Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Adventures in Plastic: Pokemon Go

    Pokemon Go has spread faster than the clap at a trucker convention and has consumed everyone's life like they left it untreated.  There's been stories about people walking around, intent on catching some cute little Japanese critter and instead catching the grill of an oncoming Ford Focus or even stumbling upon a dead body.  Whatever the appeal is it seems to be thus far the greatest mind control device ever utilized by the federal government (they're always watching) and so in the spirit of that I've come up with different games that puts this technology to use and will therefore make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.  And my dreams are not PG13 ya hear?  So without further ado:

1.). To Catch a Predator Go:  It combines everyone's favorite game show, To Catch a Predator, with a mobile app.  Are they hiding behind your bushes?  Are they lurking behind a seemingly too good to be true Craigslist ad?  Just point your phone they're way and identify all the creepers you can and see who can fill up the sex offender registry quickest.  For ages 10 and up.

2.) Poltergeist Go:  This is for those agoraphobics out there who want to enjoy a fun game while feeling safe and secure in their own homes.  Just walk around your house and hunt for restless souls.  Will they be friendly, or will they be malevolent ghosts who wish to inflict the pain of their untimely deaths on the living?  Part of the fun is not knowing!  Also works as a good tool to get you back out into the world cause your house is haunted and you probably won't feel safe there any longer. Not sure if it counts as therapy or not but I would try to get your insurance company to reimburse you.

3.) They Live! Go:  Use this app to step into the wrestling boots of Rowdy Roddy Piper and figure out if the people close to you are really aliens hell bent on world domination.  Then you can annihilate them!  ( in the game of course, as I will not be held responsible for you "removing" the very real threat to human existence and any legal ramifications that may arise thereafter).

  As you can see, the possibilities are limited only by the imagination.  For those of you who don't get the concept of catching little monsters and making them fight each other for your own sick amusement, allow this English girl to explain it all to you:

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