NYCC Exclusives from Skinner

    Well, New York Comic Con this year is gonna involve me visiting one booth, then standing outside the rest of the time begging for change so I can afford to get home with all my treasures.  Skinner sent me these images last night of the craziness that he will be releasing and I immediately called up my mortgage company and told them to suck it cause I won't be able to send them anymore money for a long time until my drug business gets off the ground which takes some time because you got to get that primo product and then build a clientele and you gotta get some people that are willing to get their hands dirty but won't rat you out when the idea of prison snuggles are brought up and I need some time to establish that I'm crazy enough to mess you up if you try and take down my soon to be empire.  All of that takes time and money and I'm not gonna have any money after buying all these toys to line up in my new crime office.

    Let's get to the important details before I black out from all the awesomeness I see and have to go to the emergency room.  First up, a run of 5 Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Berserkers.  These will be available Saturday at 2pm for $300 each.

    These are called Not Child Prostitute/Not Bootleg.  I'm pretty sure I've seen them outside of the casinos in Atlantic City late at night.  You just have to look for the ring of seagulls circling their heads.  They're made of resin, are available Friday at noon, limited to 10 pieces, and cost $100 each.  

    It's like a baby Eye of Sauron or something.  For those of you keeping score at home, that's the second time I've referenced the Eye of Sauron this week.  I'm becoming so predictable.  These will be available Friday at 2pm for $200 each.  Only 6 were made. 

    Now this is what I want.  Ok, let's be honest with ourselves here, I want them all.  But if I had to pick one, and I will or my wife will kill me for my lack of fiscal responsibility (she doesn't believe in my crime lord dreams) then this is the one I want.  The Unhallowed Ultrus Bog is limited to 5 pieces and will command a price of $150 when it is available on Sunday at 1pm.  

Another Ultrus Bog?  Yeah sucka, you heard me.  It's the Great Pumpkin version.  Charlie Brown would have peed his britches is this bro rose from the pumpkin patch.  Four were made and are $300 each when they appear Saturday at 3pm.  

    Now this is for all you coupon clipping bargain shoppers out there.  You get not one but two Abyss Minions painted by the Skinman himself for the low low price of $100.  Only 10 sets are available though so don't waste your time taking pictures of girls dressed as half-naked comic book characters.

    This toy will beat the living pee pee out of you and then become your step dad.  Bullet Belt! Bullet Belt!   Saturday at noon is the time, $300 is the price, and 10 is the amount that are up for grabs.  Oh, and you get all of the patches that Bullet Belt wears to put on your own jacket and be cool or something.  

   This isn't even everything, but my fingers are sore from typing so much.  There will also be t-shirts, balloon animals, and a special collaboration with Healeymade.  Booth #110 is the only one that needs to be on your mind if you're ready to cross over into madness. 

Dead Folk Arcana Print Set from Skinner

    Hey, you there.  You wanna become a cosmic wizard, capable of raising the dead and always succeeding in your fantasy football league?  Then you have to start with how you decorate.  Posters of Bob Marley and Boondock Saints ain't gonna do it for you bro.  Not only are you not harnessing your inner necromancer, you're limiting your potential suitors to girls who can't go out of the house without their lucky sweatpants.  You gotta man up, tune in, drop out, trip the light fantastic, and decorate your abode more like the temple it should be and less like a smelly dorm room.

    Skinner is gonna be your spirit guide into your home makeover with this set of Dead Folk Arcana prints.  You get five mind expanding prints that will tear your soul from your body, spit on it, and then shove it partially back in like when you try to repackage something and it never ever fits the same way as it once did and you kinda give up and just leave it the best you can which is not nearly as good as those factory guys did it cause at least they could get the lid closed and probably didn't disappoint their families nearly as much as you do with your ineptness.  They're limited to 30 sets and come numbered in a nice folio to protect them and you get it all for $120.  The path to your greatness has never been more affordable.   These go on sale tomorrow, September 27th, at noon Pacific time.  Get em here: http://theartofskinner.com/.

This is a sample to get you hooked.  That tingly feeling in your gut?  That's your magic coming out.  Or a bad burrito.  

Medicom Exclusive Devilman Ultrus Bog from Skinner x Lulubell Toy Bodega

     Oh snap son, your life is about to level up to 1000 or something.  I showed you this sucker way back in the day, like a few months ago, and you were all sad cause you don't live in Japan and it would cost you all the monies to get this guy from there to your house.  Well, get ready for this to be a great day for you (unless your day already sucks butt, then hopefully this will ease some of that pain) cause Lulubell Toy Bodega is making this guy available at a great price.  For a mere $90, you could be the proud owner of this Medicom exclusive Devilman Ultrus Bog by Skinner.  $90!!!!!!!!!!!!  When's the last time you saw an Ultrus Bog for $90?  Probably in the 1950's, when you saved up all your Bazooka Joe comics like a good little boy and mailed them away for one.  Your jaw still hurts from chewing all that gum.

    You have until September 28th to pull the trigger on this guy.  After that you will be sad and unattractive to anyone.

http://www.lulubelltoys.com/

B.A.S.T.A.R.D. 3 Packs from Triclops x Unbox Industries

    Are you ready for uber sick wrasslin action?  If you had to think about it then you're not ready and should probably go and reevaluate your life, because it's about to get crazy in here.  

    Triclops and Unbox Industries are proud to present these 3 packs of their super sick B.A.S.T.A.R.D. keshi inspired figures.  I'm so pumped up about this, I'm gonna walk to my neighbor's house and punch him in the face.  Don't worry, he had it coming for those weird barnyard noises he and his mutant girlfriend were making at one in the morning.  Seriously, it sounded like two injured donkeys on a trampoline.  He's about to feel the fury of my knuckles as they reorganize the bone structure of his pudding face.  

    Ok, so these are three packs which mean you get three figures.  The math is sound there my friends.  You can choose between either yellow or pink and the third figure will be an orange Bullet Belt figure from Skinner!!!!!  I have one of these and it is sick, easily the best little guy I have in my collection.  each pack is only $12.50, which is a great deal.  After I beat my neighbor up I may steal his wallet and buy a few to help ease the pain and suffering I've been through as a result of his improprieties.  Get em now from http://www.unboxindustries.info.

New Minions from Skinner x Paul Kaiju x Lulubell Toy Bodega

    When I am sleeping and my cat Icarus decides he wants attention, he will sit on my nightstand and poke me in the arm.  Evidently this was not effective the other night, because I woke up in a panic after he put his entire paw in my mouth.  He was seriously elbow deep and it startled the crap out of me.  It was four in the morning and since I wasn't going to be sleeping again any time soon I got up to use the bathroom.  Everything in that department is going fine, that is until I look in the bathtub.  For those of you that don't know, Icarus has a habit of eating just about anything, especially if it's gross.  There, in the bathtub, was clear evidence that he had been fishing in the drain.

 With his paws.

That were just in my mouth.

     I've only had my mouth washed out with soap once, and that was after I cursed at my mom when I was five.  And she had the decency to not use liquid soap.  But it's what I had, so I made do.  I leaned my head back and pumped it straight in like I was a college kid downing a can of spray cheese.  It took some time to wash it all back out, but I felt it was worth it to prevent my death from whatever evil had been brewing in that tub drain.

    I'm sure I missed a few germs, and I picture them to look kinda like these guys, throwing a rager in my belly that would make Andrew WK blush.  These guys were made by Skinner and Paul Kaiju and are available exclusively from Lulubell Toy Bodega.  For $55 you get em both, which is a deal because I have to buy more soap.  Pick em up tomorrow, August 30th at 11am Pacific time from http://www.lulubelltoys.com/.

Custom Run of Semi-Korosiya Figures from Skinner x Cop A Squat Toys

    Cop A Squat Toys has the best company name in the history of business.  Skinner is the best figure painter in the history of art toy thingys.  When you combine their magical powers the result is so hot it may burn a hole in your toy shelf, so you should probably buy one of those fire retardant blankets to put underneath him just to be safe.  

    He painted up 10 of these Semi-Korosiya figures using that special V-Color paint that all those mystical toy makers in Asia use.  But not only do you get the toy, that would be too simple.  You also get an amazing print to go with it:

       Look at this!!!! This guy has all kinds of craziness going on inside of him.  This is exactly what happens to my innards if I accidently eat cheese.  Especially the part with the sword and the lightning.

    And the header card on this thing is pretty sick to.  Most of the time people just staple old Chinese food menus or whatever else they have laying around the house to make a header card.  Not this time.  More work went into this header card than a Miley Cyrus twerking video.  You may even want to frame it too and create an entire shrine in your house for this toy.  No one would blame you.

    Now you're probably asking yourself "How much will all of this cost me?"  Well you may expect to pay thousands for a package this chock full of goodness.  But Skinner is a man that understands the economy and the fact that if you can't pay your electric bill then that's a huge chunk of the day you can't gaze into the all seeing eye of this toy.  So you get the toy, the print, the killer header card (trust me its cool), and the Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card (not really) for...$225!!!!!!!!

    Now you're probably asking yourself "But how do I get in on this sweet deal?"  Well I'm gonna tell you Uncle Slappy.  You gotta be at your computer and ready to make the magic happen this Thursday, August 29th, at noon Pacific.  Set your coordinates for http://shopcriticalhit.com/products/semi-korosiyra and pray that lady luck is on your side.

    For those of you that didn't get the Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card joke I present to you Mr. Don West, the king of late night baseball card deals. This man is a source of endless entertainment and has probably had a dozen strokes from yelling like a mad man.

Epic Review Time: Bullet Belt from Skinner x Unbox Industries

    It's Monday.  About 11am in the morning.  The doorbell rings, followed immediately by a forceful knock.  I am watching tv in my underwear.  Then the debate in my head starts.  Do I answer the door and act like everything is totally cool, or do I say "hang on a second", run upstairs, and put on whatever clothes I can find?  I option for the latter, just in case it's kids raising money for school or something.  That's the last thing I need to start off my week.  I get my pants on and I open the door to find the crankiest mail man I have ever met.  He was walking off, mumbling to himself about how he "doesn't know where the hell everyone is today to sign for these damn boxes".  I thought to myself how grateful he should be that I didn't answer the door with my bingo hanging out.

    Fast forward a bit and I'm tearing this sucker open.  The return address was in Hong Kong and the customs papers said their were toys inside and being that I haven't ordered anything in awhile I was most curious.  Behold, even though some of ye be unworthy, the mighty treasure that the gods bestowed upon me:

    It's Bullet Belt from Skinner x Unbox Industries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes, every one of those exclamation points was grammatically correct).  This is an unpainted flesh version that is reminiscent of the classic M.U.S.C.L.E figures and this sucker is huuuuuuuuge (again, grammatically correct, look it up).  They say he's 10 inches tall, and I don't have a ruler to use in dispute of that, but I wish I did cause I think he's bigger.  You wanna know how big?  This is him standing next to a full grown tiger:

    Pretty massive right?  But on a serious note, this guy is 100% amazing.  I've wanted one since the first images of him popped up online, but no mere picture can do it justice.  The sculpt is insanely detailed and the figure is made so well I couldn't even find mold lines.  Not only that but since it's not painted you can't hide any flaws, which doesn't matter cause they're aren't any.  He's also articulated at the shoulders, wrists, and neck, so you can pose him however you want to make him look even more menacing (if that's possible).  But you gotta watch him, cause he's as smooth as he is tough, so much so that I think he stole my wife:

    What a slick willy!!!  I can't even be mad at him though.  Mostly because he scares me.  He even came with a mini version of himself for back up:

    How do they make a small one that looks exactly like the big one?  Lasers and computers?  I have a computer and the best thing I've ever been able to do is read TMZ.  I've certainly never shrunk anything.  I think that dude at Best Buy ripped me off.  This little guy is the perfect size to fit into the rest of the Triclops B.A.S.T.A.R.D. universe for real wrasslin action!

    The preorders for the first painted version of this behemoth have come and gone, but don't think that will be your only chance to get one.  This sucker is too awesome to be released once and never heard from again.  There will be more and I will tell you all about them as soon as I know.  But in the mean time you need to do a few things to prepare yourself to welcome a toy this brutal into your life, so  I prepared a handy list to help you survive the moment you open the box:

1.)  Eat lots of red meat.  You're gonna need to build up your iron.  

2.)  Only listen to the blackest metal you can find.  Your mind needs to be shaped by tales of dark magic and evil spirits so you can withstand his penetrating gaze.

3.)  Get a prison tattoo.  You don't actually have to go to prison for it, but bonus points if you do.

4.)  Stop shaving your beards.  Ladies, you can ignore this one.

    These are mere suggestions mind you and not a complete list, as Bullet Belt is the baddest toy I've ever encountered and will be sure to change up his menacing ways to more effectively bring fear into your heart.  But you should buy one anyway and make the rest of your toys look like sissies.

    This has been verified by The Library of Congress as the best toy review you have ever read.  

My Top 10 Things I Want from SDCC

    It seems the popular thing to do on blogs is to create lists.  Fearing criminal prosecution from most of the lists I would like to post, I instead decided to make a list of 10 things I would like to own from San Diego Comic Con.  These are in no particular order.

    Anytime someone around me is complaining of any physical ailment I always tell them that their symptoms are consistent with that of a tapeworm living in their gut.  Thus far, I have only been successful at getting one person to actually go to the doctor with this concern, but I keep trying.  

    Ferg x Grody Shogun made this Young Gohst with a major parasitic issue for Lulubell Toy Bodega's booth #5045.  Get one on Saturday for $45.

    Ferg also made this big ol suicidal cat for Rotofugi's booth #5248 starting tonight for $120.

    I pretty much want everything Frank Kozik makes, but I narrowed it down to two things I really really really want.  First up is the hand painted Mr. Monsanto.  This releases tomorrow at 2pm at his booth #5051 for $100.

    The second thing is this Mishka collaboration Labbit from Kidrobot.  I haven't even seen what it looks like but I know it's a must have.  These will be $99.99 at booth # 4995 on Saturday at noon. 

    It all of a sudden got real cute in here.  Balance is the key to life my friends, so I've gotta balance out the blood and guts with some sugar and spice.  Brandi Milne's Sugar Lamb, Go! fits the bill.  For $90 you can get this at 3DRetro's booth #5051.  

    Also from 3DRetro comes this little ice cream dude from Gary Baseman.  He's only $55, which I think is a deal.  

    Retro Outlaw has given the galaxy's greatest bounty hunter a new mission:  jump over Snake Canyon on your motorcycle, while on fire, while watching Breaking Bad on Netflix.  Piece of cake, dummies.  Visit booth #929, give 'em $120, and live forever in glory! 

    Classic He-Man figures with Charles Manson heads and custom paint jobs from Skinner? Yeah, I'll take one of those.  DKE will be selling 50 of these, each one unique, for $150.  Get one Friday at 11am.  

    Speaking of Skinner, look at these guys.  He designed the one on the left while Paul Kaiju designed the one on the right and sculpted them booth.  Get the set for $55 from Lulubell Toy Bodega booth #5045 on Friday.  

Last, but certainly not least, is this 8 inch Dunny from Jon-Paul Kaiser x Kidrobot.  Again, who knows what it looks like, but who cares!  It's not gonna suck.  Get one Friday at noon from booth #4945.

Well there you have it.  I'm sure I forgot some stuff.  As always, presents are always appreciated and tax deductible.***

***Probably not though

Perorder Bullet Belt from Skinner x Unbox Industries Now!!!!!

    This elephant would like you to know that if you try to take his tusks to carve into opium pipes he will fillet you like a fish and use your skin to make new chaps.  This is Bullet Belt and he was birthed from the twisted mind of Skinner and forged in plastic by Unbox Industries.  This is one bad toy.  And he comes with a little buddy figure, so you can finally live out your dream of making the sequel to Twins.  

    Preorders for this behemoth have started now and will last until July 31st. They are making these dudes to order, so don't expect to stumble upon one by walking into a shop, cause it won't happen.  Go to http://unboxindustries.bigcartel.com/ to get one now or forever disappoint your mother.  

Even More SDCC Exclusives from DKE

    Skinner just won Comic Con.  He took classic He-Man figures, replaced their heads with that of Charles Manson, and painted em up all nice and pretty.  Every idea that everyone else has ever had is officially dumb by comparison.  And they're only $150?  You can't even get him to think about painting something for you for $150, let alone get a complete, carded figure.  He's a busy man, and time is money.  I wonder what he did with all the heads he cut off?

eeeeeek!

    Didn't I just do a whole post yesterday about The Sucklord and his DKE exclusives?  Well, they snuck another one in there while I was napping.  Jason Freeny cut this sucker up to see how he ticks and rather than bury him again he's gonna sell him to you!  Everybody needs to know how autopsies work so they can better dispatch of their enemies without getting caught, and what could possibly be a more fun way to learn?  

    Jabba the Hut and those shut ins you see on tv really aren't that different.  Jabba just had money so he could hire a bunch of fools to do all the stuff he needed, like get him Chinese food and wash his back.  Alex Pardee has effectively captured the likeness of the galaxy's greatest invalid in this Bunnywith figure.  Now bring him some chicken and put his stories on.  

Custom Cadaver Kids from Splurrt x Skinner

   Being dead does absolutely nothing for your figure.  Everything goes all loosey goosey and bugs take up residence to open up their own little buffets.  It's pretty crappy.  But if you're gonna be a dead sack of meat you might as well look the best you can doing it.

   Skinner painted up 10 of Splurrt's Cadaver Kids and they will go on sale tomorrow (July 4th) at noon Pacific time at http://shopcriticalhit.com/.  Decomposition smell not included.

Devilman Ultrus Bog from Skinner x Lulubell Toy Bodega x Medicom

    The forces of evil are determined to make me go broke.  I've been goo at behaving myself financially, but I think this may be the toy that reels me back in to spending first and feeling bad about it later.  Oh, temptation, you are a cruel mistress.

    My love for Skinner's Ultrus Bog knows no bounds.  It's one of my favorite figures of all time and the fact that this sucker is painted up in tribute to Devilman makes him all the more special.  Lulubell Toy Bodega was responsible for the production of this guy, but he will be sold exclusively at Project 1/6 in Japan and on www.medicomtoy.co.jp beginning July 24th.  If you want one, or want to buy me one, use this link to get all the details:

Click Here Suckas