Friday, April 20, 2018

Tarbus the Tardigrade from Doom Co Designs x Squibbles Ink





   How often do I get to write about things that are making history?  The answer is never, I literally have never written about anything of historical importance.  That all changes today though, because I am proud to present to you the first ever toy that was created in virtual reality.  That's right, this little cutie was sculpted in not the real word, somehow brought to reality, and made available for preorder starting today. Sounds like something crazy from the Matrix, and it has not been confirmed that when this dude was produced that no other virtual reality monsters escaped with it, jealous at our reality and hell bent on destroying it.  If we could go ahead and prove that is not a thing that would be great, ok.

    Doom Co Designs is responsible for traveling to digital Narnia and sculpting this dude, while Squibbles Ink produced him.  The preorder window for the only microscopic creature I would hug on a rainbow is open from today,  April 20th until April 27th.  He stands 3 and a half inches tall, is made from vinyl, and costs only $25.  Buy a ton of them and your happiness will be nearly as hard to kill as they are.





Thursday, April 19, 2018

Bubble Gum Pink Bake-Kujira from Candie Bolton x Toy Art Gallery





    Things don't get much more metal than the angry poltergeist of a dead whale.  It's so metal that you could make it bubble gum pink without another lick of color and it's just as metal as anything to come out of Norway in the early '90's.  Any black metal band can wear traditional corpse paint, but you should be really scared if you see one decked out like Hello Kitty because those dudes are obviously crazy and any music they make is too brutal for human ears.  Only wooly mammoths could withstand such an audio onslaught, so when the aliens come and resurrect them they will have something cool to listen to.  I hope you'll be thinking about how great this post is all day because that's my gift to you in these times of darkness.

   Candie Bolton's spooky sea mammal has risen from the deep and into our hearts many times before, but never so delicious looking.  Seriously, this version looks like you could break pieces off and enjoy a good old fashioned chew.  Toy Art Gallery will be releasing this beauty on Friday, April 20th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.


Tuesday, April 17, 2018

"Petite Tales" Solo Show from Horrible Adorables at Art Star Philadelphia





    I love the work of Horrible Adorables.  How can you not when you look at their animal creations, what with their big eyes and felt layered like dragon scales.  In fact their critters are so cool that they've kinda made other animals look like they've dropped the evolutionary ball.   As if making squirrels look like they're not even trying to be cute anymore wasn't enough, now their creatures are going on epic adventures.




   Petite Tales (or Tiny Tales for those of you who treated French class as a way to meet girls and not a cultural experience) is their latest show on view right now at Art Star in Philadelphia and features their whimsical creatures living life to the fullest.  Whether meeting mermaids while on a Viking raid, or communicating with the dead in the gosh dang cutest seance you've ever seen, each display is packed full of their signature designs doing all the cool stuff you wish you could right now.  Fear not though, as you don't have to quit your job to go out and have all the fun they are, because you can bring that fun right into your own home.  All of the pieces from the show are available right now at www.artstarphilly.com and if you find yourself in the greater Philadelphia metropolitan area you should really go and see them in person.  If not, you can check out some of the pictures I took and live vicariously through the wonderment of photography.





More photos can be found at www.facebook.com/thetoyviking

Friday, April 13, 2018

3DRetro Has Two Huge Releases from Coop and Doktor A




   Pills: Many of us are on them.  More of us should be.  I myself am not into the idea of recreational drug use but if I ever changed my mind I think I would try acid at Disney World.  Maybe it isn't the best idea to do hallucinogens at what equates to an upscale carnival, but if you're going to be damaged psychologically you might as well have some good stories to tell your shrink when he makes his rounds at the mental hospital.  I'm sure Coop's inspiration for this figure was a bit deeper than my idea of a fun mid life crisis, but that hasn't been confirmed.  No matter the back story, this icon for the happiest place on Earth is the perfect mascot for our times.  This "Old Timey" edition of Mickey Finn is limited to 200 pieces and will retail for $45 each.





   In an effort to bring some classical elegance home,   I bought a bust in Brooklyn at a flea market and neglected to think about having to carry it around the rest of the day.  The damn thing felt like it was made of black matter and I almost ditched it a few times.  Did I mention it was 96 degrees out, which in New York translates roughly to being boiled alive?  I'm full of good ideas.

    While this bust from Doktor A will more than likely weigh less than the one I bought, it is a lot cooler.  And in keeping with our drug theme it's name is Anesthesia, which ties this whole post together.  I bet you thought I couldn't bring it home but I did and now you have been embarrassed for your non belief.  This version is limited to only 50 pieces and can be yours for $100.

   Both of these can be yours when they are released today (Friday, April 13th) at 11am pacific time from www.3dretro.com.


Thursday, April 12, 2018

The Vinyl Debut of La Mort from Naomi Knaff x Planet X Asia





  Writing about toys is a weird thing.  I do it because I enjoy seeing something I'm inspired by and adding my two cents to its narrative.  Sometimes that is easy and my hands work overtime trying to keep up with the voice in my head.  Naomi Knaff is one of those artists whose work screams for stories to be told about it and I am beyond proud to be able to write about this toy.  I had absolutely nothing to do with it, but to see her work make the jump to vinyl is something well deserved and long overdue.

   Having teamed up with the prolific folks at Planet X Asia , Naomi is debuting her vinyl figure La Morrtt this Sunday. This is one mean looking fish/goat something or other that I could totally see swarming helpless beach goers.  Can you imagine, you think you're safe when you make it back yo shore only to realize that the little devil can run like a gazelle?  I'd watch that on the SYFY Channel all day long.

    Standing almost 8 inches tall and featuring one point or articulation at the neck, this teal beauty will retail for $80 plus shipping.  He'll be available exclusively from www.naomiknaff.com this Sunday, April 15th.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Story Killers: Little Red Riding Hood from Stephane Levallois X Artoyz

 


  It is known fact that the best way to defeat your enemy and ward off future ones is to sever their head and wear it on yours Halloween mask style. That old "head on the pike" thing is beyond passé and barely even serves as a deterrent anymore.  The smell is weird at first but no more so than the New Jersey air I breathe anyway.

   Take Little Red Riding Hood here.  Far from being dinner for any wolf, she has seperated head from neck and created herself a nice little organic helmet.  This twist on the classic fairy tale was created by Stephane Levallois and the sepia toned edition you see will be the last incarnation of this figure ever.  Produced by Artoyz and available for a special lower price until April 30th, you can add one of these limited edition sociopaths to your collection by visiting https://artoyz.com/shop/en/.


Thursday, April 5, 2018

Metallic Devil Sofubi Sets and Blank Blue Kronos Release from Splurrt


    American pride has certainly taken a hit in recent years with the shenanigans that are going on in our government, but this metallic paint job from Splurrt is making me feel a little patriotic.  I got an urge to fire up the grill, light some seriously dangerous fire works, and put on a backyard wrestling match for the neighbors.  Do you see how two out of three of those things involved the word "fire"?   As Americans we've really embraced that discovery from our cave men ancestors and held on to it like the safety bar of a haphazardly constructed carnival ride.   Oh, and the third thing will involve fire as well when we have a no holds bared flaming table ladder match for the Southern New Jersey Bad Ideas Championship.  I know what my fans want.  

    Splurrt is one of the reigning kings of the American sofubi scene and his Usir figure is one of my favorite designs of all time.  He paired that little buddy up with his Demon figure for a special two pack that will have people scrambling on their internet machines.  Releasing this Saturday at noon eastern time, these sets, along with a special blue blank of his magnificently huge Kronos figure, will be available exclusively through http://splurrt.bigcartel.com.



Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Glow in the Dark Resin Faffnuffs from Miss Monster




    I haven't seen them yet this year, but a family of well fed chipmunks lives under our porch.  I know they're well fed because they come out and vacuum up any bird seed that happens to fall from our feeder.  Like fuzzy little Roombas they quickly and efficiently load their cheeks with anything they suppose is edible, and run back to their sanctuary beneath my front door.  Someone I work with thought it was gross that I would be cool with little critters setting up camp in such close proximity but meanwhile they have actual human children living inside their home, which seems way less sanitary to me.  And noisey.  And expensive.  And less adorable.

    I don't know what Faffnuffs eat, but I would imagine it involves much more than birdseed.  They look as if their jaws would spring open trash can like and devour anything that happened to fall in.  Miss Monster's resin buddies also glow in the dark, which is a great party trick if you ever happen to master it.  Do people really do tricks at parties or is the idea of a party trick something that was never really a thing?  My party trick, if I ever found myself suckered into going one, was to find the cat and or dog and ignore everyone else.  Penn and Teller never nailed that one as well as I did.

    These will be available today (Tuesday April 3rd) at 2pm pacific time from https://missmonster.myshopify.com.


    

Thursday, March 29, 2018

New Rampage Toys Exclusives from Tenacious Toys



    I have lived the majority of my life ignorant to the fact that there are some people who believe dinosaurs are a hoax.  I can't remember how this was brought to my attention, but a few years ago I found myself perplexed at the idea of it being a total conspiracy.  As far as epic pranks go it would be a pretty good one I guess, though I struggle to see an end game.  The entire point of conning someone is the big reveal, otherwise they never know that you got one over on them in the first place.  Maybe the guy that planned the whole thing died before he could prove us to be morons and having kept his plan a secret no one else was able to let us in on the joke.  Nope, still sounds as idiotic as the Earth being flat.  

    Rampage Toys certainly believes in the former existence of dinosaurs, though his ideas about their ocular anatomy differs slightly from the fossil record.  What they lack in depth perception they make up for in charm, and these sets of reptilian friends are about as cute as any lizard can hope to be.  These, along with three unicorns of varying ugliness, are all exclusive to Tenacious Toys and available for preorder as we speak.  Secure them for your collection by visiting https://www.tenacioustoys.com.  







Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Seatus Kickstarter Campaign from Gruesome Toys




   The sea may be a cruel mistress, but the world of toy production is an expensive one.  While many of us may have killer ideas for a vinyl figure not many of us have the stacks of cash laying around to make it happen.  Thankfully creative types can turn to a website like Kickstarter to make all of their dreams come true, which is exactly what Gruesome Toys have done with their debut figure Seatus.  This salt water dwelling critter is on the home stretch of being produced and now needs your help to get him all the way there.  By now you know how this works:  you select a level to pledge towards their goal and you get sweet rewards like exclusive colorways of the toy and tons of other extras.  As of this writing they are just over half way funded and you can help by checking out this link.



Tuesday, March 27, 2018

We Were Ranked #26 According to Rankedblogs.Com



   A website by the name of Ranked Blogs has ranked us number 26 in the world!  If this were the Olympics we're nowhere near medal contention, but they'd probably let us keep our warm up suits.  Hey, they may even fly us back home for free.  I have no idea what criteria they use to rank websites; if they use stolen Facebook data or ask a Ouija board, but it's always nice to be recognized even when you're not sure what you did.  Unless that recognition is from a law enforcement agency, because then I'd prefer to remain ignored. 

   Thanks again and I'll keep pretending like I have any idea what I'm doing.



Thursday, March 22, 2018

GID Nuclear Nightbreed Glampyre from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery



    
    Officially it is the third day of spring, which to me means chirping birds, trees growing their leaves back, and weather that is warmer than the bitter chill of winter.  Instead what I have outside my window is about 6 inches of snow.  This is completely unacceptable.  I have done my fair share of shoveling and I have certainly discovered my fair share of black ice on darkened roadways.  Yeah, I could move to Florida and experience nice weather the majority of the year, but then I'd have to worry about getting bitten by some hillbilly with a Monster Energy Drink logo tattooed on his arm who takes off from working at the alligator farm for "religious reasons" whenever the Insane Clown Posse releases a new album.  I'll deal with the snow.

    Martin Ontiveros is keeping those chill winter vibes alive with this glow in the dark Glampyre.  Produced by Toy Art Gallery and hand painted by the man himself, this limited edition run of soft vinyl figures will retail for $180 each.  But wait, there's more...


    Three hand painted one-offs as well?  When uniqueness is a must for your collection then you've gotta snag a toy so limited you're the only one that owns it.  Releasing at the same time as those frozen looking dudes up top will be these three dudes you see before you.  Each is one of a kind and will be $250 each.  Treat yourself when they all go on sale tomorrow, Friday March 23rd, at noon pacific time at www.toyartgallery.com.  






Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Scott Wilkowski Offering Customized Resin Infected Kittens






    If the title or anything like it was ever posted on Craigslist you can consider yourself warned about how much of a bad idea it would be to email that dude.  I myself have obtained things off of that sketchy website ranging from taxidermied birds to vintage cookware, but each time I did it I went into the transaction with the knowledge that I may become a Dateline NBC special.  Some people skydive, I buy preserved bird specimens from a person whose house can't been seen from the road.  I like to live dangerously.

   Scott Wilkowski is not peddling diseased felines that escaped the CDC, but is actually offering up a resin masterpiece that you can customize the colors of.  That's right, you can redeem any other bad decisions you may have recently made by helping Scott create perfection.  When placing your order at http://www.scottwilkowski.com all you have to do is pick your outer color AND the color of the inner skeleton.  Personally I would choose orange on the outside and black on the inside, which are the colors of Halloween, the Philadelphia Flyers, and the idiot running our country into oblivion.  I'm only ok with the first two.

   Standing five inches tall, hand cast in resin, and partially designed by you, each one will be $300.



Thursday, March 15, 2018

Darth Knuckleduster from Killer Bootlegs



    
     I used to collect Star Wars stuff exclusively before I got into vinyl toys, but there was way to much stuff being produced to keep that going.  So I focused instead on collecting the greatest villain of all time, Darth Vader.  That was until for every one figure I bought they'd release three more versions of it in different packaging.  Buying toys shouldn't be like trying to kill the Hydra, so I've mostly thrown the towel in on that too, save for the odd piece every once in a while.  I had never thought about Darth Vader tribute toys before though, so now I feel myself (and my credit cards) getting sucked back in.

    Killer Bootlegs has made a big old vinyl version of his Draco Knuckleduster figure and painted him up to look like everyone's favorite asthmatic evil doer.  And this thing is more limited than the amount of good plot points in The Last Jedi.  Dropping tonight at 6pm cst exclusively through http://killerbootlegs.storenvy.com, you can add him to your growing Imperial forces for $100 (which includes shipping).  
  




I'm Still a Toys R Us Kid





    The news of Toys R Us closing down really hit me yesterday, as Sharon and I took a last walk through our local store before the liquidation signs erupt like small pox down every aisle.   My earliest memories of the store involve the location in Newport News, Virginia.  I remember walking in and there would be this huge wall and multiple rows of shopping carts that greeted you as you entered.  Once you turned the corner it was like looking out over the ocean and trying to fathom seeing its end.  Shelves were packed full to bursting with Star Wars and G.I. Joe and He-Man figures that would be the featured cast in epic narratives.  Those same pristine toys would end up caked in mud, water logged in the bath tub, and faded by their time spent outdoors, but for that moment in the store they were more than just mass produced bits of plastic: they were gateways to my imagination.  

   I remember when the original Nintendo system came out and my brother and I got one that Christmas.  We'd fight over who got to play and for how long and then when it was time to get a new game we'd fight about that until some sort of compromise was reached.  Then on the fateful day we'd head to Toys R Us and their aisle that was just pictures of box art and little paper slips beneath it that indicated how many were left in stock. We'd hope and pray the entire car trip that there would be at least one slip left for the game we wanted, because leaving empty handed was not an option.  Sometimes you got lucky, sometimes we ended up with a second choice, and sometimes we left with nothing but a promise we'd try again the next week.  No matter how much older I get, I've still never developed a good sense of patience, but I am way less likely to throw a tantrum. 

    I'll certainly miss it and I'll always be thankful for how much of a role it had in shaping my life.  



   

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Back for Seconds Custom Toy Show from Zard Apuya at PIQ



    Looking at these custom figures from Zard Apuya is making me ridiculously hungry.  I've been stuck inside all day from a snow storm and have just about eaten through all of our emergency rations.  Even the stale food that I somehow keep forgetting to throw out is starting to look appetizing as my boredom level reaches unprecedented heights.  And you know what's really cruel?  Most of what I would normally watch on tv is either in reruns or have been ditched in favor of continuous weather coverage in which they send reporters to different areas to confirm that yes, it is indeed snowing.  You know how interesting that is after about 20 minutes when all you want to do is go to the store and buy junk food?

   This Saturday you should really have a little something to eat before you see Zard's "Back for Seconds" custom show at PIQ in New York.  In case you have yet to scroll further or have not yet picked up on the prevailing theme of this post, everything is food related.  Just look at some of them and tell me that they don't make you feel like you haven't eaten in three days.  Those candy bar dudes especially look like the real thing, so if you're going make sure to exhibit self control and try not to bite one.  

