Tropical Fiji Mermaid Sofubi from Gorgoloid X Awesome Toy

 

     I'd love to have heard the conversation between the dude who invented the Fiji Mermaid and his wife when he first showed it to her. "Now babes, you know I wasn't cut out to be the Wal-Mart bathroom attendant my whole life, but don't worry cause in the kitchen is how I'm gonna finally put this family on the map."  After she regained consciousness from seeing the old monkey and stinking fish butt he had crudely sewn together I'm sure there was a trip to a divorce lawyer.

   People throughout the ages have come up with some interesting schemes to avoid real work, but the Fiji Mermaid might be the weirdest.  In homage to this sideshow creature of yore, Gorgoloid and Awesome Toy have combined (like the monkey and fish) to create this version in sofubi.  Available beginning Thursday April 21st at 6pm pacific time, this Tropical edition is ready to take his place in your cabinet of curiosities.  Charge your neighbors a dime to behold this freak of nature!!!  He's only available from http://www.gorgoloid.com

New Young Gohst Sofubi from Ferg x Grody Shogun

     While framing a picture the other day my wife ended up tearing a chunk of skin off from just behind her fingernail.  She called me at work, asking me to bring some band aids home and in the meantime she had fashioned a make-shift bandage out of things she found in the house.  She had described there being a descent amount of blood, really could mean anything.  And then I came home to see exactly what she meant.  Her bundle of feminine products and masking tape had nearly soaked though, while the bathroom looked as though a struggle had ensued.  One kind of did, as she was searching for DIY first aid supplies one of our cats was trying to pick Q-tips out of the trash so he could eat them whole.  She had to wrestle a determined feline while her wound proceeded to leak like the latest Kanye West album.  Thankfully, she is made of tough German stock and watching a DVR'd episode of Project Runway was a great substitute for actual medical attention.

    These new Young Gohsts from Ferg and Grody Shogun need a heavy dose of antibiotics as they're known as the "sepsis" edition.  But you may get lucky when you buy these a get one of the chase "on the mend" versions who is out of the woods and on the way back to his normal self.  These go on sale exclusively through http://www.playge.net on Monday April 18th at noon central time.  

Bubble Gum Pink Slugbeard from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    A slug beard sounds like something some evil cursed wizard would have.  Writhing, slimy little creatures would cover his face similar to Medusa's hair snakes, except the slugs would be way grosser.  See, with a normal beard you have the ability to catch savory morsels of food that somehow got lost on the way to your mouth.  With a slug beard those tasty bits will be covered in that iridescent slime and rendered inedible.  That's really the only drawback I can think of.

   Paul Kaiju and Toy Art Gallery are unleashing this big honking piece of bubble gum-lookin vinyl onto the world on April 15th at noon pacific time.  And it's not even a lottery, so you gotta have your eyes focused on www.toyartgallery.com when they drop, otherwise you will fall into a pit of despair.  Not a literal pit, mind you, but a theoretical one which can be must worse.  

New Releases from doubleparlour Coming April 15th

    Don't bother being sad because April 15th is tax day and instead rejoice, because it is also new release day from doubleparlour.  Fill your life with their utterly strange and surreal characters and try not to smile each time you look at them.  Featuring a mix of old favorites and new sculpts, they will be available for purchase beginning at noon pacific time only from http://doubleparlour.myshopify.com.  Take a look at some of what will be offered :

"In My Mind" Porcelain Sculpture from Jey NoName x K. Olin Tribu

    Have you ever wondered whether your mind would one day reach capacity and you would never be able to remember anything else without recording over some of your old memories?  Yeah, I don't obsess about that every day either, I was asking for a friend.  But it makes you wonder a little doesn't it?  Are the wrinkles in my brain so packed full of nonsensical trivia answers and passwords for social media that I'm unable to remember things that are actually important?  If someone could figure out a way to selectively delete information in your head that would the most brilliant/dangerous invention ever.  While you could erase painful memories you could also accidentally erase something important, like your ability to read, or the fact that you owe me money.  Or some madman could get his hands on it and wipe the brains of an entire country's worth of people.  this may or may not be what the new Captain America movie is about.

    Jey NoName and K. Olin Tribu have collaborated on this porcelain creation known as "In My Mind".  Supposedly it is a vessel to store your overflowing thoughts in.  Or you could go all Ancient Egypt and plop your organs inside when you die.  Not you in particular, but someone else who is not dead/squeamish.  Only 30 pieces of this decorative art piece were made and they are available now from http://www.kolintribu.com.

New Kandy Kaiju Releases from Super7

 

     I've always had an indifference towards food.  Anything edible was merely there to keep me alive and very little joy was ever had from the act of eating.  Then recently something changed and my gluttony switch was flipped.  Now I'm not only hungry all the time, but meals have taken on the qualities of religious experiences.  How have I gone through life this way only to suddenly crave food?  It's bizarre, and my shirts aren't fitting that well as a result.  It's a one sided love affair.

    Super7 has the perfect solution to my newfound love of food but my need to not buy an entire wardrobe.  As long as the food is plastic, and therefore not digestible, I can have my proverbial box of snack cakes and eat them too (but not really).  And they both glow in the dark, which nothing you eat should ever do.

    Milton and Foster will be on sale starting Thursday, April 14th at noon pacific time through both www.super7store.com and their retail locations.

    

Woot Bear Exclusive Bedtime Bunny from Peter Kato

    It's borderline criminal that nap times aren't factored into the average American work day.  Right now I get a half hour for lunch, which is barely enough time to make any progress in whatever book I'm reading at the time due to the constant interruptions.  For some reason a book is a magnet for unwanted conversation.  But beyond that, I think it should be mandatory that every business shut down for one hour to allow its employees to take a nap.  Actually, let's make it an hour and a half because it takes me forever to wake up and get my bearings, so a little bit of a cushion would be beneficial.  How did we grow up, brag about the fact that we were now adults and could eat cookies for dinner, and neglect the importance of a daily nap?  Travesty.

   I bet all the employees at Woot Bear take naps, cause they're reasonable folks.  And what better way to inspire your next bout of leisure time than with one of Peter Kato's Bedtime Bunnies.  This exclusive white bunny with pink slippers just wants you to take a break from the stress of your day so you don't snap and go on a rampage.  We all know you're on the brink.

    He'll be available Friday April 15th at noon pacific time.