Valentine's Suck Salon with The Sucklord

   I personally have never been to one of these Sucklord shindigs that all the cool cats are raving about, but a photo did leak from the last one that he held.  This is an exclusive look, brought to you through the hours a day I spend propagating fake news and alternative facts, of what his last gathering looked like:

    Dear God it's more intense than even my worldly mind could have conceived!  There's obviously jazz music playing in the background and just out of frame there would have to be the copious amounts of Mary Jane (that's what the kids call it) that inspired such illicit behavior.  If you're into such shenanigans and tomfoolery than I doubt you'd have anything wholesome planned on this Friday, February 17th when The Sucklord once again spits in the face of common decency for his next Suck Salon.  It will be packed full of rebellious youth, communist literature, and the debut one some Lavender Chrome injection molded figures:

    The shininess is intended to cloud your already twisted judgement.  Here's the details so you can ramp up your sign making and coordinate your protests:

Catzilla One of a Kind Figure from Plaseebo

 

     When Sharon and I lived in our first apartment we had a bunch of cats that would come by looking to be fed.  One was especially personable and we named him Fergus, for what reason I have no idea.  He would come by, stand on his hind legs, and peek into the windows to get our attention whenever he was hungry.  Sometimes he would follow us into the house which became increasingly uncomfortable, because every time we saw him he had a different ailment he was dealing with.  One day he was missing a chunk of his ear, another he had a dangly tooth poking out from his mouth; it was always something and always rather gross.  So one morning I'm leaving for work early in the morning and this black flash of fur darts past me when I open the front door and makes camp under our bed, where my unsuspecting wife is still asleep.  Now part of me wanted to leave the dude there and let my wife wake up to the kitty from Pet Semetary licking her face, but a bigger part of me wanted to stay married, so I evicted him back into the wilds of the cul-de-sac.  We tried on numerous occasions to get him to stay in the house so we could permanently adopt him but he wasn't having it.  I guess it would have cut into his MMA training regiment.

    Somehow, without any input from me, Plaseebo has perfectly captured the spirit of Fergus the Wounded (that's his Game of Thrones name) in his latest creation.  This one of a kind creation of course comes loaded with a color changing LED light that you may mistake for some angry demon soul trapped within it's throat:

    Scary stuff.  The Devil's kitten can be yours by visiting www.plaseebo.net.  

"Chocolate Covered Cherry" Marbled Keshi from Radioactive Uppercut

    Last minute Valentine's Day shopping is no longer limited to your local gas station and their selection of international phone cards and off brand perfume.  You try to bring some culture home and no one appreciates it, am I right?  Nope, your game is now leveled up courtesy of Radioactive Uppercut and his gang of Freaks, Finks, and Spazzes.

    Each of these 3 inch figures has been cast up in a special marbled Chocolate Covered Cherry motif that perfectly emulates the holiday.  They will be sold separately for $30 each and will be available starting tonight at 8pm eastern time from http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.

Winter Snow Bon Bun from Sorbet Jungle

   

    It never fails that this time of year I am compelled for some reason to go places on the coldest days of the month.  Last year Sharon and I went to Toy Fair on Valentine's Day when it was like 3 degrees out.  We emerged from the bowels of Penn Station only to be hit with cold air that felt like a hammer against your skin.  This year we went to Asbury Park to see NXT and it was a blustery 30 degrees, which doesn't feel too bad when getting out of the car, but then you get that nice breeze off of the Atlantic Ocean and you're pretty sure your exposed areas have died and fallen off.  I obviously have a handle on this whole romance business.

    The cold isn't all bad though, for it has inspired these Winter Snow Bon Buns from Sorbet Jungle.  Only 5 of these 2 inch tall resin creations exist (4 in blue and 1 in white) and go on sale tonight, Monday February 13th at 5pm cst.  They're $35 each and only available from www.sorbetjungle.com.    Now do your best to take your loved one somewhere that the threat of frost bite is not an ever present danger.

Asphaerius from Yuck Toy Co.

    You know how you grab everyone's attention and sell a crap ton of new toys?  You cut a wrestling promo to advertise your product.  Now for those of you that don't know what a promo is, watch this classic one from The American Dream Dusty Rhodes:

     Oh I know you are pumped for the rest of your day now!  If you're not then we probably can't be friends, so go ahead and watch it a few more times till you feel it, brother!

     So Yuck Toy Co. painted up his face and laid the smack down to let everyone know about his release of Asphaerius.  This little resin dude is still available through http://yucktoyco.bigcartel.com and comes with a bunch of stickers and a mini wrasslin' dude so you can start your own league right at home.  Each figure is sold blind bagged and available for only $25!!!!!!

     

The Cast of Rogue One from Forces of Dorkness

    I know the Internet is filled with fake news and alternative facts, but I read the other day that they had to shut a bunch of rides down at Disney Land because someone spread a dead relative's ashes on them.  I don't know how this all went down, but I'd like to think they got into the front seat of Splash Mountain, threw their hands in the air, and just let the wind do the work.  That way it's just like they were taking one last ride on all their favorites, while anyone sitting behind the mourners spent the rest of their day picking charred human remains from their eyelids.  It really is the happiest place on earth!

    In case you haven't noticed, neither Jyn Erso nor any of her esteemed rebels from Rogue One made an appearance in the original Star Wars waaaaaay back in 1977.  That's because they were all roasted.  Oh dang, I forget to yell "spoiler alert."  Though I'm sure if George Lucas was still involved in the storied franchise he would have found a way to digitally insert their ghosts into the original films, causing my head to literally explode as if it had been fired upon by the Death Star.

    Forces of Dorkness has created the ultimate collectible for the Star Wars fan in your life with this bag of ashes from the characters.  Who exactly your mixture will contain is a complete mystery and thats half the fun!  Pick one of these up right now from http://forcesofdorkness.storenvy.com.

    

The Patron Saint of Halloween from Sam Heimer

    I need this!!!  Of course it would drop on a week in which I just bought a rowing machine so I can get all swole and have NXT events two days in a row.  But I need this and that need may push me towards ignoring my attempt at fiscal responsibility and coming to terms with the fact that things like this make me happy and that's what's really important right?  And if it's for my mental stability I'm pretty sure I can write it off on my taxes next year as a health care expense.  I have a very liberal accountant.

    This is The Patron Saint of Halloween from Philadelphia artist Sam Heimer, which is one of the best resin releases I've seen in a long time.  Though I am a bit partial to Halloween decor, and he's from a city I spend a lot of time in, but just look at this thing.  You know you want to fill your shelves with them.  And you can when they go on sale tonight (Monday, February 6th) at 8pm eastern time from samheimer.etsy.com.  There's 20 in black and 25 in orange which and they're only $20 each for this debut release.  Do it.