Preorders Are Open for Huck Gee's and Mighty Jaxx's Gold Life Figures

    When I heard the phrase "Gold Life" I had images of living like a rap star with gold teeth and chains and maybe a 24k platted car that would one day get repossessed cause of that nightclub incident and the ensuing lawsuit that wiped out my fortune.  Of course I would make a pretty gangsta comeback by doing commercials for strip mall colleges that help you becomes a medical assistant and by being a clue on Jeopardy, all of which will rebuild my street cried and lead to my resurrection tour and my ability to catch up on my child support payments which the judge wouldn't lower even when times were tough.  Then soon after once I have regained my former glory I will OD on Sprite and cough syrup and then my hologram will go on tour and I'll keep releasing albums that were supposedly recorded before I died but I'm just low key dropping tracks from the grave because the peace from death has given me mad time to reflect and tighten my lyrical approach.  Not that I've thought this through or anything.

   In reality The Gold Life is a a world created by Huck Gee that is way more feudal Japan than early '90's Compton.  The first three figures from this new series are being produced by Mighty Jaxx and are available for preorder right now from just about anywhere that sells designer toys.  There's three different figures and at only $25 each it would be a crime not to get them all.  Not like a felony or anything, but still a crime.

Limited Edition Dissected Gnome from Bigshot Toyworks X Jason Freeny

    I was reading that the other day in Iceland a road crew had to go out and unearth a boulder they accidentally covered up because it pissed off the elves and they were taking their frustrations out on anyone who got close.  Not only did they dig it back up but they also pressure washed it to restore it to its former glory.  That would never happen in America because first we would have people fighting on Facebook as to whether the elves existed or not.  Then some idiot bureaucrat would figure out how much they owed the country in back taxes and send them a bill. Congress would probably pass legislation about which bathrooms they would be allowed to use, and people would have hunted them and made elf taxidermy earrings to sell on Etsy and none of this would have really been an issue to begin with because we would have taken their elven lands and put a strip mall there a long time ago.  I think I was meant to live in Iceland.

    I love the elves and their gnome kinfolk.  And I love black metal.  And I love anatomical gross stuff.  Has Bigshot Toyworks been camping out in my mind in an effort to create the perfect hybrid toy featuring all of my interests?  If somehow they could have worked cats and cable tv in I would have straight died of shock.  Not only is this metal loving gnome dude finally becoming a reality, but Jason Freeny has hacked off a section of him to let us all see his inner self.  This is the type of brutality that anyone starting a black metal band should aspire to, as setting fires and wearing corpse paint just isn't gonna cut it after seeing this.

    Only 200 pieces of  this dude will exist in the world and they will be up for preorder very very soon and also available at New York Comic Con and Designer Con it seems.  Keep up to date by checking out www.gnome.world.

Studio Kabuto's Cambrigon as Envisioned By Cop A Squat Toys

    

    "We're crab people now."  It's a simple, yet powerful quote from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia that is uttered by Charlie as he harvests sewage runoff crustaceans from the Delaware River.  He had planned to sell them on the street, until Frank gets a government bailout and the plan is abandoned.  Sharon and I have since used it to refer to any get-rich-quick scheme we come up with or when we're depressed and feeling rather destitute.  Abraham Lincoln never had any quotes that versatile.  

   Hopefully we'll never have to say it because we've actually grown giant claws in response to all of the beef hormones in our food, but it's nice to know that it's there in case we mutate.  Cop A Squat Toys has painted up a bunch of these crab looking dudes from Studio Kabuto and will be releasing them on his website Thursday, September 1st at 9pm eastern time.  

http://www.copasquattoys.com

"Ectoplasm" Edition Bake-Kujiru from Candie Bolton X Toy Art Gallery

   
    Prepare yourselves to be wrapped in the luxury that is marbled soft vinyl.  Allow your eyes to indulge in the subtle variations in color that enhance the beautiful sculpt of Candie Bolton's Bake-Kujiru figure.  You may ask yourself whether you are worthy of such earthly delights.  Even if you aren't, that's no reason to pass up this extremely limited release, because just having it in your presence could change your life for the better.  Flowers will smell better, kittens will feel softer, and that weird noise your plumbing is making will seem less like an impending issue and more like a symphony your house is playing just for you.

