Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Ultimate Color Version Rotten Rexx Preorder from James Groman x Lulubell Toy Bodega

    The way our world is today you have to be prepared for anything.  For instance, what would you do if you're sitting peacefully on your couch, trying to watch Naked and Afraid, and a group of murderous clowns kick in your front door?  I know what I would do, because my entire house is filled with objects that while not only decorative, could also crack a grown man's skull.  In the bedroom my wife has a concrete Virgin Mary statue that will have you seeing Holy Ghosts as she smacks you upside your head with it, and our living room is littered with curiosities that could easily fit into a plastic bag labeled as "Exhibit Number One".  Form + function = a nightmare for any punk that comes and tries to take your stuff.  

    James Groman's Rotten Rexx would make a suitable anti-burglar weapon/object of wonder for any household.  This beast stands 15 inches tall and is one of the most massive hunks of plastic I've ever seen.  You grab this sucker with two hands, start swinging, and you're spreading the pain like mono at summer camp.  Heck, they might just take one look at him, decide that you have to be a looney tune for owning it, and take off running.  This dude is completely sick looking all painted up like this.  You could probably stare at it for a month straight and not catch every detail.  And I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking "Alright Chris, I love this undead prehistoric bro, but I can't possibly afford anything so amazing on my budget."  But you can sucka, because this hand painted monstrosity is only $200.  $200!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    There are crappy mass produced toys that cost way more than that and I dare say you couldn't even scratch a would-be attacker with them.  

    The preorder window is open now through Lulubell Toy Bodega and will remain open for three weeks to give you plenty of time to scrounge up the funds you need.  Make it happen at

New Kitsura Preorder from Candie Bolton x Max Toy Co.

    People think that just because my house has cats coming out of the woodwork that I don't like dogs, but nothing can be further from the truth.  I love dogs, I just don't have one because I don't have a backyard.  Growing up in Virginia we had a few dogs and I don't think we ever even owned a leash, because when they had to go outside you just opened the door and let em have a good time.  Even if your yard wasn't fenced in it was generally understood that they would run around, terrorize the surrounding area, and then come back when they were tired.  Where I live now I would have to walk the dog and pick up its business with a plastic bag wrapped around my hand, which seems demeaning. Yeah, I do scoop a handful of litter boxes every night, but I don't have to walk around outside with a bag of poop as my neighbors try to make small talk with me.   Think about it, what if you didn't have the dog and were just taking a stroll with a turd in your old Wal-Mart bag.  You'd have the police called on you and would have to convince a doctor within 72 hours that you weren't having a mental break.  That's why you need a yard, so they can do their business and you can keep your dignity.  And they even have services you can pay to come out and clean your yard up for you after it has become riddled with organic land mines.  Genius.

    So Kitsura is not your average dog as he is actually a fox, but my stance is the same regarding any wild animals you may allow to share your domicile.  This canine with his enlightening third eye was created by Candie Bolton and produced by Max Toy Company and is available for preorder right now.  For $30 you can guarantee yourself one of these little dudes that may or may not bring magic and good fortune into your home.  And you definitely won't have to walk him, cause he's plastic, so that's a plus! Order yours now at


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies Pop! Vinyl from Funko

   Oh am I ever excited for the last Hobbit movie to come out.  The first one was ok, but I was completely in love with the second one.  It was the closest to the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and really brought back good memories of seeing those in the theater.  Even after nearly three hours I was completely ready for them to go ahead and finish the story.  

    And just how amazing does Middle Earth look in every film?  I wish Sharon and I could move there, but first they're gonna need to install some Wi-Fi cause I've kinda become addicted to this whole internet thing.  And I'd really like to check out their bathroom situation, cause that was never addressed in the books or the movies.  I would imagine the elves have thoroughly addressed indoor plumbing, as they don't seem to be a people down with using the closest bush.  But what about Mordor and all of the orcs?  Seriously, I live near Camden, which makes Mordor look like Magic Mountain.  They would mug Sauron in a heart beat.  

    You know if a new film is coming out you gotta get some new toys as well.  Funko will be releasing these new Pop! Vinyl figures in October and they include foxy elf Tauriel (who wasn't in the book but I'll let it slide because Evangeline Lilly), Sauron, and two super sized versions of Smaug:  the regular one has black eyes and 1 out of 12 of them will have those creepy serpent eyes that you'll be seeing as you try to sleep later.  

Monday, September 15, 2014

Muskolator Preorder from Goodleg Toys

  Bro, do you even lift?  I know I don't.  I lift the remote to turn the channel on the tv, but I don't think I'm gonna get too ripped doing that.  But on the bright side, if my arms don't get huge, I won't have to buy new shirts!!!  See, it's not just laziness, it makes perfect economic sense as well.   I would like to be able to instill fear into people just by walking into a room, but sometimes you can't live all of your dreams.  

    Muskolator isn't about that chill lifestyle.  He's about downing the 'roids, getting ripped, and beating up punks that don't call each other "bro".  Check out that little guy on his left fist?  He's got 3-D glasses on so he can get all the gory details as he's pounding your face meat into a pudding.  Who else but Goodleg Toys could come up with such a monstrosity?  No one, it was a rhetorical question.  You can preorder one of these suckers right this instant in two different versions.  You can order him bagged for $85, or you can order him carded with some sweet artwork for $105.  Make it happen at  

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Toy Art Gallery's 5th Anniversary Show Featuring Vertebrata

    Toy Art Gallery is celebrating their 5th Anniversary this Saturday by inviting a lot of really weird looking chicks to come and hang out with their friends and customers.  No, I don't mean girls from some backwoods strip club (I pass by three on the way to work and it doesn't get any more sketchy than hillbilly strip clubs) I'm talking about Vertebrata.  The crazy brain child of Paul Kaiju and Blobpus has been customized by some of the most well known toy artists out there and they will be on display beginning with the opening reception on Saturday.  If you live in the Los Angeles area you should go and check it out, cause it will be more fun than laughing at people with botched plastic surgery.  

Two More NYCC Exclusives from myplasticheart

    New York Comic Con begins in less than a month and I have yet to see many announcements about exclusives.  Come on people, you're killing my ability to create an effective budget!  Thankfully myplasticheart is on the ball and here we have two more toys that you'll only be able to get at their booth.  Up first is Astronocchio from Dave Bondi.  These dudes are hand made with resin, stand 5 inches tall, are limited to 25 pieces, and will sell for $65 each.  

    This dude reminds me of a rogue olive.  Not that I've ever seen a rogue olive, but if one were to turn on you I imagine this is what it would look like.  This is of course Lou Pimentel's very popular Junior figure, and if I remember correctly they sell out of these every year.  So get there early, or find a good toy mule to smuggle you one.  Just be specific that you don't want him to use the same techniques one would apply to bringing drugs over the border.  You'll only make that mistake once.  $35 will get you one and Lou would be happy to sign it for you as he's always hanging around during the convention.  

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Thor Series 2 Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    In Norse mythology, Thor rides around on a chariot that is drawn by two huge goats.  In my real life, I now drive around in a Hyundai Accent that makes me look like I'm gonna take the kids to tee ball practice.  Yesterday the wife and I bought our first ever car from an actual car dealership after our truck, which we had for nearly 12 years and put well over 200,000 miles on it, was determined to need repairs that far exceeded its worth.  She works close to home so she is now the proud commandI on my much longer commute in our new, and uber practical, little grey car.  To tell you the truth I was skeptical about it, but it's kinda like driving a go kart.  I just really don't want to pay for it, so I'm gonna need someone to throw me a telethon or something.  I've lived a long time without a car payment, and the amount of paper work they make you sign makes me think that I may have given them the right to come in and take my internal organs while I sleep.  Their tactics to make you sign your life away are pretty sneaky.  It was so hot I couldn't stop sweating and all they had to drink was coffee and it was like something that I'm sure the United Nations should probably look into.  All I know is that I was starving and willing to do just about anything to get a hamburger and some air conditioning.  They use the same tactics to get people to confess to murders.  

     Thor's friends never have to worry about down payments or interest rates or gap insurance.  And they get to sword fight and wear killer armor.  It's pretty much the best life ever, and while we can't live in Asgard our avoid the trappings of modern transportation, we can own these Pop! Vinyl figures from Funko and live vicariously through them.  Well, this October we can anyway, cause that's when they're released.