Artransmitte Exclusives for ToyCon UK

    You know what I always say: "The best hippie, is a dead hippie."  Actually, I've never said that, because hippies were long extinct before I was born.  I guess hipsters are sort of the same though, because they both have that natural, unwashed look.  Who cares about that nonsense though, cause these Dead Hippies from Patrick Wong are pretty awesome.  These little dudes are exclusives to Artransmitte's booth at ToyCon Uk tomorrow.  Only 30 exist and are sold blind with a 1/6 chance of getting a mint green chase.  

    Even more limited are these Wrong Mask 3 Dunnys from DrilOne.  Only 10 of these guys doing their best raven cosplay were made and were inspired by the artist's visit to the Tower of London and the raw-meat eating ravens that hang around the place.  Maybe they are the souls of the dead who were executed there.  Or maybe they're just hungry birds who love a free meal.  

Any leftovers from the con will be made available at http://www.artransmitte.com/.  

Ultrus Aqua Bog from Frank Kozik Releases Today

    Aqua Man is lame.  What the hell kinda super power is being able to talk to fish?  I don't want to talk to most people, so I don't know what a fish could say that would be that interesting.  I guess it would be mildly convenient if you could talk a shark out of eating you, but being that I don't ever go in the ocean that would be a waste.  Maybe you'd be mildly entertaining at parties if their happens to be an aquarium around and the fish tells you about all the weird stuff your friend does when he thinks no one is looking.  Now I'm starting to sell myself on this fish talking thing.  

  

   If Aqua Man looked like this more people would take him seriously.  In fact, if you wear pants made out of human skulls, its pretty much guaranteed that you're the baddest dude around.  Frank Kozik painted up 13 of these figures from Skinner and will be releasing them today (Thursday, April 10th) at noon Pacific time.  $200 will get you one of these hand painted critters that you can form your own Justice League around.  

www.frankkozik.net

Crypt Creepers from We Become Monsters Are Available Now!

    According to We Become Monsters, this here Crypt Creeper is meant to keep your crypt clean.  See, this is why science infuriates me.  Instead of bioengineering something like this for use in our houses, they're to busy making fat burning pills and putting lipstick on monkeys.  Do you know how much money you could make if you could create something like this that just roamed around all day eating dust and pooping it out in a trash can?  I would buy 100 right now, cause I suck at cleaning.  I could put a few in the cat's bathroom to eat their stray bits of litter.  Maybe stick a few in the tub drain so it never gets clogged.  Forget cloning sheep, this is where a good mad scientist could really make his mark.  

    While your house will still be dirty no matter how many of these you buy, they're still fun/kinda creepy to look at.  And if you use the power of your imagination you can pretend that they're eating whatever that weird sludge is in your kitchen sink.  This is a limited edition of 25 in a random assortment of colors and they're available right now from http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com/.  

    

Springtime Takoshi from Yakimon x Toy Art Gallery

    I'll admit it:  I'm a sucker for a good reality tv show.  Mostly I like the ones that are some sort of competition because I'm always hoping that at the end no one will win because the producers will be disgusted by how horrible all of the people are.  Seriously, it's like they're collecting names for the national douche bag registry when they cast for these things.  There's so many that my wife and I can never remember their proper names, so we just make up ones that are more fitting.  Tough Love, a show about people who can't find success in the dating word, becomes "Unlovables" and we hope that maybe a fire will break out in the house that that can't be tamed.  Are You the One, a dumb show about  idiots trying to figure out who their perfect matches were, became "Sticky House" for the careless amount of coupling that went on.  I could go on and on, but it would be embarrassing to let you know how much of this junk I've actually seen.

    If I were in charge of naming toys, Yakimon's Takoshi would be renamed "Super Hyper Squid Face".  I just think it would be more fun to explain what it is to your friends if that's what it was called.  Regardless of his moniker, you can buy one this Friday at noon Pacific time when they go on sale from Toy Art Gallery.  

R.I.P. The Ultimate Warrior

    I've always loved professional wrestling.  Though there have been times when my interest fluctuated, I've always come back to this unique form of entertainment.  My grandfather got me into it and we spent a lot of time in front of the television, predicting who would win and arguing with the screen when things didn't go the way we thought they should.  Of course we knew it was scripted, but it felt so easy to suspend disbelief for those few hours a week.  My grandfather passed away last October and shortly after my wife and I started watching the WWE again with more interest.  It felt like being a kid again and sitting in his living room.  He took me to my first ever live event when I was five and I can remember being ringside and being awestruck at these larger than life characters who were more famous to me than anyone else in the world could possibly be.  

   One of my favorite wrestlers of all time was The Ultimate Warrior.  I spent a large part of my youth reading about him in magazines and glued to the television anytime WWE was aired.  He was something beyond human, like an evolution of man that had somehow skipped the rest of us.  Just a few days ago he made his return to television as part of Wrestlemania and later on RAW after being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.  And then he was gone.  The timing of his death is probably more shocking than his actual passing, as the years of punishing one's body usually doesn't usually lead to a healthy retirement.  But he got to thank everyone that grew up watching him, and we in turn got to thank him through the emotional responses he received this week.  If it had been a movie no one would have ever believed it could have ended that perfectly.  But real life will always be much stranger than anything we could ever conjure in our imaginations.  And another piece of my childhood, of many of our childhoods, is gone now forever.  

Glow In The Dark Heathrow from Frank Kozik on Sale Today!!!!!

    It's been an interesting week with the critters in my house.  Our two kittens got spayed and neutered and while the boy did fantastic, the girl has been a pickle.  Her incision was glued and she was wearing that cone of shame to prevent her from licking it, but somehow she got a hold of a Diamond Dallas Page Yogo tape and learned to bend in such a way that she ATE ALL THE GLUE!  So she had to make a return visit to the vet last night to get staples and a new behemoth cone that is the size of a wok.  She weighs all of 4 pounds and it's heartbreaking/kinda funny to watch her maneuver with this green plastic monstrosity around her neck.  And then she looks at you, with her big eyes like pools of sadness, and all I can think of is that damn ASPCA commercial with Sarah Mclachlan and I swear I can hear the song in my head and I race to turn the channel before it completely ruins my day but it's not on tv it's in my walk-in closet where she has to be confined for the next few days to keep the other cats from conspiring with her to pull the staples out an I feel like I'm going to have a psychotic break if I keep looking into those sad eyes and the little tears that have pooled at their bottoms.  

    So how's everything with you guys?  Good, good.  Heathrow from Frank Kozik is ready to omit a soft glow to keep you calm at night when Canadian songstresses have burrowed into your ears with tales of animal sadness.  You can buy one of these big dudes when they go on sale today at noon Pacific time from http://www.frankkozik.net/.  Only 30 exist and 1 in 6 customers will win a unique little Heathrow that I believe is a test pull.  Check em out.

Pink Porcelain Skull Brain from Emilio Garcia and K. Olin Tribu

    Not too long ago I read the book "The Lobotomist" about Walter Freeman, who was the man that pioneered the transorbital lobotomy.  You know, where they shove an ice pick through your eye socket and scramble up your frontal lobes.  The scary thing about it is not that he was delusional enough to think that it was a good idea, but that they were doing this nonsense only 50 years ago.  It makes you wonder what barbaric thing we do now will be looked at in the future with scornful eyes.  Like letting dudes wear skinny jeans.  

(On a side note, if you're interested in the first book, you should follow it up by reading "My Lobotomy", which was written by one of Freeman's patients who received a lobotomy at the age of 12)

    K. Olin Tribu has released another edition of Emilio Garcia's popular Skull Brains, this time in fleshy pink.  This is by far my favorite, as it looks freshly plucked and ready for your dinner table!  Think about it:  it's probably safer than eating anything that comes out of the ocean.  This porcelain sculpture is available now by visiting http://www.artandtoys.com/.  

Amazon Exclusive Game of Thrones Bundle Packs from Funko

    I would like to firmly smack the person that scheduled the season premier of Game of Thrones at the exact same time as Wrestlemania.  I hate having to make decisions like that about what I'm going to watch, and in the end Wrestlemania won out.  Because if I didn't watch wrasslin last night the internet would have spoiled it for me and I wouldn't be able to watch RAW tonight because that would have spoiled it for me.  I'm hoping that those of you who watched Game of Thrones will be kind and keep it to yourself until the rest of us catch up.  Please and thank you.  But holy crap if you watched WWE like I did you're probably half pissed/half excited this morning.  I'm not gonna ruin it for you in case you didn't see it, but it was pretty surprising.  

    To celebrate the return of Game of Thrones (which I missed) Funko has created these two bundle packs that are exclusive to Amazon.com.  You get a t-shirt, a figure from the show, and a keychain of said figure.  The Daenerys Targaryen figure is brand spanking new and since we named one of our cats after her I'm gonna have to get one.  These will ship out at the end of May but are up for preorder now.

Platform A OpenSource 2.0 from alto for ToyCon UK

    Generally, it is frowned upon if you take someone else's work, mass produce it, and make tons of money.  But if you buy the design outright, it is yours to do with as you please.  alto is giving you a chance to start your own toy line or just have something cool and rare to look at with his OpenSource 2.0 figure.  Entitled "Platform A", there is only one of these in existence in the whole world and if you buy it you are also buying the rights to do with it as you please.  Make a million of them, or just keep it locked away in your toy hoard.  The choice is yours and for £100GBP, I can almost guarantee that someone is going to be quick to snatch this up when it's made available at ToyCon UK.  Start your own factory and put those annoying neighbor kids to work!

Midnight Hunter Berserker from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore

    They should make you take a test to ensure you're man enough to own a toy like this.  May I suggest some questions in case that were to happen:

1.) What is your favorite Justin Bieber song?  

2.) Where would you rather go on vacation:  Mordor or the Bahamas?

3.)  When you blow by a cop on the side of the road is your first thought to outrun him, or to start    crying now so you get out of a ticket?

    I won't tell you the correct answers, because if you don't know them you should be reading another website.  Mutant Vinyl Hardcore doesn't require a test to own this Midnight Hunter Berserker, just  lottery with all your pertinent information.  If you're lucky and you get picked, then you'll be able to buy this behemoth of a toy that will probably force your kids into years of therapy.  The aforementioned lottery is happening right now and will last until 11:59pm Eastern time tonight.  Head over to http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com/, enter your info, then go on a crime spree to scratch up the $185 so you can buy this sucker if you win.  

ToyCon UK Exclusives from Mintyfresh

    ToyCon Uk is a little over a week away and the exclusives are finally starting to pop up online.  The event is sold out already, so now would be the time to contact your English friends and beg them to buy you all the stuff you want.  That is unless they don't have tickets either, then you'd just be wasting time you could be using to make new friends that would better be able to help you.  Friends with benefits doesn't always have to denote something scandalous ya know.

    Mintyfresh has three exclusives that will make you spend all of your money the moment you walk through the door.  That bear from Instinctoy looks like he's been wandering through a toxic wasteland, or as we would call it in New Jersey: Trenton.  There are two versions of this radioactive looking dude:  a flocked one that is limited to 50 pieces and available at the con, and a glow in the dark version that is also limited to 50 and available online for those of us not able to go or that live half way around the world.  

    And they'll have two mean looking Debris figures from Restore that just want to come home with you and cuddle on the couch.  There's the Glaciation edition that looks like hypothermia has set in, and the SFB Blue edition that stands tall in his unpainted glory.  

    They will be holding a lottery (which you can enter right now) for any leftovers they may have from the event.  Sign up at https://mintyfresh.wufoo.com/forms/toycon-uk-leftovers-lottery/.

    

Bedtime Bunnies from Peter Kato Release Tomorrow!

    I seriously need a nap.  My two smallest cats have entered their puberty phase (don't worry, they are getting spayed/neutered tomorrow, I am responsible sometimes) and have not let me sleep the past few nights.  If teenagers were the same way the human race would have been extinct hundreds of years ago.  They're so restless and they figure if they're gonna stay up and act like weirdos all night then you should too.  Not cool kitties, not cool.

    Just looking at these Bedtime Bunnies from Peter Kato reminds me of all the sleep I've forever lost.  And they're fricken cute beyond anything.  Just look at them, their peaceful little faces; their adorable little bunny slippers.  They come in two different sizes:  a 3 inch one for $20, or a 2 and 1/2 inch one for $12.  As always, these are hand made by Peter in his secret lair/studio.  Get one, or a pile of em, when they go on sale tomorrow (April 3rd) at http://peterkatoshop.com/.  

Dragon Sword Fighter Force from Citizen Brick

    You know what's awesome about Citizen Brick?  They know what the people want.  Let's be realistic for a second, cause as much as we would all go absolutely ape over it, Lego is not gonna make these.  The show that these are based on is waaaaaaaay too out there with it's content for officially licensed sets to ever happen.  So Citizen Brick takes it upon themselves to ensure collectors can have what they want.  i think they're more like finely crafted little pieces of art myself, but I would probably still want to play with them.  There are 12 figures in total that you can either buy as 4 individual sets of 3, or you can get all 12 and a bonus 13th figure (seen below).  These are professionally made too, with big machines and whatnot, so the quality is as good if not better than the ones you buy at the store.  Get em right now at http://citizenbrick.myshopify.com/.

Pulp Fiction Pop! Vinyl from Funko

    Fact: Pulp Fiction nearly made John Travolta cool.  Then he went back to being an extreme weirdo again, but for that one brief moment, he was in a movie that was actually watchable.  Hollywood is a strange place that I will never understand.  I could go on for quite awhile about people who are allowed to continue to make movies that no one in the real world can take seriously, but that's what the rest of the internet is for.

    I do enjoy Pulp Fiction.  I enjoy just about everything Quentin Tarantino does, because you never really know what to expect from him, but you know that it will be crazy.  But even in his twisted worlds I don't think he could have ever predicted that characters from one of his films would be turned into cute little figures.  Or that you can't make Samuel L. Jackson not look mean no matter how hard you try.  Funko has continued their efforts to turn everything that ever existed into their Pop! Vinyl figures and I'm totally ok with that.  Look for them in stores next month.  

The Strange Ways In Which People Find This Website

    It always fascinates me how people find out about this website.  This month my favorite search criteria that was typed into Google by three different people in the world was: "salamander thingy".  Whoever you three folks are, I hope you enjoyed your visit while you were here, even though this site is severely lacking any information on amphibians.  Hopefully you did find something you could use in a research paper in the future though, as I am a wealth of knowledge about things made of plastic, cats, chicken nuggets, Scandinavian folklore, and the 1893 Columbian Exhibition.  Visit again soon!

World War Gee: The Yellow Zombie from Huck Gee

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    So Huck Gee's recent production releases have been about as impossible to get as a Victoria's Secret model's phone number.  Those suckers sold out within minutes and left many sad folks around the world with empty shelf space.  If only there was a way that you could not only guarantee that you would get his next toy, but have it be even be constructed by his own hands.  Stop your bellyaching and rejoice because that's exactly what you can do starting tomorrow with this Yellow Zombie Dunny. You have 24 hours beginning at 1pm Pacific time to place your order for one of these, after which they will be produced and shipped off to their new owners.  He will only make enough to fill orders, so if you don't pull the trigger you will be sad forever.  Now this rotten little bunny rabbit ain't cheap at $450, but it is hand made and the quality is always impeccable.  This is something you can pass down to whichever grandkid comes and visits you at the nursing home the most.  Order yours at http://www.huckgee.com/.

Aqua Edition Octopup from Nathan Hamill x 3DRetro

    Let's face it, toys are for the most part expensive.  It's not easy to be a collector, and its even less easy to write about toys and want to buy everything you see.  And I live in an area where there really aren't too many options for buying this stuff in person, so you have to be mindful of shipping costs on top of that.  So it's nice to see that someone is making a toy that is affordable enough that you can collect every version that they release and not have to dig through the trash behind the grocery store to find your dinner. 

   Nathan Hamill and 3DRetro continue their series of soft vinyl Octopups with this aqua version.  Available starting tomorrow at noon Pacific time at http://www.3dretro.com/,  each one is only $10, so you can still buy yourself some chicken nuggets and have new toys.  

The Rainy Day Antagonist Kickstarter from Evilos

    We've all had those days where it seems like the universe is out to get us.  Those days where you wonder if how you want to respond will land you in jail for 25 to life.  Evilos has those days too.  The man loves to paint, and for him to do what he loves he needs the weather to cooperate.  When it doesn't, it can kind of feel just like his new resin figure looks.  "The Rainy Day Antagonist" has just gone live on Kickstarter and needs your help to see the light of day.  Plus, how can you not want  a figure that is flipping the elusive double bird?  I like to utilize this very cut and dry gesture while navigating through New Jersey traffic, but I have to keep at least on hand on the wheel, so I alternate which hand I use so no one feels left out.  My middle fingers are so strong from being used repeatedly against terrible drivers that I could probably snap your neck with one of them.  Just kidding, I'm really a nice guy (in case my employers are reading this).  

    You can click HERE right now and get in on all the exclusive rewards for helping to fund this project.  Do it.    

Get Your Intergalactic Drank on With This New Figure From 2bitHACK

    What, you thought the galaxy was all lightsaber duels and bacteria in your blood that gives you magical powers?  The struggle is real, even in space.  Not everybody has a need for a robot that can pilot their spacecraft (especially if its on cinderblocks on the front lawn) or one that can speak a bajillion languages.  Sometimes you need a droid that can provide pure, urine-flavored liquid refreshment that will eat a hole through your stomach and make the pain go away.  That's what R4Doz does best.  2bitHACK has created a series of 29 of these resin dudes that are looking forward to keeping you company on those cold nights on the curb by 7-11.  Pick one up now by going to http://2bithack.storenvy.com/.

Macho Man Randy Savage Resin Statue from McFarlane Toys

     You know you like wrestling.  It's totally ok, cause I like it too.  Sure, I lived in denial for a few years, neglecting to follow it or even know who many of the people involved were.  But one night I looked at my wife and asked "how come we don't watch wrestling anymore"?  Neither one of us had a real good reason.  So we started up again and instantly got sucked back into the spectacle of it.  We even drove up to our blighted state capital to see it live this past Sunday and had the fortune of sitting next to the best commentators I have ever heard in the form of an elderly couple.  Most of it consisted of the woman asking what was going on and the man doing his best to explain it, but there were some gems too.  When John Cena was fighting Randy Orton in a cage for the title (this was non televised, so no belts were going to change hands mind you)

Woman:  How come John Cena didn't drop down when he was outside the cage? (note: if both feet hit the floor you win)

Man:  Cena don't want the title, it's too much responsibility.

    Not that it was scripted to happen the way that it did, but that the responsibility of being the world champion was just too much and may infringe on his free time.  Coming from someone in their 80's it was adorable.  The WWE needs to hire them right away.

Back to business:

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!  The Macho Man Randy Savage is getting his own resin statue courtesy of McFarlane Toys.  This sucker is commemorating his appearance at Wrestlemania 5, stands over 17 inches tall, and comes on a rotating base so you can spin him all around and realize his awesomeness.  Put it on your mantle and surround it with offerings of Slim Jims so that the wrestling gods will smile favorably upon you.  Preorder this sucker right now wherever you like to buy toys.  

Glow in The Dark MadBattleMan and BattleRat from Mike Sutfin

    Sometimes you just need to buy something mean looking.  There's only but so much cuteness I can tolerate before I need to listen to Cannibal Corpse and hunt for skulls in the woods.  I'm watching the news the other day and they're talking about some little dude that wants to carry a My Little Pony backpack to school but they won't let him cause they're like "dude, people are gonna shove your head into the toilets so hard" and they're right.  I don't get kids anymore.  When I was little I wanted to be an archeologist so I could dig up ancient dead people and I wanted stuff with wrestling and GI Joe and Star Wars on it.  

    Ok, yeah I like cutesy things sometimes.  Like my cats, they're all pretty cute.  But you gotta have a balance there my friends.  This MadBattleMan and BattleRat from Mike Sutfin are the perfect things to add to your collection and celebrate your dark side.  And they glow in the dark too, like they're filled with some ancient spirits who are begging for you to release them.  Both are up for preorder right now at http://sutfin.bigcartel.com/.

Mayari Dunnys from Otto Bjornik x Kidrobot

    File this under things that are long overdue.  Anyone who has even a remote interest in designer toys has seen the work of Otto Bjornik.  His stunning customs have collectors all around the world drooling on their keyboards every time he posts a new one up.  Kidrobot will finally be making his work available to us all with these 3 inch production Dunnys.  The black version will be available at your favorite retailer, while the red one will only be available through Kidrobot's website and their stores.  Get em both (like I will be) when they are released on March 27th.  

Junior: Dark Knight Edition from Lou Pimentel x myplasticheart Available Today

    Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Bat....thingy.  Lou Pimentel x myplasticheart present the Dark Knight edition of Junior, this adorable little blood sucker that may or may not kill you with cuteness.  Celebrate Wednesday by picking one of these little dudes up at http://www.myplasticheart.com/.  

Slugbeard Hand Painted Edition from Paul Kaiju x Toy Art Gallery

    Do I actually have a story about slugs or beards that I can relate to this toy's name?  Of course I do, don't be silly.  Here goes.

    In the first apartment my wife and I shared we had a lot of outside critters that wanted to becoem inside critters.  There was this one cat that would just walk in the front door whenever I tried to leave for work and go hide under the bed.  He was always covered in cuts, missing patches of hair, and even had a dangly tooth.  I was like "look bro, you gotta get your life together if you want to stay in this house" but he was more about that street life, so he had to stay outside.  We had a few snakes come in through a hole in the baseboards in our kitchen/dining area.  I'd catch them in my wife's Tupperware before tossing their butts back outside, then she'd always wonder why her Tupperware went missing and I'd be all like "I had to throw it out cause it was full of snakes", which at the time seemed like a valid argument.  

    But our best visitor, by far, was introduced to us by our cat Icarus, who had found him behind our couch.  He likes to eat things that he shouldn't, like shoe strings, yarn, and Thai food, so when we heard him slurping something down we thought it would be something run of the mill that we'd have to take from him.  Instead, it was a slug.  He was sucking the slime off of the back end of a giant slug.  Literally, the front half of the slug was nice and shiny, while the back half was bone dry.  My wife threw up as I plucked the poor little guy from the carpet and returned him to the wild.  And that my friends, is my slug story.  Oh, and I had a pretty gnarly beard the whole time this was going on, so there you go.

    If you're still with me, I'd now like to tell you about Slugbeard.  This monstrosity who looks like he has risen from the deep to make us all pay for knowing who Kim Kardashian is, was created by Paul Kaiju and produced by Toy Art Gallery.  And when I say monstrosity I mean it, cause this sucker is over a foot tall and nearly as wide.  This edition was hand painted by Mr. Kaiju himself and is only available to you if you enter a lottery beginning tomorrow (Thursday, May 20th) at noon Pacific time. The lottery will win you the opportunity to purchase one of these suckers, which will run you $250.  You only have until Friday at noon to decide whether you're man enough to enter the drawing.  Here's how you do it:

Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Slugbeard Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Friday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified).

"Purple Haze" Edition Bullet Belt from Skinner and Unbox Industries

    Sharon and I decided that we were gonna start watching wrestling again.  Well, I think I decided and she just rolled her eyes and was thankful that I have something else to occupy me.  It speaks to my authentic personal brand, cause I like violence, and crazy over the top production, and redneck stuff.  But not all redneck stuff, cause I don't like hunting, or kissing my sister, but the rest of it is ok.  

    So now I'm gonna do the rest of this post as if I was recording a sweet promo with Mean Gene.  Here is his picture so you can get a good mental reference of what's going down. 

    And even though I'm not typing in all caps, know that I am yelling and my voice is about to give out but it's the passion of the Vikingmaniacs that is fueling me.  

Mean Gene:  "Toy Viking, tell us about your rise to dominance in the squared circle."

    "Well Mean Gene, when I was growing up in parts unknown, I wasn't well supervised you see.  I was left to my own devices, in a cold unforgiving world, to become the man I am today.  I didn't have role models.  Well, not positive ones at least.  But I said my prayers, I took my vitamins, and I cut all of my jeans into these awesome shorts where the pockets hang out of the bottom and it shows off my collection of homemade tattoos (camera pans to let you gander at my sweet shorts).  But the thing that led me to the WWE, that made me the most feared man in all of sports entertainment, is Bullet Belt.  Let me tell you brother, Bullet Belt put me through the paces.  We trained together in junk yards, we foraged for food in the desert, we ripped trees up from their roots in the forests."  

  

    "Now through the power of Skinner and Unbox Industries, all the little Vikingmaniacs can get their own wrestling guru, in special Purple Haze edition.  Like my buddy Ric Flair always says Mean Gene, in order to be the man, you gotta beat the man, and brother, the man has Bullet Belt in his corner.  And cut off shorts, cause you gotta strut, know what I'm sayin.  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

   
Mean Gene:  "Well there you have it folks, the secret to The Toy Viking's success is one big, mean lookin, plastic toy.  Will this spell the end of The Toy Vikings reign of terror, or is he so confident in his abilities that this secret is just part of the equation?"

End scene.

Preorder yours now from http://unboxindustries.co.uk.

Skinner Unleashes The Cave Crawler!!!!

    Well this is frightening.  See, you wanna scare kids into not doing stuff, this is what you need to use. 

    "Oh, you wanna smoke that reefer and hang out in abandoned buildings conjuring spirits?   THIS is the consequence."

     We could go back and put these guys in text books, make up fake police reports about people being attacked by them, and you could pretty much guarantee your kids will be better behaved.  

    "Look Timmy, stop hitting your sister or I'll take you to the woods and leave you for the Cave Crawlers."  Timmy is instantly well behaved.

     Children these days need stuff to be afraid of.  They're not scared of the cops and they're not scared of their parents cause they'll call the cops on em if they get yelled at.  But Cave Crawlers demand respect as they nibble your face off.

    These frightening skull/spider thingys were created by Skinner.  He sculpted them, and painted them, and even put little fresh water pearls in their eye sockets.  As if that wasn't enough they even come with a few severed limbs and their own creepy cave dwelling just to drive home the point that these are some bad dudes.  They are limited to 15 pieces for $100 each and go on sale at www.theartofskinner.com tomorrow (Wednesday, March 19th) at noon Pacific time.  That's cheaper and less sketchy than getting your little spawn of Satan a lobotomy.  

St. Patrick's Day Pork Dumplings from Shawnimals x myplasticheart

    Here's a way to celebrate your Irish heritage without getting into a bar fight or becoming a soccer hooligan.  And it's cheaper than bail money!  It's a St. Patrick Day Pocket Pork Dumpling from Shawnimals x myplasticheart.  They're on sale right this instant at http://www.myplasticheart.com/.  Now I have to go shovel snow.  Again.  

WWRP Meat IS Murder Set from 3A Available Now

    After about two weeks of waiting, the federal government has finally decided to give me my tax refund.  I should save it, or pay off credit cards that I've been using way too much, but that's a hard thing to do when I stare at toys all day long.  3A has not been helping curb my temptations recently, and now I see this.  For $160 you get a set of 5  1/12 scale figures that would look perfect in one of my already over flowing display cases.  If you're like me and temptation is getting the best of you, then head over to http://www.bambalandstore.com/ and buy yourself a treat.  You don't need an actual occasion, just make something up.  Like "National Not Killing Your Coworkers" day, or "Yay, I Cleaned the Litter Box" week.  

Sons of Anarchy Memorial Coins from Mezco

    One of the things that makes Sons of Anarchy such a compelling show to watch is the fact that almost no one is safe from death's cold hand.  From one week to the next you won't know if your favorite character is gonna triumph or become another victim of the lifestyle they live.  The reaper patch has a way of imposing itself like a plague with just the slightest contact.   

   But let us not forget those that have paid the ultimate price in making our Tuesday nights so filled with drama.  Mezco has created three memorial coins to coincide with the actors that portrayed these deceased character's appearance at the Chiller Theatre Expo in New Jersey Apirl 25th-27th.  Only 200 sets were made and feature a white insert that would be perfect to have signed.  And since Katie Sagal will also be there, don't be alarmed if you see a lot of people roaming around with carving forks for her to sign.  Actually, you should probably be slightly alarmed and stay away from any sinks filled with old dish water just to be safe.

Get these now at http://www.mezcotoyz.com/

Dead Che Porcelain Bust from Frank Kozik x K. Olin Tribu

    When I was a wee little lad my mother took me on a trip to Washington D.C.  While I was fascinated with all of the different Smithsonian museums, the various monuments that are scattered around the city were really only good for a few minutes enjoyment.  We walked up all the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and once inside it was kind of a let down.  I wanted to see Lincoln himself, not some giant statue of him.  I had heard about Lenin lying in state in Russia and wondered why we didn't do that here.  How cool would it have been to actually walk past his body?  I got to see his hat and other artifacts preserved behind glass, but the morbid side of me wanted to see what was left of him.  This may or may not be the reason I was always going to talk to counselors.  

    I think Kozik is down with spicing up the monuments of important political folk around the world.  Just look at this bust he did of Che Guevara.  He looks a little different here than he did when he was plastered all over those t-shirts in the mall.  K. Olin Tribu have transformed this former vinyl sculpture into porcelain and have offered it up for sale as we speak...or type.  There are only 15 pieces in existence and some are still available through http://www.artandtoys.com/.  

Regurgitated Ideas from Killer Bootlegs Available Now

    I hate puking more than anything in life.  Anytime I throw up I am praying for sweet death to come and take me.  Whenever I'm feeling a little nauseous my wife will tell me to throw up so I feel better,  but the thought of bending over the toilet and making that primal scream with processed food is too much for me to even think about.  

    I don't know how Killer Bootlegs feels about blowing chunks all over his bathroom tile, but I do know how he feels about Star Wars bootleg characters.  There's old Han Solo, suspended not in carbonite, but in someone's Big Mac that didn't quite sit well.  It's kinda funny and kinda stomach churning all at once, which is a sign of success in my book.  He's available now at http://killerbootlegs.storenvy.com/. 

Back in Black Skullhead Dunny from Huck Gee

    Isn't the term "skullhead" a bit redundant?  A skull can only be a head.  No one will confuse it with your skullfoot, or your skullbutt.  Skull need not be more specific than it already is.  I used to work at a clothing store and people would come in asking if we had shirts with "skullheads" on them and it would irritate me to no end.  Most of the irritation came from actually having to wait on people, but the skullhead thing bugged me too.

    No matter my objection to the word, Kidrobot and Huck Gee have indeed titled this the Skullhead Dunny.  I am willing to overlook my linguistic concerns in the face of such a cool figure.  I have the white one they released a few years ago and almost had to beat a man to death to get it.  The story actually goes I had already bought it and someone tried to buy it off of me as we were leaving the store.  I just wanted it to sound much more dramatic than it actually was.

    This 8 inch Dunny will retail at the very affordable price of $59.99 when it's released on March 20th.  For those keeping score at home this is the second 8 inch Dunny in a row from Huck.  That dude must know somebody.  

The Last Knight from Andrew Bell

    I'm not much of a board game person.  Shocking, I know, that I wouldn't want to gather a bunch of people together and play Scrabble til the sun came up.  Board games are too much commitment to being around other people.  Say you sit down to a game of Monopoly with your friends.  You know that game takes forever and by hour four you just want these people out of your house.  But you've signed some unwritten pact to see this game through so you are chained to them like a prison sentence when all you wanna do is watch Monday Night Raw and eat cookies until the pain stops.  But you can't cause they're gonna want cookies too, and if you know anything about emotional eating you know that there are not enough cookies to make the pain stop and to share.  Do you see this spiral of horror you have set in motion all because of a seemingly innocent board game?

   Chess is no better because you could each be down to your last man and just chase each other around the board for hours.  That's what always happened to me until I would knock everything in the floor and challenge my opponent to a fist fight to settle our impasse.

    Andrew Bell made this and it looks cool.  That's a fact and is therefore not up for debate.  What is also a fact is that he made 500 of them and they will be unleashed upon this world this Saturday, May 15th, for $65 at your favorite places to buy fancy toys.  I like it, but I'm also a sucker for a good skull, be it plastic or otherwise.