   Available this Friday, September 2nd at 6pm eastern time from www.candiebolton.com.  Limited to only 9 pieces.  

Marvel's Black Widow 3A Style

        Go ahead and tell me the plots of the Avengers movies.  I'll wait. 

        See, you can't do it, but its not your fault.  Scientists have proven that if Scarlett Johansson is prancing around in a skin tight costume that 95% of people have no ability to recall anything else that is happening.  Hollywood has used this technique to slip tons of movies that have no redeeming value past us and all we're left with is a little less money in our bank accounts and a two hour window of our lives thats blacked out.  A small price to pay I suppose.   And it's not like the Avengers films were bad, but I guess they didn't want to risk it just in case.  

    3A is continuing their line of Marvel figures with the ever dangerous Black Widow.  Lucky for you the presale for her doesn't start until Wednesday, August 31st, so you haven't missed out yet on securing this purrty lady for your collection.  Woo her at http://www.bambalandstore.com. 

Josh Mayhem's New Blown Away Crystal Nebula Dunny Series

    Josh Mayhem is known for transforming existing Dunnys into wind swept works of craziness through heavy doses of resin, paint, and magic spells.  But what if he were to customize clear resin Dunnys with even more resin.  It's like crazy resin inception, or maybe even more fitting would be to put a picture of Xhibit here with a certain caption that would adequately describe his philosophy on Pimp My Ride:

 
    Yeah, that's more like it.  These things are nuts and you could be one of 12 lucky folks in the world to add one to your collection when they go on sale Thursday, August 25th at 10am (that's today, sucka).  Try your luck at snagging one from http://www.joshmayhem.com.  May the favor of the toy gods shine down on you.

Adventures in Plastic: Pokemon Go

    Pokemon Go has spread faster than the clap at a trucker convention and has consumed everyone's life like they left it untreated.  There's been stories about people walking around, intent on catching some cute little Japanese critter and instead catching the grill of an oncoming Ford Focus or even stumbling upon a dead body.  Whatever the appeal is it seems to be thus far the greatest mind control device ever utilized by the federal government (they're always watching) and so in the spirit of that I've come up with different games that puts this technology to use and will therefore make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.  And my dreams are not PG13 ya hear?  So without further ado:

1.). To Catch a Predator Go:  It combines everyone's favorite game show, To Catch a Predator, with a mobile app.  Are they hiding behind your bushes?  Are they lurking behind a seemingly too good to be true Craigslist ad?  Just point your phone they're way and identify all the creepers you can and see who can fill up the sex offender registry quickest.  For ages 10 and up.

2.) Poltergeist Go:  This is for those agoraphobics out there who want to enjoy a fun game while feeling safe and secure in their own homes.  Just walk around your house and hunt for restless souls.  Will they be friendly, or will they be malevolent ghosts who wish to inflict the pain of their untimely deaths on the living?  Part of the fun is not knowing!  Also works as a good tool to get you back out into the world cause your house is haunted and you probably won't feel safe there any longer. Not sure if it counts as therapy or not but I would try to get your insurance company to reimburse you.

3.) They Live! Go:  Use this app to step into the wrestling boots of Rowdy Roddy Piper and figure out if the people close to you are really aliens hell bent on world domination.  Then you can annihilate them!  ( in the game of course, as I will not be held responsible for you "removing" the very real threat to human existence and any legal ramifications that may arise thereafter).


  As you can see, the possibilities are limited only by the imagination.  For those of you who don't get the concept of catching little monsters and making them fight each other for your own sick amusement, allow this English girl to explain it all to you: