It's that time of year again where we all need to be on the lookout for turtles crossing the road. If I see one and it's a situation thats relatively safe, I will stop and help the little buggers along on their journey. Kind of like a turtle Uber for when they're trying to get to their booty calls. If you see one and want to help make sure you put him on the side of the street that he is trying to reach, because if you do the opposite he will just turn around and try again. Those things are as persistent as teenage boys when there's an antique issue of Playboy within a 5 mile radius. They can carry diseases that will make your tummy not feel so good, so I keep a box of gloves in my trunk for when I see one. Plus, it's really fun to explain to the cops driving by why you're walking around the outskirts of the woods with surgical gloves on. They're not suspicious of that at all.
The point is that you should save the turtles and save some shelf space for this beautiful one of a kind figure from Mechavirus and Plaseebo. This dude looks like the snapping turtle that my father in law tried to push across the road with a tree branch that then in turn decided to try and kill him for his kindness. Some critters just can't be helped. This figure is beyond insane with mechanical features jutting out of his gut, a paint job that screams "here I am, come and fight me", and internal LED lights that would make you think he was ready to party. He is not ready to party, unless systematically removing the sausages from your hands seems like a good time.
If you want to own this you're gonna have to enter a lottery to do so. Here are the details you need:
To enter lottery, please send the following to: firstname.lastname@example.org
2. Shipping Address
4. Telephone Number
5. PayPal Email Address
6. Instagram ID
You can enter until June 22nd (this Saturday) and the winner will have to cough up $400 plus shipping.