I don't have kids because they are frightening little creatures. The reasons I feel this way are too numerous to list here, but one of the big ones is how expensive they are. If something is ridiculously pricey you can bet your life that they're not only gonna want it, but they're gonna probably break it as soon as they get home. They're risky little investments that may or may not disappoint the crap out of you when they mature. No matter how dicey the stock market gets, you will never have to visit your portfolio in jail because it turned out to be a little psychopath.
You just know that Sextopigon's mother had a heart attack the moment he was born. Not just because he was doomed to a career in the sideshow, but because he had all those feet. Feet that would want the newest Air Jordans and put her in bankruptcy. And you can just tell he's not gonn take good care of his stuff.
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