The Return of Jason Limon's Abominable Snow Cone from Martian Toys

   

    The word "abominable" is as equally hard to spell as it is to pronounce correctly.   When I say it I make a distinctive "d" sound right in the middle as I'm pretty sure I've done my entire life.  And then I thought about how many times I could have possibly been in a situation where I needed to use that word to begin with.  Other than talking about a monstrous snow man there literally has only been this toy.  Thank God for spell check for not allowing me to butcher its construction as I type this.

    Hopefully my turmoil involved with this word has inspired all six of you to say it out loud as if you were conjuring the dark essence it's mispronunciation evokes. That is my gift to you on this Friday.  My other gift is to tell you about the return of Jason Limon's Abominable Snow Cone figure in the all new lime colorway.  Martian Toys worked with Jason on this frozen treat beast that was voted Toy of the Year at the Designer Toy Awards a few years back, and you can pick up this version when they go on sale today (Friday, April 26th) at noon eastern time from https://martiantoys.com.  Brain freeze sold separately.

Vinyl Kitty Rex Release Party Featuring Mab Graves at 3DRetro

    The history of Kitty Rex is not one that you will find in any text book, what with their need to be "factual".  Reality is not something I like to get hung up on, so let me tell you all about them.  The Kitty Rex's reign followed that of the Dinosaurs, though no one knows exactly where they came from.  It's thought that the crater made by the evil death meteor appealed to them for use as a litter box, but the fossil records have not confirmed it.  Our modern cats evolved from them as a means of survival because their tiny feline reptilian arms were unable to open cans of food, nearly leading to their extinction.  Feel free to use any of these completely baseless facts at your next dinner party.

    I was kinda depressed when Mab Graves made her mini Dino Kitties and I missed out on them.  I needed them in my life more than I realized and when it didn't happen a great cloud of despair fell upon me.  But fear not, for my melancholy lifted the moment I saw this.  3DRetro has put the fabled Kitty Rex into full vinyl production mode and you can get yours first when they host a release party this Saturday.  Mab Graves will be there to sign your figures and be all David Attenborough with any questions you may have regarding the species.  This version is limited to 200 pieces, will retail for $80, and can first be had during the release party in Southern California.  Any leftovers will then make their way online for those unable to attend.  I haven't done this in a while, but I feel secure in awarding this figure the highest compliment I can offer:

BurgerCat: InfinityCat Edition from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

   I didn't happen to catch the last Avengers film, but I got the gist of it:  Grimace's gym going cousin has a magic blinged out mitten that makes people go all pixelated and cease to exist.  It also doubles as a universal remote, stores your credit card info for faster payment processing, and can open any jar of pickles without needing anyone to loosen it first.  So my guess is the sequel that's coming out this weekend will involve the big purple guy getting his glove confiscated and his behind whooped for all of his shenanigans.  Don't even bother reading the reviews because no one will tell the story better and with more passion than I just did.

   Nathan Hamill is piggybacking on all the hype for the new Avengers with the InfinityCat edition of his popular BurgerCat figure.  Now my question is if you are really hungry and you eat a powerful burger like this, will the power remain with you forever or will it only last until the digestion cycle is complete, thus transferring your super strengths to a much less appealing medium?  Marvel is not brave enough to make that film.

   Each BurgerCat is made in luxurious Japanese vinyl by Science Patrol and will be available starting this Friday, April 26th at 12am est (1pm Japan Standard Time) exclusively from https://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com.


  

The Rebel Saint from Rebels and Thinkers x Flab Slab

   It's only been a few days since I heard of the movie Faeryville, and while the premise of bullied kids rising up to attack their oppressors sounds like a good time to me, I can't believe it's from Singapore.  Being from America I know Singapore for two reasons:  the futuristic architecture and when they caned the hell out of that tourist kid for vandalism in the 90's.  People were really split (kind of like the skin on his backside) about whether the punishment was too harsh but I was all for it.  You don't go to someone else's country and try to play art school Christopher Columbus; if you want to express yourself artistically you deface stuff where you live.  There's plenty of Applebee's that are in desperate need of some forced redecoration.

   The patron saint of the above mentioned film has a gun in one hand and a book in the other, which is how I usually spend my lunch breaks at work.  The book was not enough to let people know I didn't want to be bothered, so if they get shot they get shot, I don't know what else to do.  This resin reproduction was created by Rebels and Thinkers and Flab Slab and is the perfect icon for the downtrodden, a symbol of freedom for those who feel trapped by the actions of others.  Standing 6.75 inches tall and retailing for $90 each, if I were the Statue of Liberty I would try really hard at my job, cause a suitable replacement has been found.

Get yours at https://flabslab.bigcartel.com.

Radical Greasebat from Jeff Lamm x Glyptigo

    While Greasebat is hanging ten you can catch me hanging out on the boardwalk.  Having lived by the ocean most of my life I am surprisingly not much of a beach person.  I wanted to try surfing when I was younger, that is until I got stung by a jellyfish all up and down my legs and my need for being in the sea abruptly ended.  I was maybe 9 at the time, minding my own business in waste deep water, when the rage of Poseidon latched onto my skin.  Clear gelatinous tentacles delivered sting after burning sting of liquid fire all while that smug snot ball they dangled from laughed maniacally.  The real horror struck me when I got back onto the beach and had to tell my mom what had happened.  Red lightning shaped welts turned my skin into a topographical map and I, as well as any other kid who revels in arcane knowledge knows, there's only one way to make the pain go away:

You pee on it.

    And whenever such a thing happens on tv they never pee in a cup first and then throw it on the affected area.  Nope, the dose has to be administered directly from the source, which is horrifying on levels I refuse to explore.  Of course now I know that having someone tinkle on your wounds is kind of dumb, but I was scared to death some Good Samaritan was gonna rush over, drop their Speedo, and practice the most shameful of first aid.  I grabbed my stuff and ran back to our car before there could even be a discussion about what might happen next, not willing to be traumatized any further than that simple organism at high tide had already managed.

    Jeff Lamm has taken his world famous character and dropped him right in the midst of California Kulture with this latest release with Glyptigo, who also happens to be his wife.  Gotta keep those Greasebats in the family!  If you want one for your brood, they will debut today (Friday, April 19th) at 3pm eastern time at https://glyptigo.com.

Tayu Crystal Blood Edition Resin Figure from Tokyo Jesus x Clutter Studios

 
   Has anyone ever made a toy with real blood in it?  Spoiler alert: there's not real blood in this one, but it did get me thinking about whether it's happened or not.  When Kiss released a comic book many moons ago each member supposedly poured a vial of their own life juice into the ink before printing.  But has anyone ever drip dropped some vampire energy drink into a resin figure?  I've never heard about it if so, and I doubt it would be a huge selling point.  Though there are stores that specialize in selling human body parts, so I'm sure some freaky toy collectors would be into it.  Maybe I'll go and get some blood drawn before my next Nordic Cats are made.

    No one tapped a vein for Tokyo Jesus's latest resin figure, but the effect is pretty spectacular regardless.   Standing at a foot tall, the mesmerizing Tayu was produced by Clutter Studios in an edition run of 50.  The clear resin with the suspended flow of color ensures that each piece is unique and will be a stand out in your collection.  They are available now for $333 by visiting www.cluttermagazine.com.  

The Debut of the Nether Realm Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut x Toy Art Gallery

     I've been to a lot of places, but I've never managed to find myself in the Nether Realm.  Last spring I found myself in Lurray, Virginia, home of the world famous Lurray Caverns and the almost as famous Cooter's Dukes of Hazard Museum. Yeah, I went to both.  I also ate at a McDonald's there that had televisions in the dining area, one of which was playing a Civil War documentary while the other featured a fire and brimstone televangelist that wouldn't let me eat my chicken nuggets in peace.  I'm originally from the South, so things like this are not nearly as frightening to me as they are my wife, but I have lived in New Jersey long enough for the scent of distrust to permeate my skin and instantly give me away as an outsider.  It's probably the closest I've ever come to being in a Jordan Peele film.  

    If I ever make it to the Nether Realm I'll be sure and find somewhere I can purchase a magnet for the ever growing collection I have on my fridge.  It seems like the American thing to do.  I also hope that the residents of a place with such a name are in fact the exact size of this group of Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut and Toy Art Galley, because they don't look too friendly.  Maxing out at 2 and a half inches tall, their brand of sorcery can't be but so potent, and their weaponry would be ike being attacked by a chipmunk wielding a razor.  I feel like that's the kind of fight I was built to win.

    This set of six vinyl figures are packed with menacing detail and feature a paint job that Freddy Krueger would be get nightmares from.  You get the whole set of 6 for only $70 + shipping when they go on sale later today (Wednesday, April 17th ) at 3pm pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  

Jasper: Series Zero Blind Box Release from Gary Ham x Martian Toys

   I have a distinct love/hate relationship with blind box toys.  On the one hand, I'm all about them when I first start collecting a new series and every box has a high potential for a new figure.  I start to really hate them when I only need a few toys to complete a set and get 15 of the same design that end up accumulating in my basement to be found later by the unlucky sucker that has to settle my estate.  I could fill a graveyard with doubles of blind box toys and with the lack of success I have at horticulture, I may consider using the barren soil of my garden for them rather than uncooperative plants.  The tiny tombstones will be so adorable.

