Huge 40% Off One Day Sale Happening Now at Tenacious Toys

   You know what makes me happy when I'm stressed out?  New toys, of course!!!  What did you think I was gonna say, ya weirdos?  The times are indeed uncertain and we all could use a distraction right now, so for today only (Friday, April 3) Tenacious Toys is offering 40% off a huge selection of toys on their website.  And we're talking about good stuff too, I know cause I looked.  If saving a ton of money wasn't enough of an incentive to invest in your happiness,  you also have the ability to score a free 8 inch Gorilla figure designed by James Groman.  To get one you just have to spend $110 after the discount if you live in the United States and $200 after the discount if you live anywhere else in the world.  Why you're still reading this is beyond me, so click this link and start shopping.  Don't  forget to use the code FRIDAY40 so you get your deal. 

Win Horrible Adorables Latest Figure and Help Your Favorite Toy Stores

    I'm sure a lot of you are sitting at home right now feeling kinda helpless in the face of this pandemic.  And while some of you may be occupying your time trying to figure out whether that tiger lady killed her husband or not, others may be feeling kinda lost.  Horrible Adorables have come up with a really cool way that you can help small business owners from the comfort and safety of your own home while being the first to obtain their latest Fuzzy Friends figure.

   I cant imagine the stress that small business owners are under right now, especially if their means of support is something non essential.  Toy retailers are being hit very hard right now but there's a cool way you can get involved while getting some new toys to brighten your day in the process.  Horrible Adorables will be giving away 8 of their new Podgy the Hedgehog figures when you support your favorite toy stores.  The first store up is Rotofugi, and all you have to do is spend at least $20 online with them, dm your proof of purchase to Horrible Adorables on Instagram (winner will be drawn on 04/01 at 9pm eastern time) and you could win.  There will be 8 different stores in total, so the next chance to win will involve a completely different retailer.  Keep your eyes peeled at this link so you can see which store is up next!

iBoy Designer Toy Kickstarter from Classicbot

   I've spent this first week of isolation doing a lot of art projects and writing a lot for a bigger story I've been working on.  Basically I'm just trying to put a silver lining on all of this craziness that has become our normal for the foreseeable future.  My wife and I have also done a fair amount of house cleaning, which has been interesting to say the least.  For one, I will never understand how we have a full sized trash can worth of socks but I am never able to find them when I want them.  One load of laundry was nearly all socks but I can almost guarantee you by June I will be in the store buying another pack because they have disappeared.  The second thing that is weird is determining what we own that could be worth selling in a pinch.  I have a ton of local crew shirts from various bands whose shows I've worked over the years that I will never wear but refuse to just give away.  They're like the ultimate limited edition merch item and I keep telling myself I'll put them on eBay but instead they're in a box that I will discover some time later and be surprised about.  You want a Kid Rock shirt with Sanford and Son on it?  I got one and I'm not proud of it.

    Sadly as we dug through the layers of our hoard I did not find any original iPods in their unopened packaging, because those things are worth a small fortune now.  Classicbot can't make up for the fact that I didn't see those things becoming more valuable than gold, but he can sell me one of his iBoy figures to ease the pain.

    If Stephen King taught a young me anything, it was to be weary of any inanimate object at all times because they are one short story away from trying to kill you.  This dude looks like a pretty chill guy; just barely enough to calm some of my irrational fears. There are 20 days left on the Kickstarter for this anthropamorphic blast from the not so distant past, but the good news is he is already funded so your figure is guaranteed.  Check out the campaign at this link. 

Kaaarg Glow in the Dark Debut from Jeff Lamm x Clutter Magazine

     Sharon and I are on day three of our shelter at home order and the cats have begun to get suspicious.   I would bet my hard earned money when we're not home that the majority of their day consists of taking the best naps that anyone has ever known.  But now their day consists of staring at us all the time wondering why we would dare interrupt the routines that they hold dear.  I think they enjoy it somewhat, especially as a few of them are all about getting our attention, but the others just seems confused as to what to do.  Are they feeling some obligation to entertain us? Are they worried that we have lost our jobs and thus the ability to feed them? Now I'm starting to think their licks of endearment are their attempts to determine which parts of us to eat first.

    There are lots of things to do while in isolation that sound way more fun than being devoured by five confused felines.  How about doing some shopping? Jeff Lamm and Clutter Magazine have now introduced a killer collaboration by the name of Kaaarg, who you may recognize from the inaugural Five Points Festival poster.  This sofubi chunky boi stands eight inches tall, features five points of articulation, and even has an exposed brain that you can poke and peod as you see fit.  Limited to only 30 pieces in this debut glow in the dark edition, you can snag one for yourself by visiting shop.cluttermagazine.com.  

Sofubi Shamrock Stroll from SpankyStokes x Toy Art Gallery

    We are living in weird times, my friends, but no matter how strange things get people will always find a way to enjoy themselves.  While the bars might have been shut down for St. Patrick's Day, folks from all over the world utilized technology to share a drink with friends and strangers alike.  I'm sure amongst the good cheer and socially distant revelry there was more than one laptop completely ruined by the effects of over indulgence, but have any of you truly lived if you have not cleaned vomit from the keyboard of a MacBook?  From what I understand we'll have a lot of time on our hands to ponder that and more of life's most pressing questions.

