Thursday, May 16, 2019

Mulan Clear Red Edition from Awesome Toy

 


    If you don't have boob rockets in your arsenal are you even trying to win at war?  Since the moment we are born we are all obsessed with em, so it's fitting that that obsession has turned on us quicker than a kitchen appliance in a Stephen King novel.  Boobs are the most powerful things on Earth and I have a recent example to prove it.  My wife and I recently took our nephew to an exhibit on the Marvel Universe and through the majority of the film props and original comic pages he declared his boredom.  Then we come upon Black Widow's costume, who is portrayed by the ample actress Scarlet Johansson.  He stopped dead in his tracks, eyes unblinking, mouth agape, and suddenly he became very interested in the world of comic books.  The boy was hypnotized and I swore I could hear the song Dreamweaver playing in his mind.






     Awesome Toy is harnessing the power of the ta tas with their sofubi figure, Mulan.  Cast in clear red soft vinyl, this babe of the battlefield will keep all you hold near and dear safe with the power of BOOOOOOOOOOOOOB ROCKETS!  Did I mention those earlier?  Each figure is $90 plus shipping and can be had by following these easy directions:



HOW TO BUY:
If you are interested please email the following info to:
sales.awesometoy@gmail.com
1. Email Title: MULAN Clear Red
2. Your Full Name
3. Your Shipping Address / Phone Number
4. Your Paypal Address
5. Your instagram or facebook account (optional)
Note that cancel or unpaid order will be banned from our future sales.



Wednesday, May 8, 2019

New Game of Thrones Action Figures from McFarlane Toys




    The final season of Game of Thrones is here and the online world has certainly expressed their mixed feelings about it.  I don't envy the people behind the show, as every detail will be picked apart and scrutinized like a rotten corpse being eaten by opinionated vultures.  McFarlane Toys is now offering you the chance to reenact or completely reimagine this final season however you see fit with their new line of six inch action figures.  Each one is insanely detailed as you would expect from one of their creations and come packed with enough articulation that Jon Snow will have no excuse for not petting Ghost in the last episode (supposedly it was a CGI issue, as no one interacts directly with Ghost since he has grown so big).  Daenerys Targaryen, The Night King, and Arya Stark are also available now at Wal Mart, Target, Amazon, and specialty retailers for $19.95 each.









    Of course you can't have an accurate recreation of Westeros without a dragon and that's why there's this ultra huge Icy Viscerion.  He sports a 16.5 inch wing span, comes with removable fire breath and a base which captures him mid flight.  You can pick him up from Amazon, Target, and Best Buy for $25.99.  



Friday, May 3, 2019

Used Honey Resin Dunny Preorder from Sket One



    Did you know that honey never spoils?  They've found it in the tombs of ancient Egyptians and you could totally still dip your chicken nuggets in and eat it.  In a way it would be kinda cool to eat something that's as old as a Pharoah and not die immediately from butt worms, but on the other hand the mere thought of it would cause me to make myself sick the moment it hits my stomach.  And why would someone be buried with a jar of honey anyway? Was he really bad in life and hoping to bribe Anubis when he weighs his heart against the feather?

Anubis:  "Dude your heart is way too heav...hey is that a jar of honey?  I haven't had honey in, like, forever!!!   They used to stock it in the underworld commissary, then there was the problem with the bears and ugh, it was just such a mess."

Dead Guy: **slides jar over to Anubis"

Anubis:  "Oh, snap! I guess my scales need to be recalibrated cause you are headed right to the good place, my man. Enjoy your afterlife and whatnot."

***Eddie Money's "Two Tickets to Paradise" blasts over the loudspeakers***

    Sket -One doesn't want you to have to start digging up dead bodies looking for something to put on your toast, so he is releasing this eight inch Used Honey Dunny for a special 24 hour preorder.  This resin figure saved a little bit of its goodness for you and will be available starting today (Friday May 3rd) at 9am pacific time.  Anyone who has ever seen one of Sket's pieces in person can tell you that this thing will be so flawless that you will probably stare at it until you get hungry and have to run out to the grocery store.  They're magic like that.  Satisfy your need to eat and your need to collect at https://sketone.storenvy.com.


Friday, April 26, 2019

The Return of Jason Limon's Abominable Snow Cone from Martian Toys

   



    The word "abominable" is as equally hard to spell as it is to pronounce correctly.   When I say it I make a distinctive "d" sound right in the middle as I'm pretty sure I've done my entire life.  And then I thought about how many times I could have possibly been in a situation where I needed to use that word to begin with.  Other than talking about a monstrous snow man there literally has only been this toy.  Thank God for spell check for not allowing me to butcher its construction as I type this.

    Hopefully my turmoil involved with this word has inspired all six of you to say it out loud as if you were conjuring the dark essence it's mispronunciation evokes. That is my gift to you on this Friday.  My other gift is to tell you about the return of Jason Limon's Abominable Snow Cone figure in the all new lime colorway.  Martian Toys worked with Jason on this frozen treat beast that was voted Toy of the Year at the Designer Toy Awards a few years back, and you can pick up this version when they go on sale today (Friday, April 26th) at noon eastern time from https://martiantoys.com.  Brain freeze sold separately.


