Imperial Lotus Dragon Release and Signing with Scott Tolleson at Rotofugi

   

    Did you miss me?  Sharon and I took a bit of a vacation and headed out west to visit with her grandmother and drive all around Idaho, Washington, and Oregon.  It was my first time on that side of the country (I'm not terribly well traveled) and it was like being in a completely different world.  Not only was the landscape crazy but the people were waaaaaaaay different than what I'm used to.  Mostly because they weren't miserable.  New Jersey has a certain reputation for people being mean and it wasn't given arbitrarily.  It's probably because there are just too damn many of us packed together in a small place and we're tired of smelling each other's armpits.  I could even feel myself getting angrier as I got off the plane on our return home and I almost beat a guy for looking at my luggage at baggage claim.  But out west everyone was so nice and pleasant and we had great conversations with people we just met.  And their Wal Mart was reeeeally clean, which will let you immediately gauge the happiness of the locals.

     Scott Tolleson will be taking a trip this Friday (I don't need any gold trophy to know that was "Seemless Transition of a Seemingly Unrelated Story to One About Toys of the Year") to Rotofugi in Chicago to release his Imperial Lotus Dragon Dunny from Kidrobot.  Buy yourself a toy, have Scott sign it, and enter to win free stuff.  Scott has been painting up these two fellows you see here and I wonder if these may be the door prizes in question:

    If so, you'd be a lucky son of a gun to own either of them.  Check out the details in the picture at the top of the post, cause I have to go to work and probably shouldn't be late cause I was typing all that out for you.  Kisses.  

Skull Jinmenken from Awesome Toy is Available Now!

    I sometimes get worried that I'm gonna come home and find cats in the house that I don't recognize.  I have five of them that I'm responsible for, but I feel that's pretty close to the number where you start to not realize new ones that move in.  When we lived in our first apartment there were some neighborhood cats that we fed and were pretty happy to see us everyday.  One was so happy that when I opened the door to leave for work he hauled his little fuzzy behind right past me and hid under the bed.  For one, I didn't know how he knew where the bed was unless he had been casing the joint.  And two, there was no way I could not get him back out for fear that my wife wake up and find a strange feline spooning her.  The thing about this cat too was that he always looked like he just had a UFC fight, cause one day he'd have a dangle tooth and the next part of his ear and tail was missing.  I kicked him back out, but ever since then I've had this irrational fear of strange cats moving in unbeknownst to me.  I don't think there's an actual clinical term for it, but when there is I better get credit for it or I'll sue everyone.

    I do have a distinct lack of dogs in the house, so I'd probably noticed if all of a sudden I had one.  I'd be more than happy to have one of these dogs from Awesome Toy call my shelf home, and it just so happens that they're available right now.  You can be the proud new owner of your very own Skull Jinmenken by following these easy instructions:

If you are interested please email the following info to

sales.awesometoy@gmail.com

1. Your Full Name
2. Your Shipping Address / Phone Number
3. Your Paypal Address

One address can purchase one figure only. Shipping is expected in the next week.

Paco Taco from Scott Tolleson X Pobber Toys Available Today!

    Whoever heard of taco Friday?  No one, that's who, because tacos were meant to be consumed on a day that starts with the letter "T".  I'm pretty sure it's in the Bill of Rights or one of those other important documents we all should read but don't.  Or maybe it's one of those weird blue laws we have in this country that no one actually enforces.  Like, don't make out with squirrels on a Sunday while wearing plaid, or being forbidden from trapping more than three weasels in a brown box during an eclipse.  I think they were to prevent witchcraft, or women from voting, or something like that.  I don't think anyone that's still alive even knows.

    So, against all my arguments to the contrary, today is indeed taco Friday as Scott Tolleson and Pobber Toys are releasing Paco Taco.  He comes in two different flavors: regular and hot.  These are gonna be available at midnight SG time, which means wherever you happen to be you're gonna have to do the converting on that cause I am not feeling up to any time algebra today.  Taco up at www.pobber.com.

