Blue Oyster Owl Clam from Nathan Jurevicius x Toy Art Gallery

    I'm gonna out hipster all the hipsters with my newest idea.  This is what's gonna secure my place as an eccentric old man years before I need to really be good at it.  First, I'm gonna give all my shirts away and buy a bunch of pocket tees.  No, you can't have them either, I'm gonna mail them to wherever they send those sports shirts from the losing team of championship games so that my magic goes world wide.  Next, I'm gonna get a screech owl and carry him around everywhere in my pocket. Oh my God, I can hear the collective sigh of not only every dude with his typewriter in Starbucks, but every old back woods bro who thought he won the crazy game with his raccoon he walks on a leash whenever he goes into town.  You'd think my wife isn't behind this idea but she wants a screech owl so badly it has blinded her to my madness.  His name is Tilda Swinton by the way and he is not interested in coming to your birthday party unless the cake is made of mice.  Good luck with that.

I love how judgmental they look.  Could you have disappointed a bird any more than this?

    Until I figure out how to buy my pocket screech owl I will practice with a less temperamental stand in like this Owl Clam from Nathan Jurevicius x Toy Art Gallery.  This toy literally consists of a shell fish that is harboring some owl fugitives.  It's pretty nuts, and it can be all yours when this Blue Oyster version releases later today at noon pacific time only from www.toyartgallery.com.

Blind Bag Cadaver Balls from Splurrt x Toy Art Gallery

   We've all been there: that awkward moment when you're a kid and you find a good cadaver to play with but your parents get all freaked out about germs and the police and whatnot.  But you've already named your cadaver Bob and you share all your best secrets and you made plans to Weekend at Bernies him to show and tell.  Don't be a buzzkill, mom!

    Cadaver Balls from Splurrt and Toy Art Gallery are made of sofubi, so unlike your friend Bob they won't leave questionable fluids on your carpets or introduce your home to corpse flies.  And Cadaver Balls come with four interchangeable heads, which is three more than Bob ever had (and four more than he had after our fishing trip and that ravenous catfish).

     These are sold blind bagged so you can't pick your color, but you can buy up to 3 of them when they go on sale later today at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

Meat Marbled Cestoda Preorder from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery x Lulubell Toys

    This is pretty much what the back of my neck looks like after spending three hours at the flea market on Sunday.  I have no regrets because I did score a huge Steiff tiger and a small bunny with the button still in its ear for practically nothing and my wife made out like a Pyrex bandit.  I carried countless bowels to the point that I was sure I could have flipped the car over.  I should have known better about the sunburn though, because just thinking about going outside makes my skin turn a little pink.  I suppose if my cats were to eat me in my sleep I'm at least well cooked for them so they can rest easy without the fear of foodborne illness.  

    The Cestoda figure from Miscreation Toys and Toy Art Gallery is a beast that will make you have to rearrange your house in order to own one.  Standing at 11 inches tall and as wide as a Volkswagen (ok, it's a little smaller) this marbled meat version is available right now for preorder through Lulubell Toys.  You have from now until May 21st at 5pm pacific time to pull the trigger on this $250 Japanese vinyl beauty exclusively from https://www.lulubelltoys.com.  

Fuchsia Fight Luftkaiser from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

     Fuchsia is one of those words that look like a terrible idea when you're typing it, as it come dangerously close to being a vulgarity.  Then you realize that the word is derived from the German botanist Leonhart Fuchs and you begin to feel terribly sorry for him during his high school years.  That's a pretty brutal last name to deal with during your younger years, right up there with Weiner or Butts.   Maybe "right up there" wasn't the best phrasing I could have used.  

    This new Luftkaiser from Paul Kaiju is the ultimate tribute for any 16th century plant loving dude.   Available via lottery from Toy Art Gallery, you can enter from this Friday April 7th until the lottery closes on Monday, April 10th.  Just send an email to sales@toyartgallery.com with Luftkaiser Lottery as the subject along with your Paypal address and shipping details.  Only enter once though, or you'll get disqualified and feel like a dummy.  

  

Orange Bake-Kujira from Candie Bolton x Toy Art Gallery

    I'm typing this as I watch NXT and the crowd is completely dead.  I find it hard to enjoy a show when the crowd is library quiet, which makes me happy to live in the rather boisterous North East.  You go and see a show in Philadelphia and you don't know whether to watch the audience or the ring.  We're pretty notorious for our terrible behavior at sporting events but once you're there and a part of it you get addicted and need that energy to enjoy yourself.  Otherwise it's how I would imagine a James Taylor concert to be.

    This Bake-Kujira from Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery is looking quite nice in Philadelphia Flyers orange.  It's a beast of a figure standing 11 inches tall and the only way to obtain one is by winning a lottery.   You can enter beginning tomorrow, Friday March 10th through Tuesday the 14th via email at sales@toyartgallery.com.  If you're lucky and you win the purchase price is $150.  And only enter once because otherwise you'll be disqualified for being annoying.  Do you know how much of a dream it would be to kick people out of my place of business for being annoying?  I'd be broke, yet oddly satisfied.


   

Slate Gray Wolf Thing Bat Mother from Joseph Harmon x Toy Art Gallery

    I live in an area that is home to arguably the most mysterious critter in history: The Jersey Devil, but he's not really celebrated in the ways you would expect.  Dude has been relegated to cute little bumper stickers and stupid shirts with him bar tending at a local watering hole.  There's no statue honoring his place in American folk lore, no yearly celebration with a parade and devil shaped balloons for the kids.  Talked about a missed opportunity for tourism that extends beyond people wanting to go to the beach and leathering up their skin.  I wonder how much a big bronze statue costs?  Maybe I should put a Kickstarter together.

    The Wold Thing Bat Mother from Joseph Harmon looks like he stepped out of a very bizarre folk tale and right into your heart.  Produced by Toy Art Gallery, this slate gray version will be available today, Friday February 3rd, at noon pacific time for $35.  Secure yours at www.toyartgallery.com and make up your own baby snatching stories, nail them to every tree you can find, and wait for the panic to ensue.  There's nothing like working the villagers up into a torch wielding frenzy.

Dark Cosmos Edition Gacha Set from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

   Look at these tiny Paul Kaijus!!!!!!!!  Aren't they just the sweetest little things?  This is known as the Dark Cosmos Edition of his popular gacha series and speaking of outer space I think it's high time the aliens went ahead and revealed themselves and invade our planet for better or worse.  Would we even bat an eyelash at this point if a UFO landed on the White House lawn, or would it just be a labeled as "fake news" and brushed aside like everything else is?  Or maybe they're already here and they're much crueler than we could have ever anticipated.  I already feel like we're gathered at the base of a space craft, waiting for the door to open and reveal whatever our fate will be.  Maybe I should skip the next Twilight Zone marathon.

    Toy Art Gallery will have this set of critters available beginning tomorrow, Friday the 13th, at noon pacific time.  You better get them now before we are all forced to work in the salt mines on a far away planet that doesn't have WiFi.

www.toyartgallery.com

Teal Glampyre from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    Do you think when you go see Kiss that it's actually them anymore?  Under all the makeup and costumes it really could be anybody.  I've always felt that whenever they go on tour that Gene and Paul just go into hiding and that it's two people from one of those tribute bands that actually plays the shows.  Somebody with access to facial recognition software needs to blow this case wide open and then give me my cut when they sell the story to TMZ.  

    This Glampyre dude is actually based on the "before" shot of Gene Simmons taken prior to his last face lift.  Just kidding (or am I), it is a completely original concept from Martin Ontiveros.  Produced by Toy Art Gallery, this 8 inches of teal is part blood sucker, park rock and roller, and all sweet Japanese vinyl.  Get one for yourself when they go on sale Tuesday December 20th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  

The Chungaloids from Joseph Harmon x Toy Art Gallery

   Is Chungaloid a derogatory term? It certainly sounds like something your momma would slap you for calling someone, even though you didn't realize it was anything bad because you heard other kids at school say it and you're trying to tell her this as you choke on your own tears and crab crawl away from the second slap you're about to get.  See, I painted such a great picture your probably thought I had myself experienced it.  That's the power or literature, folks.  And also the power of getting the taste slapped out of my mouth as a young man just trying to add some spice to his vocabulary.

   These are the Chungaloids, which until proven differently you shouldn't say at the dinner table.  Joseph Harmon created them and Toy Art Gallery produced them and you can buy them today at noon pacific time from shop.toyartgallery.com.  Maybe Chungaloid is French for "gang of weird uncles."

Radioactive B.C. Blasters from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery

   I saw a news story online that said someone found a dinosaur tail in a chunk of amber but I didn't read the article because everything on the Internet is a lie.  Facebook is full of fake news and celebrities are always fake dying and blah blah blah.  I'm not about to tell everyone I know how much closer we are to getting a real Jurassic Park and then looking like a crazy person when it gets debunked.  It probably doesn't help that I'm reading a book about forgery, so I am on a distrust everything kick right now.