Thursday, April 25, 2019

Vinyl Kitty Rex Release Party Featuring Mab Graves at 3DRetro





    The history of Kitty Rex is not one that you will find in any text book, what with their need to be "factual".  Reality is not something I like to get hung up on, so let me tell you all about them.  The Kitty Rex's reign followed that of the Dinosaurs, though no one knows exactly where they came from.  It's thought that the crater made by the evil death meteor appealed to them for use as a litter box, but the fossil records have not confirmed it.  Our modern cats evolved from them as a means of survival because their tiny feline reptilian arms were unable to open cans of food, nearly leading to their extinction.  Feel free to use any of these completely baseless facts at your next dinner party.

    I was kinda depressed when Mab Graves made her mini Dino Kitties and I missed out on them.  I needed them in my life more than I realized and when it didn't happen a great cloud of despair fell upon me.  But fear not, for my melancholy lifted the moment I saw this.  3DRetro has put the fabled Kitty Rex into full vinyl production mode and you can get yours first when they host a release party this Saturday.  Mab Graves will be there to sign your figures and be all David Attenborough with any questions you may have regarding the species.  This version is limited to 200 pieces, will retail for $80, and can first be had during the release party in Southern California.  Any leftovers will then make their way online for those unable to attend.  I haven't done this in a while, but I feel secure in awarding this figure the highest compliment I can offer:



Wednesday, April 24, 2019

BurgerCat: InfinityCat Edition from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol




   I didn't happen to catch the last Avengers film, but I got the gist of it:  Grimace's gym going cousin has a magic blinged out mitten that makes people go all pixelated and cease to exist.  It also doubles as a universal remote, stores your credit card info for faster payment processing, and can open any jar of pickles without needing anyone to loosen it first.  So my guess is the sequel that's coming out this weekend will involve the big purple guy getting his glove confiscated and his behind whooped for all of his shenanigans.  Don't even bother reading the reviews because no one will tell the story better and with more passion than I just did.

   Nathan Hamill is piggybacking on all the hype for the new Avengers with the InfinityCat edition of his popular BurgerCat figure.  Now my question is if you are really hungry and you eat a powerful burger like this, will the power remain with you forever or will it only last until the digestion cycle is complete, thus transferring your super strengths to a much less appealing medium?  Marvel is not brave enough to make that film.

   Each BurgerCat is made in luxurious Japanese vinyl by Science Patrol and will be available starting this Friday, April 26th at 12am est (1pm Japan Standard Time) exclusively from https://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com.


  

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

The Rebel Saint from Rebels and Thinkers x Flab Slab




   It's only been a few days since I heard of the movie Faeryville, and while the premise of bullied kids rising up to attack their oppressors sounds like a good time to me, I can't believe it's from Singapore.  Being from America I know Singapore for two reasons:  the futuristic architecture and when they caned the hell out of that tourist kid for vandalism in the 90's.  People were really split (kind of like the skin on his backside) about whether the punishment was too harsh but I was all for it.  You don't go to someone else's country and try to play art school Christopher Columbus; if you want to express yourself artistically you deface stuff where you live.  There's plenty of Applebee's that are in desperate need of some forced redecoration.

   The patron saint of the above mentioned film has a gun in one hand and a book in the other, which is how I usually spend my lunch breaks at work.  The book was not enough to let people know I didn't want to be bothered, so if they get shot they get shot, I don't know what else to do.  This resin reproduction was created by Rebels and Thinkers and Flab Slab and is the perfect icon for the downtrodden, a symbol of freedom for those who feel trapped by the actions of others.  Standing 6.75 inches tall and retailing for $90 each, if I were the Statue of Liberty I would try really hard at my job, cause a suitable replacement has been found.



Friday, April 19, 2019

Radical Greasebat from Jeff Lamm x Glyptigo





    While Greasebat is hanging ten you can catch me hanging out on the boardwalk.  Having lived by the ocean most of my life I am surprisingly not much of a beach person.  I wanted to try surfing when I was younger, that is until I got stung by a jellyfish all up and down my legs and my need for being in the sea abruptly ended.  I was maybe 9 at the time, minding my own business in waste deep water, when the rage of Poseidon latched onto my skin.  Clear gelatinous tentacles delivered sting after burning sting of liquid fire all while that smug snot ball they dangled from laughed maniacally.  The real horror struck me when I got back onto the beach and had to tell my mom what had happened.  Red lightning shaped welts turned my skin into a topographical map and I, as well as any other kid who revels in arcane knowledge knows, there's only one way to make the pain go away:

You pee on it.

    And whenever such a thing happens on tv they never pee in a cup first and then throw it on the affected area.  Nope, the dose has to be administered directly from the source, which is horrifying on levels I refuse to explore.  Of course now I know that having someone tinkle on your wounds is kind of dumb, but I was scared to death some Good Samaritan was gonna rush over, drop their Speedo, and practice the most shameful of first aid.  I grabbed my stuff and ran back to our car before there could even be a discussion about what might happen next, not willing to be traumatized any further than that simple organism at high tide had already managed.

    Jeff Lamm has taken his world famous character and dropped him right in the midst of California Kulture with this latest release with Glyptigo, who also happens to be his wife.  Gotta keep those Greasebats in the family!  If you want one for your brood, they will debut today (Friday, April 19th) at 3pm eastern time at https://glyptigo.com.


Thursday, April 18, 2019

Tayu Crystal Blood Edition Resin Figure from Tokyo Jesus x Clutter Studios





 
   Has anyone ever made a toy with real blood in it?  Spoiler alert: there's not real blood in this one, but it did get me thinking about whether it's happened or not.  When Kiss released a comic book many moons ago each member supposedly poured a vial of their own life juice into the ink before printing.  But has anyone ever drip dropped some vampire energy drink into a resin figure?  I've never heard about it if so, and I doubt it would be a huge selling point.  Though there are stores that specialize in selling human body parts, so I'm sure some freaky toy collectors would be into it.  Maybe I'll go and get some blood drawn before my next Nordic Cats are made.

    No one tapped a vein for Tokyo Jesus's latest resin figure, but the effect is pretty spectacular regardless.   Standing at a foot tall, the mesmerizing Tayu was produced by Clutter Studios in an edition run of 50.  The clear resin with the suspended flow of color ensures that each piece is unique and will be a stand out in your collection.  They are available now for $333 by visiting www.cluttermagazine.com.  



Wednesday, April 17, 2019

The Debut of the Nether Realm Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut x Toy Art Gallery



     I've been to a lot of places, but I've never managed to find myself in the Nether Realm.  Last spring I found myself in Lurray, Virginia, home of the world famous Lurray Caverns and the almost as famous Cooter's Dukes of Hazard Museum. Yeah, I went to both.  I also ate at a McDonald's there that had televisions in the dining area, one of which was playing a Civil War documentary while the other featured a fire and brimstone televangelist that wouldn't let me eat my chicken nuggets in peace.  I'm originally from the South, so things like this are not nearly as frightening to me as they are my wife, but I have lived in New Jersey long enough for the scent of distrust to permeate my skin and instantly give me away as an outsider.  It's probably the closest I've ever come to being in a Jordan Peele film.  

    If I ever make it to the Nether Realm I'll be sure and find somewhere I can purchase a magnet for the ever growing collection I have on my fridge.  It seems like the American thing to do.  I also hope that the residents of a place with such a name are in fact the exact size of this group of Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut and Toy Art Galley, because they don't look too friendly.  Maxing out at 2 and a half inches tall, their brand of sorcery can't be but so potent, and their weaponry would be ike being attacked by a chipmunk wielding a razor.  I feel like that's the kind of fight I was built to win.

    This set of six vinyl figures are packed with menacing detail and feature a paint job that Freddy Krueger would be get nightmares from.  You get the whole set of 6 for only $70 + shipping when they go on sale later today (Wednesday, April 17th ) at 3pm pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  


Friday, April 12, 2019

Jasper: Series Zero Blind Box Release from Gary Ham x Martian Toys




   I have a distinct love/hate relationship with blind box toys.  On the one hand, I'm all about them when I first start collecting a new series and every box has a high potential for a new figure.  I start to really hate them when I only need a few toys to complete a set and get 15 of the same design that end up accumulating in my basement to be found later by the unlucky sucker that has to settle my estate.  I could fill a graveyard with doubles of blind box toys and with the lack of success I have at horticulture, I may consider using the barren soil of my garden for them rather than uncooperative plants.  The tiny tombstones will be so adorable.

    Martian Toys is turning the idea of the blind box on its head with Jasper.  You can buy them in mystery fashion, pray to whatever God you think controls good luck in picking toys, and be completely unaware of the inner contents of the package. OR you could skip whatever the fates have in store for you and buy a complete set.  Quit the games and get right down to business by getting them all in one shot!  This is the kind of forward thinking desperately needed for all of us who are obsessed with the idea of owning every figure and are also trying to maintain a level of civility while doing so.

    I'm so enamored by the idea of how they'll be available that I've completely glossed over the toys themselves.  Jasper was created by Gary Ham and this first collection features his design alongside those of Doktor A, Jellykoe, Muxxi, Dex Dexign Lab, Mizna Wada, and Yema Yema.  Plus, as if you needed an extra incentive to get em all, complete sets also come with a bonus 8th figure from Gary Ham!

    These three inch figures will be available starting today, Friday April 12, at noon eastern time from https://martiantoys.com.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Budfoot Unlimited Edition from Wonder Goblin




     You know what sucks?  Lots of things do, I suppose, but let's not turn this into the airing of the grievances.  I'm trying to be more positive about things and so far I've done really well since I made the decision a day ago.  You gotta purge yourself of negativity not unlike you have to purge yourself of hot dogs that have managed to linger past the use by date in your refrigerator.  You may be tempted, but it's easier to throw them in the trash then it is to pray for a quick death at a rest stop on the Garden State Parkway.  That was probably just specific enough for you to wonder whether I've experienced such an issue and only me and God's stenographer know for sure.

