Resin Minion Figures from MikeFX x RenOneLab

    This dude is nothing like those little yellow guys with the same name.  In fact, he looks like he would like to use those razor teeth to bite their heads clean off.  Which is fine by me, cause I'm beyond seeing those things in every fifth Facebook post along with some quote about how Monday's suck, or how everyone at their job annoys them.  The only thing those inspire me to do is wish I drank.  

    You've seen RenOne's Minion face plastered all over the world in sticker form, but now you can welcome him into your home as a fully realized three dimensional figure.  MikeFX brought this 5 inch resin dude to life and he will be available as a 10 piece run in DIY grey with one lucky buyer scoring the Cherry Bomb figure you see below.  These dudes will go on sale Friday, March 25th at 9am pacific time.  Available at http://rottenresin.storenvy.com.

Candie Bolton Tackles Paul Kaiju's Mock Pilot

   

    Are you in a state of depression because everything from Paul Kaiju's show this past weekend at Stranger Factory sold in one night?  Wipe those crusty tear trails from your face and get back on your toy buying horse because you're getting another chance at glory.  And if having a Paul Kaiju figure wasn't prize enough, Candie Bolton applying a sweet paint job on top of it is like getting a brownie covered in birthday cake topped with fried twinkies.  That will probably kill you in real life, so please realize it is only safe to consume as a metaphor.

    Now for the all important details of how you can actually own one of these.  They will go on sale Tuesday, March 22nd at 6:30 pacific time only at http://www.candiebolton.com.  Each set will be $200 and most likely sell very quickly, so don't get caught up in watching Judge Mathis and forget about them.

    

MC Supersized Platinum from Ron English x K. Olin Tribu

    Oh snap, look at that big old hamburger king!  He took so much money from you in exchange for hid diseased meat that he's gone and covered himself in platinum!  See, I never understand why people trust clowns.  When has a clown ever tried to get you to do anything and the results were good?  John Wayne Gacy was a clown and we know how all that turned out, so I guess a certain fast food clown's crimes against humanity aren't that extreme.  He at least doesn't kill you right away.

   I can't act like I don't appreciate fast food every once in a while.  Usually that appreciation ends the moment I realize what a terrible mistake I've made, but what can you do.  Is there a more grandiose ode to the king of instant gratification than this MC Supersized by Ron English?  Certainly not, especially when it's cast in porcelain by K. Olin Tribu and decked out in platinum.  He's available right now to lend your house some fanciness while simultaneously making a cultural statement.  Kind of like the way I saw myself in my teenage years.  Minus the fancy part, cause my jeans all had holes.  

One of a Kind Garamon Tank from Plaseebo

    Bet you didn't know that the government has been working on military weapons entirely powered by monsters.  I stumbled upon it on the dark web while looking to sell some extremely rare bootleg Pokemon cards.  Plaseebo evidently knows about it too, cause this custom Garamon tank figure is almost exactly what was being described to me by the guy who bought my Charizard.  Getting ahold of this is way easier than getting a criminal to Paypal you the money he swore he would, cause all you have to do is visit http://www.plaseebo.net/, drop a little cash, and welcome this crazy looking dude into your home.  He goes on sale Friday, March 18th at noon pacific time.  

Kidrobot Week at Entertainment Earth

    Hey, you there.  You want some Kidrobot toys AND you want to save money?  Click on this here picture and shop till your credit card bursts into flames.  

Stealth Mecha Dunny from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    Where I live we have a national landmark named Lucy the Elephant that is exactly what it sounds like: a really big elephant.  I think there used to be a hotel in it or something and I know there's a window you can look out of right in the giant elephant butt, which was either bad planning or a work of genius; I have yet to decide.  I guess it's cool but how much better would it be if it was some hyped up weapon ready to protect our shores at any cost?  Imagine this: the enemy lands on the beaches of Atlantic City, ready to destroy all the monuments of grandeur that President Trump (cringe) has built in his name and suddenly the giant elephant comes to life, annihilating all that dare invade this nation.  Missed opportunity.

No, those tusks aren't actually hiding an array of missiles.

    If Frank Kozik was our president I'm sure our country would be filled with these Mecha Dunnys, ready to be deployed at a moments notice to vanquish all threats.  Or Amazon could use them to deliver books to you faster than a pizza.  Or both, which would be a real efficient use of resources and probably mean he wouldn't have to raise taxes.  Corporations should sponsor everything.

    Kidrobot is unleashing this color way of the popular 8 inch figure on Friday, March 18th.  Protect your homestead for only $74.99.

Stranger Factory Presents: Paul Kaiju

    You know what I hate: art critics.  And I hate the people that stand in front of museum paintings and wax philosophical about how an artist was struggling with a bout of hemorhoids and how if affected the troubled faces of the people he painted.  Who gives a crap (pun intended).  Nickelback may be singing about the deepest stuff that would forever change the way I look at the world but until their music becomes anything other than the sonic equivalent of sports sandals I'll never know the difference.  I like art that looks cool; that I can wake up every morning excited to look at.  I like to be aesthetically pleased.

    I would straight lose my mind if I could see this Paul Kaiju show at Stranger Factory.  The place is going to be filled with his monstrous creations and I would bet money no one tries to impress their date by explaining the political significance of a Mockbat in these troubling times.  They're just gonna smack themselves to stop the trance it puts them in and try to buy it before anyone else can.  The show opens Saturday, March 19th and will only be visible for a few days.  If you're interested in buying something I would get there opening night because anyone who collects toys would punch their own grandmother to own one of the pieces.  Don't worry, my grandma is tough and a few knuckles to the jaw ain't gonna slow her down.