KEIKOJOKER at Coin Rides Game #4 from Fool's Paradise

   Let me tell you something, Fools Paradise does licensed toys like no one else.  I love to see a company take such well known characters and blow my mind with such a refreshing presentation.  How many times can you make just a miniature version of some dude that everyone knows and expect people to get excited about it?  The answer is apparently "infinite".

    But enough bellyaching when there's this beauty to talk about.  It's equal parts cute, frightening, and irreverent, and thankfully looks nothing like the meth head Jared Leto version of the Joker that we're stuck with courtesy of the Suicide Squad film.  Ahhhhh negativity is like a bad burrito that just won't stop haunting me.

    I really don't know any better way to describe this thing than to have you look at the pictures and try to wrap your own head around it.  You got a nearly naked hot chick with a Joker-styles panda head riding a miniature coin operated Batmobile.  Actually, that does sum it up quite nicely.  I may have a future in this yet.

    You can preorder this beauty until July 13th by visiting http://doublefools.blogspot.com.  Only 380 of these will ever exist though, so get on it and own the greatest conversation piece a Batman fan could ever hope for.

   

"Rocket Pop" Edition Jerome from Frank Kozik X Rotofugi X Squibbles Ink

    Would you be so brave as to doubt that I have a story involving a rocket pop?  Ok, I'll admit, I really don't except for the time that I was little and we went to Washington DC in the summer and I got one from a food cart.  And it was delicious.  That's still a better love story than anything that turd Nicholas Sparks has ever written.

   So while my rocket pop story may not have got you feeling those sweet summer vibes, Frank Kozik's nicotine addicted ice cream Jerome will do the trick.  I'm so ashamed of myself for using the phrase "sweet summer vibes".   This dude, produced by Rotofugi and Squibbles Ink is decked out in red, white, and blue and is arriving just in time to crash your weekend BBQ.  Limited to only 75 pieces, snap yourself up one on July 1st at 10am central time only from www.rotofugi.com.

Seathing Micro Run from Naomi Knaff

    The ocean is a frightening place.  There is stuff lurking under there we can't even comprehend and I would bet most of it wants to taste our sweet flesh.  I live near the Atlantic Ocean and this time of year the Coast Guard is always searching for people who get swept up in a rip current or fall of a boat and most of the time that is it for them.  What's left may wash up a week later, giving whoever finds them an image they'll never get out of their minds.  They sea is not only a cruel mistress, but that chick has got the creepy crawlies too.  I don't know how people swim offshore on purpose without being consumed with wondering what's lurking beneath them.  

    Is Naomi Knaff giving us a glimpse of the abyss with her Seathing resin creature?  Have our murky overlords sent them as spies to assess how easy it will be to rule both surf and turf?  Have I finally gone off the proverbial deep end?  That was all supposed to be read in one of those dramatic voices that go with movie previews by the way, so if you didn't do it right I'll wait for you to go back and try it again.  Go on now....

.....ok, now back to business.  There are only three of these dudes in this small run and they will be available beginning July 1st at noon eastern time only from http://www.naomiknaff.com

Glow in the Dark Bite Size from Radioactive Uppercut

 

    I know that by Tuesday of next week one or more of you are probably gonna light some explosives to celebrate America's independence.  I'm not saying don't do it, cause I grew up down south and bad ideas are pretty much a lifestyle, but whatever you do don't do anything that would prevent you from getting the best, most informative and strikingly handsome toy news on the internet via this very website.  If you lose a couple of fingers you'll probably still be able to type The Toy Viking address and be enlightened (pun intended) by whatever wisdom I choose to bestow upon you.  But you were only gifted with two eyes, and losing both of them while kneeling to inspect whether or not a Roman candle is a dud would suck pretty hard.  Plus, I know you're reading this while at work and avoiding your responsibilities and you're totally gonna get caught if you have to ask someone to read it to you.

   There are many alternatives to lighting fireworks that will not only let people from far and wide know just how damn free you are, but have little to no chance of disfiguring you. I've been assured by Radioactive Uppercut that his Bite Size figure, no matter how menacing looking, is not likely to turn your flesh into something the cops are gonna want you to explain.  These dudes are cast in milky white vinyl and glow like Abraham Lincoln's ghost when he defeated the aliens during the War of Roswell.  There ain't many of these bros in existence, and your chance to snag one comes on the evening of July 1st at 8pm eastern time.  Get er done at www.radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.

Josh Mayhem's Latest Blown Away Dunnys from Kidrobot

    Oh lawd, this is Fouth of July weekend and as an America it is my cultural duty to nearly blow my fingers off with explosives and eat piles of grilled meat products.  See this is the time where we celebrate giving the middle finger to mother England and letting her know that she couldn't tell us what to do anymore cause we were grown and if we want to eat cookies for dinner that's what's gonna happen.  Don't make me flex so hard my sleeves explode.

   Josh Mayhem is smacking you in the face with freedom with his latest Blown Away Dunnys.  They range in sizes from 3 inches to 20 inches and will be on sale exclusively through www.kidrobot.com on Friday, July 1st at 10 am mountain time.  These are only available to be shipped to American customers, so now might be the time to hit up your fifth grade pen pal and say what's up.  

Silver Back Broken Bones from Splurrt X Toy Art Gallery

    This dude probably has some stories to tell.  You don't lose your lower half without there being a story behind it.  And the fact that he's a skeleton probably would need some explaining too.  Is it kosher to go around asking deformed skeleton people what go them in that position?  I don't want to hurt any feelings.

    Splurrt's toys are harder to get than a supermodel's phone number, but Toy Art Gallery is giving you a shot at this dude on Wednesday, June 29th at noon pacific time.  It's the first time they've ever done a painted run of these and they won't last long.  Get em at www.toyartgallery.com.

"Labbit the Barbarian" From Frank Frazetta x Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

   Good Lord have mercy, did you see that Game of Thrones finale last night?  That is easily one of the best episodes of any show I have ever seen.  Don't worry, I won't spoil any of it for you, but if you recorded it you may want to try and leave work early or cancel any other plans you have to watch it.  HBO aired the season finale of Silicon Valley right after it and Sharon and I missed most of it because we were talking about Game of Thrones.  All tv stations should have gone black for an hour afterwards out of respect for the conversations that would take place.  Speaking of which, the one person I work with who has good taste enough to watch the show is off today, so I literally have no one to talk to about it.  Whatever my next job happens to be I'll be sure I ask different questions in the interview process to avoid such a situation again.  "Oh, everyone here only talks about their favorite Seinfeld episodes over and over?  Yeah, I just forgot how much I enjoy unemployment."

    Watching Game of Thrones always makes me want to sword fight afterwards and build an empire upon the broken bodies of my enemies.  It's the same feeling I get when I look at the artwork of Frank Frazetta, which transports you to a world where men were men and it was totally acceptable to crush an orc's skull without fear of arrest.  Now that world has merged with that of Frank Kozik's Labbit and the results are begging to be airbrushed on the side of a van.

    Available as a San Diego Comic Con prerelease, this beast of a figure (artfully produced by Bigshot Toyworks) is ready to stand as the centerpiece of your collection.  Just don't be surprised if it also beheads your other toys and tries to make out with your mom.

    If you're going to the aforementioned comic con you can preorder it for pickup from Kidrobot's booth.  If not, you can preorder it from wherever you normally buy toys and have that sucker shipped to the door of your mead hall/condo.