    One thing that sucks for sure is wanting a toy real bad and having it sell out before you could snag one.  It sucks pretty hard.  Wonder Goblin is doing his part to make sure you never have to worry about not adding a Budfoot to your collection, as this particular shade of green will be available forever.  Gotta wait till you get paid?  No worries. Doing a stint in county because of a terribly planned crime spree?  Your girlfriend may not wait for you, but Budfoot will be there on the day of your release.

     Each figure is $85 plus shipping and are available now, later, and forever at https://www.wondergoblin.com.


Friday, April 5, 2019

Sunlight and Moonlight Edition Choices from Jermaine Rogers



    My favorite holiday this month is Wrestlemania, but Easter is cool too.  I like candy sometimes, I like finding things that people have hidden, though it's much more fun when they had no intention of me actually discovering it.  And I like bunnies, which are not a good idea to give your grubby little kids as pets.  Children have the attention spans of rocks and bunnies are living creatures that need lots of love and attention that spans beyond the point of novelty gift.  Just don't do it.  Buy them chocolate ones, or plush ones, our taxidermied ones, but never live ones.

    I take it back, you should always buy your kids rabbits who know how to wield knives and have murderous intentions.  The thing I love about the Choices figures from Jermaine Rogers is...everything.  They're adorable, they're stabby, and they're tired of your crap.  Not necessarily you the reader, but you as in society, kinda like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.  They also look like they might have just witnessed something really bad happen and have picked up the knife and are now contemplating calling the police as soon as the initial shock wears off.  Maybe.

    There are two different versions of this vinyl figure: Sunlight, with its pretty pink eyes, and Moonlight, which looks like the Blue Bunny ice cream mascot getting ready to lose his damn mind.  Both versions are available today, Friday April 5th, at 3pm eastern time exclusively from www.jermainerogers.com.

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Red Handed Mandrake Root from Doktor A x Toy Art Gallery




     The character from Nick Cave's murderously creepy song Red Right Hand had exactly what the title describes: a single, sinister colored appendage that I'm fairly certain was up to no good.   I mean, why else would it be red?  Blood I'm guessing, or a really bad, awkwardly specific sunburn.  So imagine the list of naughty doings this guy has working, as he had TWO red hands...and red feet...and red thingys coming out of his face.   Lots of red on this fella.

    Doktor A and Toy Art Gallery are releasing this latest edition of their Mandrake Root figure today Wednesday, April 3rd to make your hump day a little more interesting.  This dude is based on an actual Mandrake, which when pulled out of the ground resembles some freaky little dirt person that is used in magical spells and whatnot.  Imagine now, the first person that ever found one and how it freaked out his ancient superstitious mind.  Then imagine the person that thought it looked delicious and died horribly as a result.  There is literally no further point to either thing you are imagining, you've just got a really weird train of thought.  Sicko.

    This guy comes complete with a matching little buddy to handle any over flow evil deeds.  Get em at noon pacific time only at www.toyartgallery.com.


    

Friday, March 29, 2019

Mecha Brain Crawler Lottery from Mechavirus x Plaseebo




     At my day job we make a lot of money during the summer from people losing their glasses in the ocean.  The waves rise up and snatch them unexpectedly from the faces of the visually impaired, forcing them to seek me out for emergency replacements.  By my calculations in another few decades there will be a sea wall made of Ray Bans that will protect the coast of New Jersey from the effects of erosion.  That or there's a lot of sea creatures who have no idea how expensive all that trash is that they're playing with.

    Speaking of, I hear a lot people also lose their cell phones in the water, which to me has far more dire consequences.  Could you imagine you're just chilling, minding your own fish business, then all of a sudden you have access to the internet?  Being not so smart you scroll aimlessly until you learn that all your buddies who get caught by fisherman aren't actually going on vacation but are instead being cooked and eaten by lung breathers.  With your new found knowledge you rally all of the other sea creatures, who then refine their Googling abilities, learn to make weaponry by watching History Channel reruns, and the next thing you know the fish are deep frying us.

    Plaseebo and Mechavirus have teamed up to give us a glimpse of what our future overlords could look like.  This thing is so A-M-A-Z-I-N-G I had to spell it out like I didn't want the dog to know what I was saying.  It's a completely one of a kind piece so if you want to own the mechanized, light up cephalopod here's how you can enter the lottery for purchase:

Send the following information to bob@plaseebo.net :

1. name

2. shipping address

3. country

4. telephone number

5. PayPal email address

6. Instagram ID

     This figure will be $350 plus shipping.  The lottery closes on Sunday, March 31.


Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Porcelain Royal Tea from Lunartik


    I'm not much of a tea dude when it comes to choosing a beverage.  I have orange juice in the morning, usually a soda with lunch, a ton of water during the day, and another soda with dinner.  The water is to keep any kidney stones I manufacture moving along the pipeline before they get too big and are like a husky bro on a dry water slide.  I like the taste of soda, which explains the pudgier aspects of my 200 lb physique.  I'm only slightly addicted to the caffeine, which always reminds me if I haven't had any that day by dropping an invisible guillotine through the right side of my skull.  My relationship with Dr. Pepper is quite abusive.

    I've missed seeing these little guys from Lunartik because they remind me of the robots from the movie Batteries Not Included.  You want to feel all warm and fuzzy inside without having to catch a stomach virus?  Go watch that film.  Lunartik is doing something a little different this time in that instead of the tried and true plastic medium he usually works with, these 8 inch teas are made of porcelain, a material so fancy that even the name sounds regal.  