    The show is opening at their Grand Central Terminal location right in Manhattan, and Zard himself will be hanging out from 2-4pm.  If you can't make it, the 60 (yeah I said 60) customs will be available online that day at www.piqgifts.com.  





Candy Corn Kuma from Circus Posterus X Mana Studios




    As I type this there is a huge snow storm happening outside as part of our second Nor'easter in as many weeks.  I don't mind it that much, but when it started today it was also thundering and lightning, which is really weird to me.  Everything is covered in a blanket of white, then a bolt of lightning flashes above it with an almost blinding brilliance, soon followed by an earthquaking thunder clap.  Throw in a tornado and we'd really have a winter horror story worthy of a SyFy Network feature.  Oh, and sharks.  Gotta have sharks.

    If we can have spring and winter weather in the same week then I think it is perfectly acceptable to start mixing up our holidays as well.  So this year we're switching out St. Patrick's Day for Halloween.  Circus Posterus inspired my shake up of this year's calendar the moment I saw this  Candy Corn Kuma.  Cast in resin by the folks at Mana Studios and then hand painted, this will have you trading in your green shamrock apparel for orange and black without a second thought.  Standing 9 inches tall and limited to only 30 pieces, he can be yours right now for $200 by visiting www.circusposterus.com.



Monday, March 5, 2018

Acorn Worry Beans from Taylored Curiosities




    I've got stress.  I know we all do, but there hasn't been a week that's gone by in the past month that I haven't had a cat at the vet.  We got upset stomachs, bladder issues, and allergies that are plaguing my kitties and my credit card statements.  How the hell do people with kids do it?  My brother in law's three kids had the stomach flu and each spent the day clutching a trash can on the couch while watching tv.  I mean, when you compare it to spraying bloody urine all over the basement door the kid thing doesn't seem that bad, so I've changed my mind and determined that people with children have it easier.  Unless your kid is peeing blood all over the house, then you really do have your hands full until the state steps in and incarcerates the little weirdo.

   I am unable to see the relief to my stress as it peaks it's beautiful face over the horizon, but that doesn't mean it's not on its way.  If you have worried yourself to the point of perpetual nausea, Taylored Curiosities has the perfect solution with this Acorn Worry Bean.  Made with polymer clay and real acorns, this little dude is ready to take all of your troubles on himself, like Atlas with a big ball of stress upon his shoulders.  

    Handmade and available now, you can own one now by visiting http://tayloredcuriosities.com.


Friday, March 2, 2018

Fatt Choy Bao from Scott Tolleson X Pobber Toys




    I will chase a brown bear into the woods just because I've never seen one in the wild, but I'll be damned if I put anything other than a plain hamburger in my mouth during dinner.  That last part's a little extreme, but I'm anything other than brave when it comes to food.  My wife spent a lot of her younger years in Taiwan and I remember the first time she took me to the Asian supermarket while looking for her favorite items.  As a southern kid with a cardboard palette I was so far out of my element it was probably embarrassing.  Since then I've tried to broaden my horizons if for no more reason than for her to not feel forced to feed me chicken nuggets every day.  You're a real gangsta if your wife buys you the dinosaur shaped ones, fyi.

    I couldn't eat anything that had a face like this.  He's so cute and sweet looking and you know you can't eat just one so chomping down on him will be both traumatic and non filling, which is a really bad combination.   This little dude from Scott Tolleson and Pobber Toys is decked out to celebrate Chinese New Year and is available now to help you commemorate the year of the dog.  Pick one up for yourself before the party's over at www.pobber.com.

   

    

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Seafoam Dewdrop Resin Mini Figures from Chris Ryniak



    As I was attempting to write this post one of my cats jumped up on my desk, and peed on one of my work shirts.  No hesitation, just like it was something completely normal that we do everyday.  I'm about ready to call that Guy Fieri looking dude from Animal Planet to come over here and kitten whisper some better ideas to her.  Oh, and not only that, when she was done she went downstairs and punched one of the other cats in the face hard enough to leave a shed claw stuck in her nose.  Apparently she's become a drunken step dad over night and I am not cool at all with this phase.  Why couldn't she just go goth and dye her hair black and write Marilyn Manson lyrics on her notebooks like every other disgruntled teenager?

