Most Epic Review Time: Lurker Sets from Skinner x Unbox Industries

     Not every toy can be part of the most epic of reviews you will ever read.  There's a vigorous screening process, lots of bribery, and I just have to be in the mood.  But some toys just demand to have great stories told about them, as do these Lurkers from Skinner and Unbox Industries.  Now sit back, pet a cat, and let me tell you a tale of such secrecy that it may be the last one I am ever able to write.

    There is much misinformation about the Cold War.  Many people think that it was just one huge standoff between the United States and The Soviet Union, but there is more to the story than that.  It was literally a "cold war" as we had enough of Gorbachev's crap and invaded.  Our troops landed in the frozen wastelands of Siberia and were quickly met with great resistance.  Behold, a dramatic recreation of those events:

Our brave men fought hard, hitting those commies with everything they had.  

But the Russians were, like, way determined or something to not fall that day.

    The battle was intense, and there were many casualties on both sides.  But all of this fighting stirred a greater evil that was lying dormant in a nearby cave.  They awoke, the Lurkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    These unholiest of creatures were kinda pissed that their deep slumber had been interrupted, but took it as a sign that this was the dawn of their enslavement of man.  

    The US and Soviet soldiers quickly realized they had a much greater problem on their hands than whose form of government was the most baller, so they joined forces in an attempt to stop the Lurker advancement.  

    The Lurkers were being pushed back into the depths from whence they came, but as any good evil entity does, they had learned much about their enemies even during their long sleep.  They had even learned our scientific advancements, which led to them to mutate and become:

FULL BLOWN NUCLEAR WARHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh, you didn't see that coming did you?  Well neither did those brave soldiers that day and they were forced to surrender in the face of these hideous creatures with enriched uranium in their blood that made them glow like some really glowy object thingy.  The Lurkers demanded to negotiate only with the heads of both countries and upon meeting them they slaughtered everyone in both governments, assumed their identities, and continue to run the world even now.  Makes a lot of sense to me.  

    With your new found understanding of world events you will no doubt want to commemorate this awakening with Lurker figures of your own.  The only place to get them is http://shopcriticalhit.com and they are a mere $20 for a pack of 5 figures. Now you can create epic battle scenes on your living room floor like I did!!!  Get em for everyone on your Christmas list!

Dark Forest Pollen Kaiser and Luftkaiser from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    I would not be surprised if critters like this have set up camp in my nasal passages.  See, I'm sick, and it's all I can focus on right now cause I feel like bag of poo that someone lit on fire and is currently being stomped on by a gullible neighbor.  I must moan about it as if it is my only course of action until whatever is inside my head grows board and moves on to the next person.  I know, it isn't the soundest of plans but it is gratifying to a degree.  

   These new hand painted Pollen Kaisers and Luftkaisers from Paul Kaiju are being referred to as the "Dark Forrest" editions.  Now, where I come from, a dark forest is something to be leery of, especially if it is dark during the day, which I suppose would make sense because every forest is dark at night.  Unless the forest has electricity and an abundance of lamps hanging from tree branches, but that's something else to be scared of entirely.  

   Both of these figures go on sale at noon Pacific time today from the fine folks at Toy Art Gallery.  

New Young Gohst from Ferg x Grody Shogun x Lulubell Toy Bodega

    Uggh, I have a sinus infection.  And it's not as if they aren't sucky any time of the year, but they're especially sucky when it's 90 degrees out.  It's hot, the humidity is high, and you can barely breath because all of your cranial cavities are filled with snot.  I just felt like complaining a bit to start my Friday off on the right foot.

    This guy is looking like he's having a rough go of it as well.  This dude is the latest Young Gohst from Ferg x Grody Shogun and is somehow made of a mixture of glow in the dark, red, teal, and magenta vinyl.  I don't know how they do it, but it gives him the look of having gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson with his hands tied behind his back.  Getting punched in the face repeatedly is probably not a good way to clear your congestion.  