    This piece is limited to only 50 world wide but here's the catch: he's doing a preorder for them to gather enough interest before sending them to production.  You want one for yourself?  Just email matt@lunartik.com .  He's already filled half the slots, so get to emailing if you want one.  

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Basuritas Vinyl Toys from Mishka x Kalaka Toys x 3DRetro




   My Saturday was jam packed:  first I went to work, then I came home to eat dinner, then I went back to work but at a different place than the first time cause I'm trying to make that Wrestlemania money.  The struggle is real, but even if I wasn't working my hands to the bones I still live 3,000 miles away from 3DRetro and the killer Basuritas release party they threw.  So while many of us were unable to attend don't get too depressed, because the very figures the shindig was celebrating are now available online.   These vinyl toys were created by Kalaka Toys and Mishka and are heavily inspired by Garbage Pail Kids (Basuritas were the Argentinian version of those wonderfully gross trading cards).

     Each four pack is blind bagged and will come in either red, green, black, or glow in the dark.   So even if you find yourself at work, go take one of those on the clock bathroom breaks and order a set or two on your phone.  Pooping on company time is the best way to get back at your employer for all the psychological damage they have caused you without the expense and hassle of having to hire a lawyer.  

     These are available now at www.3dretro.com.





Friday, March 22, 2019

Glow in the Dark Mythos in My Pocket Mini Figures from HH Toys





    Name an author more inspirational than H.P Lovecraft.  Go on, I'll wait.  If anyone said Nicholas Sparks I will be driving to your house to smack you about the head and face.  Lovecraft has inspired countless books, songs, nightmares, etc with his tales of horror and the only thing that sucks about it is that he didn't live long enough to see it.  Dude was too genius for his time, but his legacy lives on in everyone who has ever been driven to create based on his work.   Oh, look at what we have here, just the very thing I was talking about.  Weird.

    Mythos in My pocket are tiny portable versions of some of H.P.'s most famous characters (and even one of the author himself).  Created by HH Toys, these ultra spooky glow in the dark versions will be available on Tuesday, March 26th, at 4pm eastern time exclusively from www.mythosinmypocket.com.


Wednesday, March 13, 2019

"Dynamos and Whirligigs" Solo Show from Horrible Adorables at PIQ Hudson Yards




    There are many ways you can open a brand new store.  You could have a local radio station stand out front blaring pop music and giving away concert tickets to performers I would have to Google search to identify. You could give away a year's worth of chicken sandwiches, or dress someone up like Pikachu and give them a sign to spin while dancing dangerously close to traffic.  Any of those things are sure to get you a fair amount of attention, but if you're opening up a designer toy and collectibles store you gotta try a bit harder than a new place to buy mattresses would.

     PIQ is set to open their new location at Hudson Yards in New York City and they are going big with husband and wife art duo Horrible Adorables.  They are hosting a show entitled "Dynamos and Whirligigs", featuring all new whimsical creations.  This is also the first time, I believe, that they will debut their brand new 3D sculpted and printed figure that you can see going for a balloon ride in the photo above.  Unlike myself, they are obviously not terrified of heights and thus able to enjoy their felt dirigible without working themselves into a bowel twisting panic.  I feel I've said too much.

    The show opens 5-7pm this Friday, March 15th on the 4th floor of the Shops at Hudson Yards ( 33rd & 10th, NYC).





Wednesday, March 6, 2019

"Rotten Lime" Sofubi Collection from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys



    My heart is racing as I type this, and it's not just because my blood pressure and cholesterol have been a little out of whack.  It's my love for beautifully marbled sofubi.  And as much as I adore the plastic, I love equally the work of Splurrt, especially when it comes to that little dude Usir you see above.  Lulubell Toys will be making available quite a few pieces from Splurrt in this Rotten Lime colorway this Saturday and I have my eye on that little goat.  He even comes with an alternate head, which you can never really have to many of especially when your sinuses lose all sense of control.  That set will run you $65, and if you scroll down further I'll price out each one of these pieces for you so you can prepare your wallet for the damage you're about to inflict on it this Saturday, March 9th, at 9 am pacific time.  All of these are exclusive to www.lulubelltoys.com.  




Cadaver Kid: $65


Met Death Golem: $165


Cinema Monster: $140

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Tenacious Toys Exclusive Siamese Kittypillar from Casey Weldon x 3A




    Our cat Jorah has been on this kick where any time we come home with groceries he makes a bee line out the front door and onto our porch.  Once he gets there he crouches down real low and I swear I can hear him say "oh damn, oh damn" as he realizes how bad he just messed up.  His epiphany is usually the result of me yelling at him and even though he knows he is in trouble he still tries to check out all he can before I scoop him up.  To try and stop him we have begun to build a shield out of our grocery bags and enter the house like we're storming a misbehaving inmate in cell block D.  We push him back into the house to subdue his intentions and thus far have not needed to use tear gas to keep him from escaping, though I can assure you it's on the table if need be.

