Eternal Cloud Red Dragon Edition from Restore

    I can't even make jokes when talking about something this amazing.  Restore is known for making some mind blowing toys, but this one is by far their best creation to date.  The Eternal Cloud figure is made up of Japanese soft vinyl and resin and is created out of about 15 different pieces.  This thing is like an amazing tattoo come to life.  Seen here is the Red Dragon version of this figure, which is available for preorder right now for $125 from the fine folks at Lulubell Toy Bodega.  The preorder window is open until the 29th of May at noon Pacific time and the figures are expected to ship in August.  

Sharknado Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    This is, by far, the greatest Pop! Vinyl toy that Funko has ever made.  I hope whoever designed this just straight up quite afterwards and went to work as a landscaper or something, because how do you top this?  Not only do I hope they quite, I hope that upon it's completion they stood up, flipped their desk over and walked away in slow motion as it burst into flames.   This titan of toys will be available in June, just in time to get you psyched up for the sequel.  

Jade Green King Jinx from Paul Kaiju

    You can't tell me stuff like this isn't going to creep out of the ocean one day and enslave us all.  It's gonna happen, and they're gonna be extra pissed cause of you throwing your Miller Lite cans in the water while you're out fishing with your buddies.  You've doomed us all to a life as crab slaves.  

    Everybody wants a King Jinx toy from Paul Kaiju.  Maybe it's so we can decode their weak points and have a defense when their relatives come attacking.  Or maybe it's just cause of how cool they look.  If you want to get this Jade Green version you've gotta enter a special lottery for the chance to purchase one.  This Sunday, April 27th, at noon Pacific time you can go to http://paulkaiju.com/ and put down all your pertinent information for a chance to win.  The lottery is only open for 24 hours, so take your useless stuff to the pawn shop and scratch up some funds.  

Willo Resin Sculpture Kickstarter from Kyle Kirwan

    I think I've told this story before, but it warrants a retelling.  While living in my first apartment with my wife I made a custom figure that utilized fake antlers from a taxidermy supply company.  They needed to be shaved down a bit at their base so they would fit into the head of the figure, so I grabbed my trusty Dremel, sat out on the front stoop, and began grinding them down.  Just then two degenerates who just bought drugs from our upstairs neighbor (that's a looooong story that ended with the US Marshalls and the fastest eviction you've ever seen) come walking by and I look up at them from behind my respirator (don't breath that crap in folks) and nod so they think I'm cool and won't want to steal my tv.  One looks at the other and says, and I quote, "That's some real Jeffrey Dahmer shit."  That is when I learned that if you live around sketchy people doing sketchy things, it doesn't hurt to have them think you might be a sociopath.  

    I'm a sucker for a nice rack (of antlers) and this Willo figure from Kyle Kirwan certainly has that.  This dude needs your help to become an actual toy and you can show your support via a Kickstarter campaign going on right now.  This thing is very very close to getting funded and just needs a little extra push to make it happen.  Be a part of creating this unique toy by clicking here.

Rootbeer Corn Float Unchimen from Skinner Release Today!

    Anything having to do with poop is hilarious.  You know you still laugh whenever someone lets out a fart in public.  If the biggest, scariest, most prison-rapey dude you've ever seen let one rip there would be nothing you could do to stop from laughing.  Sure, he may kill you for making fun of his gaseous indiscretion, but even the thought of being choked to death by his tattooed hands can't stop it from being funny.  There is only one time that poop is not funny and that's when it's happening to us.  But even that is only momentary, because afterwards you can laugh about how you "wrecked the pipes" in your house, or that time you almost had to poop in the ditch on the way to the Bob Dylan concert because you swore your bowels could no longer take the torture of the Kentucky Fried Chicken you ate earlier and it was really hard to hold back their fury and operate the clutch of the truck you were driving without there being a breach in your backdoor security.  But then like an oasis in the midday desert heat you saw rise an Exxon station in the horizon, and you knew your salvation was at hand and you would not lose a good pair of underwear or your dignity on the side of a highway in Delaware after all.  

    Skinner has painted up three of these turd men by Paul Kaiju so you can finally own something nice that your mother can be proud of.  They go on sale today (Wednesday,April 23rd) at noon Pacific time at http://theartofskinner.com/.  And by the way, if anything ever comes out of your body that looks like this, don't bother consulting WebMD or even your local emergency room.  You need a priest and a will.  

LiverDiet Custom Semi Korosiya from Cop A Squat Toys

    LiverDiet sounds like a good nickname for a viking.  Like, Harold LiverDiet.  It would strike the fear in your enemies that once they are defeated you will eat their iron-packed organs while they are still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!  That's pretty brutal.  Mine would probably be lame if it were left to other people to make it up based on my life.  I would end up Chris Litter Scooper, or Chris Crooked Toe.  I don't see my enemies running in fear of either of those.  

   In real life, LiverDiet is no marauder raiding monasteries and carrying off slave girls to Scandinavia, but a maker of clothing and toys.  Which is pretty brutal on its own, if you think about production runs and profit margins.  He has customized 8 of these Semi Korosiyas from Cop A Squat Toys and they are things of beauty.  The nice, subtle paint job goes a long way to bringing out the qualities of the figure itself.  Each one will come with an 8x10 serigraph (seen below) and one lucky collector will also get a snapback hat so you don't get sunburn on your head this summer.  Have you ever sunburned your scalp?  It sucks, don't do it.  You never think about that exposed part in your hair until it's too late and it feels like it's been licked by the fires of Hades.  

    These guys go on sale this Friday, April 25th at 7pm only at http://copasquattoys.bigcartel.com/.

    

Street Spirit Artist Series from Suburban Vinyl featuring The Sucklord

    These guys would be kinda scary is they weren't bright pink.  You can't take anything in pink seriously.  Like, if a dude came up to rob you and he was wearing a pink track suit you would probably just laugh and then beat him up and take his wallet.  Pink has the ability to drain the threatening aspect out of any situation.  

    But pink is the signature color of The Sucklord and he has used it liberally in customizing these Street Spirit figures from Nemo.  And he even covered the bottoms of them with the goings on in Asia as found in a Chinese newspaper.  What do they say?  I dunno, I studied useless things in school.  

   Sucklord only made 6 of these for Suburban Vinyl in what will be an ongoing series of these figures featuring different artists.  Spruce up your living space by getting one from http://www.suburbanvinyl.com/.