Gachafest 2020 from Toy Art Gallery x Paul Kaiju

     You better take advantage of Gachafest because this is the closest thing to Coachella you're gonna see this year.  I used to love going to festival shows when I was younger because I could check a huge amount of bands off my list in one shot.  At the risk of sounding old I will admit that I would rather gargle bleach than subject myself to a music festival now.  Mostly because I just can't deal with the summer heat the way I used to, but also because the older I am the shorter my attention span gets.  Even when my wife and I go to shows now if there's more than one opening act I second guess buying tickets.  For one, I like to get to the point. I don't need to be warned up, I maintain my level of warmth like a handsome crock pot. Secondly, my bedtime is much earlier now and it takes me a week to recover should I be brazen enough to ignore it.  

    Toy Art Gallery is unleashing a plethora of Paul Kaiju mini figures as part of the aforementioned Gachafest.  Each tiny sofubi figure stands about two inches tall and is only $10 each, which if my calculations are correct mean you could by enough with your stimulus check to fill a regulation sized wheelbarrow.   They'll be available this Friday, May 8th, at noon pacific time only from https://www.toyartgallery.com.  

Sofubi Shamrock Stroll from SpankyStokes x Toy Art Gallery

    We are living in weird times, my friends, but no matter how strange things get people will always find a way to enjoy themselves.  While the bars might have been shut down for St. Patrick's Day, folks from all over the world utilized technology to share a drink with friends and strangers alike.  I'm sure amongst the good cheer and socially distant revelry there was more than one laptop completely ruined by the effects of over indulgence, but have any of you truly lived if you have not cleaned vomit from the keyboard of a MacBook?  From what I understand we'll have a lot of time on our hands to ponder that and more of life's most pressing questions.

     Inspired by the holiday the celebrates a man who really wasn't a fan of snakes, SpankyStokes and Toy Art Gallery have released the latest version of their sofubi Stroll figure.  The mascot for one of the longest running toy blogs in the world stands 8 inches tall, is cast in translucent green vinyl and is filled with green metallic tinsel to give it an extra dose of sparkle.  We could all use a little luck of the Irish right now and this massive dose of it can be yours for $85 by visiting www.toyartgallery.com.  

Marbled Slugbeard Lottery from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    It's been a long time since we've seen a Slugbeard release, but like an absentee father he has come back around just when you were about to search through the local obituaries. That line to get cigarettes at the corner store really is something else!! And now that I think about it, Slugbeard is kind of asking you for money and a place to stay after not even calling you for your last 25 birthdays. It only sorta hurts to explain to your cats why they have just met one of their grandfathers, no big deal I guess, but you will not promise them that you'll be there to watch the Hoarders marathon on Saturday with them and then no show because you were called in to work at your job with the CIA to avert another national crisis.  

    Toy Art Gallery has a lottery happening right now that will last through Wednesday that gives you the opportunity to purchase one of these bad boys with the gangsta lean from Paul Kaiju.  You want one of these rarities then this is what ya gotta do to get one:

    The Slugbeard Marble Edition retails for $175 and will be released via email lottery starting on Monday, Feb. 24th at 12PM PST and ending on Wednesday, Feb. 26th at 12PM PST. Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Slugbeard Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time. Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!

Silver DeathCat from Deathcat Toys x Toy Art Gallery

    Do you remember the movie Clash of the Titans?  I'm talking of course about the original, not the crappy remake one from a few years back.  It's one of my all time favorites and other than the three original Star Wars films, the only one I'd watch repeatedly without getting tired of it.  Recently I was discussing cats with someone and they asked how I ended up with five of them and the best way I could think to describe is was the way the Gods presented Perseus with the various weapons in the film to complete his task.  Everything was placed strategically so he couldn't help but find what was intended for him and I feel the same way about the little critters that wake me up at 6:30 every morning demanding to be fed.  They were intended to enter our lives at that exact moment and all we had to do was scoop them up and take them in the house.  Ok, so we managed to do that with one of them, the others didn't make it that easy, but you get my point.  Especially the one who wedged himself behind the car engine and required four hours and a tow truck to lift the front of the car to get him out.  It would have been easier to fight the Kraken.

     Deathcat Toys and Toy Art Gallery are set to release another of the former's mascot figures in silver sparkly sofubi.  He stands at four and a half inches tall, looks meaner than a snake, and will be available starting today at 3pm eastern time for $45 each.  That's way less than we spend on any of the three prescription foods that we feed our little buddies, who decided its way more fun to have individual dietary needs than to come together and share the same one.

www.toyartgallery.com

   
    

The First Release of The Hextraterrestrials from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    There's nothing I could have used more than a pocket full of sorcerers this week.  I think I saw on Facebook that Mercury was in retrograde, which is supposed to make people extra crazy.  There may not be any science to it, but people most certainly seem to dial their nonsense level up to a thousand.  Whether it's been dealing with the public at work, or trying not to lose it on the beyond rude post office employee, my patience with my fellow man has certainly been tested.   Now if I had a bunch of mini sorcerers at my disposal I wouldn't hesitate to put an explosive diarrhea hex on anyone that is determined to make my life difficult.  I'm talking you ate some three day old Taco Bell digestive hurricane to make you think about what you've done.

  Sadly for me, I have yet to locate any real life micro wizard folk, but Martin Ontiveros keeps my hope alive with this set of Hextraterrestrials.  They're only an inch and a half tall and come in a set of six, so even if one isn't feeling your need for retribution, there's five more that may or may not have your back.  I'm betting it would be one of the skull guys. They look like they know how to have a good time.

   Toy Art Gallery produced this gang of magical misfits and they are available to join your collection right now by visiting www.toyartgallery.com.  Each set is $60 plus shipping.

The Debut of the Nether Realm Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut x Toy Art Gallery

     I've been to a lot of places, but I've never managed to find myself in the Nether Realm.  Last spring I found myself in Lurray, Virginia, home of the world famous Lurray Caverns and the almost as famous Cooter's Dukes of Hazard Museum. Yeah, I went to both.  I also ate at a McDonald's there that had televisions in the dining area, one of which was playing a Civil War documentary while the other featured a fire and brimstone televangelist that wouldn't let me eat my chicken nuggets in peace.  I'm originally from the South, so things like this are not nearly as frightening to me as they are my wife, but I have lived in New Jersey long enough for the scent of distrust to permeate my skin and instantly give me away as an outsider.  It's probably the closest I've ever come to being in a Jordan Peele film.  

    If I ever make it to the Nether Realm I'll be sure and find somewhere I can purchase a magnet for the ever growing collection I have on my fridge.  It seems like the American thing to do.  I also hope that the residents of a place with such a name are in fact the exact size of this group of Tyrants from Radioactive Uppercut and Toy Art Galley, because they don't look too friendly.  Maxing out at 2 and a half inches tall, their brand of sorcery can't be but so potent, and their weaponry would be ike being attacked by a chipmunk wielding a razor.  I feel like that's the kind of fight I was built to win.

    This set of six vinyl figures are packed with menacing detail and feature a paint job that Freddy Krueger would be get nightmares from.  You get the whole set of 6 for only $70 + shipping when they go on sale later today (Wednesday, April 17th ) at 3pm pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  

Red Handed Mandrake Root from Doktor A x Toy Art Gallery

     The character from Nick Cave's murderously creepy song Red Right Hand had exactly what the title describes: a single, sinister colored appendage that I'm fairly certain was up to no good.   I mean, why else would it be red?  Blood I'm guessing, or a really bad, awkwardly specific sunburn.  So imagine the list of naughty doings this guy has working, as he had TWO red hands...and red feet...and red thingys coming out of his face.   Lots of red on this fella.

    Doktor A and Toy Art Gallery are releasing this latest edition of their Mandrake Root figure today Wednesday, April 3rd to make your hump day a little more interesting.  This dude is based on an actual Mandrake, which when pulled out of the ground resembles some freaky little dirt person that is used in magical spells and whatnot.  Imagine now, the first person that ever found one and how it freaked out his ancient superstitious mind.  Then imagine the person that thought it looked delicious and died horribly as a result.  There is literally no further point to either thing you are imagining, you've just got a really weird train of thought.  Sicko.

    This guy comes complete with a matching little buddy to handle any over flow evil deeds.  Get em at noon pacific time only at www.toyartgallery.com.


    

Orange Rage Deathcat from Deathcat Toys x Toy Art Gallery

     Taking care of a herd of cats is not for the faint of heart.  They each have their own unique personalities and quirks that at most times is endearing but sometimes can surprise you in unexpected ways.  Take for instance a few nights ago as I lay down in bed for a much looked forward to night of sleep.  I place my head on the pillow, pull my blanket up to keep out the cold, and roll over on my side for maximum comfort.  And that's when the acrid smell of feline urine fully assaults my nasal cavities. Though dry, my pillow had indeed been pee'd on.  One of our cats is much smaller than the others so she is often on the losing end of their wrestling matches.  What she lacks in size she makes up for by hosing down all of the other cat's favorite places to be.  Her nemesis likes to sleep in between my wife's and I's pillows, so hence my midnight surprise.  Of course I didn't have a spare so I ended up using one of the throw pillows from my couch, which seems to have realigned my neck in a less than optimal configuration.  She is damn cute though, so I can't even be that mad.


