Wednesday, January 16, 2019

It's Review Time, Suckers!!!! Featuring The Tenacious Toys Exclusive Humpek from Whatshisname x Mighty Jaxx




       Should you ever need a sign that your child's birthday party has taken a turn for the worse; you know beyond the typical crying, vomiting, or inebriated parents loudly discussing the terms of their separation, I present to you Humpek.  Like the name infers, these are two balloon dogs caught in the middle of life's most loving embrace.  I swear, you can't turn your back on one of those birthday clowns without them going off the rails and teaching biology in between the cake and presents.  Stick to the itinerary, you freak!



From this angle it could be seen as an innocent piggy back ride.



    This vinyl toy is the creation of an artist know as Whatshisname, which may be a clever moniker intended to deceive Jeff Koons as to where to send the cease and desist letters.  Can you believe that man actually tried to claim a copyright ownership of balloon animals?  Oh, maybe he'll send me a cease and desist letter for mentioning his name on here.  I've never gotten one of those before, though I'm sure that fact speaks more to my limited audience than to my penchant for typing out what my mind thinks.  If I got one I would hang it on my fridge and I would be insufferable at diner parties, unable to speak about anything else than how the guy who is famous for making hotel lobby art sent me a letter telling me to behave myself before legal action be taken.  Bring it, fancy boy.


The bottom doggy is obviously just helping the other one reach something on a high shelf.


   Ok, I got a little off track there living out my legal fantasies with an artist who irritates me.  Moving on.  This toy was produced by Mighty Jaxx as an homage to how little baby ballon animals are made.  You never see baby balloon animals at all, do you?  That's because the mommy and daddy keep them well hidden from predators like hawks, coyotes, safety pins, over sharpened pencils, etc.  There really are a lot of dangers out in the world for those little guys.  It could also be that tiny balloon animal babies would be extra hard to make with those chubby sausage fingers that birthday clowns all seem to possess.  Those giant digits are great for choking out your cell mate on your felony drug possession stretch, but are a hinderance once you start working the party circuit.



Only Westminster is more thorough in their canine reviews. 


   It's been a minute since I've last reviewed a toy, so I keep getting distracted by the very nature of this creature.  The folks at Mighty Jaxx did a bang up (pun intended) job in making these two love pups a reality.  The piece itself is flawless in terms of construction, which had to be a nightmare considering all of the individual bits that were needed to put one together.  Making something this complex look as though it isn't is no easy task, but they pulled it off.


Still Life


   In creating art the devil is certainly in the details, so imagine how surprised I was when I opened the box (which by the way is the most secure shipment of anything I've ever received) and out popped a jimmy hat.  And it's even got a joke on it.  The only joke I ever heard about condoms was when my step father gave me some in high school.  That was the joke, because I had absolutely no use for them.


   That fancy blue that you've seen in all of these pictures is the exclusive colorway of Tenacious Toys, so that means if you want to own this very one that is the only place you can get it.  I love the color because it stands out against everything else in my house, which my wife and I have attempted to make look like the Parisian apartment of a very rich, yet also kinda crazy, art collector.  Being that I've never been to Paris, let alone in anyone's apartment who was a lunatic patron of the arts, I have no idea how close we've come to nailing the aesthetic.  I also have no way of knowing that we didn't, so I'm calling it a success.


Wednesday refuses to be a pawn in the modern art game.  

   On a side note, this is the second time I've reviewed a toy that was captured in this very act.  I'm not sure what that means in the greater scheme of things, but it felt worth noting.  Also, this may be the review that finally ruins any chance I had at ever running for public office.  Can you see the attack commercials of my opponent?  That would be hilarious and I'd like to declare my candidacy for Senate.

   This is by far the strangest thing I now own, and I am the proud caretaker of a mummified fetal pig and an antique tubular specula, which is fancy speak for an inner butt flashlight (cash only, no insurance plans accepted).  Having one of these on your shelf is sure to jump start conversations that are guaranteed to be more interesting than you could even imagine.   It's fun, it's irreverent, it makes me laugh, and it sent my imagination in all different directions as you can see from the paragraphs above.  If you want to add a good time to your collection, visit www.tenacioustoys.com today and pick up one of these.


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