My Designer Con Review as a Non-Attendee

    I didn't go to Designer Con and I've actually never been to Designer Con, but that doesn't mean I am any less qualified to talk about it than someone who was there.  This is America, and I'm gonna excercise the crap out of my freedom, and let me tell you, I'm feeling pretty damn free right now.  It may have something to do with the fact that I spent my Sunday at a gun show, which is about as much freedom as you can pack into the National Guard Armory in Philadelphia.  I mean it's an entire event that celebrates one of the most controversial amendments in the Bill of Rights.  It couldn't have been any more American if there was a bald eagle grilling hot dogs at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.  I had never been to a gun show before, and it was by far an interesting experience, as I doubt anyone at Designer Con was asked if they were carrying a concealed weapon as they entered.  I wasn't, but I wished I had planned ahead and brought a machete or something, just so I could have said "oh, you mean my little friend Tito Santana?" as I pulled said machete from my jacket.  That probably would have given the ticket people something fun to talk about at dinner.

    I felt like I was in California right with you though, as I scrolled through the many pictures on Instagram, jealous of all the amazing toys I was seeing.  My favorite photos are always the ones that people take showing off what they bought.  Not just cause I like to pick out the things I also would have tried to own, but because I'm always impressed by the shear amount of money spent.  We're talking legit mortgage payments worth of toys. With that in mind I really want to start commenting on their photos, asking where they work and if they're hiring, because I am obviously doing something wrong career-wise.  I need to up my disposable income game, so any tips would be greatly appreciated.

    When there were actually people in the photos I saw they all looked happy, so I'm going to go ahead and say they were having a good time.  When I was daydreaming about being there (on Saturday mind you, cause you don't daydream when you're surrounded by live ammunition as I was Sunday) I pictured myself equally as happy, so I declare the convention a good time which is probably enhanced by actually attending.

Medieval Spawn Resin Statue from McFarlane Toys

    A few years ago Sharon and I decided we were gonna go to the Renaissance Fair in Lancaster.  We're all into Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, so we thought it could either be really cool or we would be horrified and have funny stories to tell afterwards.  So there we are, speeding down the Pennsylvania Turnpike, when we see a sign with a giant cow on it advertising German food and an antique market.  We glanced over at each other, mouths agape, and to this day have never made it to the Renaissance Fair.  We keep trying but find ourselves unable to pass that exit.  It is probably as far west as we will ever get in that state, because not only do we stuff ourselves with the most delicious beef you have ever tasted, but the antique shopping is prime.  

   Now if I was guaranteed that I would see stuff like this roaming around, I might be willing to ease up on the brakes on keep driving.  I bet the ending of Braveheart would had been a lot different if Spawn had been the lead character instead of that wussy Mel Gibson.  And it would have been a lot shorter, because they would have taken one look at this dude, turned right around, and fixed everything he was upset about.  The whole mess could have been resolved in the span of a commercial break.  

    This resin statue from McFarlane Toys stands a whopping 17 inches tall, comes with two different heads, and is sure to make your cats think twice about holding Wrestlemania in your living room at 3 in the morning.  Preorder one of these highly detailed beauties now from this link.   

    

Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones in 1/6th Scale from threezero

     Jamie Lannister arguably has the rawest deal on Game of Thrones.  Think about it, dude is not only in love with his evil sister but is the father of her children, two of which are dead.  And he got his sword hand cut off, leaving him but a shadow of his former swashbuckling self.  At least everyone else on the show gets to die and, hopefully, move on to a more peaceful afterlife.  It really seems that's the best you can hope for if you're born in Westeros.  Or Arkansas.

    threezero continues their amazingly detailed line of 1/6th scale figures with the Kingslayer himself.  As you would expect he comes with a boat load of accessories that will make your other toys jealous that they have way less stuff to play with.  You can preorder this figure for $190 (which includes worldwide shipping) beginning Monday, November 23rd at 9am Hong Kong time.

http://www.threezerostore.com

The Soon-To-Be Classic Tale of the Christmas Parasite

   Christmas is a day that people spend all year looking forward to.  They are eager to spend time with family, give and receive presents, and stuff themselves full of delicious food.  This year, the presents aspect has me a little nervous every after my wife shared with me her recommended items from Etsy.