     After what has seemed like forever, the Deathcat has finally made the jump from resin figure to soft vinyl.  Toy Art Gallery is releasing the first edition of the namesake design from Deathcat Toys this Friday, November 30 at noon pacific time.  This four and a half inch tall sofubi figure will be $55 and for sale only from www.toyartgallery.com.  Guaranteed to not produce unwanted puddles anywhere in your home.


    

DesignerCon Exclusive Sofubi Strolls from Spanky Stokes x Toy Art Gallery

   Well look at what we have here!  It's been a long time since we've seen Spanky Stokes Stroll mascot in vinyl form, and it was starting to seem like I had maybe dreamt the previous ones.  You ever have those dreams where you're arguing with someone and then you wake up and are legit pissed at them?  My wife once dreamt that I let a tiger eat her and she didn't speak to me the entire next day.   For one, you don't "let" a tiger do anything.  Have you ever tried reasoning with a house cat?  Now imagine it weighs 400 lbs and could devour you.  And secondly...there's no secondly because seriously you cannot stop a cat from doing what it wants.  So there.

    Toy Art Gallery has prepared not one but two new versions of this figure for release at DesignerCon next week.  There's the tropical fruit juiciness of the glow in the dark Boogie Beach version, or for those of you that don't like flavor on your chicken, a plain glow in the dark edition.

   Either way, you can't go wrong with the world famous mascot of the designer toy blog that inspired countless others.  These will be available at the convention from booth # 543.

Bubble Gum Pink Bake-Kujira from Candie Bolton x Toy Art Gallery

    Things don't get much more metal than the angry poltergeist of a dead whale.  It's so metal that you could make it bubble gum pink without another lick of color and it's just as metal as anything to come out of Norway in the early '90's.  Any black metal band can wear traditional corpse paint, but you should be really scared if you see one decked out like Hello Kitty because those dudes are obviously crazy and any music they make is too brutal for human ears.  Only wooly mammoths could withstand such an audio onslaught, so when the aliens come and resurrect them they will have something cool to listen to.  I hope you'll be thinking about how great this post is all day because that's my gift to you in these times of darkness.

   Candie Bolton's spooky sea mammal has risen from the deep and into our hearts many times before, but never so delicious looking.  Seriously, this version looks like you could break pieces off and enjoy a good old fashioned chew.  Toy Art Gallery will be releasing this beauty on Friday, April 20th at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

GID Nuclear Nightbreed Glampyre from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    

    Officially it is the third day of spring, which to me means chirping birds, trees growing their leaves back, and weather that is warmer than the bitter chill of winter.  Instead what I have outside my window is about 6 inches of snow.  This is completely unacceptable.  I have done my fair share of shoveling and I have certainly discovered my fair share of black ice on darkened roadways.  Yeah, I could move to Florida and experience nice weather the majority of the year, but then I'd have to worry about getting bitten by some hillbilly with a Monster Energy Drink logo tattooed on his arm who takes off from working at the alligator farm for "religious reasons" whenever the Insane Clown Posse releases a new album.  I'll deal with the snow.

    Martin Ontiveros is keeping those chill winter vibes alive with this glow in the dark Glampyre.  Produced by Toy Art Gallery and hand painted by the man himself, this limited edition run of soft vinyl figures will retail for $180 each.  But wait, there's more...

    Three hand painted one-offs as well?  When uniqueness is a must for your collection then you've gotta snag a toy so limited you're the only one that owns it.  Releasing at the same time as those frozen looking dudes up top will be these three dudes you see before you.  Each is one of a kind and will be $250 each.  Treat yourself when they all go on sale tomorrow, Friday March 23rd, at noon pacific time at www.toyartgallery.com.  

Baphomaniac Flesh Edition from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    Ok, I'm gonna be the one to have to say it I guess.  The fact that there has yet to be a Hulkamaniac version of the Baphomaniac is a serious misstep and can no longer go unnoticed.  This flesh edition of Martin Onitveros and Toy Art Gallery's fun little guy would be the perfect base for a steady handed customizer to realize what the universe desperately wants.  Then there will be no doubt in anyone's mind what you would do when Baphomania runs wild on you.  Say your prayers and eat your vitamins.

   Of course you don't have to paint this eight inch tall beast of sofubi perfection.  You can leave him just the way he is and marvel at his every nook and cranny.  But now that I've planted the seed of creativity in your brain, will you be able to resist visiting your favorite art supply store for a bit of yellow and red paint?  The choice is yours when this dude goes on sale tomorrow, Friday the 16th, at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.  

Sweet Tooth Marbled Cestoda from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys x Toy Art Gallery

    I scream, you scream, blah blah blah.  Talk about the low hanging fruit of ice cream jokes.  I'm above it, so I'm not gonna do it, even though I could imagine someone screaming if they ran into one of these Cestodas from Miscreation Toys.  Standing at 11 inches tall, dude could take a bite out of your calf muscles and lay eggs in the hole before you realized what has happened.  He looks parasitic and quick, which is not a good combination for you.  But he does come in a pretty array or marbled colors that remind me of those giant tubs of Neopolitan ice cream my mom used to buy, the effects of which ensured I would never make the school bus in the morning and would have to be driven in the mini van.  The effects of lactose intolerance stretch way beyond stomach discomfort.

    Lulubell Toys and Toy Art Gallery have formed an alliance to bring you this limited edition preorder.  Happening now until the 16th, which for those keeping track is this Friday, you can secure yourself one of these big ol sofubi masterpieces for $275 plus shipping.  Get on it now at www.lulubelltoys.com.

Burger Bandit Wolf Thing Bat Mother from Joseph Harmon x Toy Art Gallery

   Oh, I do love every time there is a new Wolf Thing Bat Mother figure to write about because the titles of my posts sound like I just played dictionary roulette when creating it.  And this dude might be the best of them all because not only is he called a Burger Bandit, but he's painted up to look like an actual hamburger.  Being an American this pleases me more than you could ever understand and to show my appreciation I will now share with you the best hamburgers I've ever eaten.  The all time best was at an Irish pub in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.  There was something interesting mixed in with the meat itself which gave it a unique flavor that has yet to be topped by any hamburger since.  My second best hamburger was consumed in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and was comprised of buffalo meat.  This was so delicious I wanted to slap the table and curse but I didn't since my wife's grandmother was sitting across from me, even though I'm sure her vocabulary could make mine blush like a debutante.  I didn't want to be shamed in my word choice.  The third best hamburger ever was at a now defunct restaurant on the Eastern Shore of Virginia.  The place looked like someone had abandoned a house, then some amazing chef's moved in claiming squatters rights, and did absolutely nothing to change the crumbling decor.  The dishes were miss matched and Sharon found a toothbrush laying on the bathroom sink, but the burger made me proud that my family settled there four hundred years ago.  Honorable mention goes to an Irish pub in New Hope, Pennsylvania, which makes me wonder what ground beef secrets these Irish folks are passing down through the generations.

    I'm beyond hungry now so let's get these particulars down so I can go eat.  Joseph Harmon not only created this culinary freak of nature, but he hand painted each one himself making the The Hamburgler look like a common criminal by comparison.  Add one to your collection today (Friday, February 2nd at noon pacific time) by visiting www.toyartgallery.com.  They'll be $65 each and do not come with fries or a soda.  Those are extra, boo boo.

Black Light Purple Baphomaniac from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    "Whatcha gonna do brother,when Baphomania runs wild on you?"  No, seriously though, what would you do?  You think I was just asking that question because I love to partake in gimmick infringement and collect cease and desist letters?  Cause I don't.  I am worried about you and I don't want some evil entity catching you on the sneak and entering your body with bad intentions.  So here's some helpful tips to help you avoid demonic possession:

- Avoid all abandoned houses unless it is in broad daylight and you are with a priest.  With a gun.

- Avoid reading books that are bound in human skin.  Even though Amazon may offer then at unheard of prices, that free two day shipping just means you'll be in the Devil's clutches that much sooner.

- Listen to Taylor Swift songs repeatedly.  Demons may be evil, but they can only put up with so much.  I'll retract this statement if Ms. Swift were to sing me the Arby's menu in it's entirety.  The ball's in your court, blondie.  

  The life I save may be your own.

    If you were to invite forces of darkness into your life how about with something like this Baphomaniac figure from Martin Ontiveros and Toy Art Gallery.  Way safer than any relics dug up in the Middle East, this bro will bring delight/curses to all who touch his shiny vinyl exterior.  Available today (Friday, October 27) at noon pacific time for $80 exclusively thorough www.toyartgallery.com.

