She’s Wicked Vinyl Figure from Naomi Knaff

   I don’t have many stories involving spiders because I am content enough to let them do their thing without my interference. It’s actually a good way to live your life in relation to a lot of things and some people may know it as “minding your own damn business” but many choose to ignore it. Anyway, my spider story involves my day job and a person sitting on the other side of my desk. I’m busy trying to convince them to give me all of their money and they’re busy trying to give me as little of their money as possible when I spot something dangling above their head. A tiny little spider has made his way Mission Impossible style from the ceiling and lands right in the poor woman’s hair. Not knowing how she would react to her new tenant and not wanting it to get killed in the process I had to think quickly. So I said the two word that any stranger wants to hear to put them immediately at ease: hold still.

     I reached across the desk, plucked the offending arachnid from her hair, and set him free outside where hopefully he lived a long and prosperous life and was not eaten by a bird or something like that. And what might have happened had I not intervened? You’re about to find out. Or if you looked at the picture up there you already know. Don’t be a smart ass, just go with it.

     She’s Wicked is not only a description, it’s her actual name and it’s easy to see how she came upon it. This is the latest figure from artist Naomi Knaff, who has forced a Lisa Frank notebook to take acid and watch every season of The Bachelor in a row without an intermission. Ok, I don’t know if that’s how she came up with this but I certainly mean it as a compliment. This spooky mamacita features 16 points of articulation, which is like 13 more than I have left at my age, stands 10 inches tall, and is limited to 5 hand painted pieces by the artist herself. She can be yours for $220 when she goes on sale this Thursday June 22 at 8-m European time only at https://www.naomiknaff.com/. 

Resin Artifacts from Maximum Fluoride/Mike Fisher

 

 

   I've been kind of obsessed with videos online of people exploring abandoned places, but my favorite ones are when they find an old forgotten home. In many instances they are time capsules frozen in a moment where everyone just seems to have disappeared. Entire families worth of belongings will sit caked under layers of dust as if their owners had always intended on returning, but something happened to prevent it. Sometimes the urban explorers will rifle through things but often they will leave it undisturbed. See, this is why I don't even bother trying to participate in something like this because my restraint level is next to zero. I've seen plenty of videos that captured stuff I would want and would have a hard time leaving behind. Everything from lamps to pictures to collectibles; I would have my car loaded. Then, because I really like weird stuff, I would end up bringing something home that was cursed and set of a cataclysmic chain of events that would be beyond the help of any priest. I mean seriously, if you don't want people to desire objects full of bad juju then stop making them look so cool. I'm looking at you, human skulls. 

    I can absolutely see one of the Artifacts from Maximum Fluoride stashed away in a forgotten crate in a creepy basement, just waiting for me to find it and declare how perfect it would look on my dresser. That's how the ghosts get you! But I refuse to learn my lesson because good design is always more important than old curses. And these are all brand new, so they haven't even had the chance to be infused with the woe of the ancients yet. 

   There are three different versions to chose from including two pyramid shapes and one made to look like a coffin. All three are available in different color ways that enhance the expert sculpting of Hollywood effects pro Caleb Schneider.  All are available now at https://maximumfluoride.bigcartel.com/.

    

Warlock Trooper from Martin Ontiveros

 

    If they're going to continue to make Star Wars films and TV shows (which, like death and taxes, is inevitable at this point) then I would love to see them take some liberties. Extreme liberties, not just continuing to expand a universe by filling in the back story of every minor character. I'm talking reimagining it from start to finish in different genres. How about a Star Wars horror series? Or what if Tolkien influenced an entire trilogy? Disney has dipped their toes in these waters with the Visions animated shorts, but I want more and I especially want one built around this toy.

     Martin Ontiveros has resurrected his Warlock Trooper resin figure and good God almighty this is what I want the next Star Wars film to look like. A full blown heavy metal video of craziness, which really isn't a stretch because you already have space wizards and laser swords. I don't know the first thing about making movies, but with a starting point like this it practically makes itself. 

   These bad boys are limited to 25 pieces on signed and numbered card backs and can be yours this Friday starting at 10 am Pacific time. You can only find them at martinheadrocks.bigcartel.com .