Strawberry Cream Pie Guy from Super7 Wants to Make Your Valentine's Day A Little Sweeter

    There's a little town in Pennsylvania know as Centralia, where for decades a fire in their coal mines has burned underneath the city.  With a nearly endless supply of fuel the fire has rendered the area uninhabitable save for a few people that remain; and upon their death the state will take over the land and prevent anyone from ever entering again.  This perfectly describes my wife's metabolism.  

    She loves sweets but if they ever attempt to put an ounce of fat on her boy her metabolism turns into King Theoden (look it up, punk) and proclaims "you have no power here."  It's quite impressive and has shocked more than one diner waitress.  

    If your significant other has a sweet tooth but you want to get them something that will last longer than an episode Jerry Springer, how about this Strawberry Pie Guy from Super7.  It's a permanent reminder of their love for all things sugar and its just down right adorable.  He's gonna be available starting this Sunday, February 14th, at noon pacific time for only $25.  Maybe you should get a real pie too, just to tide them over until the figure has the chance to arrive to your house.  

www.super7store.com

Harley Quinn as Seen In Arkham Knight from Prime 1 Studio x Sideshow Collectibles

    This is one purrty statue.  I'd be scared to death to own it though, because I know as soon as I unbox it one of my cats is gonna scratch an itch against it and send it crashing to the floor.  And that's just what could happen while I'm watching them.  There's always the distinct possibility that I turn my back only to have them do some resculpting with their teeth.  I'm kind of willing to risk it though because this Harley Quinn is one of the best I've ever seen.  Prime 1 Studio and Sideshow Collectibles have outdone themselves with the world's most adorable sociopath.  Priced at $929, you can see why having my furry little children anywhere near it would make me especially nervous.  But it's also a great excuse to make a baller, uber secure display case that in and of itself is a conversation piece.  Is it too hipster to dig a moat in your living room?

    Preorder this beauty right now from http://www.sideshowtoy.com and it will come with those exclusive Batman and Joker dolls you see.  Medieval means of protection not included.  

"Titanium Edition" Iron Monster from Guumon x Miscreation Toys

    How on earth do you make a freaky looking toy that was born in a burning oil drum filled with nightmares look so dang...pretty?  Guumon applied some serious paint wizardry to these Iron Monsters from Miscreation Toys that almost makes you forget that they look like they want to choke you out.  Instead you are mesmerized by the metallic colors as they dance before you; hiding the great evil underneath.  Or something, I've been dramatic since they upped my meds.  

    These dudes are being released this Friday, February 12th at 7pm pst only at http://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com.

Heavy Metal Wookie from Lisa Rae Hansen

    SPOILER ALERT:   Due to a terrible occurrence in the latest, Chewbacca was faced with a sudden influx of time on his furry hands.  He could have pressed them to his face as a receptacle for his tears, but instead he learned to form a power chord with them and formed the galaxy's most brutal metal band called Bantha Skull.  They'll melt your face off then punch you in your newly exposed skull, which is gonna hurt you way worse than them.  

    Lisa Rae Hanson is the lady behind this genius resin toy and she wants to send them all out on tour this Friday, February 12th, at noon GMT.  Only 5 of each color will be available and the only way place to get them will be at http://ibreaktoys.storenvy.com.  At only $45 each they won't last long, so pray to Dio that you are lucky enough to snag one.  

Life-size Armored Batman Statue from Hot Toys x Sideshow Collectibles

    Not that long ago I had an incident that made me think about home security.  Like any good man looking to protect his homestead I began to weigh my options.  I thought about obtaining a firearm, or installing a home security system, or even going completely medieval by putting a few severed heads on spikes.  There's nothing quite like a few rotting heads of your enemies to let potential troublemakers know how you play ball.  

    But nothing felt like me (except the severed head thing) and then I saw this.  Standing at over 7 feet tall, this life sized Armored Batman from Hot Toys and Sideshow Collectibles just screams home security.  All I'd have to do is push him in front of my door at night to send would-be burglars running back from whence they came.  Now, hiring Batman as permanent protection for your domicile doesn't come cheap, not should it.  He'll set you back $7999.99, but never you worry because they offer a payment plan.  Check out the details by visiting http://www.sideshowtoy.com/.

The Abominable Snowman Gnaw-X from Plaseebo

    I'm gonna skip my usual circus routine because this figure is available right now.  Right now as in you could still buy a Plaseebo original before someone else snatches it up.  Go go go to http://www.plaseebo.net/news/.  You want a story to tie it all together?  Fine, its snowing outside where I live right now and this is The Abominable Snowman Gnaw-X so its pretty much fate that you go and get it.  

Amanda Visell's "Scaredy Labbit" from Kidrobot

    Oh, Lord help me, cause I can feel my money leaving my wallet the longer I look at these.  Some phantom hand has reached in and lifted my credit cards from their place of rest and is attempting to type all of their digits into various websites, ordering the fine Labbits you see before you.  I am but a man; too weak to resist such temptations when laid before me.  

    Kidrobot knows I love Labbits.  Frank Kozik knows I love Labbits (it's detailed on the restraining order). Amanda Visell may or may not know that I love her work.  Now all three of them have colluded to create this amazing hunk of plastic in not one but two different versions!!!!!!!!  The dark blue version you see above can be had as we speak from your favorite toy retailer, while the light blue one you see below will be an exclusive to www.kidrobot.com sometime this month.

    

    But this Labbit not only looks good; it also answers one of those really important questions that is never covered in a public school education:  what happens when you eat a ghost?  Is there any nutritional value to digesting a spectre?  Can you expect a night full of indigestion after swallowing a poltergeist?  Behold, the answer:

    Ghosts are just like corn!!!!!!  So don't bother eating them, because like their vegetable cousin they come out just the same as they go in.  You won't learn stuff like this on TMZ.