   Dewdrops are way too innocent looking to every spring anything like that on you.  Just look at that sweet little face and those big eyes.  My clean work clothes wouldn't have to all be washed again because they would still smell like Tide if I had a house full of these.  Chris Ryniak's little resin buddies have been cast in a brand new seafoam color way and will be available this Saturday, March 3rd at 3pm eastern time exclusively from www.bindlewood.com.  



Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Death Jaguar Kickstarter Campaign from Rocom



    When it comes to giant robot weaponry, you just can't go wrong with an axe.  Anyone that would use an axe as their primary fighting tool is someone that should be feared and avoided at all costs.  That dude is either stone cold crazy or the deadliest man on the planet and either way it spells bad news for his opponents.  During the American Civil War there was a group of dock workers from Louisiana that charged into the first battle of Manassas wielding Bowie knives after discarding their muskets, which must have looked as insane as it sounds.  They didn't make it very far, so they were more of the "crazy" variety rather than the "complete badass" sort, but what can you do.  

    This is Death Jaguar, a nine inch vinyl killing machine from toy designer Rocom.  He is part of a Kickstarter campaign that as of this writing is 80% funded with 22 days still to go and plenty of rewards left for you to obtain.  There's different color figures, customs, original art, and just about anything else you can think of to support the narrative of this intriguing looking character.  Check it out by clicking here.




Thursday, February 22, 2018

Chinese New Year Resin Mascot from Tenacious Toys



    It is fitting that it is they year of the doggo, because I am obsessed with those dog speak memes that are popping up everywhere.  Here let me give you an example:


    So good.  They harken back to the I Can Has Cheezburger days when memes were pure and innocent and mostly concerned with the inner most thoughts of the animals we love.  Speaking of the word "meme" itself, I used to work with a dude who pronounced the word "may may" and couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was completely wrong.  I think he does performance art now which seems fitting for someone who refuses to learn new things.

    In honor of Chinese New Year Tenacious Toys has released a red version of their resin mascot doggo.  As of this writing there are only 7 left available for preorder so you should direct your attention to www.tenacioustoys.com and secure yourself one before they are all gone.  Each one stands 2 and a half inches high and is one of the last things actually made in America.


Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Lucky Katju from Chris Pyrate and Strangecat Toys




    One of my cats got sick this week with a bit of abdominal distress and had to go to the vet.  He complained the entire way there to the point that it sounded like his meows were honest attempts at speaking English.  It seemed like it would be as much torture for Sharon and I as it would him, but that was until every woman at the vet's office fell in love.  From the receptionist to the tech he had found himself in the harem of his dreams.  The tech was his favorite of the bunch, and she was so smitten with him I expected her to take off her wedding ring and move into our home so they could be together.  He was hamming it up the whole time too, rubbing against her and purring.  He was so happy that he didn't make a single noise on the way home as dreams of his new girlfriend kept him occupied.  Thank God he's been fixed or we might have had a real problem.

    Had he still been the whole man he was born, I'm sure my cat would be the terror of cities far and wide to reach the one he loves.  I feel something similar would occur when looking at this Luxky Katju from Chris Pyrate and Strangecat Toys.  Sure, he looks all sweet now, but keep the object of his desire away from him and he could level our infrastructure like the best of them.

    This is the first ever production toy from the folks at Strangecat and he is available for preorder right now.  Standing 7 inches tall, made of polystone, and featuring a skeletal fish buddy, he can be yours for only $60.  He is limited to 50 pieces and available only at https://strangecattoys.com.


Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Pictures from Toy Fair 2018





    Sharon and I made a quick trip to Toy Fair on Sunday before we went to the Museum of Modern Art.  We struck quickly, like ninjas or cobras or something and there was some pretty cool stuff on display that we've already started making room for.   Check out the pictures we took on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TheToyViking.


Perv  


Thursday, February 15, 2018

Baphomaniac Flesh Edition from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery



    Ok, I'm gonna be the one to have to say it I guess.  The fact that there has yet to be a Hulkamaniac version of the Baphomaniac is a serious misstep and can no longer go unnoticed.  This flesh edition of Martin Onitveros and Toy Art Gallery's fun little guy would be the perfect base for a steady handed customizer to realize what the universe desperately wants.  Then there will be no doubt in anyone's mind what you would do when Baphomania runs wild on you.  Say your prayers and eat your vitamins.

