Bubble Gum Pink Slugbeard from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    A slug beard sounds like something some evil cursed wizard would have.  Writhing, slimy little creatures would cover his face similar to Medusa's hair snakes, except the slugs would be way grosser.  See, with a normal beard you have the ability to catch savory morsels of food that somehow got lost on the way to your mouth.  With a slug beard those tasty bits will be covered in that iridescent slime and rendered inedible.  That's really the only drawback I can think of.

   Paul Kaiju and Toy Art Gallery are unleashing this big honking piece of bubble gum-lookin vinyl onto the world on April 15th at noon pacific time.  And it's not even a lottery, so you gotta have your eyes focused on www.toyartgallery.com when they drop, otherwise you will fall into a pit of despair.  Not a literal pit, mind you, but a theoretical one which can be must worse.  

"Sunshine Yellow" Bloodthirst from Brent Nolasco x Toy Art Gallery

    This is why you never eat undercooked pork.  Forget Freddy or Jason, those dudes aren't scary; parasites dying in your brain tissue is scary.  My behavior is already erratic and doesn't need any help from rotting little critters in my frontal lobe.  Not to mention what they do before they die.  Now I won't be able to sleep.

    Brent Nolasco's Bloodthirst looks all innocent in this bright yellow color way, but don't let his sunny disposition fool you.  He's out for your bloodiest of tissues.  Toy Art Gallery is unleashing him into,the water supply on Wednesday, March 30th at noon pacific time.  Get him only at www.toyartgallery.com

"Purple Heart" BC Blasters from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery

    I'm thinking that if the dinosaurs had been packing heat like this that they'd still be running the show to this day.  They'd go to museums and look at human skeletons, talking about how their superior fire power wiped us from the face of the earth.  Thank God for us their little pea brains weren't big enough to actually invent anything like gunpowder, or nuclear weaponry.  We will happily rid ourselves from the earth thank you very much lizard face.  

    James Groman's reptiles of mass destruction have returned in this limited "Purple Heart" edition.  Toy Art Gallery will begin offering these dudes on Friday, March 11th at noon pacific time.  Get one for $35 or the whole squad for $140.  These will only be available from www.toyartgallery.com.

Hawaiian Death Ray Wolf Thing Bat from Joseph Harmon x Toy Art Gallery

    I live in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, which is home to the world famous Jersey Devil, so I have some knowledge of strange beings.  Most of the knowledge is not Devil related however, and has more to do with the migration of weirdos from the Staten Island area to our beaches.  They are usually the same color of the toy you see above and are extremely flammable due to the amount of hair product they use.  While they don't fall into the category of cryptozoology, they can't be that far off.

   The greatest name for any toy ever is the Death Ray Wolf Thing Bat.  It's great because it sounds crazy, and also because of how descriptive it is.  This piece from Joseph Harmon and Toy Art Gallery will be available starting Friday, May 4th, at noon pacific time only from shop.toyartgallery.com

Sunny Orange Mandrake Root Lottery from Doktor A x Toy Art Gallery

 
    My wife and I had this epiphany that we are getting older and should probably stop eating like 10 year olds left to their own devices.  While cookies for dinner is as great as it sounds, I'm really trying to avoid my blood turning into the consistency of New York sewage, so we've been eating a lot healthier.  I've even been dabbling in the world of vegetables, which are disgusting but supposedly necessary to staying alive past 40.  For years I've felt that it is just propaganda from the farming industry, but who knew I would uncover evidence of just how dangerous plant based food can be.

    According to Wikipedia, the Mandrake root has hallucinogenic properties and was used in pagan rituals.  It's also causes asphyxiation, which seems like a steep price to pay just to enjoy a Doors album just a little more.  And I don't think they actually have any nutritional value due to them being able to kill you and all, but they don't make me eager to eat any other things that grow in the dirt, that's for sure.

    Don't fear the reaper with this dude cause he's only made of plastic and isn't some bizarre man-shaped plant trying to take you to the beyond.  Cast in beautiful orange, this Mandrake Root from Doktor A and Toy Art Gallery is going to be available via lottery staring today at noon pacific time.  Entries will be accepted until Monday at the same time and then winners will be notified to pony up the dough.  Get in on it at www.toyartgallery.com.

TKOM's Hibiscus Pink Doublethink Lottery from Toy Art Gallery

    Call me crazy (what are you, my therapist?) but I equate the price of a toy to how big it is.  My brain refuses to take into account how rare it may be, whether or not the Pope blessed it, or anything else that could drive the cost up.  I am unable to justify buying something for a ton of money that could fit inside one of those plastic eggs in a 25 cent machine.   I refuse to partake in trinkets that the average child could shove into their nose unless they're priced accordingly.  

   Standing at 10 and 1/2 inches tall this Doublethink figure from TKOM is a lot of toy for your money.  And it even has two heads, so it's kinda like getting two different toys that have been melted together by science.  That's called value.  Toy Art Gallery is running a lottery right now for this unpainted dude cast in hibiscus pink vinyl.  But guess what? The lottery ends Monday, at noon pacific time, so follow these instructions on how to win the opportunity to buy one:

Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Doublethink Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Monday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!    

Candie Bolton x Toy Art Gallery Have Something Massive Planned for 2016

    I don't usually write about toys that are in production unless they have a release date and pricing info.  I'm one of those people that if I fall in love with an object I don't want to know that it's coming one day because I want it right then.  But I've seen pictures of this thing pop up online a few times and it is so different from anything out there I had to heap a bunch of praise on it while still in its clay form.  

    Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery are going to release this beauty known as Bake-Kujira.  Scheduled to release in early 2016, this 11 inch tall figure is the representation of a phantom that comes into existence whenever a human kills a whale.  If Captain Ahab had thought this would be the result of his triumph, Moby Dick would have been a mere pamphlet about how everyone took up bass fishing.  

    Until it is officially available for purchase you will have these few images to stare at and wonder just how amazing it's going to look all painted up.  In my mind it is glorious and I've already ordered it.  

"Famous Last Words" Group Show at Toy Art Gallery

    In what is a sad yet growing trend, Toy Art Gallery is closing up their physical location.  I don't know anything beyond the fact that they will continue to operate their store online and continue to manufacture toys.  They want to close their location with a bang, and thus you have the aptly titled "Famous Last Words" group show.  It's happening this Saturday, September 5th, and features all of the artists you see listed above.  You should go, and pour some of your 40 out on the sidewalk for your fallen homies.  

"Red Rub" Vertebrata from Paul Kaiju x Blobpus x Toy Art Gallery Lottery Details

    I love when people commit crimes using unconventional weapons.  One of my favorite stories of such an occurrence was when a man walked into a gas station near where I used to live, and robbed the place with a broom.  He cleaned out the cash register by brandishing an item used to clean the floor.  I never found out whether he got to the place and just winged his approach, or if he brought the thing with him as part of a well thought out plan.  The former I can understand, because he could have just had poor impulse control, but the latter is way more bizarre.  The guy looked around his house, was struck by a moment of divine inspiration, and drove with his weapon to make some quick cash from the Texaco.

    You may, in a few brief moments, notice that the above story has nothing to do with the toy you see there.   I had already typed this story out for a different post, but then that toy sold out and I thought it would be a waste to just delete what I had already written, so here it is.  One less story being sent to the landfill.

    The newest edition of Vertebrate from Paul Kaiju x Blobpus x Toy Art Gallery will be available via lottery submission starting today at noon pacific time.  You have until Monday at noon to enter for a chance o buy one of these freaky ladies.  Here's more info on the lottery:

The Vertebrata Red Rub Edition retails for $85 and will be released via email lottery starting on Wednesday, August 26th at 12PM PST and ending on Monday, Aug. 31st at 12PM PST. Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Vertebrata Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Monday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!

   

Last Day to Enter the Slugbeard Lottery from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Galley

    I am getting so old.  Last night Sharon and I went to The Smashing Pumpkins/Marilyn Manson show and I am dragging this morning.  It's the first show we've been to in a long time because frankly, we've seen just about everyone we could ever want to that's still alive,  We used to go to shows all the time so we checked just about everyone of our must-see list.  We've seen both of these bands numerous times, but they are two of our absolute favorites and the show was amazing.  I do have one question though: when did people start watching the shows only through their phones?  Everywhere we looked were people who were just taking pictures and recording snuff film quality footage on their cell phones.  Whats the point of paying to see a band live if you're going to spend the entire time wondering if you got something worthy of uploading to Facebook?  People are weird.  

   All those people could have done something productive with their data plans, like enter the latest Sluggard lottery from Paul Kaiju and Toy Art Gallery.  It ends today at 12pm pacific time and these are the details you need:

Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Slugbeard Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Monday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!

Preorders for "Cestoda" from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery Happening Now!

 
    Did you watch True Detective last night?  I liked last season but good Lord have mercy I am loving this new one.  Last year my wife and I coined the term "Haunted Bayou" which we determined was our favorite genre.  This year we have invented "California Noir", which we now think may be our newest favorite genre of television.  We had another term involving the Appalacians but I can't remember it right now so it probably wasn't nearly as impressive.  We've just realized we prefer stories that are set in certain parts of the world, and our country is so drastically different that particular areas lend themselves to better story telling than others.

