Do I actually have a story about slugs or beards that I can relate to this toy's name? Of course I do, don't be silly. Here goes.
In the first apartment my wife and I shared we had a lot of outside critters that wanted to becoem inside critters. There was this one cat that would just walk in the front door whenever I tried to leave for work and go hide under the bed. He was always covered in cuts, missing patches of hair, and even had a dangly tooth. I was like "look bro, you gotta get your life together if you want to stay in this house" but he was more about that street life, so he had to stay outside. We had a few snakes come in through a hole in the baseboards in our kitchen/dining area. I'd catch them in my wife's Tupperware before tossing their butts back outside, then she'd always wonder why her Tupperware went missing and I'd be all like "I had to throw it out cause it was full of snakes", which at the time seemed like a valid argument.
But our best visitor, by far, was introduced to us by our cat Icarus, who had found him behind our couch. He likes to eat things that he shouldn't, like shoe strings, yarn, and Thai food, so when we heard him slurping something down we thought it would be something run of the mill that we'd have to take from him. Instead, it was a slug. He was sucking the slime off of the back end of a giant slug. Literally, the front half of the slug was nice and shiny, while the back half was bone dry. My wife threw up as I plucked the poor little guy from the carpet and returned him to the wild. And that my friends, is my slug story. Oh, and I had a pretty gnarly beard the whole time this was going on, so there you go.
If you're still with me, I'd now like to tell you about Slugbeard. This monstrosity who looks like he has risen from the deep to make us all pay for knowing who Kim Kardashian is, was created by Paul Kaiju and produced by Toy Art Gallery. And when I say monstrosity I mean it, cause this sucker is over a foot tall and nearly as wide. This edition was hand painted by Mr. Kaiju himself and is only available to you if you enter a lottery beginning tomorrow (Thursday, May 20th) at noon Pacific time. The lottery will win you the opportunity to purchase one of these suckers, which will run you $250. You only have until Friday at noon to decide whether you're man enough to enter the drawing. Here's how you do it:
Email firstname.lastname@example.org with “Slugbeard Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Friday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified).