Universal Monsters Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    Remember the simpler times, when the only monsters you had to be scared of were these guys, and not your creepy neighbor with the mugshot and extensive criminal record you found while doing a Google search?  Back in the day you had to learn your neighbor was a creep the hard way: when the cops and the news team showed up.  But these guys were still way scarier according to my partially repressed memory.  

    This September you can relive all the fun/excitement/terror of Universal Monsters with these Pop! Vinyl figures from Funko.  Because of all the cool stuff they make I may never be able to retire, but I'll have the best toy collection of any of my geriatric friends.  

Breaking Bad Meets Professional Wrestling? Sign Me Up, Goodleg Toys!!!

    It's no secret that professional wrestlers are notorious for using so called performance enhancements.  Those vitamins Hulk Hogan was always telling you to take didn't come in the form of chewable Flintstone characters.  What I'd really like to see is a wrestling league where everyone is doped up on illegal drugs and fight till no one has any teeth left.  Could you imagine a bunch of gross old meth heads beating the snot out of each other?  I can, and it is glorious.  I'm gonna start the CHWF, or Crack Head Wrestling Federation, make millions off of the pay per views, and retire to some European country.  

    The geniuses at Goodleg Toys have inspired my next entrepreneurial endeavor with the release of the second series of Tok-Sicko MehiKO.  One of the dude's names is actually El Meth-Ador, which I totally need in my new wrasslin company.  They also have some blank 3 packs so you can create your own luchador personas.  They're available now for $17 each of the two you see above, and $30 for the three packs at http://goodlegtoys.storenvy.com/. They're all handmade and stuff too!  

Mayor 4 Crack Kickstarter from Mindzai

    That Toronto mayor seems like a fun guy.  See, in America we all assume that our politicians must be smoking crack based on some of the horrible crap they do, but in Canada they freely admit to it!  We remember Rob Ford, getting caught on tape talking about all his crazy hijinks.  Then he refused to resign despite everyone trying to get him out of there.  Has anyone ever tried reasoning with a crackhead?  It should be an Olympic sport.  

    Now the folks at Mindzai are trying to immortalize him forever in plastic form as part of a new Kickstarter campaign.  I can freely admit that I never once thought about the guy becoming a toy, but it's kinda practical really.  Whenever you're feeling bad about yourself you could look at this guy and think "well, at least I'm not smoking crack and the laughingstock of an entire nation yet"  You'll be amazed at how much brighter that will make your day.  To get in on this campaign and help bring this figure into the real world, check out this link.  

I'm Back From Not Being at Comic Con!!

    I'm back from my "I'm not at comic con so I have nothing to really talk about" mini vacation!!!!  Did you miss me?  Are you even still reading this after seeing the most horrific picture I've ever found on the internet?  That bro is ready for battle/Fashion Week.  Is it more horrifying that he is dressed this way or that he actually knows someone else and convinced them to take this picture?  Do you think that person is still alive or in a few different pieces in a lonely basement freezer?  Whenever I go to conventions I'm usually stuck in line near someone like this and wondering what I did to deserve such punishment/why didn't I bring a can of Lysol with me.  

Monster Worship at SDCC

    Monster Worship is making the trek west for San Diego Comic Con and is bringing a metric butt ton of stuff for you.  Lets get to it sucka.

    From the twisted mind of Johnny Ryan come his Prison Pit creations Cannibal Fu**face and Rottweiler Herpes.  How are these not characters in the WWE?  Someone get Vince McMahon on the phone.  They're unpainted, yellow as all get out, and rarer than a watchable Jennifer Aniston film.  Each one is $75 ya cheapskate.

     

    Where my Galaxy People at?  Ok, that was lame of me to say and now my street cred level has dropped below zero.  I would like to apologize to all of my friends, my family, and my fans that I let down.  I will now be entering a rehab facility to help me work through my problems.  These little dudes are $25 each or $75 for the set, cause that's how math works, son.  

    Oh, this is something else from Johnny Ryan and it's called Mass Murder.  That is a not a good name for a child at all, so don't be easily influenced by pop culture and name your kid that.  You're just asking to drive up to the federal penitentiary every weekend for the rest of their natural life.  But he is all sparkly, which I'm a sucker for.  $85 will get you one.  

    These are the tiniest little Greasebats ever.  Jeff Lamm created these wee little bros and they are $15 each in slime green or unpainted glow in the dark.  Don't put them in your nose. 