     Inspired by the holiday the celebrates a man who really wasn't a fan of snakes, SpankyStokes and Toy Art Gallery have released the latest version of their sofubi Stroll figure.  The mascot for one of the longest running toy blogs in the world stands 8 inches tall, is cast in translucent green vinyl and is filled with green metallic tinsel to give it an extra dose of sparkle.  We could all use a little luck of the Irish right now and this massive dose of it can be yours for $85 by visiting www.toyartgallery.com.  

The Final Semi Korosiya Release Ever from Cop A Squat Toys

       Have you possibly been living under a rock, taking an extended nap, or just spending your money on dumb stuff like electricity or court fines, then you may have missed out on purchasing a Semi Korosiya figure.  Whatever your excuse may be you are now being given the opportunity to make things right.  Cop A Squat Toys is waiving good bye to their flagship figure with one final release tonight, March 10th, at 10pm eastern time.  Only 13 of these will be available and each will retail for $75 each plus shipping.  Let's give this figure the proper send off it deserves as it moves on to a life of retirement at some beach side resort, sipping on colorful drinks with umbrellas and creeping on scantily clad coeds.

https://copasquattoys.bigcartel.com

Shub Grub Sofubi Debut from Wonder Goblin

 

    This figure has me torn, because worms are fun, especially the parasitic variety that I try and convince people they have, but so is the otherworldly-ness that this toy clearly evokes.  Do I talk about the dangers of undercooked fish or do I go with the mysterious Lovecraftian creatures that call the darkness home and wish nothing more than to turn our minds to mush?  Never mind, inspiration has struck in superbly grotesque fashion: hydatid cysts.

   Combining the best of both aforementioned worlds, hydatid cysts are sacs that grow in your brain due to the presence of tape worm babies.  They're just in their swimming around in a nausea-inducing sauna that puts all sorts of pressure on your brain and makes you miserable.  If you really want to have a good time you should look up videos of them being surgically removed as the doctors have to do their best not to break them open and unleash those worm babies in your skull.  Anybody else hungry?

     Wonder Goblin is releasing the debut of his Shub Grub figure via lottery system tomorrow (Saturday, March 7th) at noon eastern time.  This version glows in the dark and under black light, is limited to 30 pieces, and priced at $50 each plus shipping.  If this is just the larval stage, a fully grown one might be too much for our reptile brains to comprehend.

https://www.wondergoblin.com

Emerald Green Sofubi Borealis Kid and More from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

     Not far from where I live there was a very specific collector who had decorated his front lawn with the objects of his affection. He was in love with glass insulators from power lines, which you've probably passed by in an antique store without paying much attention to. This man was so into them that he built utility pole- like structures around his property to display the thousands of them that he owned. Ranging from completely clear to a rich Pine Barrens green, they stood as a unique display that invited people to pull their cars over and gaze at the depths that the love for collecting can take us. Sadly he passed away and I believe the house was sold to someone who didn't appreciate them the way he did.  They were subsequently removed, leaving the drive down that particular stretch of road way a lot less interesting.

    The Insulator House is the first thing that came to mind when I saw Splurrt's latest update to his popular Cadaver Kid figure. Featuring a new head and arms, the Borealis Kid's melon and clear green vinyl are reminiscent of those relics of our country's infrastructure. Of course, when you have a color this amazing you don't limit its use to just one figure, so he also made a set of his Dokuro Pocket Monsters available in the same hue. These will be exclusively available from Lulubell Toys this Saturday, March 7th, at 9am pacific time. Each is limited to just 1 per household, so you will unfortunately have to find another way to decorate your lawn.

https://lulubelltoys.com

Mossy the Moss Spirit from Strangecat Toys x Mumbot

     Growing up in Virginia there were always huge forests to walk in and it remains one of my favorite things to do.  I was probably 13 or so at the time and had just gotten in an argument with my parents, so a walk through the woods seemed like a good idea to clear my head.  I was gone for hours with no real intention other than to ignore my home life and explore what the natural world had to offer.  After some time I came to the remnants of an old house, which was little more than the outline of a foundation, a fire place, and a scattering of metal utensils buried under piles of leaves that I disturbed with a sweep of my foot.  I sat there for a little while, wondering about the people who must have lived there when I noticed a small cemetery just a short distance away.  There, in the literal middle of nowhere, was a smattering of headstones with various degrees of legibility.  I have forgotten what they said a long time ago, but I’ll never forget the sad feeling that they were so well hidden that no one would ever come to visit them.  Now as I’ve gotten older the thought of such peacefulness (not the dead part, mind you) sounds like the most wonderful thing on Earth.  It’s all about perspective.

    Of course no one is ever truly alone in the woods, as there are numerous sets of eyes taking a great interest in you at all times.  Many you would recognize, but what about others that are even better at hiding than the shyest raccoon?  Introducing Mossy the Moss Spirit from Mumbot.  Now I’ve never seen anything like this roaming around, but it wouldn’t upset me if I did.  Strangecat Toys has produced this nearly 5 inch figure in vinyl and are offering up this debut version right now through their website.  Start building your own magical dream forest now by visiting www.strangecattoys.com.

Marbled Slugbeard Lottery from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    It's been a long time since we've seen a Slugbeard release, but like an absentee father he has come back around just when you were about to search through the local obituaries. That line to get cigarettes at the corner store really is something else!! And now that I think about it, Slugbeard is kind of asking you for money and a place to stay after not even calling you for your last 25 birthdays. It only sorta hurts to explain to your cats why they have just met one of their grandfathers, no big deal I guess, but you will not promise them that you'll be there to watch the Hoarders marathon on Saturday with them and then no show because you were called in to work at your job with the CIA to avert another national crisis.  

    Toy Art Gallery has a lottery happening right now that will last through Wednesday that gives you the opportunity to purchase one of these bad boys with the gangsta lean from Paul Kaiju.  You want one of these rarities then this is what ya gotta do to get one:

    The Slugbeard Marble Edition retails for $175 and will be released via email lottery starting on Monday, Feb. 24th at 12PM PST and ending on Wednesday, Feb. 26th at 12PM PST. Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Slugbeard Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time. Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!

Garamon in Meteor Suit One of a Kind Figure from Plaseebo

   When I first read about this figure I had yet to see a picture, so I'm thinking this dude's Meteor Suit is just a fancy way of saying that he was clad in his space get up. That he had tired of this world and was off exploring the galaxy. But it turns out that Garamon was dressed up in the remnants of an actual meteor, which is way different than I would have expected. I have a problem finding pants that fit the way I like and this guy is out here chiseling space rock into something that would probably win Project Runway.

   Plaseebo creates figures unlike any other and it's not just because they all shine like they're burning up in the atmosphere. He can mix and match pieces together in a way that most people would never think of to create something unlike anything you will ever see again. And if you don't act quickly to enter the lottery for this figure he may be nothing more than a memory for you. That's because like most of Plaseebo's work there is only one to be had. Follow these instructions if you're interested in owning him:

USD $250. + $20. for US shipping OR $65. for world-wide shipping.

To enter lottery, please send the following to:   bob@plaseebo.net 

1.  Name

2.  Shipping Address 

3.  Country

4.  Telephone Number

5.  PayPal Email Address

6.  Instagram ID

Lottery winners will receive notification emails by Sunday February 23rd. Figure will ship from the USA upon receipt of payment due by Monday February 24th.

Five Inch Rose Gold Dunny from Tristan Eaton x Kidrobot

     You know what's bigger than the Super Bowl?

     Your mom, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

     Ok, I'm better now. Not much is bigger than the football game that determines who gets the shiny trophy (and is for some reason deemed more important than airing a new episode of 90 Day Fiance) so it's a pretty huge deal that Tristan Eaton got to design the program and the tickets for this year's game. Yes, the man who created the Dunny with Kidrobot got one of the highest profile art gigs I can think of, but he hasn't at all forgotten his humble foray into designing the toy world's most iconic platform.

    Tomorrow, which just so happens to be Valentine's Day, is also your first chance to snag this 5 inch metal Dunny clad in stunning rose gold. It features elements from Tristan's world famous mural work and will refract the light in crazy blinding fashion that will make you think you have your own Lombardi trophy right there in your home.  You probably wont get to hoist it a top a fire truck in a parade down main street where you live, but it never hurts to ask.

    Get em at www.kidrobot.com or wherever else they sell fancy toys.  Not the place your mom goes, that's a different sort of thing. 

New Ushi-Oni Sofubi Colorways from Cereal Box Toys

    The break room at my job often times looks like people were attempting to combine their lunch with professional wrestling. I cant understand how bits of food manage to end up under the table, in the electrical closet, near-ish to the trash can, under the trash can, on the keyboard attached ro the server in a locked IT room, etc. Naturally, all sorts of little critters get a whiff of those crumbs and are all like "don't mind if I do" and dance their way inside from their otherwise happy outdoor lives. Which then leads to spiders, the natural predator of said critters, dancing their way inside to set up shop and take advantage of the free range buffet dwellers. Their presence leads to screams at various pitches and calls for me to relocate the eight legged opportunists or risk them being squashed under heel. I'd like to think I have a commemorative statue in wherever it is the majority of spiders congregate that describes the amount of their lives I've saved from certain death over the years. I hope they had a good reference picture to use for the sculpture, as I'd rather not have my Vanilla Ice inspired haircut from middle school be immortalized for the ages.

   If this dude made his way into my place of business I don't think he would need much assistance from me, as he appears to be able to handle his own business.  Although, the more I look at him, Ushi-Oni from Cereal Box Toys does have kind of a cute, maybe even sad face.  You almost want to hug him a little, tell him everything is gonna be alright, until you realize he has a skull for a butthole.  You think I'm kidding, then explain this:

  That sure is one way to hide your evil side.  Innovative skull placement aside, I really like this figure, as it is so different from anything anyone else is making right now.  

