I'm not a beach person. I enjoy the boardwalk and the carnival games and the really bad food, but you won't find me baking myself on the sand or frolicking in the surf. People are surprised to hear that being that I live so close to the Jersey Shore, but there's plenty of other activities in Southern New Jersey besides just the beach. There's throwing old food near groups of people and watching the seagulls attack, there's road rage, and there's days spent hunting for the mines that Zoolander claimed were here. See, my plate is full.
Not being at the beach also gives me a head start when these dudes emerge from the waves to lay waste on humanity. I've been telling you it's gonna happen for years yet everyone is worried about zombies because that's what they want. They perpetuated the zombie nonsense with their incredible marketing skills to lure you into a place of comfort. The sharks have been trying to warn us too, but you don't listen, as their attacks are quickly forgotten. Let's move on.
These vinyl Draculobster and Alien Lazer figures from Michael Skattum and will in no way have the fishy smell that their real life counterparts will bring with them from the bottom of the ocean. Each figure is available right now for $85 each or get a bundle deal on both for $150. Oh, and those prices include free shipping all the way from China. Snag em at http://michaelskattum.bigcartel.com.