    This guy looks like fun and not horrifying at all.  Just kidding, he scares me a bit.  Not pee my pants scared, but scared enough that I wouldn't take my eyes off of him for any period of time, less he catch you on the sneak!!!!  Michael Skattum designed this freaky dude and you can have your very own for $50.

   If you want any of this goodness you have one chance this Friday at 3:30pm at the Lulubell Toys booth # 5047 when they start giving out tickets for the sale which will last from 4-6.  

Peruse the SDCC Wares of Frank Kozik

    By this time next week all of the attendees of San Diego Comic Con will be bankrupt and suffering from what is called the "nerd flu", which is transmitted by being stuffed like sardines into big convention spaces.  But don't worry, it's rarely fatal.  Once your germs stop arguing about whether or not Star Wars is superior to Star Trek they usually just move on about their business.  Frank Kozik will be there trying not to get sick while selling you lots and lots of neat stuff he made, like these Clockwork Carrot figures.  He's got some of the originals left for $125 and the new Supervillian edition for $145: 

    Or maybe you're more of a bear person, I don't know your life!  Check out this matte black Dim Bear for $145 with awesome gold beat down chain.  

    Do you like adventures and mysteries, cause William, Henry, and Reginald here look like they're about to do some exploring/sleuthing that will probably lead to epic hijinks and other words you won't ever use in a sentence in your daily life.  This is the Heart of Darkness edition, which leads me to believe their quest will take them beyond the family friendly realms of PBS and into the seedier underbelly of HBO.  For $110 you can make up your own gripping tales of suspense, intrigue, and scandal!

    Ooooooh I like this.  Heathrow is looking like a rare treasure in clear blue vinyl.  And he is pretty rare, cause only 50 of these were made and they will be $40 each.  

    Ahhhh more clear blue vinyl!  Look how it shines like the Hope Diamond.  And it's probably equally as cursed.  I think I need a light box to display my clear toys, cause this setup is just too nice.  This is that wow factor that people will see when they come into your home and make them forget all about the cat smell.  25 of these sets of Hateballs were made and can be yours for $65.  

    Are two Hateballs just too much commitment for you?  Do you not feel you'll be able to love them both equally and show them the attention they need to flourish in this cold hearted world?  How about you stick with one big one that glows in the dark.  He's unpainted and will run you $40.  If you buy enough of them you could hang them from your deck and create party lights.  If you have any friends that would come to a party, which I don't and no I don't wanna talk about it.  

    The future is kinda stupid isn't it?  It's mainly stupid cause we'll miss out on most of it.  Sure, we'll get to see the immediate future, like lunch time and whatnot, and we'll get to see what remains of the future until our mortal bodies give out like broken down flesh sedans, but the way way future is completely lost to us.  It's a complete rip off.  At least we don't know what we will be missing, which is nice.  Plague victims were never like "Damn, guess I won't be around to Tweet or take selfies."  I need to get more sleep.  

   You need a lavender resin Gipper in your life.  Just trust me, it's all part of the bigger picture.  Only 50 were made and they cost $40.  

Visit Frank at booth 5051 starting today!

SDCC Exclusive Shub Zeroth from Metacrypt x DSKI One

    People are always asking me for advice on how to woo the fairer sex.  Actually, no one has ever asked me that, but I'm gonna tell you anyway with an example from this past Sunday.  First, my wife and I drove out to the boondocks of Pennsylvania to do a bit of antiquing.  There's nothing women love more than buying dead people's treasures.  Gets 'em all in the mood for romance. Next we ate lunch at our favorite spot in the continental US that serves German food.  After gorging ourselves on piles of meat we then headed home to watch the WWE wrasslin pay per view.  And that my friends is not only how you show a woman a good time, that is how you stay happily married.  If they aren't impressed by a date like that you should cut your loses and leave them on the side of the road because it's obvious they're terrible people.  

    This San Diego Comic Con exclusive Shub Zeroth reminds me of some good antiquing with that nice patina he's sporting.  I'm a sucker for a good patina, and I want this dude pretty badly.  I would not be opposed to showering you with praise if you buy me one.  Metacrypt made him, DSKI One painted him up, and he will be available at 1pm Thursday at the Lulubell Toys booth # 5047.  They will also have some unpainted grey versions and some green and white severed heads that are fun for kids to play with.  If anything doesn't sell (which would be stupid of all of you attending) it will be made available at Brian Ewing's booth # 4503.