   You never have to worry about Casey Weldon's Kittypillar trying to escape, because he's made of plastic.  If he did run outside when you opened your front door you have much bigger problems because your house is haunted.  This Siamese version is an exclusive to Tenacious Toys and is available for preorder right now by visiting www.tenacioustoys.com. They're limited to only 100 pieces worldwide, cost $90 each, and are produced by the toy wizards at 3A.


Thursday, February 28, 2019

No Masters Sofubi Minions from Skinner x Lulubell Toys




    I like that these Minions from Skinner and Lulubell Toys are exactly what minions should look like.  Evil little creatures who do the bidding of bigger evil creatures who can't be bothered with the minutia of their misdeeds. They should not look like giant goggle wearing Tic-Tacs who speak nonsense and frequently adorn the t-shirts of people arrested inside of Wal Mart.  They really give people who want to become minions an unrealistic expectation of what their future will look like, and I won't stand for the children of this world being misled about their career choices.

    One look at this colorful crew and you know they are up to no good. They've got their hands up, ready to bring bad guy stuff down hard on anyone who gets in their way.  Do I have a favorite of the two? Yes, but that's just to inspire them to work really hard to take that top spot that they don't know they already aren't in.  You don't learn management skills like that from reading a book; it only comes from getting other people to do the stuff at work you don't have time for.  Which is pretty much anything that doesn't involve me checking my Instagram activity.

     This dynamic duo will be available starting today (Thursday, February 28th) at 10am Pacific time only from www.lulubelltoys.com.  Each set is $80 plus shipping.

   

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Stella and Flux: Infrared Sofubi from Tara McPherson x Circus Posterus x Tomenosuke



    The toy you see above took a whopping four years to produce.  Four years!!!!  People think toy making is as easy as when they solve crimes on CSI by throwing all the evidence into a super computer, press a few buttons, and are magically taken to the suspect's Facebook page.  Like wine, whiskey, and corpses (wait, what?) it takes time for the stank of genius to marinate and the results, as you can see, are spectacular.

     This figure looks like it jumped straight out of a Tara McPherson painting and that's because of the hard work of Circus Posterus and Tomenosuke.  Every detail is spot on and if you could come any closer to matching her signature color palette your name would be Gandalf and you'd be a dang gone wizard.  To top it all off this is made in the most luxurious plastic known to man: pure Japanese sofubi.  I get the tingles just thinking about it.

     The photo above kinda gives away how you can get one, but I'll reiterate for those of you I've lost along the way with my nonsense.  This nearly nine inch tall beauty will be available beginning tomorrow (Thursday, February 28th) at noon pacific time from www.circusposterus.com.  Now that is only if you live in the United States or Canada.  If you happen to find out that you live anywhere else in the world, you'll have to purchase your figure from www.tomenosuke.com.  Check your passport if you have any doubts.  

    PS:  I mean, this figure is really amazing, isn't it?  You don't get to use the word "gorgeous" when describing toys very often, but it would be entirely appropriate here.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Stabby Vinyl Figure from Craola x 3DRetro



    Anyone that is #blessed enough to work with the public more than likely feels a little stabby on a daily basis.  Feeling stabby means that you get the notion, should you be able to get away with it free and clear, that you would like to cut someone with a bladed instrument.  Through countless hours of research that have all been detrimental to my stability, I have determined that 1 in every 3 people is both crazy and unreasonable.  No matter what you do for them, no matter the rules you break or the lengths you go, your encounter with them will chip away at your very being.   I'd love to give you a specific example but I've been advised by my health care professional to try and let go of past trauma.

    This little dude looks like he would try and convince you to stab people regardless of the consequences.  He'd maintain that devilish grin while espousing the benefits of attempted murder.  He is the creation of on Greg "Craola" Simkins and 3DRetro has brought him to life in vinyl toy form.  Available starting today, February 20th, at noon pacific time, this limited edition weapon of minor destruction can be yours for only $50.  Get Stabby by visiting www.3dretro.com.  


Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Unruly Variant Edition Mictlan from Unruly Industries x Jesse Hernandez




    Most of us will never get the chance for a second appearance after we are ushered into the after life by the God of Death.  This world will be but a distant memory as we cross over to what lies beyond.  Rising from the grave hasn't been made to look like an attractive proposal by Hollywood, but not all of those who come back are doomed to stumble around like its the parking lot after a Judas Priest concert.  Jesse Hernandez's Mictlan figure has lived one life before, but now with the help of Unruly Industries this Aztec reaper has reentered our world.

    This vinyl figure is decked out in a blacklight reactive color scheme that is poised to trip you out while you're sampling grandma's glaucoma medication.  Standing at six inches tall this vinyl figure is limited to 750 pieces and available now by checking out this link.



Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Love Slugs from Taylored Curiosities





      My wife is not a fan of slugs, but in her defense she's never seen them presented in such adorable fashion.  So I told her I had a picture on my phone of Love Slugs and she immediately started with her "get that away from me Chris or I will castrate you in your sleep" routine.  She still hasn't forgiven me for showing her a leech I found once, because she classifies those as slugs with tick like capabilities.  I was merely trying to share my discovery with her and it has instead turned into something to be used against me for what has amounted to years.  I now have to preface any discoveries I make, no matter whether in nature or even in the grocery store, with a declaration that it involves nothing that could be construed as a slug or slug like in any fashion.  I don't see it as a hindrance as much as a test to my creative ability to surprise her with gross things.