  This dude is extremely limited in two different colorways and only three figures of each.  They will be $80 and available this Friday, February 14 at 3pm eastern time from https://cerealboxtoys.storenvy.com/

Tenacious Toys Exclusive Aqua Turquoise SuperKranky from Sket One x Superplastic

   This Valentine's Day I have but a simple request; one that can literally be achieved with the mere push of a digitized button. I want Superplastic to follow me on social media. It may sound like a petty request, but petty is in no way beneath me. I write about their products, maybe even helping sell one or two, and I championed their arrival as a platform that will allow a larger amount of artists to realize their dream of their own production toy. But for some reason we just haven't clicked. I know I'm not the easiest guy in the world to be friends with as I'm not good at maintaining social obligations (in my defense we are living in the golden age of television and there are a lot of can't miss shows). But if you were trapped in a corner being picked on by an unmerciful bully, I would be there to stick up for you. I would apply a tourniquet made from my own pants leg if you were bleeding uncontrollably. I would come over and feed your cats (and clean their litter boxes) if you suddenly had to go out of town. So this Valentine's Day, Superplastic, let's build a friendship that will stand the test of time/apocalyptic world ending scenarios. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

  While I sit with anticipation staring at my social media feeds, let's take a moment to appreciate this Tenacious Toys exclusive SuperKranky from Sket One.  This version celebrates the color Aqua Turquoise and if you thought that a limited drop of only 200 figures was the best thing about this you would be sadly mistaken.  You can of course get one of these toys for only $90 and most likely be perfectly content.  Or you could go completely all in for $150 and get a nearly complete outfit to match your toy!  In addition to the figure you'll get a hat, a t-shirt, and a bandana. Just imagine the Instagram pictures you'll be able to get. The Deluxe edition featuring all those extras is limited to only 100 sets and available for preorder for exactly one week (February 7-13) begining at noon eastern time.  If you just want that 8 inch homage to street art it will be on sale by itself at the same time this Friday.  Either way you go they can only be had from www.tenacioustoys.com.

My Vintage Valentine Fuzzy Friends from Horrible Adorables

    My wife and I decided many moons ago that every year for Valentine's Day we would go and do something together rather than buy each other gifts. It was a few moments after that decision that we picked our first ever outing to celebrate the holiday...a monster truck rally. Neither of us had ever been before and it sounded ridiculous enough that it would be impossible to not have a good time. The people watching alone would have been worth every penny, but the actual event was really cool as well. And I almost got into a fight with a drunk guy whose kids kept jumping out of their seats and landing on us, which is just about as miserable as it sounds. He was about 5'5" and maybe 120 lbs., so his decision to mouth off when I asked him to control his children was kind of surprising. I'm usually a very calm guy but the idea of knocking out a few of his sporadically placed teeth was kind of appealing. Thankfully his sober friend got the kids to settle down and we all watched the show without further incident. Except that my wife called his something really funny, which I wish I could remember because it stunned that poor woman so hard I thought she got a concussion. All other Valentine's Days have been kind of boring by comparison.

    I'm not sure how the husband and wife duo behind Horrible Adorables will choose to celebrate the upcoming holiday, but I do know that they want to help you feel a bit more festive. Tomorrow, Thursday January 30th at 8pm they will release a limited amount of My Vintage Valentine Fuzzy Friends. Each one is flocked (hence the fuzzy part of their name) and has coloring that is reminiscent of those chalky candy hearts that i always think I like but only eat two of before feeling like "blek". Buy one for your significant other, keep it for yourself, or buy two so you dont have to make such ridiculous choices.  

   These will only be available by visiting this link.  

New Skellene The Mourning Doll Resin Edition from Miscreation Toys

 

    This figure always reminds me of my poor Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal that I have had since I was a baby. I used to carry him around everywhere and his plush body is a roadmap of just how much I loved him. He has lost most of his stuffing and most of his outer fur, leaving a rough fabric to hold what remains of his insides. He's down to one crudely embroidered eye and has a collection of stitched up scars in various colors that are the threads that literally hold him together. He hasn't had an easy go of it, but he's still around, now sitting in one of my display cases and enjoying retirement. I think one day when my body has given up on me and I am cremated that I'll have him in the fire with me, as he is the only physical item that has been with me my entire life it seems only fitting that he join me in the next one.

   Skellene the Mourning Doll is the epitome of Victorian era creepy, and that's saying something as the Victorians were all about keeping it strange. This resin edition from Miscreation Toys features a marbled purple and clear infused with silver glitter and was produced by Dubose Art. She is available for a very limited preorder right now by visiting https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com/. She stands five inches tall and will be $60 for each figure, with a limit of two per order.

Frank Frazetta's Conan the Barbarian One:12 Collective Figure from Mezco Toyz

   No man cave should be legally allowed to be called such if it is not decorated with the artwork of Frank Frazetta.  Why bother with sports memorabilia or decapitated deer heads when you can have painted representations of gorgeous women, invading Vikings, or Conan the freakin Barbarian.  He's the ultimate symbol of peak sword wielding manliness and no one captured him the way Frank Frazetta did.  Mezco Toyz knows that fact as they have officially licensed this One:12 collective figure from his daughter, (her company is known as Frazetta Girls and they have honored his legacy with some exciting collaborations, including the Frank Kozik x Kidrobot figures from a few years ago) bringing the iconic painting to life with enough articulation and accessories to keep Crom happy for an eternity.