    Cestoda from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery demands a setting in which he can cause the most destruction, so you can't tell a story about this guy in Oklahoma.  He's gotta have some huge body of water to rise up from and a packed city with lots of people to eat and structures to destroy.  Could you imagine him just stomping around in a barren field, bored out of his mind and forced to hear about high school football?  Nobody wants to watch that movie.

    You could make this behemoth the story of your own home movies as he is available for preorder right now.  You could get a red one, a grey one, or buy em both and start your own giant monster wrasslin league.  They're $175 each and available only from www.toyartgallery.com through July 2nd.

Lifesize SludgeDemon DX from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore x Toy Art Gallery

 

 
        There's a liquor store near where I live that for some reason has lined their sidewalk with life size figures of the most random things.  There's Batman, Marilyn Monroe, an oddly colored Humphrey Bogart, a pirate lady, a cow that is also a bench, C3PO, one of The Blues Brothers, Elvis missing his guitar, and a scantily clad tattooed lady with a chalkboard sign.  It reminds me of those bad posters of the random dead celebrities hanging out at a bar, except rather than drinking and having a good time these statues are part of some really bizarre police lineup.  I'd love to see that episode of COPS.

     I love the idea of giant toys, but I have absolutely no desire to have fat Elvis standing behind my kitchen table.  What I would like is one of these fiberglass SludgeDemon DX's from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and Toy Ary Gallery.  I have a half dozen places I can already picture him in, but I just gotta come up with the the cash. At $1,500 he's not an impulse buy and I have owned cars that didn't cost that much.  He's definitely on my lottery-winning dream list though.  And for an extra $500 you can get a Sam Heinous head, you know, for when you wanna mix it up a bit.  Gotta keep your decorating options open.  

"Gnosis" featuring Deathcattoys and More Opens Saturday at Toy Art Gallery

    West coasters:  did you read my last post and get a little misty that there was no art show for you to go to?  Fear not, because Toy Art Gallery always has something going on and this weekend is no exception.  The highlight, I feel, will be the new sofubi line from Deathcattoys.  They'll be making their debut this weekend with a bunch of different painted versions.   Here is a sampling of what you will see when the show opens tomorrow night:

        

Mint Green Lurkfoot from Lurk x Toy Art Gallery

    I'm gonna have to start billing Toy Art Gallery for the amount of time I dedicate to them.  It's amazing how much they have going on, between their insane art shows and the amount of product they release that Gino and company have easily become one of the most active entities in designer toys.  Without further ado, let's get to it (and the bill's in the mail).

    Did you know that if a domestic pig gets loose and lives in the woods that in 6 months time it will grow tusks, get really hairy, and become completely wild?  Supposedly that's why they find those giant hogzillas in the southern United States, doing whatever hogzillas do.  I think that's what all Bigfoot sightings are; just a random hillbilly a that couldn't find their way home and went feral.  I'll be happy to appear on one of those Discovery Channel shows and explain my theory.

    This 9 inch tall Lurkfoot from Lurk will be available today starting at noon pacific time.  It's made out of mint green vinyl that probably is not flavored like after diner mints, so don't lick it.  Or do lick it, have the weird plastic chemicals go to your brain, and become a feral hillbilly and get your own reality show!

www.toyartgallery.com

    

"Full Resin Vinyl" featuring Mutant Vinyl Hardcore x Retroband at Toy Art Gallery

    Some combinations are awesome, like chocolate and peanut butter, or fedoras and creepy dudes.  On paper Mutant Vinyl Hardcore and Retroband don't seem like a pairing you would make for an art show.  One makes crazy Japanese vinyl toys, while the other one makes carded action figures that we all wished we had as kids.  They're seemingly polar opposites, but that's exactly why it's gonna be cool cause there's going to be something for every collector to be amazed by.  Whether your favorite medium is resin, vinyl, or even enormous fiberglass figures, your mind is gonna freak out.  The whole thing happens at Toy Art Gallery tomorrow night starting at 7pm.

Suns of Brodarr: Jeff from Bwana Spoons x Toy Art Gallery

    This is Jeff.  Just Jeff.  He was made by a man named Bwana Spoons, which is probably not what his mamma named him in the hospital.  Though it might be, cause I see some pretty crazy names whenever I watch daytime tv.  Sometimes I think people name their kids based on a dare, or by just using whatever the last word they heard when the child was born.  Then they take it as a challenge to spell it in a way that no one would ever guess, even if the reward for doing so involved lots and lots of money.  Maybe they just had a bad experience with someone who asked them for their personal information once, and from that moment on they were determined to get revenge.  Or maybe it's all the beef hormones screwing with their ability to think clearly.  Everything can be traced back to beef hormones.  