    These look real, though who can really say.  The only way to know for sure is to order these B.C. Blasters from James Groman direct from Toy Art Gallery and find out for yourself.  Sold individually for $40 or as a set of 5 for $160, they go on sale today (Friday December 9th) at noon pacific time at www.toyartgallery.com.

    

DesignerCon Leftover Bonanza

    The world of Thanksgiving wil never be the same as people are having leftovers BEFORE they even cook the turkey!  (that was so corny, I'm embarrassed for myself) I'm talkin about DesignerCon leftovers, which judging by everyone's haul photos on Instagram I didn't think there would be any.  Seriously, you guys need to tell me what you do for a living then hook me up with a job.

Everyone from Lulubell Toys, to Le Merde, to other people that begin with the letter "L" are selling their remaining wares online as we speak (or are about to starting today).  Check em out

Lulubell Toys

Toy Art Gallery

Le Merde

    There's probably more, but you'll have to do some hunting for those on your own.  It will make it more fun for you.  

"Hallowroot" Edition Mandrake Root from Doktor A x Toy Art Gallery

    The real mandrake root that this toy is based on is shaped like a little person and will supposedly make you trip until that band Phish is listenable.  I don't know why anyone would want to lose control to the point they're enjoying jam bands and I sure as hell wouldn't eat some human shaped yam for dinner, so the mandrake root really has no place in my life.  Plus, they don't sell it at Wal-Mart so I wouldn't even know where to get one.

    Halloween is the best time for toy releases because everything is guaranteed to be in a color scheme I like.  For example, this toy right here from Doktor A and Toy Art Gallery.  He's decked out in a perfect paint application for the season and he even comes with a little friend to do his bidding/grocery shopping.  What does an evil yam buy at the grocery store anyway?  Root shaped people?  Did this just turn into a Twilight Zone episode?  And speaking of the Twilight Zone, how come every time they air one of those marathons I only see the same ones over and over again?  There's a trillion episodes and no matter when I turn it on it's William Shatner freaking out on the plane because there's a diseased monkey on the wing.  Am I in the Twilight Zone while watching the Twilight Zone?  It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

    You can pick this guy up beginning Friday, October 28th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

"Ethereal Apparition" Bake-Kujira from Candie Bolton x Toy Art Gallery

    Brothers and sisters, can I get a moment of silence for every other toy in your collection.  Cause the moment you put this stunning piece of work next to them they will all straight die, r.i.p.  This is not only by far the most amazing paint job I've seen on Candie Bolton's Bake-Kujira to date, but this is my favorite on a toy I've seen in a long time.  It looks like a mysterious antique you would find in a dead relative's attic who during their lifetime was a world traveller and collector of artifacts.  Inside would be contained the spirit of some mythological creature peacefully at rest until the time you were able to decipher the text written on the underside.  Never decipher any text written on the underside of anything unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences.  I believe mythological creatures fall under the same leash law as dogs, so keep that in mind.

    This figure is so amazing that Toy Art Gallery is holding a lottery just for the chance to purchase one.  You know you want to enter, because if you don't there will always be this void you feel inside of you that is impossible to fill.  No one needs that, so here's how you do it:

    ETHEREAL APPARITION Edition retails for $250 and will be released via email lottery starting on Friday, Sept. 16th at 12PM PST and ending on Monday, Sept. 19th at 12PM PST. Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Bake-Kurjira Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Monday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!

   Seriously, this thing is so beautiful that I'm at a loss.  I will however go ahead and call this my favorite toy of the year.  Yeah, I know there's still a few months yet but that's how secure I am in my opinion.  I don't flip flop like a politician, but I do accept gifts/bribes/spiritual offerings and this would be a perfect place to start your shopping.

"Ectoplasm" Edition Bake-Kujiru from Candie Bolton X Toy Art Gallery

   
    Prepare yourselves to be wrapped in the luxury that is marbled soft vinyl.  Allow your eyes to indulge in the subtle variations in color that enhance the beautiful sculpt of Candie Bolton's Bake-Kujiru figure.  You may ask yourself whether you are worthy of such earthly delights.  Even if you aren't, that's no reason to pass up this extremely limited release, because just having it in your presence could change your life for the better.  Flowers will smell better, kittens will feel softer, and that weird noise your plumbing is making will seem less like an impending issue and more like a symphony your house is playing just for you.

   Available this Friday, September 2nd at 6pm eastern time from www.candiebolton.com.  Limited to only 9 pieces.  