    He is up for preorder now for $90 and comes with everything you see in the picture below.  Preorder one now by visiting this link.

Behemoth Metal Sloth Kickstarter from James Groman x Xpanded Universe

    Life would be so much easier if you knew every decision you made was the right one. That every horse you bet on was a guaranteed sure thing. You could make a killing on the stock market, make a second killing through sports wagering, and only surround yourself with people you knew would never judge you so harshly when you shared your unabashed love for Lady Gaga because you thought you were good enough friends that they could respect your quirky musical detour without thinking you've somehow completely changed as a person and have been living a lie your entire life and "what else don't they know about you, Chris, maybe you're a communist vegan anti-vaxxer with a dolphin tattoo on your ankle." Ugh.

    I'll tell you what is an absolute, certifiable, guaranteed, sure thing, and that is the Behemoth Metal Sloth from James Groman and Xpanded Universe. It's a sure thing because right now they're running  a Kickstarter campaign to fund its creation and it's already surpassed its goal, ensuring that it will indeed be produced. This sucker is 13 inches of hell raising fury that is more metal than your mom's boyfriend who swears he was "this close" to having his band open for Judas Priest in '88 if it wasn't for his drummer's bogus arrest for not paying child support.

    You can check out the campaign at this link and start clearing some space on your shelf for when this bad boy shows up at your door.  

Charlie the Angry Elephant Tenacious Toys Exclusive from AngelOnce x UVD Toys.

 

     If I was an elephant who was blue I'd be pretty angry about things. For starters, unless you live in Smurf Village you have zero natural camouflage, making you a huge target for predators that think you might be blueberry flavored. Secondly, whenever anyone makes fun of people hallucinating they only use pink elephants to joke about what they are probably seeing, which would get old after a while and seems a bit discriminatory. If you were to do acid or bang your head unnaturally hard on a shelf at Wal Mart why can't you see blue elephants? And why couldn't you see green elephants for that matter? Do illusions of the mind have to maintain the same color standards as a gender reveal party? I'm about to compose a sternly written letter as soon as I can figure out who to send it to.

I have no idea as to why Charlie the Angry Elephant from AngelOnce and UVD Toys is actually in such a state, but I know that this version is an exclusive to Tenacious Toys. Pretty much any time you see a blue toy you should know that Tenacious has that on lock down, as it was passed into law in 2005 by the Designer Toy Council for a Better Tomorrow. This vinyl bro will be available starting on Friday, January 17th at noon eastern time.  He is limited to 50 pieces, will retail for $50 each, and can only be had by visiting www.tenacioustoys.com.  

Iolite Edition Nordic Lucky Cat On Sale Now!!!

    Iolite is a purple hued stone that the famous Viking Leif Erikson used to find the sun on cloudy days while at sea. The mineral acts in much the same way as a polarized sunglass lens, making it an invaluable tool to open water navigation. In the spirit of one of the world's greatest explorers I present to you the Iolite Edition of my Nordic Lucky Cat. Only 5 of them were made, making it the most limited run of these resin figures yet. Price will be $45 which includes free shipping in the lower 48 of the US. If you live somewhere else in the world then I'll have to find out what it would cost to send one to ya, but it can be done. They come with a hand stamped muslin bag and enough rune magic to fill a flat tire or give your enemy diarrhea. How you use it is up to you.

    Get one for yourself at thetoyviking.bigcartel.com

Orange Tabby Edition BurgetCat from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

    Do you think old memes will ever come back into fashion the way clothes do? I've pretty much worn the same things my entire life and every 5 years or so I accidentally become the trendiest person I know. Our collective love for nostalgia extends to every other aspect of life, so why not bring back the wholesomeness of I Can Haz Cheezburger as we stare down our dark reality? There is little more uplifting in this world than a picture of a cat with a caption that reads in an eastern European accent.

    Nathan Hamill is making me long for those days with his BurgerCat sofubi figure. Produced by Science Patrol, this Orange Tabby edition will be available beginning this Friday, January 10 at noon pacific time from http://nathanhamill.storenvy.com. 

Hello Lukey Hand Painted Resin Figures from Luke Chueh x Flabslab

   How was everyone's holiday? It's been a few weeks since I've posted anything and it's because outside of Christmas obligations I've been working myself to the bone.  Seriously, I have little to no skin left on most of my body, which is bad for me but great for MRSA.  I'm nothing if not thoughtful towards bacteria that thumbs its nose at medical science.  I actually had a customer at work the other day that somehow during the course of our conversation was able to inform me that one summer day she had entered the ocean after cutting herself shaving her legs and picked up MRSA.  I was pretty impressed with how seemless she was able to work a life threatening infection into casual banter, as I have never needed anyone to know anything about my medical history so badly that wasn't a doctor.  Ok, now that I think about it I did post a picture of my kidney stone on Instagram the moment I was able to birth it, so I guess I'm just as guilty.  In my defense, that sucker was 5 mm, which sounds small until you realize they're sharp as a razor and like prove it the entire way out.  Let's get to the subject of this post before I tell you any more about how I shredded my urinary tract.

     This dude here is Luke Chueh's famous bear immitating an even more famous cat.  These are an even bigger resin edition of the soft vinyl version you may have previously seen online.  Each one is five inches tall and has been hand painted by the man himself, making them all unique pieces of original art.  Produced by Flabslab, these are extremely limited and will go on sale this Saturday at 10am eastern time only at flabslab.bigcartel.com for $300 each.  

Silver and Gold Sparkle Bite Size from Radioactive Uppercut

     I don't keep up with the phases of the moon because I work with the public and they are more than happy to act crazy whenever there is a full one.  Sometimes they don't even need any lunar encouragement to test the level of my patience, and it used to really get to me.  In my younger days I was all about arguing back if someone started to act foolish as I would be damned to let them think they got one over on me.  But as I got older I realized that the best thing to do when people are loosing their mind is to maintain a calm demeanor and totally not acknowledge their behavior in any fashion that they want you to.  There's nothing better that for a person to be screaming at you because they have some sort of issue that is in way within your control and you just calmly watch them as they wear down. This is normally the part where I would give you a recent example of this happening but I honestly do it so often that nothing stands out.  I feel that I have let you down, but if you get mad about it just know that you will yell until you're hoarse and I won't bat an eye.

   Radioactive Uppercut's Bite Size figures are much more predictable when they will transform into monsters than the average person, because they are actual werewolves.  Which, standing at 4 inches tall each and cast in silver or gold sparkly vinyl, go in sale in a matter of minutes by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  Go get em!

Mighty Jaxx Exclusive Skull Flower from Tara McPherson x Toy Qube

    As the cold, depressing grip of late fall/early winter chokes out the sunlight on New Jersey, I am trying to remember all of the success my wife and I had with our gardening efforts this year.  She enjoyed a bountiful harvest of peppers, though our attempts at growing eggplant produced nothing but no edible runts. All of the blueberries were consumed by the chipmunk that lives under our porch which I don't really mind because I'd like to think he looks forward to them every year.  Flower-wise we were smarter this year, as we only planted things that could tolerate a healthy amount of neglect and that would attract butterflies and hummingbirds for the cats to watch.  Right now the only color outside of our house comes from the uncarved pumpkins that are well past their expiration date and that I'm scared to pick up lest they explode in my hands and cover me in their gore.  I can see it now as I go to toss them into the woods and their already soft rinds give way, ruining a perfectly good pair of shoes.  Whatever happened to juvenile delinquents stealing them to throw them at houses they didn't like?  Please, come and take them!

     This Skull Flower from Tara McPherson perfectly illustrates the grave yard that is my flower bed this time of year.  Death thrives in the damp mud left behind from melted snow fall and the only thing that will grow is the shortening of daylight.  Alas, before I start reciting The Raven, let me tell you that this exclusive Mighty Jaxx version of this figure will be released on Saturday, December 14th at 9am eastern time for $55 (which includes world wide shipping).  You can snag one for yourself by visiting https://mightyjaxx.rocks.  

“Mandrorglorian” Edition Sofubi Drorgs from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

    I have yet to watch The Mandalorian for a few reasons, but mostly because I have been spoiled by the age of binge watching and was waiting for the first season to end.  I had also committed to the final season of The Man in the High Castle (whose last episode I would have preferred to have ended about two minutes sooner) and Mrs. Maisel, which serves as my palette cleanser between serious programming.  After that ends I will then dive deep with my borrowed Disney + account info and revel in the exploits of Baby Yoda.

   Speaking of which, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that little green dude is the inspiration for Nathan Hamill's latest series of Drorgs figures.  They're a mashup between everyone's favorite robot duo and those little puff balls that had held the title of "cutest things in the Star Wars universe" until Baby Yoda batted those big black eyes and made you forget everything you thought you knew.  Science Patrol (who handled all of the production on these figures) will be offering these as an open edition, which means that starting on Friday, December 13th and lasting until January 13th, you can place your order at http://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com and be guaranteed a set.

"Let Us Prey" Vinyl Art Sculpture from Frank Kozik x Kidrobot

    If the United States government was held to the same truth standards as any consumer product advertised on television, this would rise ten stories tall in New York Harbor, beckoning the rich, evangelical, and the gullible to their promised land.  I have no problem with religion or God and in fact I wholly believe that he cringes just as much as I do with each broadcast of the evening news.  But I find myself more and more mentally trudging though life, bogged down in the endless swamp that is Kanye West, and televangelists, and politicians vomiting their rhetoric all over the internet knowing that so many will sop it up with ultra absorbent dollar bills and miss informed ballots.  I guess I can't really find anything funny to say about this vinyl sculpture from Frank Kozik, but I don't feel the sentiment that it invokes is really conducive to my normal shtick.  It kinda makes me mad because I feel that it is sniper-accurate in it's portrayal of what's wrong with America right now; a plastic representation of how I feel any time someone dares equate our Idiot in Chief with divine provenance.  Surely if his coming is anything Biblical it is most certainly written about in the book of Revelations.   So yeah, I'm gonna tell you that its manufactured by Kidrobot and I'm gonna tell you that it comes in two different versions that both will be available on Friday, December 6th at 10 mst.  But I'm not telling you because it inspired me to retell a story about how my favorite picture of me as a kid involves one arm around a goat and the other holding a can of Pepsi as I grinned like an All American paid spokesperson.  I'm writing about this because you can look at it as just another toy that will remind you how bad you are at dusting your house every few months, or you can look at it as scathing protest art that would look equally as good plastered on brick walls faster than the secret police could have them removed.

www.kidrobot.com

The Great Cthulhu Vinyl Toy Kickstarter from Sea Demon Vinyl

     The other day I learned that, in what can only be described as the biggest "ok, boomer" move this holiday season, Joe Biden has named his little bus tour of the Midwest "No Malarkey".  Of course he didn't stop there, because in the second biggest "ok, boomer" move this holiday season, he actual printed the Websters dictionary definition of the word beneath it.  I hate Donald Trump with as much vigor as I love cats, and I will vote for anyone who runs against him, but Joe Biden makes my butt clench when I think about his ability to move our country forward.  Next year is gonna be a rough one for sure, but as long as we get the orange idiot out and fitted for his prison jumpsuit in upstate New York, we still win.  But there's also a third option...

     The Great Cthulhu could rise from the depths of the ocean and wipe out mankind before we embarrass ourselves any further!!!!!  Sea Demon Vinyl is tired of waiting for our reckoning and has decided to get the process started on their own...and with a little help from all of us.  Right now on Kickstarter they are running a campaign to bring their interpretation of H.P. Lovecraft's most famous creation to life in four inch vinyl form.  Check out this link for all the different ways in which you can score a killer new toy by supporting this fundraiser.  

Gold Chrome Edition Astro Crash from Josh Divine x Strangecat Toys

      You've survived another year of Thanksgiving without anyone getting arrested, though Uncle Mike's political tirade certainly warranted being choked out.  There's no better way to reward yourself for your restraint than with the gift of gold and Strangecat Toys is ready to make your collection shine like it's been fondled by King Midas.

    This is the latest version of Josh Divine's Astro Crash figure, which sees our hero face planted after not quite sticking his landing.  I mean, he made it back to solid ground, but he may have scraped his face off in the process.  The French judge will surely deduct points, but things can always be worse. 

  This figure is extremely limited to only 25 pieces and will retail for $225 when it goes on sale today, Novemer 29th at 10am eastern time. 

A Trifecta of Black Friday Exclusive Releases from Tenacious Toys

    I enjoy a dumb American ritual as much as the next guy, but I have never once participated in the battle royale that is Black Friday shopping.  I'm talking about the old school, "get in line at 5 in the morning and be willing to punch as many people in the face as it takes to get a George Forman Grill for half price" event that place the day after Thanksgiving.  I've been an employee at a few companies where Black Friday was important, and by far the craziest scene was when Tickle Me Elmo was released.  I worked at a department store in Virginia and we only got 6 of the creepy vibrating Muppets for sale, though a mob of about 50 people were pawing at our doors like extras from a George Romero film that morning, desperate to own one.  In the store manager's infinite wisdom he decided the fairest way to deal with what would obviously be a problem was to line all 6 of them up on our service desk, unlock the door, and get the hell out of the way.  I think you know what happens next.  A surging mass of humanity nearly ripped the doors from the hinges, fighting and clawing its way to its goal.  Six people reached the plush toys; cradling them to their bodies to protect them from prying hands.  One woman was literally punched in the jaw by a grown man looking to usurp her prize.  I stood there stunned at what I was seeing; my 15 year old body incapable if not unwilling to intervene.  Hovering just below the cries of vulgarity and injury I could here a fainter, yet easily distinguishable sound that underlined the chaos.  It was the sound of high pitched laughter, coming from the dolls that would soon make a few kids Christmas mornings the best ever, even if they had to be careful when hugging mommy so her stitches didn't break.

     Of course with the rise of online shopping the madness around Black Friday has died down a bit, but the amazing deals to be had are just as prevalent.  Tenacious Toys is using this time honored unofficial holiday to release three brand new exclusive figures that you won't even have to kick anyone in the head for.  I mean, you still can if you want, but it would be wholly unjustified.

    At 10 am you will be able to score the first ever production release from Cat Atomic as he has lent his signature style to the very popular TEQ63 figure from Quiccs.  It stands 6 inches tall, is produced by Martian Toys in soft vinyl and will be priced at $80 each.  Only 150 of these exist and their release will be staggered every 15 minutes for an hour.

   Last Resort Toys has created a new series of mini figures called Run-A-Mucks and in a not so surprising turn of events, has allocated the blue versions to be an exclusive for Tenacious Toys.  Each set comes with 6 designs that stand about 2 inches tall.  Each set is $22 and limited to 150 pieces worldwide.  These will be available beginning at noon.

And finally we have Candy Cornelius from Alex Pardee and 3DRetro in an exclusive Giant Shark edition.  Personally, it reminds me of the last scene in The Shinning where Jack Nicholson has taken on the appearance of a freezer burned chicken tender.  That probably would have been too long of a title to print on the box.  This mean looking sugar demon stands nearly 8 inches tall and is limited to, you guessed it, 150 pieces.  He'll cost ya $65 when he's released at 1pm.

All of these can only be found by visiting www.tenacioustoys.com

Trve Cvlt Snowtrooper from Bombermat Toys x DKE

     DKE always has a ton of hand crafted figures as part of their booth set up for any convention and there's inevitably one that I fall in love with.  For this year's DesignerCon that distinction belongs to Bombermat Toys and his Trve Cvlt Snowtrooper.  Star Wars and black metal go together like peas and carrots and while the connection may not be obvious to some, let me open my big book of nerd knowledge and clue you as to why this is genius.  The ice planet Hoth scenes from The Empire Strikes Back were filmed in Norway, which is also the birth place of corpse paint and scary music.  See, they fit together perfectly.  And if the figure alone wasn't cool enough, that might be some of the best backer card art I've ever seen courtesy of Juan Machado.

     Only 11 of these exist in the world, so you better make a bee line to booth #2922 if you want one.

DesignerCon Exclusives from Scott Tolleson

     When Scott Tolleson isn't curating the best "Jeffrey Epstein Didn't Kill Himself" memes on Facebook, his like, fifth favorite thing to do is design toys.  He'll have a bunch of releases for this year's DesignerCon including some old favorites and some brand new figures that are sure to become your favorites the moment you lay eyes on them, which is about to happen right now.

     Is it technically still a dad bod if you don't have kids?  Of course I'm asking for a friend, as I am the epitome of peak performance.  I'm not here to shame you though, even if you are a sentient root vegetable with resting New Jersey face (it's like resting bitch face, except it let's everyone around you know that you're ready to throw hands at all times, bro).  Being that they are Deadbeets, their dad bod's could be the result of the various bacteria in their guts that are fighting a losing battle in trying to breakdown their formerly living tissue, thus turning their bellies and into a volatile gas bomb.  Isn't nature beautiful?

    Oooooooh this is so pretty.  Cast in clear Bourbon tinted resin, this five inch Shard Dunny is sure to be one of the big hits of the show.  Did you see that a whiskey company made little shots of liquor that look like Tide pods?  That's sure an interesting way to reach a customer base that is obviously brain dead already, but you have to leave no stone unturned if you want to grow your business I guess.  I love this figure and the variations in color they were able to achieve and the effect is probably even cooler after you've downed a couple of those sweet bourbon laundry pods.  

    Let's keep the good resin vibes going with a figure you may recognize that has gotten a size upgrade.  WNDGO has gotten the five inch upgrade as well, with a clear blue body and a bone-like mask that I suspect will make him equally as popular as his brother listed above.  It's a striking combination that is equal parts cute and nightmarishly freaky.  If you wake up one night and he's chewing on your toes in a non alluring way don't act like I didn't see that coming.   

     Well this is certainly different from what we've seen before.  Just a little ice cream dinosaur bro, his mouth agape as he utters the word "Mama" in a squeaky little voice that would instantly make your heart melt.  Speaking of melt, if all of the dinosaurs were actually made of ice cream that would totally explain how they all went extinct.  They ignored all the signs of global warming and in doing so turned into lactose filled puddles.  He's not asking for his mother, no he is screaming that their hubris has doomed them all.   This figure is a collaboration with Unbox Industries and Ziqi, who are probably horrified about what I've just written.  

    I've done some damage to chicken nuggets in my lifetime and it looks like my day of reckoning is close at hand.  Look, I can't help that they are the most deliciously perfect food on Earth and that my body still craves them even as an adult.  Especially when they're crispy on the outside and warm and filled with otherwise unusable chicken bits on the inside.  You think that whole "pink slime" expose deterred me in any fashion from devouring them by the handful?  I can assure you it did not.  But what if every chicken nugget I ever ate turned into one of these, formed an army, and sought their revenge?  I better get my affairs in order.

    All of the goodness you see here and much more will be available by visiting Scott at booth # 209.

"Folkvang" Edition Nordic Lucky Cats for DesignerCon

     So it occurred to me that not only have I failed to do a post about my Nordic Lucky Cats releasing next week at DesignerCon, but I never even named the edition.  Being that they are made of a translucent green and white resin all marbled together and that they are inspired by the goddess Freyja's own cats, I have decided to call this run " Folkvang".  For those of you slightly less obsessed with mythology, Folkvang is the field that houses half of the Viking warriors that die in battle (the other half of course end up in Valhalla).  There are certainly worse outcomes in the after life than hanging out with the goddess of lust and beauty for an eternity.

    They stand four inches tall, are limited to 10 pieces and can only be found at the Stranger Factory/Circus Posterus booth #2600.  They each come in a fancy cloth bag that I hand stamped with love and care just for you.  All figures were produced by DuBose Art.