    Mr. Spoons (if that is his real name) and Toy Art Gallery are unleashing this awesome figure upon the world today at noon pacific time.  Pick one up for yourself at www.toyartgallery.com.  But don't even think about renaming him; he is and always shall be Jeff.

Springtime Modzilla from Ron English x Toy Art Gallery

    Did you do your taxes yet?  I did, and boy could I have punched a baby afterwards.  I didn't get back what I thought I would and the accountant was all apologetic, then still charged me as much as she did last year when I was a baller.  How come I didn't get a sympathy discount?  They should charge on a sliding scale, not try to kick you while you're down.  She's lucky I didn't listen to N.W.A. on the ride over or things would have taken a more gangsta turn.  Just ask my wife, whenever she puts N.W.A. on in the car I am totally ready to get in a knife fight.

    If you did your taxes and are looking to invest in something, might I suggest toys?  They might not be good for your retirement, or building your kid's college fund, but they're more fun to look at than a stock portfolio.  Take this "Springtime" Modzilla from Ron English x Toy Art Gallery.  This mega lizard and his bunny friends are looking rather festive, like they're going on some really weird Easter Egg hunt.  Not that hunting for eggs can be but so strange, but if this dude were invited it's got to be an interesting time.  Pick one of these up when they go on sale today at noon pacific time from http://www.toyartgallery.com/.  Put it in your kid's Easter basket and scare the crap out of em.        

Seafoam Pearl Merryners Set from Doubleparlour x Toy Art Gallery

    If you've ever been lucky enough to work retail in an area where bad winter weather happens then you have most likely experienced the phenomenon know as snow people.  While you may have never heard the term you have undoubtedly witnessed what it describes.  These are people that only come out on the worst, snowiest days in order to shop.  You will never have seen them before, they will resemble mutants, and they only make brief public appearances during storms.  You'll be leaning against the counter, complaining about how anyone with any sense would have closed their store by now and be safely at home, and in walks a gaggle of snow people.  Maybe they like to take advantage of uncrowded stores.  Maybe they like to only use their four wheel drive Mad Max vehicles under the most extreme conditions.  Maybe they all have warrants and assume the police will be busy pulling minivans out of ditches.  It's hard to say but they are real and they are giddy at the first sign of sleet.

    These Merryners figure from Doubleparlour x Toy Art Gallery look ready to slap on the snow tires and grab some bargains.  I'm not gonna lie, they kinda scare me in the same way I get twitchy if I have to wait in line at Wal Mart too long.  The longer you're there, the greater the chance you'll get bitten by some feral rat child.  I've seen it happen.

    And just like Wal Mart, I am able to look past being frightened when presented with an incredible bargain.  You could buy one of these 7 inch figures for $45, or get all four of em as a set for only $150.  That's a savings of $30 when you buy the set!  These go on sale today at noon pacific at http://shop.toyartgallery.com/.  

Yellow and Black Marbled Nadsat Boy from Kenth Toy Works x Toy Art Gallery

    I love the look of marbled vinyl.  It's all trippy looking like one of those Bill Graham posters from the 1960's.  Couldn't you see this guy on a sign outside the Fillmore, with Jefferson Airplane's name all distorted as it filled in the space around him?  

I'm just gonna leave this right here.

    Speaking of all things psychedelic, I worked with a guy who had a friend who decided he wanted to expand his mind by taking acid.  He ended up kicked out of college after he tore all of the drywall down in his dorm room and ate the insulation because he thought it was cotton candy.  I don't think a trip to the emergency room was the kind of trip he had in mind.

   Back to that beautiful toy specimen.  Nadsat Boy is the creation of Kenth Toy Works and Toy Art Gallery and will be available today at noon pacific time over at http://www.toyartgallery.com/.  And kids, don't do drugs.  They're a waste of good toy money.  

Toy Art Gallery Presents: "Dichotomy" This Saturday

    Have you ever heard the saying " two heads are better than one"?  I can guarantee you they weren't talking about someone with an unborn calcified fetal twin.  Not that I've even met anyone that has suffered from that condition, which is probably for the best.  I don't really know how to behave myself when I find out something like that.  I would totally turn into Larry King and grill the person like they were testifying before congress.  I can't help it because medical anomalies fascinates me and I want to know everything I can find out.  And then there's the whole question of how well you have to know a person before you try to buy the thing from them. I've said too much.

    Having two heads doesn't necessarily mean you'll be undergoing a surgical procedure or relegated to a life of sideshow performances.  It could just be the main feature of a awesome toy, like Doublethink from artist Takahiro Komuro and Toy Art Gallery.  Some of the best toy customizers in the world have come together to offer their unique interpretations to this hunk of vinyl, and you can see the results tomorrow night when Dichotomy opens from 7-10pm.   Here's a list of the participating artists: