Freaks, Kinks, and Spazzes Preorder from Radioactive Uppercut Happening Tonight!

    I went to the doctor today and when I entered the room this is what I saw:

    Now let me expand on this a bit more.  While this would be a horrifying sight for any man to stumble upon, what made it worse was the fact that I was at the urologist having a follow up from The Great Kidney Stone Disaster of 2015 (as it's been dubbed in the media).  So be you man or woman, the only place this stuff was gonna end up was somewhere that would traumatize you (and make your pee hurt) for days to come.  I know what goes on in these places, heck I've got some stories that would make you put a pad lock on your jeans and hide in a closet, but I really don't need to see the aftermath of someone's urinary tract pain.  Hell, the hotel we stayed at in Brooklyn for Summerslam had better maid service than this, and there was a damn lucite wall between the tub and the bed.  I didn't go anywhere near this exam table except to take this picture and after than I parked my behind as far away as the architecture of the building would allow.  I wish they had comment cards so I could have rated the state of the room, cause urethra jelly and a box of tissues is worse than finding a dead body.  

    As you may have figured out, that story was just something I really had to share and has nothing at all to do with the toys you see pictured.  I view stories like this in the same way filmmakers viewed that VHS tape from the ring.  You gotta pass that trauma on if you want to have any peace.  Now, back to business.

    Radioactive Uppercut is opening up preorders tonight for his latest creations: Freak, Kinks, and Spazzes.  Those three little dudes are adorable in a gross way, kinda like your mom, and like I said before you can get your hands on them tonight at 8pm eastern time (also like your mom).  They were expertly sculpted by David Arshawsky of Turtle Milk Studios and are being cast in soft resin by Tru:Tek of Disart ToyLabs, which basically means they're of the utmost quality.  These little dudes stand 3 inches tall and are available individually for $30, or as a set for $87.  Look how cute they are, you wouldn't dare think of separating them from their friends would you?  Or are you one of those people who would see two kittens and just adopt one of them?  Don't be a sicko.  Do the right thing tonight by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  

Get A Second Shot at Jim Phillip's Screaming Hand from Kidrobot

    Have you ever seen those tumors that sprout teeth and hair and really freak my wife out?  Or those little stone babies that people carry around for years without even knowing it?  Those are nothing compared to sprouting a second mouth on your palm.  Think about it: those other two things are quiet. They may creep you out, they may cause you a bit of physical discomfort, but they won't scream all day long.  Or worse than screaming, what if it just wanted to bore you to death all day by telling you the same stupid stories, prefaced with "did I tell you about the time."  If you think you need to begin a story with the phrase "did I tell you about the time" then yeah, you already did.  I know someone who has told me the same mundane tales so many times I started finishing them for her every time she repeats one.  I can tell you just about anything you would ever need to know about her grown children, people that have died, what was on sale at Target in 1996, or her every career she ever had.  Contrary to my best efforts I have managed to store the most minute details in every dark corner of my brain and can rattle them off like some savant doing algebra problems.

    Is there any wonder that someone severed this sucker just above the wrist?  Who knows where Jim Phillip's Screaming Hand began its life, but it's most certainly ending it sans the rest of the human form.  This iconic logo from Santa Cruz Skateboards was recreated in glorious vinyl by Kidrobot and released earlier this year, at which time it quickly sold out.  People were pissed that they couldn't get one so now you'll have a second chance on Thursday to welcome this into your life.  Pick one up tomorrow wherever you like to buy your toys or at www.kidrobot.com.  

Three Witches: Skinner Edition Preorder from Unbox Industries

     With all these bozos trying to run for president you would think that maybe, just this once, someone would focus on an issue that is long in need of attention:  the lack of witch burnings.  Now you can't tell me that we stopped doing it cause we got em all, cause I don't believe that.  Or that it just fell out of fashion, cause what better thing can you think of to bring a community together than the warmth of a good witch burning in a carnival-like atmosphere with corn dogs and stuff?.  You got nothing.  And it's just not about the good times that are to be had, it's about all the evil doings that are, as of this posting, going unchecked.  Why just last week a woman was mad at me at work and I didn't poop right for a few days.  It's empirical evidence of a hex and I'm sure if I had some milking goats they would probably be dry right now as a result of said curse.  How can we allow this to continue?