   Sharon and I both get a kick out of surprising the other with our gift buying abilities.  She is by far better at it than anyone I know, and she seems impressed by my Rain Man like ability to remember the most random things that she mentions she likes.  The website Etsy has in the past few years become a hub for us when we're in the market for vintage items and it seems this year she has used it almost exclusively.  Based on the items she purchased the website has used some algarithm to determine a host of other objects she might be interested in.  This is where things have gone completely off the rails.  I present to you dear reader, the number one item recommended based on her purchasing habits:

Having "bath salts" as part of their shop name is just a tad sketchy and probably cause for investigation by the proper authorities.

    Now, let's start with the part that is humorous for me and that being that Sharon is terrified of leeches.  She finds them to be a horrific amalgam of two of God's most heinous creatures (that don't have the surname Kardashian): the tick and the slug.  The fact that I'm still married after finding one in a river and showing it to her is more a testament to her realizing she could always use it against me than her ability to forgive.  And I probably shouldn't have laughed when she showed me it was her top pick from Etsy, because that brought up the second part of all of this, which is a bit more worrisome for me.

    What in the hell did she get me for Christmas?  I can't even fathom what items you would have to buy in order for a website to recommend a leech in a jar as the obvious next play in your gift giving.  I can't imagine a nice pair of socks or an artisinal toothpick set would lead to such madness, so the possibilities are both endless and troubling.  Though holiday pictures will probably be the most interesting ones to date, which would be a perfect time to shamelessly plug my Instagram where everything will unfold in almost real time.  But don't think the leech was the only recommended item, cause that would be horrible for business.  So gaze upon the rest of the stuff that obviously my wife would want to own because they would look really good next to the bag of tapeworms or whatever it is that is currently hidden from my prying eyes somewhere in this house.

   

For the First Time Ever at Designer Con: Splurrt

    Splurrt is making his first trek out to Designer Con this year and he's bringing a veritable pile of toys that will stare at you as you sleep and teleport nightmares into your brain (or so I heard).  He's sharing  booth #553 with Paul Kaiju and his freaky creations will only be available on Saturday via lottery system.  So you're gonna need to grab yourself a ticket between 9am and noon, then return at 3pm when the selling madness begins.  If anything is left after the craziness dies down it will be sold on a first come first served basis.  In total he will have over 160 figures for sale, including the ones you see here.  I'm guessing he won't be bringing much back home with him.  

   

Super7 Exclusives for Designer Con

     Oh my Lord there is soooooo much going on at Designer Con weekend I don't know how people that are going just don't lose their minds.  Any time I go to a convention I am knocked stupid by the amount of things to see.  And at those I'm not even interested in a lot of the stuff that's there, so I can't imagine being surrounded by table after table of stuff that I want and having to pick from it all.  I would probably have PTSD afterwards.

   Super7 will be in attendance and will of course have some exclusives for your purchasing pleasure, like this gorgeously marbled Mongolion from L'amour Supreme.  It's so purty and at $65 is luxury you can afford.

    My cats already try to eat my snack food so I don't know how long these dudes would make it in my house.  Just last night Jorah snatched a Nilla Wafer from my hand and by the time I got it back from under the couch is was covered in teeth marks and spit.  The same fate would most likely befall these delicious looking fellows.  At $25 each and adorable as all get out, it would be worth the risk.  Just have to keep em locked up and away from hungry kitties.

     Pay Super7 a visit at booth #406. 

 

Kidrobot at Designer Con

    Kidrobot is going to Designer Con.  I am not.  I am sad.

    I already have an appointment scheduled to go and talk about my feelings, so try not to worry to much about me as you try to get one of the always popular Blown Away custom Dunnys from Josh Mayhem.  These dudes practically sell out as quick as he can make em, so I can guarantee they're gonna be one of the quickest things to be snatched up during the show.  And rightfully so, cause just by looking at that picture you can tell a lot of work goes into them.  And the finished result looks like candy coated goodness.  

    The next version of J*RYU's It's a F.A.D. Dunny is presented in 20 inches of luxurious pearlescent.  You will be the envy of your friends, the subject of dinner party conversations, and the object of vile jealous rumors (its inevitable) once you own one of these beauties.  See, they practically sell themselves.  You can also meet the man behind the Dunny as he live paints one on Saturday at 4pm and again Sunday at 3pm.  

    Tweety Bird is kinda putting on a USDA Grade vibe in this vinyl interpretation from Mark Dean Veca.  This certainly won't deter any putty tats from making a delicious mid afternoon snack out of his bulbous head.  This red version will make its first ever appearance this weekend and may inspire a new culinary phenomenon with canary burgers as the staple ingredient.  Pet Smart should stock up.  You can meet Mark during his signing on Saturday at 11am.