Flesh Edition Fossil Pods from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery

    Flesh colored vinyl always reminds me of those Sphinx cats that are like little bald people.  I went in a pet store once and they had one of them that I think was the assistant manager and I had never actually pet one before so I was curious how it would feel.  I go over to her (it was a her because she had her nails painted pink) and she leapt up on my shoulder and started nuzzling my face.  She felt like she had peach fuzz all over, so hairless is pretty misleading and should be changed to "shaved yesterday" when describing them.  Also, she only had one eye, which has no bearing on how fuzzy she was, but I'd like you to have the completest picture of this kitty while you're reading this on the toilet or wherever you may happen to be.  Let's be real though, you're totally on the toilet.

    These Fossil Pods from James Groman and Toy Art Gallery are cute yet ferocious dinosaur/insect mashups and for only $60 you get an instant collection in one shot.  This set of five will be available today, October 13th, at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

The Debut of Fossil Pods from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery

   Good thing I kept my eclipse glasses because these things are so yellow they make my retinas nervous.  You certainly won't be able to miss the debut of James Groman's dinosaur meets insect mini figures known as Fossil Pods, and I certainly wouldn't want to.  I've been looking forward to these since Toy Art Gallery started posting teasers.  I'm a sucker for weird animal evolution (who isn't when you think about it) and these look mighty killer.

    You can get you hands on these toys that would have blown Darwin's mind when they go on sale today, September 1, at noon pacific time.  Get the entire set of five for a mere $60.  I know you got paid today, so you've got it.  Yeah, you could pay bills I guess, but just remember there's an active volcano sitting beneath Yellowstone National Park that is way past due for a monumental, wipeout half of the United States-size explosion.  Buy the toys.

Get em at www.toyartgallery.com.

Technicolor Owl Clam Lottery from Nathan Jurevicius x Toy Art Gallery

   We've all been there: you're wandering around a music festival in the summer heat.  Your body is having an adverse reaction to stomach medication that unbeknownst to you requires you to stay out of direct sunlight.  Your wife goes to the bathroom and when she returns you're not there as you've been helped to the medical tent suffering from weakness and hallucinations.  Just when all hope seems lost, The Great Owl Clam appears to you.  Armed with an ice pack and a soothing voice like Jim Morrison,  he ensures that everything will not only be ok, but they will be awesome.  After you go to the emergency room though.

    A few days after.

     It's still embarrassing.

   Follow the technicolor dream boat that is the Owl Clam to find your own inner peace.  Sprung forth from the mind of Nathan Jurevicius and produced by Toy Art Gallery, this wonder of Japanese plastic can be yours by entering a lottery to purchase.  From now until Monday at noon pacific time, you can send an email to sales(at)toyartgallery.com with "Owl Clam Lottery" as the subject.  Please include your Paypal address and shipping info as well, and only enter once.  God speed.


    

The Debut of James Groman's Brachiosaurus from Toy Art Gallery

    If zombie dinosaurs roamed the Earth, would they have still been around until we invented ways to kill them?  This is the pressing question of our times, or at least this very moment as we gaze upon the debut of this Brachiosaurus from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery.  Of course, it is possible that the zombie dinosaurs would have wiped us out before we had the chance to realize that you have to hit them in their pea sized brains for it to be effective.  Now I'm freaking out about zombies evolving to have tiny heads thus making them nearly immortal.  I need to start going to bed earlier.

    Cast in a beautiful red vinyl, this eight inch tall lizard features five points of articulation, which would be just enough to not be able to do a damn thing about a giant meteor.  Available starting today (Friday, August 18) at noon pacific time, he can be yours for $125 only from www.toyartgallery.com. 

Satanic Spaceman Glampyre Lottery from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    So let me get this straight:  you have a chance to not only own one of these sweet Glampyre toys, but they've been hand painted by the man behind the design, Martin Ontiveros?  And this eight inch figure looking like Dracula joined the Kiss Army is only $150?  I may not hit the Powerball, but this is the next best thing.  You would wish I did hit a jackpot like that, because I would quit my job in such awesome fashion it would absolutely break the Internet.  I've already got it all planned out, so keep me in your prayers.

   Speaking of lotteries, the only way you can own one of these limited edition dream boats is by entering one.  From now until Monday, August 14 at noon pacific you can email sales@toyartgallery.com with the subject line "Glampyre Lottery" along with your PayPal details and shipping address. Then cross whatever you can for good luck so you bring this beauty home.