Dresden Lady Wave 1 from 3A

    Warfare is getting weird.  Just when you think countries are going to be leveling each other from afar with those remote controlled drone things (and you thought they were just for creeps trying to record you through your window) I see something like this.  I mean, I guess if I was going to be gunned down having it come courtesy of a killer pair of legs isn't so bad.  The getting gunned down part still sucks mind you, but at least I'd be distracted as my body spontaneously erupted my guts everywhere.  It's all about perspective.

    3A is unleashing the latest in infantry on April 28th when these three maidens of the battlefield will be available.  Each one will be $160 through http://www.bambalandstore.com.

 

    

Oh My! Yokai Mini Gachas from Candie Bolton X Toy Art Gallery

    I love a deal and I really love deals when they involve toys.  You can want a toy real bad but you have to have it the moment when there's a deal involved.  Candie Bolton and Toy Art Gallery are gonna help you fill those nooks and crannies in your display cases with these Oh My! Yokai gachpon series and in case you're bad at catching drifts, there's a deal involved.  See, you could be irresponsible and buy only one of these amazing little figures for $10 or you could get all five for only $40.  That means you're getting one for free, which is the best kind of deal.  And this is the debut of the set, which means you're getting in on the ground floor of this thing.  Be an early adopter when they go on sale Friday, April 22nd at noon pacific time from www.toyartgallery.com.

Tropical Fiji Mermaid Sofubi from Gorgoloid X Awesome Toy

 

     I'd love to have heard the conversation between the dude who invented the Fiji Mermaid and his wife when he first showed it to her. "Now babes, you know I wasn't cut out to be the Wal-Mart bathroom attendant my whole life, but don't worry cause in the kitchen is how I'm gonna finally put this family on the map."  After she regained consciousness from seeing the old monkey and stinking fish butt he had crudely sewn together I'm sure there was a trip to a divorce lawyer.

   People throughout the ages have come up with some interesting schemes to avoid real work, but the Fiji Mermaid might be the weirdest.  In homage to this sideshow creature of yore, Gorgoloid and Awesome Toy have combined (like the monkey and fish) to create this version in sofubi.  Available beginning Thursday April 21st at 6pm pacific time, this Tropical edition is ready to take his place in your cabinet of curiosities.  Charge your neighbors a dime to behold this freak of nature!!!  He's only available from http://www.gorgoloid.com

New Young Gohst Sofubi from Ferg x Grody Shogun

     While framing a picture the other day my wife ended up tearing a chunk of skin off from just behind her fingernail.  She called me at work, asking me to bring some band aids home and in the meantime she had fashioned a make-shift bandage out of things she found in the house.  She had described there being a descent amount of blood, really could mean anything.  And then I came home to see exactly what she meant.  Her bundle of feminine products and masking tape had nearly soaked though, while the bathroom looked as though a struggle had ensued.  One kind of did, as she was searching for DIY first aid supplies one of our cats was trying to pick Q-tips out of the trash so he could eat them whole.  She had to wrestle a determined feline while her wound proceeded to leak like the latest Kanye West album.  Thankfully, she is made of tough German stock and watching a DVR'd episode of Project Runway was a great substitute for actual medical attention.

    These new Young Gohsts from Ferg and Grody Shogun need a heavy dose of antibiotics as they're known as the "sepsis" edition.  But you may get lucky when you buy these a get one of the chase "on the mend" versions who is out of the woods and on the way back to his normal self.  These go on sale exclusively through http://www.playge.net on Monday April 18th at noon central time.  

Bubble Gum Pink Slugbeard from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    A slug beard sounds like something some evil cursed wizard would have.  Writhing, slimy little creatures would cover his face similar to Medusa's hair snakes, except the slugs would be way grosser.  See, with a normal beard you have the ability to catch savory morsels of food that somehow got lost on the way to your mouth.  With a slug beard those tasty bits will be covered in that iridescent slime and rendered inedible.  That's really the only drawback I can think of.

   Paul Kaiju and Toy Art Gallery are unleashing this big honking piece of bubble gum-lookin vinyl onto the world on April 15th at noon pacific time.  And it's not even a lottery, so you gotta have your eyes focused on www.toyartgallery.com when they drop, otherwise you will fall into a pit of despair.  Not a literal pit, mind you, but a theoretical one which can be must worse.  

New Releases from doubleparlour Coming April 15th

    Don't bother being sad because April 15th is tax day and instead rejoice, because it is also new release day from doubleparlour.  Fill your life with their utterly strange and surreal characters and try not to smile each time you look at them.  Featuring a mix of old favorites and new sculpts, they will be available for purchase beginning at noon pacific time only from http://doubleparlour.myshopify.com.  Take a look at some of what will be offered :

"In My Mind" Porcelain Sculpture from Jey NoName x K. Olin Tribu

    Have you ever wondered whether your mind would one day reach capacity and you would never be able to remember anything else without recording over some of your old memories?  Yeah, I don't obsess about that every day either, I was asking for a friend.  But it makes you wonder a little doesn't it?  Are the wrinkles in my brain so packed full of nonsensical trivia answers and passwords for social media that I'm unable to remember things that are actually important?  If someone could figure out a way to selectively delete information in your head that would the most brilliant/dangerous invention ever.  While you could erase painful memories you could also accidentally erase something important, like your ability to read, or the fact that you owe me money.  Or some madman could get his hands on it and wipe the brains of an entire country's worth of people.  this may or may not be what the new Captain America movie is about.

    Jey NoName and K. Olin Tribu have collaborated on this porcelain creation known as "In My Mind".  Supposedly it is a vessel to store your overflowing thoughts in.  Or you could go all Ancient Egypt and plop your organs inside when you die.  Not you in particular, but someone else who is not dead/squeamish.  Only 30 pieces of this decorative art piece were made and they are available now from http://www.kolintribu.com.

New Kandy Kaiju Releases from Super7

 

     I've always had an indifference towards food.  Anything edible was merely there to keep me alive and very little joy was ever had from the act of eating.  Then recently something changed and my gluttony switch was flipped.  Now I'm not only hungry all the time, but meals have taken on the qualities of religious experiences.  How have I gone through life this way only to suddenly crave food?  It's bizarre, and my shirts aren't fitting that well as a result.  It's a one sided love affair.

    Super7 has the perfect solution to my newfound love of food but my need to not buy an entire wardrobe.  As long as the food is plastic, and therefore not digestible, I can have my proverbial box of snack cakes and eat them too (but not really).  And they both glow in the dark, which nothing you eat should ever do.

    Milton and Foster will be on sale starting Thursday, April 14th at noon pacific time through both www.super7store.com and their retail locations.

    

Woot Bear Exclusive Bedtime Bunny from Peter Kato

    It's borderline criminal that nap times aren't factored into the average American work day.  Right now I get a half hour for lunch, which is barely enough time to make any progress in whatever book I'm reading at the time due to the constant interruptions.  For some reason a book is a magnet for unwanted conversation.  But beyond that, I think it should be mandatory that every business shut down for one hour to allow its employees to take a nap.  Actually, let's make it an hour and a half because it takes me forever to wake up and get my bearings, so a little bit of a cushion would be beneficial.  How did we grow up, brag about the fact that we were now adults and could eat cookies for dinner, and neglect the importance of a daily nap?  Travesty.

   I bet all the employees at Woot Bear take naps, cause they're reasonable folks.  And what better way to inspire your next bout of leisure time than with one of Peter Kato's Bedtime Bunnies.  This exclusive white bunny with pink slippers just wants you to take a break from the stress of your day so you don't snap and go on a rampage.  We all know you're on the brink.

    He'll be available Friday April 15th at noon pacific time.  

    

Uncle Scam from Ron English x Kidrobot

    By the look of his waistline, it seems that the majority of my tax dollars have gone directly into the government's cheeseburger fund.  Leave it to Ron English to perfectly capture how most Americans must feel this time every year, as we send in those dreaded forms to the IRS.  I know taxes are a must, but they could make it hurt a little less.  Maybe have a fun animal mascot, or have that party patrol from Publisher's Clearing House deliver our refund checks.

    Kidrobot wants to ease your pain this April 15th by releasing the very timely Uncle Scam figure, which heavily resembles my governor in New Jersey Chris Christie.  I can just picture this as his campaign poster if he actually had a chance at winning the nomination, which the rest of the US has no idea how lucky they are that would never happen.  Unless Trump wins the nomination and announces him as his running mate, which would undoubtedly be the coming of the antichrist and the end of days for mankind.  Kinda makes George Orwell's visions look like Dr. Seuss in comparison.  But fear not, because we have you covered on that front as well with this black and white version:

    Is it a chase piece?  Is it a Kidrobot.com exclusive?  I don't know, but either way it's horrifying.  This pieces was brought to reality by the folks at Bigshot Toyworks.    

    

One of A Kind X- Ray Gnaw 2 from Plaseebo

    Is it normal that every time you have a problem with someone at work you picture them being infested by horrible creatures like this and slowly devoured from the inside out?  I mean, such thoughts are reserved for the truly horrible members of the public who seem to have left their house with the specific goal of making others miserable.  It just seems fitting that they should feel the physical manifestation of how their personality comes across to everyone they encounter.  Of course I'm just asking this for a friend of mine and this in know way reflects my own wishes for such a malady to befall the unpleasant.   **Wink**.

    Plaseebo is unleashing more nightmare fuel into the world with his latest one of a kind creation, the X-Ray Gnaw 2.  This thing has an LED light and a plethora of glow in the dark human body parts, which is something I don't think they sell by the bagful at party supply stores.  Though that would be exactly the type of party I'd be willing to go to.  You can add this guy to your collection when he goes on sale Tuesday, April 12th from www.plaseebo.net.

ToyCon UK Exclusives from Taylored Curiosities

   My cats have the oddest tastes when it comes to food.   God forbid you try to sneak anything with chicken past their noses, as you might as well have called them an offensive slur.  Our smallest kitten discovered the other day, through no fault of our own, that she has a hankering for baked beans.  We heard the tell tale noise of her licking the sauce off of them and by the time we could get to her she struck like a cobra and made off with a bean.  Thankfully it didn't have the same effect on her that it seems to have on humans.

   Taylored Curiosities will be holding down the fort at Toy Con Uk this weekend by showcasing some customs of her famous bean sets.  She's got some big names to ply their trade on her resin beans and the results cannot only be seen, but also purchased at the show.  Take a gander at a few of my favorites:

Life Size First Order Storm Trooper from Sideshow Collectibles

 
    Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and pass the digital collection plate around and ask you all to give generously so I can buy this.  I say a lot of times that I need things, but I reaaaaaaaallllly NEED this.  I would literally throw my sofa out to make room for this.  I am committing to you a lifetime of eating meals and watching tv while sitting on the floor just to make room in my house for this Storm Trooper.  And no, I didn't ask my wife how she felt about that cause I'm pretty sure she wants me to live out my dreams.

    You can preorder this thing of beauty right now from Sideshow Collectibles for the price of $7,999.99, which is why I'm trying to get that collection going.  Fund my happiness, people!  You can get one for me by visiting http://www.sideshowtoy.com.

Lisa Rae Hansen/ I Break Toys Exclusives for ToyCon UK

    Chewbacca has finally realized that his epic shredding alone does not a band make.  You need someone to bring the thunder to your lightning, so he went out recruiting. He traveled far and wide, eventual;ly finding himself drawn to Endor by the sickest blast beats his ear drums ever bled for.  Little did he know that the Ewok's little arms and stubby legs are the perfect combination for hellish beats that keep the devil himself awake at night.

    I love Star Wars and I love metal, so the toy stylings of Lisa Rae Hansen have a special place in my black little heart.  But lest you think she's only interested in galaxies far far away, cause she's also invading the world of Nintendo with the debut of Super Metal Mario.  Everyone's favorite plumber's got a Lemmy-like makeover and looks ready to rock the Mushroom Kingdom.  Or whatever's left of it, cause dude is pretty destructive.  And he kills a lot of bad guys while trying to rescue his woman.  Murder and mayhem are pretty metal!

   All that you see here will be available at ToyCon UK Saturday, April 9th in London.  Go buy, say hello, and start building your dream band from the ground up that will hopefully be so amazing that they'll never have time to play another Red Hot Chili Peppers song on the radio ever again.   

Killer Toys You Need from Skinner

    It's hard to do a serious post on April Fool's Day because everyone thinks you're just yankin their chains.  Well, we don't do any chain yankin when it comes to toys, cause that's serious business not fodder for a good laugh.  Besides, there's plenty of other things to laugh about: like Donald Trump's hair, or the fact that he might actually become president, or if that happened how life would be just like sliding down a greased pipe straight into the fires of Hades.  F-U-N-N-Y.

    What's Skinner been up to recently?  I dunno, but somewhere in his schedule he worked out the time to paint up some toys for ya.  He made 10 of the dashing cyclops Ogos, and he made ten of this big ol heap of a Cthulhu figure.  Snatch me up quick like on Aril 1st at noon pacific  from www.shopcriticalhit.com.

It's a New Week So That Means New Toys from Super7

      Super7 is way more reliable with their toy releases than my wife's car is with functioning like a feasible mode of transportation.  Damn thing broke down and cost more than I want to relive right now.  I am currently accepting paid appointments to come over and have my cats scratch and bloodlet you for health.  The safe word is "bananas".

    Two new releases are going down on Thursday, March 31st in the form of Leecifer's Honoo in clear vinyl and the very cute yet more than slightly creepy Drunk Seijin.  Each on will be $35 when they go on sale starting at noon pacific time from www.super7store.com and their retail locations.

Tiki Geekwok from UME Toys

   I've been thinking I need a new hobby for my days off other than being depressed.  While it sounds like the greatest to my teenage inner self, I could be out there having more fun at the expense of others, which is the best kind of happiness.  So I've been inspired by this toy to carve bizarre wooden idols and place them randomly along the side of the road.  I basically just want to start a panic that pagans have moved into the area and may or may not be trying to unravel the moral fiber of the citizens.  This would probably work better if I didn't live in New Jersey, because everyone here is a Godless heathen who are too jaded to be truly effected by my artistic endeavor.  Back to depression it is!

    I'm just kidding of course.  About being depressed, not the people of New Jersey.  I stand by that.  UME Toys is about to unleash the newest incarnation of his GeekWok figure, this time in tiki form.  Add some cuteness to your collection when these drop on April 8th at 9pm London time, which I love to type cause it feels so fancy!  These will only be available through http://umetoys.bigcartel.com.

"Sunshine Yellow" Bloodthirst from Brent Nolasco x Toy Art Gallery

    This is why you never eat undercooked pork.  Forget Freddy or Jason, those dudes aren't scary; parasites dying in your brain tissue is scary.  My behavior is already erratic and doesn't need any help from rotting little critters in my frontal lobe.  Not to mention what they do before they die.  Now I won't be able to sleep.

    Brent Nolasco's Bloodthirst looks all innocent in this bright yellow color way, but don't let his sunny disposition fool you.  He's out for your bloodiest of tissues.  Toy Art Gallery is unleashing him into,the water supply on Wednesday, March 30th at noon pacific time.  Get him only at www.toyartgallery.com

threezero Present Pinhead from Hellraiser III Hell on Earth

    This is Pinhead, who quite frankly is one of the freakiest looking things on the planet.  My wife and I used to go to horror conventions a lot when we first started dating and one of the people we met was Doug Bradley, the actor underneath all the makeup and roofing nails.  He's the nicest unassuming British guy who you never would suspect would be the face of terror for children and adults all over the world.  It's always interesting to meet the people that play such characters because then you realize how much talent they actually have in turning themselves from everyday dude in sociopathic otherworldly murderer.  Either that or they're really good at hiding how twisted they actually are, which could be a good premise for a horror movie itself. 

   Ol Pinhead's looking a little too realistic in this figure from threezero.  This 1/6th scale figure is the first in a line of Horror Movie Heritage collectibles, so you're not going to want to miss this debut.  He's up for preorder right now on http://www.threezerostore.com and he comes with interchangeable hands, the infamous puzzle box, and enough sleepless nights to usher you into madness.  

The Weird Ways In Which People Find This Website

    The Google search phrase of the day kiddos is "action figure bondage".  Yup, someone stumbled upon my humble website by searching for that term.  One of you out there has a strange hobby.  

The Blacksmith Resin Figure from Jon-Paul Kaiser

    Is there any profession that's more manly than being a blacksmith?  You bend metal to your will to make implements of death, like swords and axes, and its pretty much mandatory that you grow a killer beard that somehow is fireproof just out of respect.  I couldn't do it though, cause I'm a big fan of air conditioning, which seems like an impossibility when your surrounded by furnaces.  Modern luxuries have ruined me.

    The preorder window for Jon-Paul Kaiser's latest resin creation is now open for a mere 48 hours.  Visit http://jonpaulkaiser.bigcartel.com and live your medieval dreams vicariously through this 4 inch tall hand painted figure.

Marbled Cadaver Kids and Mecha Brain Cadaver Kids from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

    Look at those swirley butts!!!  I don't even have to see the rest of their little bodies to know that I want these toys.  I guess it helps that I already know what they look like, so that does take some of the risk out of it and allows me to be way more confident in my assertion.  And you already know I get those special feelings just thinking about marbled vinyl, which is like the premium roast beef of plastics.

    Grody Shogun has bestowed his marbling wizardry on these Cadaver Kids and Mech Brain Cadaver Kids from Splurrt and they will be made exclusively through Lulubell Toys on Saturday, March 26.  They will be $50 and $55 respectively and you can buy up to three of each type.  They drop at noon pacific time at http://www.lulubelltoys.com. 

Two New Releases from Super7

    Who is the devil that invented that plastic Easter grass that you use to fill Easter baskets with?  That's something Cobra Commander wished he thought of, cause that stuff is almost as impossible to get rid of as your weird cousin who just needed a place to crash "for a few days" back in '05.  It gets eaten and deposited in the litter box, it gets stuck in the vents, and wedges itself in the cracks on the bottom of your shoes so it can spread its evil everywhere you go.  That stuff was sent to unhinge our society.

    Super7 might send you some packing peanuts when you order a toy, but they're not the type of folks to send you unwanted plastic grass.  They will be more than happy to send you a Mixed Parts Mystery Fighter in a giant egg.  No joke, each on really comes packaged like it was laid by a big plastic chicken.  Get one for yourself on Thursday, March 24th at noon pacific time for $65.

   If you happen to be at Wondercon this Friday the 25th you need to visit booth #2114 and snag one of these Ghost Ghoul Skeletor figures.  Then turn the lights out in your home and do your best to scare your vintage He-Man collection half to death.  Don't worry if you can't go to Wondercon, cause everyone will have a shot at them online and in Super7 locations on March 26th at noon pacific time.  Once again, $65 will get you one.  

Resin Minion Figures from MikeFX x RenOneLab

    This dude is nothing like those little yellow guys with the same name.  In fact, he looks like he would like to use those razor teeth to bite their heads clean off.  Which is fine by me, cause I'm beyond seeing those things in every fifth Facebook post along with some quote about how Monday's suck, or how everyone at their job annoys them.  The only thing those inspire me to do is wish I drank.  

    You've seen RenOne's Minion face plastered all over the world in sticker form, but now you can welcome him into your home as a fully realized three dimensional figure.  MikeFX brought this 5 inch resin dude to life and he will be available as a 10 piece run in DIY grey with one lucky buyer scoring the Cherry Bomb figure you see below.  These dudes will go on sale Friday, March 25th at 9am pacific time.  Available at http://rottenresin.storenvy.com.

Candie Bolton Tackles Paul Kaiju's Mock Pilot

   

    Are you in a state of depression because everything from Paul Kaiju's show this past weekend at Stranger Factory sold in one night?  Wipe those crusty tear trails from your face and get back on your toy buying horse because you're getting another chance at glory.  And if having a Paul Kaiju figure wasn't prize enough, Candie Bolton applying a sweet paint job on top of it is like getting a brownie covered in birthday cake topped with fried twinkies.  That will probably kill you in real life, so please realize it is only safe to consume as a metaphor.

    Now for the all important details of how you can actually own one of these.  They will go on sale Tuesday, March 22nd at 6:30 pacific time only at http://www.candiebolton.com.  Each set will be $200 and most likely sell very quickly, so don't get caught up in watching Judge Mathis and forget about them.

    

MC Supersized Platinum from Ron English x K. Olin Tribu

    Oh snap, look at that big old hamburger king!  He took so much money from you in exchange for hid diseased meat that he's gone and covered himself in platinum!  See, I never understand why people trust clowns.  When has a clown ever tried to get you to do anything and the results were good?  John Wayne Gacy was a clown and we know how all that turned out, so I guess a certain fast food clown's crimes against humanity aren't that extreme.  He at least doesn't kill you right away.

   I can't act like I don't appreciate fast food every once in a while.  Usually that appreciation ends the moment I realize what a terrible mistake I've made, but what can you do.  Is there a more grandiose ode to the king of instant gratification than this MC Supersized by Ron English?  Certainly not, especially when it's cast in porcelain by K. Olin Tribu and decked out in platinum.  He's available right now to lend your house some fanciness while simultaneously making a cultural statement.  Kind of like the way I saw myself in my teenage years.  Minus the fancy part, cause my jeans all had holes.  

One of a Kind Garamon Tank from Plaseebo

    Bet you didn't know that the government has been working on military weapons entirely powered by monsters.  I stumbled upon it on the dark web while looking to sell some extremely rare bootleg Pokemon cards.  Plaseebo evidently knows about it too, cause this custom Garamon tank figure is almost exactly what was being described to me by the guy who bought my Charizard.  Getting ahold of this is way easier than getting a criminal to Paypal you the money he swore he would, cause all you have to do is visit http://www.plaseebo.net/, drop a little cash, and welcome this crazy looking dude into your home.  He goes on sale Friday, March 18th at noon pacific time.  

Kidrobot Week at Entertainment Earth

    Hey, you there.  You want some Kidrobot toys AND you want to save money?  Click on this here picture and shop till your credit card bursts into flames.