At my day job we make a lot of money during the summer from people losing their glasses in the ocean. The waves rise up and snatch them unexpectedly from the faces of the visually impaired, forcing them to seek me out for emergency replacements. By my calculations in another few decades there will be a sea wall made of Ray Bans that will protect the coast of New Jersey from the effects of erosion. That or there's a lot of sea creatures who have no idea how expensive all that trash is that they're playing with.
Speaking of, I hear a lot people also lose their cell phones in the water, which to me has far more dire consequences. Could you imagine you're just chilling, minding your own fish business, then all of a sudden you have access to the internet? Being not so smart you scroll aimlessly until you learn that all your buddies who get caught by fisherman aren't actually going on vacation but are instead being cooked and eaten by lung breathers. With your new found knowledge you rally all of the other sea creatures, who then refine their Googling abilities, learn to make weaponry by watching History Channel reruns, and the next thing you know the fish are deep frying us.
Plaseebo and Mechavirus have teamed up to give us a glimpse of what our future overlords could look like. This thing is so A-M-A-Z-I-N-G I had to spell it out like I didn't want the dog to know what I was saying. It's a completely one of a kind piece so if you want to own the mechanized, light up cephalopod here's how you can enter the lottery for purchase:
Send the following information to firstname.lastname@example.org :
2. shipping address
4. telephone number
5. PayPal email address
6. Instagram ID
This figure will be $350 plus shipping. The lottery closes on Sunday, March 31.