Friday, January 19, 2018

New Metal Sloth Editions from Xpanded Universe




   Sloths may look like chill bros on the outside, but inside they are raging tigers with a thirst for all things metal.  Their minds work with the voracity of a double bass drum as they slowly make their way from tree to tree and directly into our hearts.  And there's nothing more metal than those crazy hands they have, which if they could get them to move a little faster would have no problem disemboweling someone. Now that I think about it I feel it's even more brutal to relieve someone of their digestive track in slow motion.  Sloths are obviously into the Norweigian black metal.

 
    Xpanded Universe has opened my eyes and ears to the musical preferences of these great creatures via this sofubi figure.  Available in black or glow in the dark, they are available for preorder right now by visiting http://xpandeduniverse.bigcartel.com.  They're extremely limited, so you'll want to move more like....well, anything that's faster than a sloth would work.  

 

   

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Manky Neko Pink Edition Exclusive from Seymour x Clutter Magazine



    If you meet enough kitties in your life, you're bound to meet some sketchy ones.  Never ones to let any animal go hungry, Sharon and I would feed the stray cats that hung around our first apartment.  It was actually in this motley crew that we found our cat Wednesday, who was more than happy to leave behind a tough life on the street for the one of leisure she enjoys now.  Some of her friends were not as interested in consistent luxury and wanted to come and go as they pleased, which is how we met Fergus.  He introduced himself by peaking into our windows and banging on the screens for attention.  Figuring the people who lived there before kept him deep in kibble we started hooking him up.  Whenever he would come around he was always suffering from some new malady; one day part of his ear was missing while on another occasion he had a dangly tooth that was seriously pushing the boundaries of our hospitality.  I don't know who he was pissing off, but he evidently had a sassy mouth that his fighting skills couldn't back up.  Despite his dental woes we tried to get him to live in the house but he wasn't having it, as we were a mere rest stop on his adventures.  I wonder sometimes about him and hope in his old age he decided that a life indoors was better than one getting beat up by gangs of possums.  I like to assume there were possums involved.

   Fergus doesn't hold a candle to this freaky kitty from Seymour.  He looks like he's lived a rough life and enjoyed every minute of it.  This 7 inch tall soft vinyl feline is cast in retina scarring pink and is an exclusive to Clutter Magazine.  He even comes with his own resin ID tag, which is handy incase he is ever lost and someone is desperate to get the little heathen away from them.  He's available now for $95 by visiting https://shop.cluttermagazine.com



Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Bootleg Group Show and Artist Talk with The Sucklord at Con Artist



    Who scheduled this artist talk event with The Sucklord on a Wednesday?  The Sucklord should be experienced on a weekend, where you can sleep in after a night of absorbing all of his knowledge/cheap alcoholic beverages.  Most likely when you do wake up it will be in a place that you don't recognize wearing pants containing the wallet of someone you don't remember meeting.  You'll be scared at first, until you realize that what you've been a part of will be a story your grandchildren will beg you to tell them over and over.  And most likely the police as part of a large scale investigation, so it's best to have a lawyer on retainer before anything happens.

    If you've ever watched The Sucklord's video pod cast thingy then you know he's by far the most entertaining person in the whole art toy scene.  He's unfiltered, hilarious, and at times pretty insightful. So if you were supposed to go to work the day after this artist talk (everything you need to attend is right there in the picture) then you should probably be prepared to call in sick.  I'll be happy to sign your doctor's note.  Just make sure you block all of your coworkers from your social media.


Friday, January 12, 2018

"Scab Empire Babies" Minions from Paul Kaiju x Skinner x Lulubell Toys




    Back in the day if someone told you they had minions to do their bidding you'd imagine some dirty little cretins who lurked in the shadows and had low credit scores.  Now because of a very famous  animated film series all anyone ever thinks of are those yellow pill shaped critters who speak a language that makes Sylvester Stallone sound like a refined English gentleman.  Behold the rise of the Scab Empire, which sounds way grosser than the Empire Darth Vader was running.  Seriously, who wouldn't rebel against the Scab Empire, it's not the most appealing name to write on checks when paying your taxes.

    Skinner and Paul Kaiju have resurrected their evil little sofubi bay bays and are offering them up as a set this Saturday, January 13th through Lulubell Toys.  For $80 you get both because separating them would be a crime against minion kind and also because what kind of cruel freak would do such a thing?  They grew up together, raise hell together, and they'll be mailed to your house together and that's just the way it is, cowboy!

    The adoption line forms at https://www.lulubelltoys.com.


Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Warbot Full Load Preorder from 3A



   I love a good theme and what better theme than machines of war!!!!!!!!!!!!  I started it off Monday with a wrestling tag team named War Machine and I'm continuing it today with actual combat robots. Forget flying cars and Legos that don't hurt when you step on them, this is the future!  Each nation builds the best robots they can, they duke it out, and a winner is declared without so much as one drop of blood spilled.  And you could put it on pay per view to support educational funding so Americans could finally go to college for free.  Why no one begs me to run for public office I'll never understand.