    There will be more exclusives and signings with Amanda Visell (Saturday at 2pm) and Scott Tolleson (Sunday at 11am) and a panel with Frank Kozik and others talking all things Kidrobot.  Check it all out at booth #'s 518/521. 

    

"Rainbow Flavor" Abominable Snow Cone from Jason Limon x Martian Toys

    Man, I do love a good snow cone.  I get em on the boardwalk during the summer and usually end up ruining a shirt and looking like a four year old eating it, but it's delicious and if people on the Wildwood boardwalk suddenly had an epiphany about how they looked they'd realize I am far from the freak show.  Watching these folks is one of the best (only) reasons you should ever come to the state of New Jersey, unless you're just the kind of sicko that loves high taxes and people treating you like you're a jerk.  Some of you might be into that I guess.  But people in Wildwood have the same mentality that the old guy driving in his car and with his finger jammed knuckle deep in his nose suffers from.  There is just a level of oblivion so profound it's like seeing the Virgin Mary on your toaster waffle when everyone else only notices freezer burn.

    The Abominable Snow Cone just brings those summertime feelings rushing right back to ya!  No longer will the mighty chill of winter impede your memories of sunburn and aggressive sea gulls.  Jason Limon and Martian Toys will be debuting the newest version of this impressive figure at this weekend's Designer Con.  Booth #603 will be the place to get one, but fear not if you can't be in attendance, because the rest of us will have a chance to own one come the first week of December.  The above picture is the only one I have of what this dude will look like, so I will show you his previous incarnations now so you get a better idea of how bad you need one.

Crazy Catzilla from Joe Ledbetter

   Am I totally bummed that I won't be at Designer Con this weekend?  Yeah, it sucks, but it's not like I had grand plans and they suddenly got cancelled. I knew my behind was gonna be at work and I would be living vicariously through the magic of the Internet and I'm ok with that.  At least that's what I keep telling myself so that I don't throw an obnoxious fit and get locked out of the house.  But all hope is not necessarily lost, because nice folks like Joe Ledbetter know we can't all make it to California, so he's doing something special for us.

    This is the final version of his popular Fire Cat and only 75 have been birthed into this world.  It will be available at his booth at noon on Saturday the 21st, but a special batch of figures have been saved for an online release.  Those figures will be for sale on his website Tuesday, November 24th at 8am pacific time.  Crazy Catzilla can be had by all!!!!  Well, 75 of us anyway, so not really, like, everyone. How about: Crazy Catzilla can be had by the lucky????  That sounds better.

Help Kickstart "The Bear Death God" From Akashik Records Vinyl Toys

        I'm really excited that I was only born with one head.  The maintenance on the one I have is bad enough, so I couldn't imagine having to take care of two of these things.  I'd have double the sinus issues, double the sets of eyes that would need glasses, and I'm sure Hair Cuttery is gonna charge you twice even though each head is attached to the same body.  Seems like a scam to me.

    I'd be totally down though if one of my heads wasn't human, maybe a bear like this dude.  Then I'd be on tv all the time, rich as hell, and if my bear head bit the crap out of you oh well, you shouldn't get that close to a bear.  You wouldn't try taken sefies with The Bear Death God, cause for one that name alone should drain the power from your phone's battery, and two, this sucker would straight kill you.  He's not only got duel melons, but double the weaponry to keep your sassy mouth in check.  As mean as this bro looks, Akashik Records Vinyl Toys can't make him a reality with you.  Check out the Kickstarter here to help out any way you can and score yourself some cool stuff as a result.

N.W.O. 100% Bearbrick from Medicom

   This Bearbrick is just tooooooooo sweeeet!  This all black figure only needs a minimal design when it's sporting the logo of the most dominant faction in pro wrestling history.  This logo turned Hulk Hogan into a bad guy, ripped Scott Hall and Kevin Nash from the WWE, and put WCW on the map as a legitimate contender.  Of course we know that Vince McMahon eventually won that war, but the New World Order shirts can still be seen at any major wrestling event around the world.  You can own this beauty from Medicom when it goes on sale this Saturday.    Just don't be surprised when it immediately starts a feud with all of your other toys.