The Debut of Bake-Kujira from Candie Bolton X Toy Art Gallery

   
    Moby Dick would have been the size of a pamphlet if Ahab had seen this dude from his boat.  He would have immediately given up hunting whales, moved further inland, and become an accountant.  By comparison it's not as compelling a story, and Herman Melville is not a name we would all know had he wrote that one instead.   But who cares about all that cause the important part of this is coming up riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight now:

    Finally, collectors around the world can get their hands on the majesty that is Bake-Kujira!!!  Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery made a killer choice in debuting this figure in gray vinyl with silver and copper flakes, really playing up the ghostly aspect of the piece.  This thing looks stunning online so I can only imagine how much better it is in person.  Find out for yourself when it goes on sale Friday, August 5th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  

Candie Bolton's "Rose Gold" Oh My! Yokai Set from Toy Art Gallery

    Times are hard for everyone as far as economics go, and if you're not Lebron James you gotta be smart with your toy buying money.  That means you need value for every dollar you spend, and one thing I know if you can't beat getting five figures for $75, especially when they're made of sweet Japanese sofubi.  It's the Ferrari of plastics and it's what makes up the Oh My! Yokai series from Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery.  But you're not gonna get these figures as blanks because they've even been nice enough to throw in a cool little paint job to bring out every detail in their masterful sculpts.  I'm starting to sound like an infomercial.  Snatch em up Friday, July 15th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

Amazonian Poultry Rex from Ron English X Toy Art Gallery

 

    Man they are reaching with these Jurassic Park sequels.  I'm guessing this is how the story would go:  scientists tried to breed a new, more docile form of dinosaur that visitors to the park could interact with and possibly even raise as pets.  They crossed Dino DNA with that of the common chicken in an effort to balance out their desire to kill. Needless to say, as they always do with these damn tourist attractions, things go horribly wrong.  This time the hero of the film is a descendent of Colonel Sanders who then opens a killer fried chicken joint with Flintstones size portions.  With ideas like this how in the hell am I still working a day job?

    The wings on Ron English's Poultry Rex aren't gonna fill you up, but those drumsticks look meaty as all get out.  Toy Art Gallery is releasing the first ever painted version of this prehistoric fowl on Friday, July 8th at noon pacific time on www.toyartgallery.com.  He stands 8 inches tall and most likely does not taste as delicious as it may look.  

Silver Back Broken Bones from Splurrt X Toy Art Gallery

    This dude probably has some stories to tell.  You don't lose your lower half without there being a story behind it.  And the fact that he's a skeleton probably would need some explaining too.  Is it kosher to go around asking deformed skeleton people what go them in that position?  I don't want to hurt any feelings.

    Splurrt's toys are harder to get than a supermodel's phone number, but Toy Art Gallery is giving you a shot at this dude on Wednesday, June 29th at noon pacific time.  It's the first time they've ever done a painted run of these and they won't last long.  Get em at www.toyartgallery.com.

Magi Malificarum Sofubi Set from Martin Ontiveros X Toy Art Gallery

    I wish magic was real.  Not like "hey look how magical life is" kinda magic, but full blown wizard and dragons and lightning bolts from your finger tips magic.  I think I'd make a good wizard actually. Not like that wussy Harry Potter either, cause that's lame.  More like Gandalf but maybe with a wider mean streak.  I just don't want to limit myself by swearing to only being a good wizard cause that is a pretty big commitment and the last thing I'd want to do is handcuff myself with my powers.  I just might turn you into a newt if you piss me off, so you better realize that's on the table.

    If I'm going to become a wizard, which seems like a totally viable career option in this economy, then I'm going to need a mentor or three.  Oh my goodness, what timing for these little characters to enter my life.  Martin Ontiveros and Toy Art Gallery are releasing the first every painted run of their Magi Malificarum figures on Wednesday, June 8th at noon pacific time.  They're all colorful and glittery and somewhat menacing looking like they know secret spells that they don't ever use but totally could if need be.  Maybe they'll teach em to you, like dirty words in foreign languages.

www.toyartgallery.com

Oh My! Yokai Mini Gachas from Candie Bolton X Toy Art Gallery

    I love a deal and I really love deals when they involve toys.  You can want a toy real bad but you have to have it the moment when there's a deal involved.  Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery are gonna help you fill those nooks and crannies in your display cases with these Oh My! Yokai gachpon series and in case you're bad at catching drifts, there's a deal involved.  See, you could be irresponsible and buy only one of these amazing little figures for $10 or you could get all five for only $40.  That means you're getting one for free, which is the best kind of deal.  And this is the debut of the set, which means you're getting in on the ground floor of this thing.  Be an early adopter when they go on sale Friday, April 22nd at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.