   Of course you don't have to paint this eight inch tall beast of sofubi perfection.  You can leave him just the way he is and marvel at his every nook and cranny.  But now that I've planted the seed of creativity in your brain, will you be able to resist visiting your favorite art supply store for a bit of yellow and red paint?  The choice is yours when this dude goes on sale tomorrow, Friday the 16th, at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  


Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Iron Maiden MUSCLE Figures in Red from Super7



   Nothing calls to mind Valentine's Day quite like Iron Maiden.  I can't help it if you choose to disagree and label yourself as unromantic, that's on you.  Super7 is doing its part to ensure they get the credit for being the ultimate mood setters by releasing this three pack of M.U.S.C.L.E. figures.  Cast in the ultimate lover's color, this limited set featuring a few different incarnations of the band's mascot Eddie can be had now for only $6.00 at www.super7store.com.  

Roses will die, but Iron Maiden will live forever.  



Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Sweet Tooth Marbled Cestoda from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys x Toy Art Gallery




    I scream, you scream, blah blah blah.  Talk about the low hanging fruit of ice cream jokes.  I'm above it, so I'm not gonna do it, even though I could imagine someone screaming if they ran into one of these Cestodas from Miscreation Toys.  Standing at 11 inches tall, dude could take a bite out of your calf muscles and lay eggs in the hole before you realized what has happened.  He looks parasitic and quick, which is not a good combination for you.  But he does come in a pretty array or marbled colors that remind me of those giant tubs of Neopolitan ice cream my mom used to buy, the effects of which ensured I would never make the school bus in the morning and would have to be driven in the mini van.  The effects of lactose intolerance stretch way beyond stomach discomfort.

    Lulubell Toys and Toy Art Gallery have formed an alliance to bring you this limited edition preorder.  Happening now until the 16th, which for those keeping track is this Friday, you can secure yourself one of these big ol sofubi masterpieces for $275 plus shipping.  Get on it now at www.lulubelltoys.com.


Wednesday, February 7, 2018

New Painted Edition Wing Kong from Super7



   My favorite gorilla story happened while my wife and I were at the Philadelphia Zoo.  There they have a very spacious outdoor enclosure as well as an indoor one where they can climb and put sticks in their butts (that's my second favorite gorilla story) and whatnot.  We walk into the indoor portion because that offers you the ability to get as close to them as their indestructible glass will allow and they really aren't paying us any attention.  We stand there for a few minutes to see if they'll do anything interesting when an Amish family approaches from behind us.  All of a sudden this one gorilla rushes over to the glass and sits down right in front of them like it's the craziest thing he's ever seen before.  This dude is seriously giving them the once over like they were on exhibit and instantly I didn't feel bad about the time I was trying to take pictures of one of their horse drawn buggies parked outside of Wal-Mart because it seems all creatures are equally fascinated by the Amish.

The end.

    Make your own monkey memories when this new version of Wing Kong from Super7 debuts today (Wednesday, February 7th).  He's going to be unleashed on a very expecting public at 3pm eastern time at www.super7store.com.  Quantities are limited so act with a sense of urgency, folks.




Dresden Frau Dark Parade MS from 3A





    Just when you think things couldn't get any dumber in American politics, the moron that is our president has taken a page out of Chairman Mao's book and ordered a military parade through our capital.  It's obvious that he feels inadequate in more ways than any sane person could have ever imagined, but would someone please tell him that no matter how many ballistic missiles he parks in front of the Smithsonian, that it won't make his wittle guy any bigger.  It won't make his hair not look like a dust bunny, it won't make anyone donate money to his idiotic wall, and it certainly won't wipe away the regret that is plastered on the face of his wife in every photograph.  What we as Americans should do is on this day of his so called parade gather and block it from ever occurring.  Stand thousands deep and let it be another massive failure in what has already been an overflowing septic tank of a presidency.  

    I can assure you that despite any recent advances in military technology, none of these will be marching in our parade that never happens.  If they were I'd still be totally against it, but I'd be a little more intrigued.  Ashley Wood and 3A have carved quite a niche reimagining warfare and the weaponry involved, but this is by far my favorite of their interpretations.  Oh come on, don't tell me if you were about to be mowed down by machine gun fire this isn't who you'd prefer to be doing it.  

   Available starting tomorrow, February 8th, this is a Bambaland exclusive and will only be found at www.bambalandstore.com.  Our president is still a moron, in case you forgot.  




Friday, February 2, 2018

Burger Bandit Wolf Thing Bat Mother from Joseph Harmon x Toy Art Gallery




   Oh, I do love every time there is a new Wolf Thing Bat Mother figure to write about because the titles of my posts sound like I just played dictionary roulette when creating it.  And this dude might be the best of them all because not only is he called a Burger Bandit, but he's painted up to look like an actual hamburger.  Being an American this pleases me more than you could ever understand and to show my appreciation I will now share with you the best hamburgers I've ever eaten.  The all time best was at an Irish pub in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.  There was something interesting mixed in with the meat itself which gave it a unique flavor that has yet to be topped by any hamburger since.  My second best hamburger was consumed in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and was comprised of buffalo meat.  This was so delicious I wanted to slap the table and curse but I didn't since my wife's grandmother was sitting across from me, even though I'm sure her vocabulary could make mine blush like a debutante.  I didn't want to be shamed in my word choice.  The third best hamburger ever was at a now defunct restaurant on the Eastern Shore of Virginia.  The place looked like someone had abandoned a house, then some amazing chef's moved in claiming squatters rights, and did absolutely nothing to change the crumbling decor.  The dishes were miss matched and Sharon found a toothbrush laying on the bathroom sink, but the burger made me proud that my family settled there four hundred years ago.  Honorable mention goes to an Irish pub in New Hope, Pennsylvania, which makes me wonder what ground beef secrets these Irish folks are passing down through the generations.

    I'm beyond hungry now so let's get these particulars down so I can go eat.  Joseph Harmon not only created this culinary freak of nature, but he hand painted each one himself making the The Hamburgler look like a common criminal by comparison.  Add one to your collection today (Friday, February 2nd at noon pacific time) by visiting www.toyartgallery.com.  They'll be $65 each and do not come with fries or a soda.  Those are extra, boo boo.


Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Lava Bear Winter Edition from Nathan Hamill x 3DRetro





   I'm very conflicted about this Lava Bear colorway.  He's called a Lava Bear, but he has a frozen motif going on.  Volcanoes don't erupt ice flows and glaciers aren't made of magma, so my head is spinning like that one time I hit it on a shopping cart.  Don't ask how that happened, not because it's an embarrassing story, but because I hit my head hard enough to not comprehend how things went down.  Or to give a more recent example, when I found out that there is a town in New Jersey called West New York.  What is that?  How can you even write that down somewhere without feeling weird about it?  I'm seriously working myself up into a panic over this.

   Nathan Hamill has burned out my mental cylinders with his willingness to spit in the face of nature,  but his addition of flocking has has swayed me to the dark side.  Yes, this is the first toy that he's ever made that's fuzzy!  But only 75 of you will be able to experience how great it will feel petting one of these, because that's all he made!  You'll get a shot at new toy ownership this Friday, February 2nd at noon pacific time.  Eighty bucks will get it done and they're only going to be available from http://nathanhamill.storenvy.com.  In the meantime I hope Nathan avoids all prosecution for witchcraft in his attempt to sway the natural order of things.  Don't act like you'd be surprised if we all of a sudden started burning witches again in this country, because things have taken a rather crazy turn for the worst this past year.



Thursday, January 25, 2018

New Resin Skulls and Resin Dice from Paper + Plastick


    Unlike the great conquerors throughout history, it has no become nearly impossible to decorate your living room with the skulls of your enemies.  Things like "laws" and "common decency" have gotten in the way of being adequately able to express yourself as you vanquish those who oppose you.  But being the stubborn (or innovative, you decide) people we are, we have found our way around such nonsense so that we can properly watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills while still being surrounded by the ultimate trophy.  Those ladies are more ruthless than Genghis Khan ever was.

    Paper + Plastick has been creating these resin skulls featuring their logo as the face for some time now, but any time is a good time to start collecting these.  You'll get a shot at your first, or maybe your one hundred and first, when they release a new batch tomorrow, Friday January 26th at 3pm eastern time.  You'll notice in the picture that there are quite an array to choose from.   You may also notice the big ol resin dice just hanging out down there at the bottom, which will also be available. A few more resin body parts and we could have ourselves quite the game of Monopoly.  Check em out at http://paperplastick.limitedrun.com/categories/featured-products.