   The tricky thing about witches is that they all don't stand out as readily as these that Skinner painted up.  They blend in, like that Miley Cyrus girl, so they could be amongst us right now!!!   John Kenn Mortensen and Unbox Industries made these old hags and you can preorder them from now until September 25 (or until the original allotted amount runs out).  Order some right now at http://store.unboxindustries.info and make them reveal the identities of their sisters in the black arts.  Also, make sure you have enough to lighter fluid, cause there's nothing that ruins a good ol witch burning like an absence of the actual burning part.  It's embarrassing.

Star Wars "Force Friday" Recap or Why I Am So Tired Today

    Despite what I said yesterday about not being able to stay up late, I couldn't stand looking at all the pictures of the new Star Wars toys online and not participate.  So when my wife got home from work this is what ensued:

Me:  "Hey babe, I'm sorry you had such a hard day at work, why don't we go out to eat tonight."  

Sharon:  "Oh, that's so sweet of you, let me go and get changed."

Me: "Shut up squid man, you're killing my game here."

    So we have a nice dinner and on the way home we stop by Toys R Us to see how they're setting up for the new toys.  There are signs everywhere and empty shelves teasing us with their promised bounty later in the night.  We go home, watch a bit of tv and then I start showing her people's Instagram posts with all of their bounty.  Next thing you know this happens:

Sharon:  "If you want we could totally go to Toys R Us to check it out tonight."

    Next thing you know we're standing outside with fellow nerds waiting to buy toys for a movie we haven't even seen yet.  It was kind of like a mini comic con moment, though much less smelly.  The first thing we see as we enter are these giant Stormtrooper and Darth Vader figures:

    I'd say they were about 4 feet tall and priced at $100, which is pretty reasonable considering their size.  While the temptation was strong, I didn't want to get caught up in the moment and buy everything in sight.  In fact I was so restrained this is the totality of what I purchased:

    That's it.  A lone Captain Phasma Pop! Vinyl for $10.  The commemorative Lego brick was free at the door and the main reason I wanted to go to Toys R Us.  It has the date on the back of it so one day I can reflect on my life and say "I stayed up way past my adult bed time to look at action figures."  Everyone in the nursing home will be impressed.  

New Robo Tops from Inami Toyland Releasing Tonight

    The most playing I ever do with the toys I collect are when I dust them; which, in the interest of transparency, is not very often.  I'm on a once per calendar year dusting plan, or whenever the dust gets so thick I start to forget what the actual object is supposed to look like.  The bonus though, is once you wipe away all those accumulated dead skin cells it's like having something that's brand new all over again.  And who doesn't love that feeling?  So, to summarize, I am making myself happy on the occasions I do clean by lengthening the time in between actual cleanings.  Suck on that, Freud.

    You never need to worry about Robo Tops from Inami Toyland collecting dust, cause the whole point of these resin dudes is that you play with them in the first place.  The actual spinning motion of the tops makes it impossible for dirt or debris to make its home on them, thus negating the need for you to do chores.  Now make a toy that cleans the litter box for me and I can truly live a life of leisure.  

   These orange and blue editions go on sale tonight at 9pm eastern time only at www.inamitoyland.com.  They're $15 a piece and only 10 of each color exist.  

Star Wars "Force Friday" Is Almost Here

    Oh my lord I am excited for the new Star Wars toys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Tonight, as the clock strikes midnight, people are gonna flood their local stores and ruin their credit ratings by buying anything and everything from the movie they haven't even seen yet.  And you know what?  I'd love to join em, but that is waaaaaaaaay beyond my bedtime.  I know, I'm about as much fun as wearing a wet pair of jeans, but I've passed that point in life where my body will do the things I want it to.  I don't want to have to get up at 3am to pee every night, but guess what, that's what happens.  And I don't want to fall asleep on the couch every night and miss the endings of my favorite shows, but that doesn't stop my brain from flipping that off switch and turning me into a drooling idiot with my mouth hung wide open.  Just this week alone I've missed the endings to Monday Night Raw and Ink Master and I almost passed out before Mr. Robot was over last night, which would have infuriated me.  So while I won't be elbowing my fellow nerds in pursuit of a carded Storm Trooper, I'm sure that there are plenty of everything to go around so I won't miss out on anything I want.  I mean there will be, right?  

"Famous Last Words" Group Show at Toy Art Gallery

    In what is a sad yet growing trend, Toy Art Gallery is closing up their physical location.  I don't know anything beyond the fact that they will continue to operate their store online and continue to manufacture toys.  They want to close their location with a bang, and thus you have the aptly titled "Famous Last Words" group show.  It's happening this Saturday, September 5th, and features all of the artists you see listed above.  You should go, and pour some of your 40 out on the sidewalk for your fallen homies.  

Someone Found a Way To Film My Dreams at Night

    I don't know how they were able to upload my dreams to Youtube, but this may be the biggest breakthrough in technology since the Swiffer.  

Mixed Parts SMD5 from Jeff Lamm x Unbox Industries Available Now!

    The MTV VMA's were on as I was writing this post.  Let me clarify, they weren't actually on MY tv at home, but supposedly they were on someone's, which makes me sad for them.  The only reason I even knew it was airing was because of those ridiculous commercials with Miley Cyrus and her tongue all hanging out, trying to be edgy, or whatever it is that mall kids aspire to be these days.  I wish someone would make clothing that she likes to wear so she can stop showing off her 13 year old boy's body like its something anyone wants to see that isn't already in jail for sex crimes.  Do they air MTV in prison?  They should make you watch it on death row so you stop appealing and start begging for the electric chair.

    I haven't watched the VMA's since Nirvana played on them.  And if you're like me and couldn't care less about who wore what on the red carpet or what dumb thing Kanye West did, you could instead focus your attention on securing one of these mixed parts SMD5 figures from Jeff Lamm and Unbox Industries.  What color combo will you get?  Who knows, cause that's a surprise, and it won't matter anyway cause the figure is so sick that they could make a color scheme called "scab" and it would still be awesome.  These are on sale right now and will be until September 6th or until supplies last.  Snag one for yourself or your favorite internet pseudo-celebrity (no, not Grumpy Cat) by going to http://store.unboxindustries.info. 

Ron English's Apocalypse Grin Dunny Coming Next Week From Kidrobot

    Living in New York must be nuts.  There's always people around, nothing ever seems quiet, and I don't know how anyone affords to buy food after paying their rent.  Seriously, how are all New Yorkers not holding telethons for people to feed them?  I can't even rent a closet in the city for what I pay for my town house.  One benefit of living in the city is you get to stumble upon amazing works of art just hanging out there on the side of a building. People that have insane gallery shows are just painting real estate like its no big deal.  The other day while Sharon and I were roaming around trying to get to Toy Tokyo we ran into a huge mural from Ron English.  While we didn't physically run into it even though we were dehydrated and sweating like some urban nomads in a foreign dessert, you would have thought we had never been anywhere before with our level of amazement.  Which, to divert slightly, we totally embraced our inner podunk Midwesterner when we went into a two-story Target in Brooklyn and were completely floored with the escalator for shopping carts.  Check out this jawn:  you're roaming around my on the first floor, getting all your essentials for domestic life when you realize there is a new Taylor Swift album you will die without, but alas, the electronics department is on the second floor.  Are you supposed to just abandon your cart full of Hot Pockets and tabloids and hope that someone won't pillage your future purchases?  Should you strap it on you back, channel your inner sherpa, and lug that 4 wheeled son of a gun up there?  Fear not, because carts have their own adjoining escalator which moves them effortlessly between floors.  I know, it's crazy right?  I wanted to take a video of it but I didn't want people to think I was adjusting beautifully despite my obvious mental deficiencies.  You get mistaken for simple once in your life and you never forget it.

     The point of all this was originally, I think anyway cause I can't be bothered to read all that again, is that I saw some crazy out of doors art from Ron English and we don't have that stuff where I live.  We have people that paint rude sayings on billboards, but that can hardly be considered art, especially when their vulgar diatribes are not grammatically correct.  You can bring some Ron English art INSIDE the house next week when Kidrobot releases this ballin Dunny.  There's the regular version, which is just a bigger rendition of his original 3 inch design, and there's that super clean white chase design at you're not gonna want your friends to get their dirty finger prints on.  Get one for yourself next Friday, September 4th, for $75 from www.kidrobot.com or wherever you like to buy your toys.
   

"Red Rub" Vertebrata from Paul Kaiju x Blobpus x Toy Art Gallery Lottery Details

    I love when people commit crimes using unconventional weapons.  One of my favorite stories of such an occurrence was when a man walked into a gas station near where I used to live, and robbed the place with a broom.  He cleaned out the cash register by brandishing an item used to clean the floor.  I never found out whether he got to the place and just winged his approach, or if he brought the thing with him as part of a well thought out plan.  The former I can understand, because he could have just had poor impulse control, but the latter is way more bizarre.  The guy looked around his house, was struck by a moment of divine inspiration, and drove with his weapon to make some quick cash from the Texaco.

    You may, in a few brief moments, notice that the above story has nothing to do with the toy you see there.   I had already typed this story out for a different post, but then that toy sold out and I thought it would be a waste to just delete what I had already written, so here it is.  One less story being sent to the landfill.

    The newest edition of Vertebrate from Paul Kaiju x Blobpus x Toy Art Gallery will be available via lottery submission starting today at noon pacific time.  You have until Monday at noon to enter for a chance o buy one of these freaky ladies.  Here's more info on the lottery:

The Vertebrata Red Rub Edition retails for $85 and will be released via email lottery starting on Wednesday, August 26th at 12PM PST and ending on Monday, Aug. 31st at 12PM PST. Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Vertebrata Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Monday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!

   

The Next Installment of SWWF from Healeymade

    I am so pumped right now I want to go ring a random person's doorbell and DDT them on their front porch.  Sharon and I are going to Summerslam in Brooklyn this weekend and I have been super hyped about it for months but now that it's here I've go so much excitement built up inside me that I don't know how I will make it through today without powerbombing someone through a table or using uncontrolled run-on sentences.  The highlight for me is that I'm gonna get to see The Undertaker in person, which hasn't happened in a long time.  When I was a wee little Chris I got to go to a house show in Richmond, Virginia we walked up to the box office the day of the show and got seats right next to the barrier where the performers walk out.  I remember standing their in awe as The Undertaker made his way to the ring; by far the biggest person I had ever seen in my life let alone stood next to.  He was beyond human; something that couldn't have been something naturally occurring in this world, but something born purely of imagination.  Though I'm much older and much more knowledgable about how the world of professional wrestling works, that surreal feeling still comes back to me any time I go see it in person.  

    If you were to ask me how to create the perfect toy I would say you have to take things I love, mash them together, and let the results speak for themselves.  Well, I love Star Wars and I love WWE, so I would say Healeymade has either been rooting around in my brain or the man has some exquisite tastes.  This thing is beautiful in its genius and can be owned right now by checking out http://healeymade.com.  

Galamilk World of Isobelle Pascha Vampire Hunting Miyu and Lizbeth from 3A

    Women seem to dominate the world of vampire hunting for some reason.  While there may be inequality in other forms of employment, killing blood-sucking fiends has predominately been a field where men have had no place.  There are a few notable exceptions, like Blade or Van Helsing, but they are no match for their female counterparts.  I suppose if I were a vampire and someone was to drive a stake through my heart I'd rather it be some attractive woman than some sweaty dude.  Did the vampires form some sort of union and this was on their lists of demands? 

   Who cares about the particulars and let us just enjoy the fact that pretty ladies are keeping us safe from becoming slaves of the undead.  Miyu and Lizbeth from 3A are working hard to literally save your necks and look good while doing it.  Both of these figures are available right now from http://www.bambalandstore.com for $320 each.  Which may seem like a lot, until you realize that they stand 2 feet tall!  That's a lot of toy!And shipping is included in the price, so now your only decision is which one you like best.  I say get them both so one isn't lonely without the other.  This is something I legitimately think about.  

Want To Own Buffalo Bill's House from "Silence of the Lambs"? Now You Can!

    As you can tell from the past two days, I've ben on a real estate kick.  You need somewhere amazing to house your toy collection and I've finally found the perfect place.  On the market now, just south of Pittsburgh (which is the only drawback, really) is Buffalo Bill's house from Silence of the Lambs.  This place is beyond amazing you can see by checking out the listing here.  For $300,000 you can not only own a house that is part of movie making history, but you also get an in-ground pool with an old train caboose as a pool house!  Sadly, the infamous pit in the basement isn't there, as it was just something they created on a sound stage, but the house has enough space that you could make your captives put the lotion in the basket in one of four picturesque bedrooms, or perhaps even the winter parlor (I have no idea what that is, but I need it) or butler's pantry (just as clueless).  

Hello Clarice? More like hello victorian luxury!

Boomu Plush from 100% Soft

     This is how I want to die.  I want a giant, cuddly, kaiju kitten to rise from his home deep within a mountain and devour me with snuggles.  You can keep your "hails of gunfire" and your "blazes of glory" cause I'm going out to the sounds of monster kitty purrs thank you very much.

   

    If you don't love this Boomu plush from 100% Soft you are both wrong and a terrible person.  It is flawless in its adorableness and is ready to stomp its way into your heart (and your city, which is pretty much doomed).  This 8 inch tall plushy is available right now for only $20 from http://100soft.bigcartel.com.  

     

Help Build a Real Version of Minas Tirith from Lord of the Rings

    How many times in your daily life are you forced to drive by another pile of garbage being built that will in a few years time sit abandoned like the bad idea it was?  Every day I pass by this relative ghost town on the way to work that has now decided to build a strip mall.  Never mind the fact that most of the houses sit vacant, or that the only other two businesses for miles are gas station on either side of the road and a produce stand that looks like it was but as a set for the next Mad Max film.  Nope, despite the obvious warning signs by the buzzards circling overhead, what that town needs is a nail salon, a pizza joint (cause you can't find one of those in New Jersey) and another place to buy a cell phone.  Oh joy!

    But this is a construction project I can get behind!  Finally, someone in this world has decided that enough is enough and cookie cutter housing developments and retail establishments have had their time and now we need to pave the way for something new.  Something, like Minas Tirith!

   The great city from Lord of the Rings has been proposed to be built somewhere in southern England, but it needs your help (and a lot of cash) to become a real, livable city.  It's a definite uphill battle, as they need to raise billions of dollars for the project to commence construction.  You can help by checking out the Indiegogo page here and by maybe convincing Bill Gates or Warren Buffet that this would make a pretty baller investment.  Meanwhile, I'll be packing all my things to be ready for move in day.  

"Sand K. Troop at Coin Rides Game #1" from Fools Paradise

    Ok, let me make it perfectly clear that the name of this toy is a bit nuts.  I put that sucker in quotation marks so you didn't think I had a stroke while typing this.  The name reminds me of when my brother went to Korea and he came back with this shirt that had a picture of a monkey in a space helmet and it said underneath "The Matrix Lord of The Rings Return of the King".  They had just taken recently released movie titles, mashed em together, and called it a day.  I was really pissed he didn't buy me one.

  I'm more than willing to overlook what may be a rather confusing name and instead focus on the majesty that is this toy.   Let's break it down into its component elements to fully appreciate what it has going for it:

1.) It's Star Wars presented in a unique way

2.) Half-nekkid lady Storm Trooper

    It practically sells itself on those two points alone!  So since I have convinced you that you need one, I shall now tell you how to make all of your dreams come true.  You're gonna want to go to this link type in your payment info, and one of these will magically appear at your doorstep later this year.  You only have until September 8th to preorder one and they cost $289 with shipping included (magic ain't free, son).

threezero's 1/6 Scale Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad

   Life is easier to fully enjoy when you keep meth dealers out of your house.  Not that I've had the occasion to invite or not invite meth dealers over, because I've never known one.  But if I did, I'd have to be like "look bro, I'm cool with chillin at the food court, maybe grabbing some Sbarro, and checking out the H&M sale, but you can't come over."  See cause folks that sell meth have to have people to buy it, and those people really don't need to know where I live.  I'm not down with extras from The Walking Dead trying to steal my tv or bum money off of my cats.

    That Jesse Pinkman guy from Breaking Bad seems like a pretty cool dude, but rules to live by are not meant to be broken.  Though I would made an exception for this ultra detailed toy from threezero. Despite the fact that it looks amazingly life-like, I don't think the DEA is gonna pressure me to turn informant on an action figure.

    Like every threezero figure, ol Jesse comes with plenty of accessories to live out that life on the edge, like a gun and fat stacks of cash.  Speaking of cash, you can spend yours preordering this figure on Friday, August 21 at 9am Hong Kong time from www.threezerostore.com.

"Leviathan" Lottery from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Happening Now

    I'm gonna say it:  This is my favorite release EVER from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore.  Other than the fact that this dude looks literally and figuratively killer, I have been obsessed with great white sharks since I can remember.  My dream vacation would be to go to South Africa and see the ones that jump out of the water.  They have boat tours that will fill the water with blood and guts to attract them to the boat and you can see freakishly close, as in they could bite your face off close.  Having never seen one in person I wonder if they would even look real to me.  When Sharon and I went to the National Zoo in Washington we were hell bent on seeing the panda bears.  Upon arrival the three of them were chilling inside this glass enclosure, eating bamboo, and looking like they might have been little people in suits.  You see them on tv and they look so cute, but in person they look like any minute they're gonna check their cell phones and you're gonna realize they're just tiny college kids trying to earn some extra money.  

    If this guy attacks you while you're enjoying a nice day at the beach with the family don't bother punching him in the nose.  Save your energy and start praying for forgiveness for all the bad stuff you've done in life, cause you're gonna meet your maker real soon.  The lottery to own on of these Leviathan figures is happening right now and ends just before the stroke of midnight tonight.  Get your funds together and enter over at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.

    If lotteries aren't your thing and you're more into impressing people with the speed that you can enter your credit card info, then take a crack at purchasing one of these Sludge Demons.  They go on sale this Sunday at noon eastern time only at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.

Arsenal of Artists "No Toon Left Behind" Group Show at Suburban Vinyl This Saturday

    Do kids watch cartoons anymore?  I remember looking forward to Saturday mornings all week, not just because I didn't have to go to school, but because all of the best shows were on then.  Not that I have kids of my own mind you, but I picture them today glued to their smart phones and being consumed with auditions for the next season of Teen Mom.  Kids are the devil.

    Arsenal of Artists wants us to remember the simpler times, when the minds of children were more focused on Scooby Doo and less on being emotionally stunted by the internet.  Playful Gorilla and Cash Cannon have put together a massive group show called "No Toon Left Behind" that celebrates the innocence of waking up early on your day off as a youngster and being glued to the tv.  Just look at the list of artists participating:

    

    Thank you to whoever made this graphic cause I would have gotten a blister trying to type all of those names.  This thing is taking place on Saturday at Suburban Vinyl in New Jersey and from the amount of work that will be on display I'm wondering if they had to expand just to fit it all in there.  Find out for yourself while taking a sweet nostalgia trip.

Plaseebo To Unleash Vinyl Madness This Friday

    I am convinced that the work of Plaseebo could transport you into an underlying world where the mad visions of HP Lovecraft are the norm and its all your brain can do not to explode upon witnessing it.  Everything from the paint schemes to the glow in the dark elements to the LED lights work together to conjure up visions of things that cannot be unseen.  Or they just look really cool in your display case and I am the victim of an over active imagination.  Either way, they're still mesmerizing to look at.

    Tomorrow, August 14, there will two new one off custom figures released in his shop.  The first one you see up there consists of Plaseebo's own Gnaw head mounted on Skull Head Butt's X body, and containing a motion activated LED light that changes color.  Signed and dated, that sucker will be available for $350.

    The other part of this release is this AntiChrist 666 figure from Frank Mysterio.  He's filled with tons of guts and 3 motion activated LED lights to make this guy shine like the unholy terror he is.  He also comes signed and dated.  Both of these custom figures will only be available from http://www.plaseebo.net.

Kozik x Kidrobot's Tribute to All Things Delicious

    I am usually against posting sneak peaks because they lack all of the important details you, my very intelligent and quite attractive readers, need to make an informed purchase.  Today, I make an exception for all things that are both delicious and made of chicken.  Never have I loved something that causes me so much intestinal distress as I love KFC.  Even though I haven't had it in years (for my own health and that of public restrooms in Southern New Jersey) I can still taste the Colonel's original recipe like I just housed an entire bucket of deep fried heaven.  And let us not forget those delicious biscuits that they never give you enough of.  Fill a bucket up with those too my friend, and let us feast like peasant kings!!!

    I've been following the developments of Frank Kozik's chicken man ever since he first posted up the beautiful 3D sculpts from Bigshot Toyworks, and now it looks like Kidrobot will be producing these suckers in the very near future.  Just look at these renders below and tell me with an honest heart that you don't want this:

    See, you couldn't do it cause then you'd be a liar, and liars don't get any chicken in my house!!!  Let's bring a familiar friend back to tell you just how I feel about this toy:

    Yes I do little otter buddy. Yes I do.  

"My Pet Gurgle" Custom Autopsy Baby from Topheroy x Miscreation Toys

    

    Dear God this is frightening.  This is like all those dead baby jokes coming back to haunt you for telling them.  I'm lucky enough (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) to seemingly have instant karma, so any time I say something I maybe shouldn't have it usually results in me injuring myself a few seconds later.  So I'm not worried about a zombie baby hiding behind a dumpster, just waiting to gnaw through my chillies, cause if it was gonna happen it would have a long time ago.  I still may walk a bit further away from them though, just in case.

    The Autopsy Babies from Miscreation Toys are enough to scare the skin off of you by themselves, but with this tribute to everyones favorite monster from the '80's, that freakish level has somehow been elevated.  Topheroy is the man behind this haunted looking doll and if you've got the intestinal fortitude to have one in the house with you there will be 10 of them available this Saturday, August 15, over at http://customantics.bigcartel.com.  They'll be $200 each and come with a metal chain and removable eyeball, just like my uncle Jeff.  

Skinner Puts a Hex on The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys

        I've been thinking about building my own Iron Monster for a while now.  I've been saving all these soda cans, so I guess he's gonna be more of an Aluminum Monster, but that makes him sound kinda weak.  I figure if I layer the cans thick enough he could withstand a pretty brutal attack.  There's also the problem of bringing him to life, which I'm really not sure how to do.  I found some local witches I thought could help but all they wanna do is volunteer at the Renaissance Fair so they can get free admission.  I'd totally pay for them to get in and take em to The Cheesecake Factory afterwards if they could conjure some rotten old souls to inhabit my monster, but it's starting to look like they don't have the witch skills I require.  They need to be more specific in their Craigslist ads.

      You know Skinner don't need no witches to bring his toys to life and strangle your neck meat in your sleep, cause he's got paint infused with ancient demon blood.  That stuff's expensive, but look at how it shines!  These Iron Monster figures from Miscreation Toys have been given the special Skinner treatment and will be unleashed upon the world this Friday, August 14, at noon pacific time.  Only 6 of these will be available and will probably sell out in less time than it took you to read this.  Try your luck at www.theartofskinner.com.