reading this while at work and avoiding your responsibilities and you're totally gonna get caught if you have to ask someone to read it to you.

   There are many alternatives to lighting fireworks that will not only let people from far and wide know just how damn free you are, but have little to no chance of disfiguring you. I've been assured by Radioactive Uppercut that his Bite Size figure, no matter how menacing looking, is not likely to turn your flesh into something the cops are gonna want you to explain.  These dudes are cast in milky white vinyl and glow like Abraham Lincoln's ghost when he defeated the aliens during the War of Roswell.  There ain't many of these bros in existence, and your chance to snag one comes on the evening of July 1st at 8pm eastern time.  Get er done at www.radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.