Friday the 13th Releases from doubleparlour

 

    There is no better way to celebrate Friday the 13th than hacking up a bunch of teenagers at an abandoned summer camp, I mean with new releases from doubleparlour.  Silly me, how I get confused sometimes and mix up holidays with plots of horror films.  I know Friday the 13th isn't technically a holiday, but if we're gonna continue and kid ourselves by giving Christopher Columbus a day when he showed up to America waaaaaaaaaay after Leif Erikson, then I can declare every Friday the 13th a holiday.  And so it is done.  Get yourself some goodies from doubleparlour starting at noon pacific time to commemorate this new and glorious holiday.

http://www.doubleparlour.com

Stingy Jack Swirl from Brandt Peters

    "Be still my heart, for thou beatest too fast at the sight of marbled vinyl!!!!!!"  That was taken from an unreleased Shakespearian play about a cobbler whose real dream was to one day produce multi colored vinyl toys to win over the nobleman's daughter, until she was tragically killed by a rogue gang of circus clowns and he spent the rest of his life becoming Batman and avenging her death.  I found it on The Bard's official Tumblr, which he somehow still updates much in the way Tupac still releases new music from beyond the grave.  Supposedly JJ Abrams has signed on to direct as he wants to focus on art pieces after Star Wars.  Can't learn this crap on TMZ.

    Now that it's become painfully obvious I've taken too much of my medication this morning let us quickly get to the facts before I really lose it.  Brandt Peters' Stingy Jack is not only sporting a killer swirl of colors that I love in a completely non platonic way, but he also glows in the dark!!!!!!  It's almost too much goodness.  And they're very limited with only 50 available worldwide and only half of those in North America via Circus Posterus this Saturday, November 14th (Tomenosuke will take care of the rest of the earth.)  A few will also be available at Designer Con booth #519.  

"Don't Cuddle the Krampus" Kickstarter Campaign from Warpo

   This toy is called "Don't Cuddle the Krampus" but I know none of you are gonna pay attention to that and snuggle the fur off of him anyway.  You're always out there cavorting with dark entities after buying that occult-inspired shirt from the clearance rack at Urban Outfitters.  Do your thing, I ain't mad at you.  And really Warpo should have known that no one can resist hugging Santa's evil little friend if they're gonna make him so dang adorable.  

    I love this time of year because I know Krampus is coming and is gonna beat some bad little heathens with sticks.  If that was a tv special every Christmas I would lose my mind.  You could make it like Scared Straight, where parents sign up their little monsters cause they've been bad all year, and then the scary goat man comes out and whoops em.  You could put that on pay-per-view and be instantly rich.  Can anyone help me make this happen, because I am seriously all about it.

    Ok, first you should support Warpo's Kickstarter for this dude, then you should give me whatever money you have left over for my show.  This dude is a cool riff on the classic My Pet Monster toy, but unlike his predecessor, this one comes with three snot nosed kids who think they're tough one minute, until you flip em over to reveal how aware they are of the beatings to come.  Just the thought of some little punks, plush or not, getting put in their place is enough to make me smile (hey, I used to work in a mall for many years, I've done my share of suffering due to unruly kids).  

    You can support the campaign, and get yourself some pretty amazing rewards, by clicking on this link.  

Nerfect Artistic Novelties Presents "Krampug" for Designer Con

    You know what's wrong with kids?  Well, it's a long list, but the main thing is that they feel entitled.  We've all witnessed the epic meltdowns they have in a store if they aren't allowed to get something.  They throw a fit, their parents buy them a new iPhone, and the transformation into horrible person is nearly complete.  And we're too delicate with them too.  We want them to behave themselves so someone invented a stupid elf that moves around the house and supposedly creeps on their every movement.  That smiling little idiot doesn't inspire the fear that children need to not act like butt clowns.  Which is why I am so happy that here in America Krampus has finally been brought to the attention of mainstream culture.  You wanna act like a zoo animal?  Well, this is what's gonna happen to you:

    Go ahead and try to take a selfie while riding in a basket attached to the back of a goat man, it's just gonna be blurry and probably won't get many likes.  

    Let's go back to the first picture though, that contains the rather more adorable Krampug.  I guess dogs need an incentive to not be jerks all year too.  He is the creation of Perfect Artistic Novelties and is an exclusive to their booth (#1025) at this year's Designer Con.  Each one is hand made and ready to keep your furry friends in line.  

    

    

Naomi Knaff is Bringing Resin Madness to Designer Con **Updated**

    You ever watch that show Monsters Inside Me where the people are all like "I was totally having the worst headaches and when I went to blow my nose all of these weasels fell out"?  It's never actually been weasels, but how cute would that be?  Or a guy could have some growth on his leg and out popped a kitten. Unfortunately it doesn't ever turn out to be that.  It always involves some worm-like critter that makes your life miserable for a bit before a heavy dose of antibiotics and some usually very disgusting occurrence serves to rid you of it.  Or as I like to call it, Saturday night.  

    The resin creations of Naomi Knaff make me think of what bad dreams would look like if they could take a physical form and be surgically removed.  That is probably the highest complement I've ever paid anybody, because I love them.  These are our bad thoughts manifested into hyper-color monsters and should be preserved in pickling liquid and put on display in curiosity shops, where they will have a warning never to open their jar under penalty of law.  Kinda like a mattress tag but with more immediate and dire consequences.  

    Naomi is bringing her insane creations to this year's Designer Con and can be found at booth #724.    If you're going you should see her work in person because like most things on the internet, the pictures don't do them justice.  

UPDATE!!!!!!!!

    The two figures you see below are custom paint jobs courtesy of Tru Slithers and they will also be available.  Pretty sick!

Brand New Figures and More from Cop A Squat Toys at Designer Con

    You know what always sucks as a kid?  When you're at the toy store, and you convince your mom to get something new, but she has the nerve to limit you to one figure.  Now this isn't a tragedy if it's a dude from a toy line you've been collecting, but when it's something brand new then it really sucks.  I remember when the Ninja Turtles figures came out and I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEDED them so badly and I finally begged my way into one and all I could get was Donatello.  Now who in the hell was he supposed to fight against?  I couldn't get Shredder, or a member of the Foot Clan, so here I had this awesome new toy with no one for him to do battle with.  Was I supposed to pretend that he was part of the Star Wars or GI Joe universes?  I wasn't about crossing brands like that.  So basically I had this turtle who I would just pretend was putting karate demonstrations on for kids and telling them not to do drugs.  This explains a lot about the person I turned out to be.

    You're not gonna face those issues I did when you purchase the new Fumetsu figures from Cop A Squat Toys.  That's because he's not a sicko and will be selling them in sets of two.  So whether you play cops and robbers or intergalactic tag team wrestling, you'll be squared away.  These are gonna debut at Designer Con for $150 per set at the Lulubell Toys booth #926.  You'll also be able to purchase an exclusive Semi Korosiya figure for the well-affordable price of $70.  Get them deals, son!

Lazy The Resin Sloth from Benson Wong

    Most people look at the sloth in a negative fashion.  If you exhibit any signs of laziness you will inevitably be called one, and I get it because they don't move with any sense of urgency.  But what if you looked at it a bit differently.  What if the sloth wasn't lazy at all, he just really doesn't give a crap about what anyone else says and is content to do his own thing?  Now, this isn't an excuse for you to live in your mom's basement until you're 40 because getting a job would impede on your ability to leave comments on Reddit all day, so don't try and use that argument.  But we could all take the sloth's example, thumb our nose at convention, and move to the cliche beat of our own drum.  Even if said drummer has the rhythm of a broken washing machine.

   This sloth from Benson Wong might be named Lazy, but unlike most girls in the mall, he still had enough energy on to get dressed and not just wear whatever he rolled out of bed in.  You can get yourself one of these leisurely resin dudes by visiting this link.  

Mister Melty (Super Creamier Edition) from Buff Monster

    Sometimes I think of making my own resin figures.  I've got plenty of ideas for little dudes to sell you at a premium and I feel pretty confident I could work out the mechanics of it.  The problem is that I would be all gung ho buying the supplies but then they would just collect dust in my basement.  I'd take out the trash, or buy cat food, or do one of the thousand other things I think of on my days off and would eventually forget I even have the stuff.  It's my curse, which as far as curses go is probably not that severe.  I could get violently ill every time a WWE pay per view is on, or I could be allergic to Slurpees.  See, gotta focus on the bright side of things.

    Buff Monster obviously has no scheduling issues as he has created a butt ton of resin Mister Meltys for this release.    These are called the Super Creamium edition and each one is unique and comes in a hand painted box.  These are available starting today at 10am eastern time from www.buffmonster.com.  Only 40 exist in the whole wide world, which ain't that many when you think about how many people are gonna want one.