   This is one mean looking dude from 3A and he certainly isn't going deer hunting with an arsenal like that.  There's nothing like the old skull and crossbones to let people know what you're about, but enough fire power to wipe a small town off the map doesn't hurt either.  Dude even comes with a machete and a cleaver in case things have to get real nasty.  Available now for preorder through http://www.bambalandstore.com for $200, this 13 inch figure is ready to come and lay down some hard truths on the rest of your collection.  




The Debut of CK Beta from Splurrt



    Splurrt's Cadaver Kid figure has upgraded his operating system, gotten a total body makeover, and is primed for military applications.  Use him to vanquish your enemies!  Have him negotiate that promotion you know you deserve!  Eliminate student loan payments by eliminating the people that collect them!  There's nothing that can stop him (except the prolonged exposure to liquids in which case the user bears all responsibility for any damage that may occur).

    This barrel chested hunk of plastic is set to debut this Saturday, January 13th, in both camo and unpainted versions.  There will also be other figures and even hats and who knows what else available to please your need to collect.  The shindig goes down at 1pm eastern time only at http://www.splurrt.com


Monday, January 8, 2018

War Machine's Hanson from Figures Toy Co.




     Living close to Philadelphia certainly comes with its share of benefits.  America was born here so there's tons of historical stuff to see, we have an amazing array of museums, and any time holes are dug anywhere there's a good chance of finding dead bodies which is kinda fun.  But beyond that, we have a storied history in the world of professional wrestling, much of which revolves around the old ECW Arena.  I've seen Ring of Honor do a couple of television takings here and they are by far the best wrestling events I've ever been to.  There's a feel that you're a part of something and not just a spectator and the level of talent and storytelling is superior to anything I've ever seen.

    I had read about the tag team War Machine before seeing them but nothing could adequately prepare me for men of their size performing the acrobatics they do.  You expect guys that look like berserkers to decimate anything that gets in their way, but you could never foresee then doing backflips from the top rope.  Now imagine watching it in person from ten feet away and trying to figure out if you missed the day in science class when they explained how this could be a thing.  Everytime I've seen them it's awe inspiring and now one half of that duo is finally getting the action figure treatment.

    No matter how much planning goes into it, it can't be a good feeling to know Hanson is in the air and about to land on your rib cage like a 747.  Figures Toy Company will now let you recreate his aerial terror on all of your other wrestling dudes.   Available now from http://figurestoycompany.com, hopefully Raymond Rowe will quickly follow suit so you can dominate the plastic tag team division in the comfort of your living room.  Hope all of your other figures have health insurance.


Friday, January 5, 2018

Milkface Resin Toy from Kyle Goodrich





    I've never had my face on the side of a milk carton, but it wasn't from a lack of trying.  Allow me to regale you with a tale of the time I purposefully went missing.

     For reasons that have been lost to me as the years have progressed, I decided that I needed to make people miss me.  I was around six years old at the time and camped my tiny body under my brother's bed.  As diner time approached my mother and father began to call my name.  They looked outside, looked all over the house, but no one was able to find me.  I quietly snickered to myself as their legs moved ever more frantically past me.  Seriously, who doesn't look under the bed first?  If I have a cat that is supposed to go to the vet and they are nowhere to be seen the very first place I look is under the bed.  It's standard protocol for anything that is missing: socks, important documents, children whose idea of a joke is maybe a little off kilter.  That part is on them.  The part that is on me is that I wasn't smart enough to end my prank before my mom called the police, who showed up and and tried to teach me one of those life lessons that would stick with me forever.  Ok, I was terrified I was going to jail at the time.  I was way too pretty for incarceration.

    This looks like the milk in my house before it is finally carted off to the dumpster.  Usually there is also a color and smell involved, which I doubt Kyle Goodrich was mean enough to include in his Milkface resin figure.  He made 50 of these sour faced bros with his own hands and has included a sticker with each one for the low low price of $55.  I'm holding out for a lactose free option myself, but you can get one by visiting http://kyle-goodrich.com/milkface.store/.


Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Devilman Preorder from Mike Sutfin x Unbox Industries




    I'll admit that my familiarity with the Devilman character lives and dies with the background video Rob Zombie played at a show sixteen years ago during the song "Super Charger Heaven".  That chorus makes you want to drop kick someone in the face.  But I've always thought the look of him was pretty crazy, that is until I saw Mike Sutfin's rendition you see hear, which blows any other version straight out of the water.  This dude has details on top of details, which then have more details that you didn't even notice the first time.  It's pure visual insanity, making the figure look like it has life, or death, flowing through every inch.  Pretty intense for a pice of plastic.  

   The folks at Unbox Industries produced this and have now made him available for preorder.  Standing at just over a foot tall and retailing for $120, you can secure yourself one right now by visiting http://store.unboxindustries.info.  These are scheduled to ship at the end of the month, so get to it.