    Martian Toys is turning the idea of the blind box on its head with Jasper.  You can buy them in mystery fashion, pray to whatever God you think controls good luck in picking toys, and be completely unaware of the inner contents of the package. OR you could skip whatever the fates have in store for you and buy a complete set.  Quit the games and get right down to business by getting them all in one shot!  This is the kind of forward thinking desperately needed for all of us who are obsessed with the idea of owning every figure and are also trying to maintain a level of civility while doing so.

    I'm so enamored by the idea of how they'll be available that I've completely glossed over the toys themselves.  Jasper was created by Gary Ham and this first collection features his design alongside those of Doktor A, Jellykoe, Muxxi, Dex Dexign Lab, Mizna Wada, and Yema Yema.  Plus, as if you needed an extra incentive to get em all, complete sets also come with a bonus 8th figure from Gary Ham!

    These three inch figures will be available starting today, Friday April 12, at noon eastern time from https://martiantoys.com.

Budfoot Unlimited Edition from Wonder Goblin

     You know what sucks?  Lots of things do, I suppose, but let's not turn this into the airing of the grievances.  I'm trying to be more positive about things and so far I've done really well since I made the decision a day ago.  You gotta purge yourself of negativity not unlike you have to purge yourself of hot dogs that have managed to linger past the use by date in your refrigerator.  You may be tempted, but it's easier to throw them in the trash then it is to pray for a quick death at a rest stop on the Garden State Parkway.  That was probably just specific enough for you to wonder whether I've experienced such an issue and only me and God's stenographer know for sure.

    One thing that sucks for sure is wanting a toy real bad and having it sell out before you could snag one.  It sucks pretty hard.  Wonder Goblin is doing his part to make sure you never have to worry about not adding a Budfoot to your collection, as this particular shade of green will be available forever.  Gotta wait till you get paid?  No worries. Doing a stint in county because of a terribly planned crime spree?  Your girlfriend may not wait for you, but Budfoot will be there on the day of your release.

     Each figure is $85 plus shipping and are available now, later, and forever at https://www.wondergoblin.com.

Sunlight and Moonlight Edition Choices from Jermaine Rogers

    My favorite holiday this month is Wrestlemania, but Easter is cool too.  I like candy sometimes, I like finding things that people have hidden, though it's much more fun when they had no intention of me actually discovering it.  And I like bunnies, which are not a good idea to give your grubby little kids as pets.  Children have the attention spans of rocks and bunnies are living creatures that need lots of love and attention that spans beyond the point of novelty gift.  Just don't do it.  Buy them chocolate ones, or plush ones, our taxidermied ones, but never live ones.

    I take it back, you should always buy your kids rabbits who know how to wield knives and have murderous intentions.  The thing I love about the Choices figures from Jermaine Rogers is...everything.  They're adorable, they're stabby, and they're tired of your crap.  Not necessarily you the reader, but you as in society, kinda like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.  They also look like they might have just witnessed something really bad happen and have picked up the knife and are now contemplating calling the police as soon as the initial shock wears off.  Maybe.

    There are two different versions of this vinyl figure: Sunlight, with its pretty pink eyes, and Moonlight, which looks like the Blue Bunny ice cream mascot getting ready to lose his damn mind.  Both versions are available today, Friday April 5th, at 3pm eastern time exclusively from www.jermainerogers.com.

Red Handed Mandrake Root from Doktor A x Toy Art Gallery

     The character from Nick Cave's murderously creepy song Red Right Hand had exactly what the title describes: a single, sinister colored appendage that I'm fairly certain was up to no good.   I mean, why else would it be red?  Blood I'm guessing, or a really bad, awkwardly specific sunburn.  So imagine the list of naughty doings this guy has working, as he had TWO red hands...and red feet...and red thingys coming out of his face.   Lots of red on this fella.

    Doktor A and Toy Art Gallery are releasing this latest edition of their Mandrake Root figure today Wednesday, April 3rd to make your hump day a little more interesting.  This dude is based on an actual Mandrake, which when pulled out of the ground resembles some freaky little dirt person that is used in magical spells and whatnot.  Imagine now, the first person that ever found one and how it freaked out his ancient superstitious mind.  Then imagine the person that thought it looked delicious and died horribly as a result.  There is literally no further point to either thing you are imagining, you've just got a really weird train of thought.  Sicko.

    This guy comes complete with a matching little buddy to handle any over flow evil deeds.  Get em at noon pacific time only at www.toyartgallery.com.