    Taylored Curiosities is changing the bad PR that slugs all over the world have with her new figures.  Just in time for Valentine's Day, these resin cuties fit together in a loving embrace that will make you go "awwwwww".   Limited to only 10 sets, help usher in the slug as the official bug of love by visiting http://tayloredcuriosities.com.




Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Aleister Growley Sofubi Debut from Dski One x Lulubell Toys



    Work sucks and everyone knows that, which is why every work place should have at least one dog present at all times to make it a little more bearable.  I have had it with my place of employment's utter lack of puppies, so my excitement for when someone has a dog with them always outweighs my need to enforce the no pets policy where I work.  If you're allergic that's just Darwinism at play and I refuse to allow it to ruin my good time.  Go and be allergic to something legitimate like cobra venom or Republicans.  I think dogs should be allowed everywhere that isn't conducting surgery and that's only if it's not an out patient facility.  I can just barely see the downside of having a corgi on your lap as your abdominal cavity is open. 

    Now if you show up with this dude as your chosen companion I might not be in such a rush to pet his little head.  Do you know how hard it would be for me to type these posts without fingers?  There's magic in those tips.  So thank goodness this little guy is only a toy and not some real hell hound that someone is going to try and claim as an emotional support animal and sit next to me on a plane with.  Dski One made a very limited amount of these in resin last year but has now made the jump to luxurious Japanese vinyl.  You can currently preorder one of these 4 and a 1/2 inch figures for only $25 plus shipping.  $25????  That's a no brainer.  Get yours at www.lulubelltoys.com


Tuesday, February 5, 2019

"Show No Mercy" Reaction Figure from Slayer x Super7



     Super7 is killiiiiiiiiiiiing me with their Reaction figure line.  The designer toy world has largely ignored music licensing for some reason, but thankfully someone has picked up the slack and gotten really creative with it.  I've seen Slayer more than I've seen anyone other than Marilyn Manson so you better believe I lost my mind when I saw this figure pop up on Instagram today.  It features the minotaur character from their debut album in classic action figure scale and the cover artwork as the card backing.  This is obviously a case of buy one figure to open and buy one to keep in the package as you'll need one to set up crazy photoshoots with the rest of your collection.  GI Joe has no idea what's coming for them.

    These will be up for sale beginning next Wednesday, February 13th, at www.super7.com and their retail locations in San Francisco and San Diego.  The kid I went to middle school with who refused to talk to anyone but literally had every Slayer shirt ever printed is probably really excited right now.

   

Friday, February 1, 2019

Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys




     I'm always amazed by things that have been completely taboo and then normalized within my lifetime.  Maybe normal is not the right word to use in this instance, but you certainly wouldn't be driven out of town with pitchforks and torches.  The thing I am speaking of is the time Michael Jackson was rumored to have attempted to buy the skeletal remains of The Elephant Man.  Now there are actual stores you can go to to buy skulls or bones or whatever other bits you want to own, but back then that was super creepy.  I remember hearing about it as a kid and wondering what exactly he planned to do with it.  In my mind he would mount it above his bed like a taxidermied fish.  I'm not sure why the reclined skeleton of Joseph Merrick on the wall of his bedroom is what I automatically came up with instead of a nice museum quality display case, because that seems really weird thinking about it now.

     Where you choose to put your Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys is up to you and I promise I won't find it to be weird.  This sofubi figure combines one of medicine's most famous anomalies with the fictional creature of Mary Shelly's classic novel to create something at home in any nightmare.  Standing at 12 inches tall and featuring 7 points of articulation, each figure will retail for $150 as part of a preorder that is limited to 25 pieces.  Everyone who purchases one will also receive a lottery ticket that gives them a chance to win a special 1 off custom figure.  The preorder starts at 3pm est today, Friday February 1st at https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com.


Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Vinyl Rage: The Bacteriophage from DoomCo Designs




    Instagram has become my favorite social media platform because it offers a unique look into the lives of the people that participate.  It's also a great place to see the most disgusting things you couldn't even imagine if you had all of the Faces of Death tapes and help from Andrew Dice Clay.  I got trapped in the whole pimple popping phenomenon, which then led me to watching videos of trauma surgery, and has since become a downward spiral of plaque debridement from neglected teeth and bot fly removal from Peace Corps volunteers.  Back when I was a kid you were left to your own imagination for gross stuff or your father's copy of Chest Trauma Volume 2 that he swore you couldn't reach at the top of the book case.  My once slim physique and the craftsmanship of vintage furniture were a lethal combination when it came to acquiring arcane knowledge.

    DoomCo Designs entered the vinyl toy world in a huge way with the very popular Tarbus the Tardigrade figure.  I have one myself and it's one of the best things I picked up last year.  They're staying microscopic with their latest toy The Bacteriophage and these guys will look much better on your toy shelf than reproducing at will inside your body.  You can infect your collection when these debut this Saturday, February 2nd only at www.doomcodesigns.com.  Produced by Squibbles Ink.





