DesignerCon Exclusive Sofubi Strolls from Spanky Stokes x Toy Art Gallery

   Well look at what we have here!  It's been a long time since we've seen Spanky Stokes Stroll mascot in vinyl form, and it was starting to seem like I had maybe dreamt the previous ones.  You ever have those dreams where you're arguing with someone and then you wake up and are legit pissed at them?  My wife once dreamt that I let a tiger eat her and she didn't speak to me the entire next day.   For one, you don't "let" a tiger do anything.  Have you ever tried reasoning with a house cat?  Now imagine it weighs 400 lbs and could devour you.  And secondly...there's no secondly because seriously you cannot stop a cat from doing what it wants.  So there.

    Toy Art Gallery has prepared not one but two new versions of this figure for release at DesignerCon next week.  There's the tropical fruit juiciness of the glow in the dark Boogie Beach version, or for those of you that don't like flavor on your chicken, a plain glow in the dark edition.

   Either way, you can't go wrong with the world famous mascot of the designer toy blog that inspired countless others.  These will be available at the convention from booth # 543.

Tiger Guts Taylor Resin Figure from Rultron

   I love me some wrasslin, and just thinking about it gets me all hype.  Not hype enough to actually wrestle, because I learned yesterday that I have arthritis in my right knee.  My knee cap is as crooked as our country's administration, and it's been grinding away.  I only went to the orthopedist because it became difficult to walk up the stairs without being mistaken for an extra on the Walking Dead, so a couple of X-rays later I had my diagnosis.  Oh, and I got a cortisone shot, which is its own special brand of interesting.  The doctor first found the space in between bone and tendon, sprayed it with a numbing agent, and STUCK THE ENTIRETY OF A FOUR INCH HYPODERMIC NEEDLE INTO MY KNEE.  I'm talking this sucker was buried to the hilt, which I was not warned about ahead of time, so I'm sure I made one of my famous WTF faces.  Truth be told I didn't feel much of anything, and I guess a heads up about what he was going to do would make most people get up and leave, but it was still a bit of a shock to see the whole thing disappear into my body.  I hope that is the last time I ever have cause to write that sentence.

    I will have to live my Wrestlemania dreams vicariously through Tiger Guts Taylor, a resin figure from artist Rultron.  This dude is 20 cm of suplexing fury that is out there wrestling intergalactic punks in space so that he can earn his passage home, which sounds like a way better plot than the last Star Wars film.  He was produced by Dead Hand Toys and can only be obtained by emailing rultron@gmail.com.

Designer Con Exclusive Resin Shard Dunnys from Scott Tolleson

    These beautiful resin three inch Shard Dunnys from Scott Tolleson are known as the Pain edition because that's what you'll feel deep in your guts if you don't get one.  You'll probably have a few leading up to their release at Designer Con as you fear having to live the rest of your life without one.  That's right, these are candy slick and exclusive to Scott's booth at the upcoming super sized edition of Designer Con in California next month.  As much as I would love to be there I am unable to make it, and seeing these has kind of brought that reality home.  Great, now I'm in a spiral of depression.

    Just kidding, I came to terms with it a while back, but if you're one of those lucky folks that IS going and who I'm still mildly jealous of, then you better high tail it to booth # 2005.  Scott only made 100 of these and at $60 each they won't last long.


    But wait...there's more.

    There's also this insane looking five inch Shard Dunny!!!!   This one is known as the Panic edition, because that's what people will feel as the doors open to the convention and they have to run likes it's a high school gym class to get to them.  I only run if someone is chasing me, and even then they better be armed with a weapon or a warrant, but I would make an exception for one of these.  They are limited to 80 pieces and will cost ya $150.  Make sure you're wearing comfortable shoes and don't mind being seen panting heavily in the company of others.  

Self Conscious: The Confidence Boosting Plush Kickstarter from Taylored Curiosities

    Is there a more unique designer toy creator out there than Taylored Curiosities?  Not only does she release some of the most original plush and resin designs you will see, but she genuinely cares about all of our well being.  That's a big change for me, because most of the people I meet in the course of my work day seem hell bent on cremating any good feelings I have left.  When you work with the public it will erode you worse than a beach during hurricane season. Especially when it involves money, because then people are much quicker to go from zero to crazy. But Taylored Curiosities is here to repair the daily damage that can occur to your emotional barricade through my favorite medium: collectibles.  More people should follow her example and should bring some of that to New Jersey.  Maybe once they decriminalize marijuana use it will calm a lot of these folks right down.

    There is a Kickstarter campaign running right now to help bring this plush to life.  Check it out at this link and through your donation you can be part of the process of spreading something positive in the world.  God knows we can all use it.  

Undead Greasebat Set from Jeff Lamm x Monster Worship

  Are you prepared to not only have an instant Jeff Lamm collection but to have all of your Halloween decorating needs met?  Of course you are, because everyone loves a bundle deal.  Remember when you used to buy CDs or DVDs and they would come with something cool like a figure or a t-shirt but only certain places would have them and you got so excited on release day that you were first in line at the store to make sure you didn't miss out?  Sadly, those days are mostly behind us, but this set from Monster Worship is helping me relive them a bit.

   Each set contains a mini Grease Bat, a micro Grease Bat, and a killer paper jointed decoration of a Grease Bat Skeleton.  They are extremely limited and at only $70 they probably won't last long.  If you just want the decoration there will be a few of those available for only $10 each, which again means they probably won't last long.  Get em all this Friday, October 19th from www.monsterworship.com.

The Nordic Lucky Cat Has Been Unleashed!

    The time has come.  The gates of Asgard have opened and the felines are running amok all through Midgard.  Wrangle one now at thetoyviking.bigcartel.com.  

The Nordic Lucky Cat Debuts Tomorrow!!

  The day is nearly here, as in tomorrow, when the first horde of Nordic Lucky Cats becomes available.  I've wanted for a long time to make this a reality and can barely believe myself that soon you will be able to add these to your collections.  The figure itself was inspired by the two cats from Norse mythology that pulled Freyja's chariot through the nine worlds.  Not much is mentioned about them in the Sagas, so I took it upon myself to expand upon their story.  It's easy to be inspired by cats when you have five of them roaming around your house.

   Each figure stands 4 inches tall, is made of solid resin, and is presented in DIY White, which is perfect for anyone that wishes to paint them (or leave them as is, for they shine as bright as a fresh Norweigian snow fall).  This is an open edition release, meaning that periodically I will make these available for anyone who wants them.  Super limited editions in a host of styles will follow, all produced by resin wizard Renone.

Retailing for $40 plus shipping, they can only be found at thetoyviking.bigcartel.com.  

Halloween Witch Cat Lulu from Cat Magic Toys

    Halloween has the coolest ties ins of any holiday and that's not really up for debate.  Christmas themed products? Blah.  St. Patrick's Day? Don't need any of that crap.  Give me orange and black and skulls and ghosts all day long on anything and everything.  I just got these outstanding pumpkin cookies from Wal Mart and I know that as soon as November 1st comes they're gonna change the shape to something dumb and it's gonna ruin them for me.  Yeah, they'll probably taste the same, but eating something turkey shaped doesn't give me that tingly feeling that an orange sprinkled pumpkin does.  I'll suffer through, but I'll still suffer.

   Cat Magic Toys speaks my language with this brand new Halloween Cat Lulu release.  First, they satisfy my need for seasonal products.  Secondly, they're cats but not only are are they cats they're also witches, which is like turning the whole mythology on its head.  What if the women we thought were the witches weren't at all and were just around so they could open the tins of cat food for the actual witch kitties?   I'm blowing my own mind with this one.

   If you want one of these magic sofubi felines they'll be on sale today (Saturday, October 13th) at 6pm pacific time only from https://cat-magic-toys.myshopify.com.

   

Samhain Sets from Taylored Curiosities

    Fall is my favorite time of year for a multitude of reasons.  The sun stops trying to roast me like a chicken, all the tourists go back home (which is really a bonus because none of them understand that left turns in New Jersey usually involve a jug handle), and the woods are free to walk in as the ticks have died off and the venomous snakes have begun their hibernation until spring.  The tourist thing is especially awesome though, as leaving the house stops resembling an episode of Jersey Shore.  That show is horrible in its accuracy.

     Autumn also ushers in Halloween season, which I'm told some people have to actually decorate their house for.  My house stays spooky year round.  Of course our celebration of Halloween is predated by the harvest festival of Samhain and to commemorate the occasion, Taylored Curiosities has created a special resin figure set.  Each one comes with everything you need to have a successful new begining after the spirits of your ancestors come to visit you on the 31st.  Should I buy like a cheese platter or wash extra towels?  I never know what to do when I have company, let alone dead relatives I've yet to meet.

    Only 20 sets are available for preorder and they can be had by visiting https://tayloredcuriosities.bigcartel.com

Belfry Kickstarter from Motley Miscreations

    I know it seems like as of late I only write about Kickstarter campaigns that are fully funded, but I swear it's not on purpose.  While it is great to hitch your wagon to a sure thing, it is merely just a coincidence because I've been so busy.  And I love this figure design from Motley Miscreations so much there was no way I was gonna let this campaign pass me by without helping spread the word on it.  So without further ado meet Belfry, a soft vinyl figure that when produced will stand nearly 9 inches tall.  He features five points of articulation and comes with two weapons for maximum shenanigans.  As it stands this guy is fully funded, so there's no questions about whether or not he will be produced, it's just a matter of what reward levels are left for you to take advantage of.  Check out this link to get in on it.

Autumn Algonac Mini from Chris Ryniak x Squibbles Ink x Rotofugi

      Anyone that makes any type of product that is set to release this time of year should always have the words "pumpkin spice" in the title.  I don't care what it is or whether it relates to what you're selling or not, those two words cause a feeding frenzy.  I hear Harley Davidson is having trouble attracting new customers, but not after they release the Pumpkin Spice Edition Sportster.  Don't mind me, I'm just out here saving us from the decisions of that failed business man that's ruining our country.

    Chris Ryniak's Algonac mini figure looks like he's taken my advice to heart, color wise anyway, as he is the perfect shade for Fall.  This stylized 2.25 inch vinyl turtle is produced by Squibbles Ink and Rotofugi and is limited to 150 pieces in this edition.  You can own one right now by visiting www.rotofugi.com.  They retail for the ridiculously low price of $17.95 each.  

Skullhead Black Porcelain from Huck Gee x K Olin Tribu

   I have one experience with porcelain in my life and it involved high school ceramics class and a bad attitude.  We got to make whatever we wanted as long as there was no chance we could smoke something out of it.  The teacher had grown up in Philadelphia so he was wise to whenever some hillbilly kid thought they were being really slick.  I wasn't interested in smoking devices, but I was interested in being a weirdo so the first things I made were a set of loose teeth.  Having not fully filled my potential, nor having an adequate idea as to what I was going to do with them, I then turned my attention towards fashioning a toilet.  My methods were crude, so this was more abstract than the found and functional art of Duchamp, but it had character.  I decided it was an ash tray for the outlaw biker father I never had and a small drip of pride settled in at the bottom of my heart.  It was actually the second ash tray I had made in my life, the first being a rendition of Monstar's head from Silverhawks when I was in first grade.  The stranger thing about that is that no one I was related to ever smoke, so I have no idea why I decided everything had to be an ash tray.  Weird.

    You cannot as a matter of fact use this Skullhead figure as an ash tray because that would be dumb.  Huck Gee and K. Olin Tribu present their latest edition of this porcelain figure in all black, which is quite menacing looking.  Limited to an edition of only 50, and presented with a signed COA from the artist in a wooden box, you can order one of these now by visiting https://www.artandtoys.com/en/.

Tuxedo Kittypillar from Casey Weldon x 3A

    I used to be a serious germaphobe and would wash my hands after touching anything I thought could make me sick.  Even being in close proximity to something contaminated would make me feel like I was covered in sure fire death.  Living with five cats has all but cured me of the germ nightmare that I was trapped in.  Case in point: the other night I went to bed and I'm laying there a few minutes before I decide that a blanket is the way to go.  So I reach over and in the handful of microfiber luxury was a hairball.  It wasn't fresh, so the outside thankfully lacked that coating of slime that is their trademark, but not unlike a Twinkie, the inside was still filled with a gooey surprise.  Now old me would have happily thrown that blanket in a pile to be washed, gotten another one, and scrubbed my hand until the first layer of skin had been adequetly punished.  New me carefully walked to the bathroom, removed the rest of the hairball from the blanket WITH MY BARE HAND, washed my hands like it was no big deal, and returned to bed with said blanket.  I did flip it around so the filthy end was at my feet, but other than that I took no special action.

   Casey Weldon is one of my favorite artists, so much so that I have one of his prints hanging next to my tv, which is considered sacred space in my house.  3A has brought one of his most famous images to toy life with this outstanding rendition of Kittypillar.  I am thankful cats are limited to only four paws in real life, because they manage to transfer plenty of litter bits with their toes as it is.  Any more methods of carrying it and my floors would transform into the Atlantic City beach front of the late '90's.  Gross.

   This tuxedo version of the mighty Kittypillar stands 8 inches tall and is available for preorder right now at http://www.bambalandstore.com for $89.  The price includes shipping, which is scheduled to commence in November.

3DRetro Exclusive Releases for the Life is Beautiful Festival

   I've never been to Las Vegas, but I live about 15 minutes from Atlantic City so I feel I've gotten the Cliffs Notes version of it.  Casinos are a disorienting carnival of free drinks, flashing lights, and forgetting momentarily that the money you're feeding that slot machine is proportionate to the amount you have to bargain with the electric company to not cut your power off.  I can see the appeal, don't get me wrong, especially as easily distracted as I am by shiny things. And I don't know anyone who doesn't have a dream about being independently wealthy.  I had a dream last night that I lived in this massive house that kept getting bigger the more I explored it and I never had to leave because it had a grocery store and a doctor's office.

    The casinos are pretty much all Atlantic City has going for it so I am extremely jealous of events such as this that are absent from our little seaside den of sin.  The Life is Beautiful Festival promises attendees a weekend of music and art, and while most of the bands aren't my cup of tea, the art alone is worth the trip.  M Modern Gallery has a lineup for their Crime on Canvas exhibit that is beyond drool worthy, and 3DRetro will be there selling some exclusive vinyl toys.  There will be new releases from personal favorites Gary Baseman and Shag, as well as a glow in the dark edition of KRK Ryden's Moe Hawk figure.  Check out the pictures and if you're in the Las Vegas area this weekend and an art fan, you have no excuse not to be a part of this.

Bullet Edition Crimson Ghost from The Misfits x Super7

    The Misfits are one of my all time favorite bands and I was finally able to see them with Danzig when they played in New Jersey this past May.  Of course I had to catch a stomach bug the day of the show, so the drive to Newark involved more than one pit stop and a lot of praying in between each.  Had it been any other show I might have turned around to be sick in the comfort of my own home, but there was no guarantee they would ever play together again after this one.  I manned up harder than I ever had before and made it through.  As I'm rereading this it sounds like one of those "how I spent my summer vacation" essays they make you write in school.  Deal with it.

    Super7 continues their awesome collaboration with The Misfits with the Bullet edition of their Crimson Ghost mascot.  He comes blood spattered to mimic what I'm sure was a controversial cover at the time and what most likely will be when people see this (it's actually already started on a post made to Super7's Instagram). Last time I checked we as human being had much more important things to worry about, but why bother solving bigger issues when we can be outraged on the internet about things that don't really matter?  We are so easily distracted.

    Releasing next Wednesday, September 19th, you can add this to your collection by visiting www.super7.com.

Danger Dog Vinyl Figure from Tenacious Toys

    All work places should have dogs.  That is legislation that could really impact everyone's lives in a positive fashion.  Whenever someone brings a dog in where I work it instantly downgrades what is usually a fecal hurricane into a mild tropical storm.  Dealing with the public is not the unicorns and rainbows anyone would make it out to be, but a visit form a little doggie makes it so much better.

    The blue dog in the Tenacious Toys logo is like the Colonial Sanders of the designer toy world, minus the fancy white suit and all the chicken parts.  What I'm trying to say is he's instantly recognizable and just like I did with my Colonial Sanders plastic bank from the 1970's, you can add him to your ever growing collection.  Available in a painted edition, or as a blank in either blue or white, pick em up now at www.tenacioustoys.com.  Sculpted by Mike Nemo Mendez based on the art of Playful Gorilla.

Hyper Orange Semi Korosiya from Cop A Squat Toys x Science Patrols

    Good lord is that not the brightest orange you have ever seen?  No amount of adjusting your computer's display will bring that sucker into focus.  The Semi Korosiya figure from Cop A Squat Toys was thought to be a thing of the past, as the molds were seemingly "lost" and forced this dude into an early retirement.  Enter Science Patrols, who retrieved the original iron needed to make these suckers and subsequently produced the orangiest orange I have ever seen.  I feel like I should be looking at this thing through those eclipse glasses to protect my retinas.  

    You'll be able to snag one of these blank figures tomorrow from http://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com when they go on sale at 12:00 pm jst.  There will also be an orange version of Husk, which is the cute little cicada pictured below.  I'm actually assuming it's a cicada based on it's name as they leave those little husks of their former selves attached to trees, but I could be wrong.  

The Diver Resin Figure from Pocket Watch Toys

    The octopus is smarter than most of the people you work with.  They're great problem solvers unlike some people we know who surprise us every day that their lungs continue to inhale and exhale without you having to assist and who skate by oblivious to the fact that every day feels like their first day to fellow employees.  Not that I speak from such experience, but if any aquarium is interested in loaning me an octopus to test a theory, please shoot me an email.  

    Until I am able to replace a few people with cephalopods, I will continue to dream about what awesome coworkers they would make.  Check this one out from Pocket Watch Toys,  who has found himself a cool diving helmet to up his selfie game on Instagram.  This dude is limited to 15 pieces, features a removable helmet, and can be obtained right now at http://pocketwatchtoys.co.uk/shop/.

Royals 2.0 Tuttz Mini from Argonaut Resins

    When I was in kindergarten I wanted nothing more than to be an archaeologist.  Between my obsession with dinosaurs and Ancient Egypt I was ready at five years old to pack my bags and dig up some old corpses in the middle of the desert.  Honestly, that still sounds like a perfect day out so if anyone is ever going to do that I'm down for an invite.  I can't remember why that career goal didn't stick with me through the years,  maybe once I discovered rock music and wasn't willing to admit my guitar playing was a mess.  Or maybe someone told me that Indiana Jones was not the typical scenario and it was going to be more sweeping dirt than punching bad guys in the face.  That movie should have had a disclaimer.

    I imagine that if I unearthed a burial chamber along the banks of the Nile that treasures like these Tuttz from Argonaut Resins would be front and center.  Look at how absolutely regal these look, which is fitting being that they are named Royals.  Standing 3 and 1/2 inches tall and clad in a black and gold combo or completely in a luxurious reflective gold, these resin kitties are available now by visiting https://argonautresins.bigcartel.com.

The Deadly Spawn Vinyl Figure Kickstarter from Justin Ishmael

    No, this is not one of the parasites from the next season of Monsters Inside Me, though if a doctor were to ever find something like this growing within someone I hope he has the presence of mine to put them down.  Tapeworms are horrifying enough, especially when they decide they need some air fresher than that of your inner colon and venture forth from your backside.  There's nothing out here for you little buddy, so you just stay inside where I can be blissfully unaware of your presence.  Editors note: I do not actually have a tapeworm.

   While this may look like the result of eating undercooked pork, it is actually the star of the cult classic horror film The Deadly Spawn.  Justin Ishmael decided to bring him to frightening life by turning him into an officially licensed vinyl toy, which is now on Kickstarter to raise money for production.  As of this writing he has received 83% of his goal in just under two days, so I think it's safe to say this nine inch tall monstrosity and his larvae are well on their way to becoming reality.  Both of these figures were sculpted by toy industry legend James Groman, who you may know from such famous lines as Madballs or his own crazy Kaiju figures that defy logic in size and detail.  Check out the link here to get in on this campaign and score these figures in their various iterations.

B.F.M. Sum Lottery from Plaseebo x Planet Asia

   I'll let you use your imagination to figure out what B.F.M. stands for, but suffice to say when you're dealing with this much blood it's exactly what you'll find yourself in.  Whether from a cleaning or legal standpoint, the M absolutely stands for "mess" and Plaseebo's Sum figure is covered in it.  This monster snapping turtle produced in collaboration with Planet Asia is living out his tale of revenge to the fullest, having gone so far as to snatch the head of the redneck that caused his untimely demise.  I'm thinking he decorates his lair with it somehow, maybe turning it into a nice light fixture for the bathroom.

    Only two of these blood soaked customs were created by the man himself, and if you want to own one you've got to enter the lottery, which just so happens to end today.  Here's what you have to do:

To enter lottery, please send the following to:   bob@plaseebo.net

1.  Name

2.  Shipping Address

3.  Country

4.  Telephone Number

5.  PayPal Email Address

6.  Instagram / Facebook ID

    If you are selected each figure will be $375 plus shipping.  

Cold Gloom Garglmon from Blurble One x Dski One x Lulubell Toys

    

    I have no problem believing that dudes that look like this are out there in the vast expanse of space.  I also have no problem believing that while they may have been interested at one time in coming to visit us, not even the sideshow carnival charm of Earth can entice them anymore.  For the sake of money, or feeling like our shrimps are more prawn-like than popcorn, we continue to wreck our planet and everyone on it.  It depresses me to feel like a helpless passenger in this flaming dumpster that has been pushed down hill, so I try to remember the good things we have that we can control.  That's why art is so important, maybe now more so than ever, because to me it is the greatest example that our humanity is not completely lost.  In spite of everything, or maybe because of it, we still create things to express ourselves and draw out expression from others.  So while the news is mostly depressing (except for yesterday, in which a few bad people got what they deserved) go and look at a painting, or in this case a toy, and realize that there is still hope for us yet.  

   Now that I've waxed philosophical while sitting in my underwear, lets talk toys.  This Garglmon from Blurble One and Dski One is releasing today at 3pm pacific time.  Cast in luxurious Japanese sofubi infused with glitter, then enhanced with a nice minimal paint job, he can be yours for a mere $80 exclusively from Lulubell Toys.  Each one is seven inches tall and features random eye colors to add a little bit of mystery into your life.  Pick one up for yourself by visiting www.lulubelltoys.com.  

Dreamsnake Resin Mini Figure from Retroband x Deadly Delivery

   I often have dreams in which snakes are present and no matter what they were up to or where they are in relation to the dream they will inevitably bite me.  I could be minding my own business in some crazy scenario my brain has concocted and the moment a snake enters the scene his fangs end up buried in my skin.  I don't know what I did to you snakes, but I'm gonna need to stop harassing me in my sleep cause your nonsense is getting old.  Don't bother trying to psychoanalyze any of this, because my health insurance is gonna deny the claim.

   This mini resin serpent man is the creation of Retroband and part of the Deadly Delivery collective of artists.  If you're more trustworthy of fanged creatures than I am, you can invite this little dude into your home when he goes on sale Saturday, August 18th, at 12 pm central time from https://deadlydelivery.bigcartel.com.

Stone Edition Trayjus Resin Figure from Scott Tolleson

   I'm beyond disgusted with my home owners association and I am devising ways to express said disgust in a creative manner.  I won't get into the numerous reasons I would like to cage fight them all, mostly because as I typed them all out I felt really petty and then hastily deleted them.  But seriously, how are you gonna not fix the street lights and force me to come home in pitch blackness when there are vampires and crack heads around?  A bite from either one will completely wreck your life/immune system.

   One of my ideas involves buying a concrete statue of Poseidon to put in my flower bed.  You know, the real tacky ones that people who think they're fancy have at their house cause in their minds it somehow transforms their rancher into the Palace of Versailles.  Ok, I'll be honest, I kind of want one anyway, but now I feel would be the perfect time and this is the perfect excuse to finally own one.  Unless someone wants to make me a fountain featuring a giant spitting cobra because I would actually prefer that.

    Scott Tolleson got me thinking about all of this nonsense when I saw the above photo for his statue inspired Trayjus.  He'd have to do some serious upscaling for this to fit into my war of attrition, but he'd still be pretty cool just chillin on a book shelf.  Only 12 of these resin figures exist and will retail for $70 each when they go on sale this Friday, August 17th, at 9am pacific time.  The only place to find them will be http://www.stolleart.com.

Croconana Fundraiser from Sorbet Jungle x Horrible Adorables

     This past week our cable company decided to tempt us by offering a preview of this new movie channel.  There were a few films we had wanted to see and were not willing to pay for so we hunkered down and power watched a few.  This is the exchange between my wife and I during our second movie:

Sharon: You must be in a Jennifer Lawrence mood tonight.

Me:  What's that supposed to mean?  She wasn't in the last movie.

Sharon:  Yeah, she was.

Me:  That was definitely not her.

    Now imagine this lasting for about another half hour only to be settled with the help of the Internet.  Skip ahead some and she looks over as I'm scrolling through suggested posts I might like on Instagram.

Me:  **shows wife picture of adorable black kitten**

Sharon:  Oh, that's Hawkeye.

Me: **confused** You mean to tell me you are on a first name basis with a random black kitten online but have no idea what one of the most famous actresses in the world looks like?

   We love critters in this household and that's why I love what Horrible Adorables and Sorbet Jungle are doing with this awesome fundraiser.  They've set up a Go Fund Me page to raise money for The Wildlife Conservation Network and for every five dollars you donate you'll get an entry to win this Croconana figure.  He is a completely hand made toy that is a foot long and six inches tall and features the signature felt scale work that Horrible Adorables is known for.  And speaking of critters and bananas, my cat Jorah loves to lick banana peels before they are discarded.  He will race from the other side of the house the moment he knows your done and treats it like its the best thing going.  I don't know how he'd feel about a banana shaped crocodile, but I'm sure he'd like to find out.

   Check out the link at https://www.gofundme.com/croconana, donate, and be entered to win!

Custom LaMorrtt Release from Nate the Milkman x Naomi Knaff

    I love seeing main stream toy releases that have the audacity to put a sticker on their box touting them as limited edition followed by a number that's in the tens of thousands.  Proudly they shine with metallic luster proclaiming that only you and 25,000 of your closest friends could possibly be the lucky owners of this figure.  Most stadiums can't hold that many people at one time so the idea of being hard to find is kind of laughable.  You wanna know limited?  How about three, as in only three people that are currently alive or that will be born before the release date can ever own one of these.  Those are numbers that inspire fights and a lifetime of envy from anyone who misses out.

    Nate the Milkman is not an actual milk man as far as I know, but he is delivering the goods (see what I did there) when it comes to these custom LaMorrtts.  He painted up three of Naomi Knaff's vinyl babies and if offering them for sale via his website today, August 10th, at 5pm pacific time.  They will be $120 each and can only be found at natethemilkman.bigcartel.com.

Holographic Tauro from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

     I don't get the appeal of mazes.  Why is it that ever fall people are so damn excited to pay to get lost in a corn field for hours?  I love to take a walk in the woods every now and then but that's more of an adventure.  Who knows what abandoned structures or wildlife or dead bodies you may come across.  But a corn maze is just a bunch of dried up stalks cut in a pattern meant to confuse you and cause arguments with your significant other who will trash your navigational skills and whose father would have never given you permission to marry his daughter if he had even the hint of your lack of leadership abilities under duress.  And there's not even a minotaur at the end that you have to battle, just some kid making minimum wage that directs you back to the parking lot.  They should have a counselor there to repair all of the emotional damage this "fun" tradition inflicts on relationships.  

    I don't know where you would go to hire a minotaur for a corn maze, but if you really cared about your guests you would go the extra mile and find out.  Can you imagine how great that would be?  Especially for the first people to go through it, imagining that the monster at the end is just some guy from the haunted hayride in a suit, when in fact it is a living, stinking, bull monster who likes to crack skulls for fun.  I can and I am delighted.  This monstrosity from Splurrt would be the perfect anchor to any maze, though he'd need to be a tad bit bigger to inspire any real fear.  At ten inches tall he is an impressive toy though and you can add one to your collection this Friday (August 10th) when he goes on sale from Lulubell Toys.  Extremely limited and featuring crazy holographic paint, and retailing for $135, get one when they go on sale at noon pacific time from https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Beastie Droids Enamel Pins from Dead Greedy

    When I was a boy I had a killer denim hat with a panther enamel pin lodged in the front.  Then I had to go and get a wicked case of head lice and my mom chucked that thing in the trash because she swore it was harboring little fugitives.  She wouldn't let me get my sweet panther pin, even though there was no way scientifically speaking that anything was living on that.  I could have put it on my matching jean jacket, or I could have saved it in my treasure box until I was older to prove how tough I am so I wouldn't have to tell everyone like I have to do now.  Parents need to think about this stuff before they over react about a little infestation.

    I know I've told that story before and it's cool because it's the only enamel pin experience I have.  Oh, it's true, after my panther was ripped from my life I never bought another one, so every time I write about pins I'm gonna recycle that trauma.  Dead Greedy is trying hard to melt my hardened heart with these wearable versions of his Beastie Droids figures.  They've been featured on a hit television comedy and have a place in collections around the world and now they can adorn your wardrobe.  You get all three pins for $25 packaged up to look just like the bootlegs that inspired them.  Order yours at http://www.deadgreedy.com.

Melted Crayon Editions from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    Is this one of those posts that's going to come back and haunt me later in life?  By writing about undead babies am I setting myself up to be fired from a sweet gig later on?  All of their trouble people find themselves in by people digging into old Tweets and whatnot has made me think about my own internet history.  I try to be humorous and in doing so have joked about drugs, serial killers, mental illness, a plethora of criminal activity, dismemberment, republicans, bodily fluids, reptilian overlords, and a few other things that have become the victim of memory loss.  Screw it, let's talk about some zombie kids.

    My sister had one of those crayon melting machines when she was little, in which you load broken pieces onto a heated plate and create new ones with all the colors mixed together.  The results are not unlike the look of these two little heathens from Miscreation Toys.  Whether you have your eye on the very descriptively named Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby (as seen above) or the subtly named Gergle (as seen below) your journey into plastic parenthood will be more colorful than you could have ever imagined.  Available not through Lulubell Toys as an open preorder until August 11th, you can start or add to your brood by visiting https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Monster Beach Party Custom Show At Mothership in Philadelphia

    In New Jersey a tourist was recently impaled in the ankle by a flying beach umbrella.  Strong winds lifted it from it's place in the sand and planted it firmly through her awaiting flesh.  Umbrellas are not at all sword like so the force behind that sucker must have been impressive.  I've witnessed something similar, though impalement was not at all involved.  Where I work the orientation of the buildings causes a wind tunnel effect whenever the weather is bad and someone thought that would be the perfect place to put picnic tables.  In the middle of each one is a large umbrella that no matter what the weather is like is never tethered down or removed.  We had some pretty bad winds one day and one of these umbrellas kept getting blown out into the parking lot.  I would go and retrieve it and put it back until after the second time when the problem was taken care of by nature.  A gust of wind came along, lifted the umbrella straight into the air, and flung it onto our roof.  The thing shot up like a rocket over 20 feet high before flipping upside down with a thud.  No impalement though, sorry.

   The beach is a dangerous place, though I doubt being run through by someone's shady respite wasn't tops on your fears list.  So the beach is the perfect place for monsters to gather and enjoy the summer.  Mothership Gallery has taken that idea and based an entire toy show around it, appropriately titled Monster Beach Party.  This show is no holds barred, so you may see customs, originals, who the hell knows what else.  As with any Mothership show there will be a ton of artists involved, all of which you can see in the poster.  The show opens Saturday, July 28th at 6pm and online sales of the pieces (for those who can't make it to Philadelphia) will start at 7pm at www.martiantoys.com.  

El Cuco Lottery from Wonder Goblin x Grizlli Atom

    Mysteries are what make the world interesting to me and there are some I hope no one ever solves. Whether it involves famous monsters like the Jersey Devil or Bigfoot, or human monsters like Jack the Ripper, in this age where everyone and everything is way over exposed, a little bit of mystery goes a long way.   How many great folk tales will spring forth from our culture not that everyone and almost everything is being documented in some fashion at all times?  Would anyone care about the pyramids if the ancient Egyptians had taken selfies during their construction?

"Yo, this is ya boy Khufu, just hanging at my future crib." #blessed 

    Nope, we need the unexplained which is why I am glad that Wonder Goblin and Grizlli Atom have started a new venture in which they celebrate the world's boogeymen.  The first in this series in a dude from South America named El Cuoco, who parents have used to keep their children in line for many years.  I believe that the best behaved kids are the ones who have a crippling fear of being devoured by monsters, but for some reason most parenting books neglect to include that chapter.  He seems way more effective at his job than Elf on the Shelf, as that little nerd could have never gotten me to stop acting up.  

    Standing at twelve inches tall and featuring eight point of articulation, this soft vinyl figure can be yours via lottery beginning on Sunday, July 29th.  Here is how to enter:

    This will be sold via lottery on 7/29/18 at 11 AM EST - $300 + Shipping (USA is close to $14. International is between $40 and $50 depending on country).
To enter the free raffle, click the "LOTTERY OPEN" ticket during the above date and time at the top of the Wonder Goblin home page and complete the online form. 12 hour lottery closes 7/29/18 at 11:00 PM EST. The winners will be drawn randomly from all entries and notified via their email with a private shop link. Lottery entries not chosen will not be notified.
    If chosen, payment must be paid within 24 hours of notification. After 24 hours, winner's link will expire and be passed on to the next random winner in line. Any winner refusing to pay by set deadline will be excluded from all future lotteries. Thank you for understanding!

   Enter to own one exclusively from https://www.wondergoblin.com.  

Blank Black Gorazon Lottery from Jxntoys

    This, my friends, is a toy design I can get behind.  He's an anatomical heart/skull/evil minion looking bro that speaks to my interests.  Seriously this sucker is unhinged and is one of the coolest figures I've seen in a while.  I'm kind of jealous I didn't come up with it if I'm being honest, and I like there to be trust between us so I'm always honest with you.  And yes, that probably wasn't the right shirt choice for your kid's parent/teacher day, but I support the bold thought process that led to you putting on that Cannibal Corpse tee.  See, always honest.

     Though this did not spring from my weary mind, I still love it just the same.  His name is Gorazon and he is the brain child of one Jxntoys.  This guy is cast in the blackest black vinyl to be had and can  only be had via a lottery this weekend.  You have until July 23 at 12am pacific time to enter by following these instructions:

To enter, please send your information to jxntoys@gmail.com

1. Full name

2. Shipping address

3. Telephone number

4. PayPal email

5. Instagram

    Easy enough.  If you win he will set you back $140 plus shipping.