   If you want one of these there is gonna be a limited 24 hour pre-order window open starting June 30th at 10am Pacific time.  These suckers are made to order and each one will be unique.  Available only from http://www.lulubelltoys.com/. 

Limited Pre-Order Run Krawluss from Skinner x Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    Skinner not only creates the greatest monsters the world has ever known, but he is a mythical being himself.  See, Skinner has been making stuff before he was ever born into his human body.  Just look at what I found in the Smithsonian's American History Museum over the weekend:

    Making steam engines obviously bored him, so he decided to inhabit his current form and bring plastic nightmares to life instead.  And this one may be the most horrific of all.  Krawluss is the result of him melding his mind together with Mutant Vinyl Hardcore, passing the unholy amalgamation off to Shinbone Creative (for sculpting purposes) through a series of haunting visions in a Whopper Value Meal, and then having the plastic bits meticulously cast by dark elves hidden in the mountains of Japan.  Then Skinner puts their pieces together and paints in all the stuff that will keep you up at night.  Slap the biggest header card ever known in the 9 worlds and you have a toy that will make all of your other life decisions meaningless.  

    It's not a question of whether you will buy one or not, for his eyes have already permeated your very soul.  The only question is when you can do so, and that would be starting tomorrow, Friday June 27th.  This sale will last until June 29th or until all of the figures are spoken for.  I would bet on the latter happening.  And everyone who pre-orders one of these fine specimens will be entered into a drawing to win this:

    Are you kidding me?  You might end up getting two figures for the price of one?  His accountant is gonna have a fit.  

    Each figure will retail for $250 and will only be available from this link.  

From Adult Films to DIY Toy Maker? Tanya Tate is Making the Jump

    Tanya Tate is famous for making the types of movies you better not get caught watching at work.  She also likes to dress up as various superheroes, attend comic conventions, and collect toys.  Now she is adding figure producer to her resume with these DIY My Hero Toys.  I thought to myself "now Chris, it's important to be thorough while researching this story, so you put in the hours it's gonna take to inform your readers."  I did it all for you, just remember that.

    The figure itself is pretty different from anything that's out there, in that decidedly female, and could make for some pretty interesting customs. 

    

     She has launched a funding campaign through Indie Go Go with all kinds of rewards for backing the project (and all are PG-13, I checked it out for ya.  You're welcome.)   Check it out by clicking this link and doing your own, uh, "research".  

Joe Ledbetter's Fire Cat Returns!

    My wife and I spent this weekend in Washington D.C. checking out the zoo and the various museums and whatnot.  It was the first time we've ever left our youngest cats by themselves since we got them (don't worry, their grandparents came by to check on them) so we were a little nervous that they would have some sort of meltdown and destroy everything we own.  Luckily for us they seemed to keep it together for the most part, and proved my theory that they save their worst behavior for when they have a human audience.  I suppose it is more effective that way, but it didn't stop us from thoroughly inspecting the house just to be sure that they didn't hide poop in our shoes.

    This picture is pretty much how I expected them all to look when they realized we weren't coming back that first night.  Joe Ledbetter has decided to self produce his own toy and this gigantic Fire Cat is the result.  It stands an impressive 11 inches tall, is limited to 400 pieces, and goes on sale this Thursday at 8am Pacific time for only $99.  Now how on earth did he manage to make a figure that big and keep the price reasonable?  Is he a secret wizard?  

http://www.joeledbetter.com

SDCC Exclusive Ghostbuster Pop! Vinyls from Funko

    It's that time of year again, when all of us that are unable to go to San Diego Comic Con start making pacts with whatever deity will help us secure those exclusive toys.  I've only seen a few things so far, but I think these Ghostbuster Pop! Vinyl variants from Funko are gonna be pretty tough to beat.  You might want to run and grab a drool towel to protect your internet device as you gaze upon their majesty.