    

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Catzilla Overbite and Underbite Lottery from Plaseebo




    Being that 3/5's of my cats sleep in bed with me I am quite thankful that they don't look like this.  It's not a knock against Plaseebo (because I actually quit like these) as much as it is my need to not wake up with a cat face like this staring me down.  I don't mind a stray tooth or two, but there's just something about having a cat that looks like it prowls around Satan's back yard greet me in the morning that is just beyond my comfort zone.

    While you may not want to find one of these in bed with you, they would look nice amongst your other toys.  The only way you can obtain one of these figures is to enter a lottery that closes tomorrow, January 20th.  Hurry up and follow these directions so you can be a part of it:

To enter lottery, please send the following to:  bob(at)plaseebo.net
 
1. Name

2. Shipping Address 

3. Country

4. Telephone Number

5. PayPal Email Address

6. Instagram

Lottery winners will receive notification emails by January 21st. Figures will ship upon receipt of payment due by January 23rd. 

Each one is $350 plus shipping.  


Wednesday, January 16, 2019

It's Review Time, Suckers!!!! Featuring The Tenacious Toys Exclusive Humpek from Whatshisname x Mighty Jaxx




       Should you ever need a sign that your child's birthday party has taken a turn for the worse; you know beyond the typical crying, vomiting, or inebriated parents loudly discussing the terms of their separation, I present to you Humpek.  Like the name infers, these are two balloon dogs caught in the middle of life's most loving embrace.  I swear, you can't turn your back on one of those birthday clowns without them going off the rails and teaching biology in between the cake and presents.  Stick to the itinerary, you freak!



From this angle it could be seen as an innocent piggy back ride.



    This vinyl toy is the creation of an artist know as Whatshisname, which may be a clever moniker intended to deceive Jeff Koons as to where to send the cease and desist letters.  Can you believe that man actually tried to claim a copyright ownership of balloon animals?  Oh, maybe he'll send me a cease and desist letter for mentioning his name on here.  I've never gotten one of those before, though I'm sure that fact speaks more to my limited audience than to my penchant for typing out what my mind thinks.  If I got one I would hang it on my fridge and I would be insufferable at diner parties, unable to speak about anything else than how the guy who is famous for making hotel lobby art sent me a letter telling me to behave myself before legal action be taken.  Bring it, fancy boy.


The bottom doggy is obviously just helping the other one reach something on a high shelf.


   Ok, I got a little off track there living out my legal fantasies with an artist who irritates me.  Moving on.  This toy was produced by Mighty Jaxx as an homage to how little baby ballon animals are made.  You never see baby balloon animals at all, do you?  That's because the mommy and daddy keep them well hidden from predators like hawks, coyotes, safety pins, over sharpened pencils, etc.  There really are a lot of dangers out in the world for those little guys.  It could also be that tiny balloon animal babies would be extra hard to make with those chubby sausage fingers that birthday clowns all seem to possess.  Those giant digits are great for choking out your cell mate on your felony drug possession stretch, but are a hinderance once you start working the party circuit.



Only Westminster is more thorough in their canine reviews. 


   It's been a minute since I've last reviewed a toy, so I keep getting distracted by the very nature of this creature.  The folks at Mighty Jaxx did a bang up (pun intended) job in making these two love pups a reality.  The piece itself is flawless in terms of construction, which had to be a nightmare considering all of the individual bits that were needed to put one together.  Making something this complex look as though it isn't is no easy task, but they pulled it off.


Still Life


   In creating art the devil is certainly in the details, so imagine how surprised I was when I opened the box (which by the way is the most secure shipment of anything I've ever received) and out popped a jimmy hat.  And it's even got a joke on it.  The only joke I ever heard about condoms was when my step father gave me some in high school.  That was the joke, because I had absolutely no use for them.


   That fancy blue that you've seen in all of these pictures is the exclusive colorway of Tenacious Toys, so that means if you want to own this very one that is the only place you can get it.  I love the color because it stands out against everything else in my house, which my wife and I have attempted to make look like the Parisian apartment of a very rich, yet also kinda crazy, art collector.  Being that I've never been to Paris, let alone in anyone's apartment who was a lunatic patron of the arts, I have no idea how close we've come to nailing the aesthetic.  I also have no way of knowing that we didn't, so I'm calling it a success.


Wednesday refuses to be a pawn in the modern art game.  

   On a side note, this is the second time I've reviewed a toy that was captured in this very act.  I'm not sure what that means in the greater scheme of things, but it felt worth noting.  Also, this may be the review that finally ruins any chance I had at ever running for public office.  Can you see the attack commercials of my opponent?  That would be hilarious and I'd like to declare my candidacy for Senate.

   This is by far the strangest thing I now own, and I am the proud caretaker of a mummified fetal pig and an antique tubular specula, which is fancy speak for an inner butt flashlight (cash only, no insurance plans accepted).  Having one of these on your shelf is sure to jump start conversations that are guaranteed to be more interesting than you could even imagine.   It's fun, it's irreverent, it makes me laugh, and it sent my imagination in all different directions as you can see from the paragraphs above.  If you want to add a good time to your collection, visit www.tenacioustoys.com today and pick up one of these.