Wednesday, February 3, 2016

I'm Tired of Shoveling Snow so I'm Reviewing Some New Plush Labbits from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    You may or may not be aware, but it snowed a butt ton where I live a few weeks ago.  Snow literally ceases to be an exciting thing the moment you get a job and responsibilities, because unlike when you're a child, most of the time a little frozen precipitation is no reason to slow the world of commerce.  Once we got over two feet of snow and the person I worked for didn't care that I sent her a picture of my car covered in a snow drift, she only wanted to know if I'd be able to make it to open on time.  My car was buried more securely than King Tut and she just wanted to make sure I was willing to risk my life in case some random idiot braved the storm to buy a T-shirt.  Thankfully I know longer work for such an unreasonable company and spent the storm safe at home where periodically I would pray not to have a heart attack while shoveling my car out.

    Being out in the snow made me think of soft things, like these new plush Labbits from Frank Kozik and Kidrobot.  It also made me think of frostbite and Civil War style amputations, but let's just focus on the fuzzy bunnies.  (I also don't currently own any toys inspired by archaic surgical techniques, but I'm open to it).

    These dudes have obviously been the product of some interesting love connections going on in the animal kingdom.  Now, I can kinda see a Dalmatian and a bunny getting a little tipsy and spending some time together, but the giraffe thing is beyond all comprehension.  There are particulars of that coupling that boggle the mind and yet here we have proof of it.  Science doesn't lie, folks.  

     Labbits, as it oddly turns out, are about as interested in helping with freeing your automobile from an icy prison as they are with discussing the complexities of their gene pools,  and being that my heart felt like it was going to explode I decided to return inside and take my bunny companions with me.  

    Look at how lovely they look in their more natural, leisurely habitat.  You may recognize this little gathering of books on top of my dresser from other toys reviews or Instagram posts.  Not only does it make me look studious to have them, but if you're able to see the titles it further pushes my status as an international man of mystery.  We have books from comedians and noted authors and even graphic novels working hard as mere background fodder, but are they doing more?  Is there a secret message hidden within their spines that reveals something more about your humble narrator?  Actually, there's not.  My wife just happened to put them up there one day because our bookcases are beyond capacity and the lighting in my house it not that great but things look kinda nice here and I was hoping you thought I was smart.  Love me, damnit!!!!!!

    I love plush Labbits cause they're not wimpy plush like you get at a regular toy store.  These things are soft but they're also firm as hell, which I think describes my authentic personal brand.  And I wish it described my pillow.  Do you realize how hard it is to find a pillow that is as firm as a Labbit plush?  These things have spoiled me because I can't find a pillow that would be nearly as comfortable as sleeping on one of these.  Now I'm gonna need Kidrobot to make flat ones with the exact same material inside so I can finally get a good nights rest and start to make sense to the people around me.    The above picture was taken inside my bedroom on what I refer to as the landing pad for my cat Daenerys.  She likes to jump from the bed and skid across this table in order to get into the window, which is ok because it is shorter than the window and therefore prevents her from just sliding right through the glass and into the open air.  My therapist would be proud of me for opening up like this to you all.

    These soft little critters are available right now from or wherever you like to buy your designer toys.  Get a whole pile of them and lay naked right in the middle and I'm pretty sure the meaning of life will hit you like a right hook.  Or your wife will come home early from work that day and you will never be able to buy her enough shoes to get her to stop making fun of you for it.  Either way.  


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