    

Celebrate 10 Years of Placebo with One -Off Mummy and Sarcophagus Sets

    In case anyone was wondering, I have been a weirdo my entire life.  Case in point, when I was in kindergarten I wanted to be an archaeologist.  I was obsessed with ancient Egypt and my five year old self thought their could never be anything better than digging up old dead people while the editors of 

National Geographic waited with baited breath for my newest discoveries.  I figured I'd probably have to get a bull whip and kill a few Nazis like Indian Jones, but those just seemed like bonuses to what was sure to be a lucrative career.  Then I realized that what it really involved was sitting in a hole with a makeup brush for days at a time and a distinct lack of adventure/hot dames to rescue at every turn.  Now the only dead bodies I hunt for are under the beds of hotels the wife and I stay at.  There's nothing to liven up a vacation like finding human remains.

    Plaseebo is celebrating his 10th anniversary by doing what he does best; making crazy toys.  Over the next few months you can get your grubby little mitts on some one of a kind Mummy and Sarcophagus, starting with this set that releases tomorrow, Friday the 18th, at http://www.plaseebo.net/news/.  It'll look great next to any skulls you may or may not find in your flower beds.  

Battle Damaged Automatons Companion Figure from Monsterpants

    I can't say I've been in the market for a robot, though I still kinda want that little BB-8 guy, but if I was SERIOUSLY about to buy one, I'd want that sucker battle damaged.  Think about it, that sucker too, some heavy artillery to it so there's no way your house of demon cats is gonna take it out.  Unless that sucker is sooooooo battle damaged that even a Jawa wouldn't try to sell it to a group of moisture farming hillbillies.  Then you've got yourself an expensive lawn ornament.

    Monsterpants released a film called Automatons a few years ago and now they're making available a resin version of the companion robot from the film.  Today at noon you could snag one of the 12 available pieces for just $40.  And you'll get a magnet for your fridge, a postcard so you can write to yo momma who misses you, and some trading cards that will probably not work in your competitive Pokemon league, but will make you table mates jealous.  These dudes are only available from  http://monsterpants.net/shop/.

Preorder Some Custom Grody Quackers from Candie Bolton x Lulubell Toys

    Let me tell you, if you collect toys and have kids you better have a secure set up for your collection.  I don't have any human kids, but our feline children have required us to buy sturdy display cases that have locks.  And they look pretty pro anyway, so I'm not that shook about it, but you gotta invest in security if you don't want to have teeth marks in your expensive stuff.  Now with human babies you gotta worry about them stealing your stuff and tossing it all in the toilet.  Is there any kid that didn't do that?  I remember tossing some of my mom's makeup down the toilet along with my Han Solo in Hoth gear figure.  There was no way I was letting him pilot the Millenium Falcon in a snow suit, because that implies that the iconic ship didn't have heat and I wasn't buying it.  So I flushed him.  Or I attempted to, because Han Solo and a handful of lipsticks will evidently wreck your pipes and cause a filthy water flood.  I told my mom I was sorry, but she was all like "You're 32, you shouldn't be doing this crap anymore."  She's so judgmental.

    You know there's not a kid out there that isn't gonna wanna play with these Grody Quackers.  They were practically made to toss in the nearest body of water you can find, so keep these suckers out of reach.  Candie Bolton customized these twisted bath tub friends and they are available for preorder right now from Lulubell Toys.   The preorder ends this Friday or when supplies run out, and as affordable as they are for a custom toy there's no reason they won't sell out.  Get em at http://www.lulubelltoys.com

New Kookie No Good figure from Scott Tolleson x Dekorner Available Today

   Did you know yesterday was Fortune Cookie Day?  Now you could tell your parents that the Internet hasn't completely rotted your brain and you can still learn fun facts by spending a few hours a day browsing.  You can also see plenty of things that no matter how hard you try you will never be able to forget.  Fear not though, for this is a safe place that has no intention of forcing you into group therapy where they'll make you keep a feelings journal that you have to read aloud from once a week.

    In celebration of the previously mentioned day of remembrance for deceased fortune cookies the world over, Dekorner is releasing a special edition of Scott Tolleson's Kookie No Good Figure.  These little dudes will be available today at 10am pacific time only at http://www.dekornerstore.com. Each figure will retail for $40 and comes complete with a sad little fortune that may or may not depress you, depending on if you took your meds or not.  Just look at the one in the picture: it says "anything >  you".  Not only did it insult you, but it brought in grade school math to do it, forcing you to relive those hours of homework you never turned in because you were too busy preparing to really own your teenage angst phase.  Kookie, we gotta get you some happy pills, bro.

    

Skinner x Leecifer Hand Painted Picklebabies Dropping Today

    I have a lot of things that I suspect may be haunted in my house.  It's bound to happen when you are drawn to coolecting weird stuff that may or may not have once been housed in a now dead human being.  You think I don't have a jar of my wife's great grandmother's gallstones, just chilling in the living room?  Or an antique glass eye that may or may not have been willingly given up by its long dead German owner?  I like my knick knacks like I like my women; riddled with a sketchy past (Sharon's gonna hit me for that one).  Now I'm not crazy mind you and if I think something might be housing some poltergeist with a crappy attitude I can easily walk away.  Unless it has a really sick patina, cause God knows I love a patina.

    I'm convinced Skinner is only interested in painting haunted toys and now I have photographic evidence to prove it:

    How is this little antique person holding a Picklebaby that was created even before Leecifer, the father of all Picklebabies was born?  What madness has conceived the creation before the creator?  What messed up relative bought this girl such a bizarre looking doll baby for Christmas?  Those answers may lie deep in a New England grave, but on this very day you can become the newest caretaker of the Picklebaby, guarding its secrets and succumbing to its most vile demands.  

    There are 8 of these available beginning at noon pacific time only from http://shopcriticalhit.com.  They are $100 each in human money (no eternal souls will be accepted as payment at this time - Management)

Funko Announces Bi-Monthly Star Wars Subscription Boxes

    Man, let me tell you how caught up I got in all the new Star Wars excitement.  I drug my behind, and that of my wife, out to Toys R Us at midnight just to get a look at the new toys.  I walk in and there's these four foot tall Stormtrooper and Darth Vader figures for $100 each and I almost came home with them.  I was trying to justify buying them, but once civil war broke out in my brain the reasonable side totally won out, leaving behind them a trail of dead, irrational soldiers.  Then we go into Bed Bath and Beyond a few days later and they have that killer smart phone controlled BB-8 toy, and yet again a war was fought in the confines of my skull.  I ended up leaving with a headache and no droid.  Sometimes being an adult is beyond dumb.

    Finally, after years of seeing people freak out about those subscription box thingys there's finally one I'm interested in.  I've completely given up on anyone coming out with the "Human Skull of the Month" club, but Funko's Smuggler's Bounty is pretty intriguing.  They're kicking this thing off in November and the first box will feature 2 exclusive Pop! Vinyl figures and other stuff related to the new film.  Supposedly every box will focus on a different aspect of the Star Wars universe, but hopefully they're smart enough to leave Jar Jar out of it.  Unless it's a severed head, then by all means.  Each box will cost $25 and will be available bi-monthly, but if you subscribe for a full year you get a special surprise at the end of it that's exclusive to those not afraid of commitment.  Get it going over at www.smugglersbounty.com.  

Freaks, Kinks, and Spazzes Preorder from Radioactive Uppercut Happening Tonight!

    I went to the doctor today and when I entered the room this is what I saw:

    Now let me expand on this a bit more.  While this would be a horrifying sight for any man to stumble upon, what made it worse was the fact that I was at the urologist having a follow up from The Great Kidney Stone Disaster of 2015 (as it's been dubbed in the media).  So be you man or woman, the only place this stuff was gonna end up was somewhere that would traumatize you (and make your pee hurt) for days to come.  I know what goes on in these places, heck I've got some stories that would make you put a pad lock on your jeans and hide in a closet, but I really don't need to see the aftermath of someone's urinary tract pain.  Hell, the hotel we stayed at in Brooklyn for Summerslam had better maid service than this, and there was a damn lucite wall between the tub and the bed.  I didn't go anywhere near this exam table except to take this picture and after than I parked my behind as far away as the architecture of the building would allow.  I wish they had comment cards so I could have rated the state of the room, cause urethra jelly and a box of tissues is worse than finding a dead body.  

    As you may have figured out, that story was just something I really had to share and has nothing at all to do with the toys you see pictured.  I view stories like this in the same way filmmakers viewed that VHS tape from the ring.  You gotta pass that trauma on if you want to have any peace.  Now, back to business.

    Radioactive Uppercut is opening up preorders tonight for his latest creations: Freak, Kinks, and Spazzes.  Those three little dudes are adorable in a gross way, kinda like your mom, and like I said before you can get your hands on them tonight at 8pm eastern time (also like your mom).  They were expertly sculpted by David Arshawsky of Turtle Milk Studios and are being cast in soft resin by Tru:Tek of Disart ToyLabs, which basically means they're of the utmost quality.  These little dudes stand 3 inches tall and are available individually for $30, or as a set for $87.  Look how cute they are, you wouldn't dare think of separating them from their friends would you?  Or are you one of those people who would see two kittens and just adopt one of them?  Don't be a sicko.  Do the right thing tonight by visiting http://radioactiveuppercut.storenvy.com.  

Get A Second Shot at Jim Phillip's Screaming Hand from Kidrobot

    Have you ever seen those tumors that sprout teeth and hair and really freak my wife out?  Or those little stone babies that people carry around for years without even knowing it?  Those are nothing compared to sprouting a second mouth on your palm.  Think about it: those other two things are quiet. They may creep you out, they may cause you a bit of physical discomfort, but they won't scream all day long.  Or worse than screaming, what if it just wanted to bore you to death all day by telling you the same stupid stories, prefaced with "did I tell you about the time."  If you think you need to begin a story with the phrase "did I tell you about the time" then yeah, you already did.  I know someone who has told me the same mundane tales so many times I started finishing them for her every time she repeats one.  I can tell you just about anything you would ever need to know about her grown children, people that have died, what was on sale at Target in 1996, or her every career she ever had.  Contrary to my best efforts I have managed to store the most minute details in every dark corner of my brain and can rattle them off like some savant doing algebra problems.

    Is there any wonder that someone severed this sucker just above the wrist?  Who knows where Jim Phillip's Screaming Hand began its life, but it's most certainly ending it sans the rest of the human form.  This iconic logo from Santa Cruz Skateboards was recreated in glorious vinyl by Kidrobot and released earlier this year, at which time it quickly sold out.  People were pissed that they couldn't get one so now you'll have a second chance on Thursday to welcome this into your life.  Pick one up tomorrow wherever you like to buy your toys or at www.kidrobot.com.  

Three Witches: Skinner Edition Preorder from Unbox Industries

     With all these bozos trying to run for president you would think that maybe, just this once, someone would focus on an issue that is long in need of attention:  the lack of witch burnings.  Now you can't tell me that we stopped doing it cause we got em all, cause I don't believe that.  Or that it just fell out of fashion, cause what better thing can you think of to bring a community together than the warmth of a good witch burning in a carnival-like atmosphere with corn dogs and stuff?.  You got nothing.  And it's just not about the good times that are to be had, it's about all the evil doings that are, as of this posting, going unchecked.  Why just last week a woman was mad at me at work and I didn't poop right for a few days.  It's empirical evidence of a hex and I'm sure if I had some milking goats they would probably be dry right now as a result of said curse.  How can we allow this to continue?

   The tricky thing about witches is that they all don't stand out as readily as these that Skinner painted up.  They blend in, like that Miley Cyrus girl, so they could be amongst us right now!!!   John Kenn Mortensen and Unbox Industries made these old hags and you can preorder them from now until September 25 (or until the original allotted amount runs out).  Order some right now at http://store.unboxindustries.info and make them reveal the identities of their sisters in the black arts.  Also, make sure you have enough to lighter fluid, cause there's nothing that ruins a good ol witch burning like an absence of the actual burning part.  It's embarrassing.

Star Wars "Force Friday" Recap or Why I Am So Tired Today

    Despite what I said yesterday about not being able to stay up late, I couldn't stand looking at all the pictures of the new Star Wars toys online and not participate.  So when my wife got home from work this is what ensued:

Me:  "Hey babe, I'm sorry you had such a hard day at work, why don't we go out to eat tonight."  

Sharon:  "Oh, that's so sweet of you, let me go and get changed."

Me: "Shut up squid man, you're killing my game here."

    So we have a nice dinner and on the way home we stop by Toys R Us to see how they're setting up for the new toys.  There are signs everywhere and empty shelves teasing us with their promised bounty later in the night.  We go home, watch a bit of tv and then I start showing her people's Instagram posts with all of their bounty.  Next thing you know this happens:

Sharon:  "If you want we could totally go to Toys R Us to check it out tonight."

    Next thing you know we're standing outside with fellow nerds waiting to buy toys for a movie we haven't even seen yet.  It was kind of like a mini comic con moment, though much less smelly.  The first thing we see as we enter are these giant Stormtrooper and Darth Vader figures:

    I'd say they were about 4 feet tall and priced at $100, which is pretty reasonable considering their size.  While the temptation was strong, I didn't want to get caught up in the moment and buy everything in sight.  In fact I was so restrained this is the totality of what I purchased:

    That's it.  A lone Captain Phasma Pop! Vinyl for $10.  The commemorative Lego brick was free at the door and the main reason I wanted to go to Toys R Us.  It has the date on the back of it so one day I can reflect on my life and say "I stayed up way past my adult bed time to look at action figures."  Everyone in the nursing home will be impressed.  

New Robo Tops from Inami Toyland Releasing Tonight

    The most playing I ever do with the toys I collect are when I dust them; which, in the interest of transparency, is not very often.  I'm on a once per calendar year dusting plan, or whenever the dust gets so thick I start to forget what the actual object is supposed to look like.  The bonus though, is once you wipe away all those accumulated dead skin cells it's like having something that's brand new all over again.  And who doesn't love that feeling?  So, to summarize, I am making myself happy on the occasions I do clean by lengthening the time in between actual cleanings.  Suck on that, Freud.

    You never need to worry about Robo Tops from Inami Toyland collecting dust, cause the whole point of these resin dudes is that you play with them in the first place.  The actual spinning motion of the tops makes it impossible for dirt or debris to make its home on them, thus negating the need for you to do chores.  Now make a toy that cleans the litter box for me and I can truly live a life of leisure.  

   These orange and blue editions go on sale tonight at 9pm eastern time only at www.inamitoyland.com.  They're $15 a piece and only 10 of each color exist.  

Star Wars "Force Friday" Is Almost Here

    Oh my lord I am excited for the new Star Wars toys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Tonight, as the clock strikes midnight, people are gonna flood their local stores and ruin their credit ratings by buying anything and everything from the movie they haven't even seen yet.  And you know what?  I'd love to join em, but that is waaaaaaaaay beyond my bedtime.  I know, I'm about as much fun as wearing a wet pair of jeans, but I've passed that point in life where my body will do the things I want it to.  I don't want to have to get up at 3am to pee every night, but guess what, that's what happens.  And I don't want to fall asleep on the couch every night and miss the endings of my favorite shows, but that doesn't stop my brain from flipping that off switch and turning me into a drooling idiot with my mouth hung wide open.  Just this week alone I've missed the endings to Monday Night Raw and Ink Master and I almost passed out before Mr. Robot was over last night, which would have infuriated me.  So while I won't be elbowing my fellow nerds in pursuit of a carded Storm Trooper, I'm sure that there are plenty of everything to go around so I won't miss out on anything I want.  I mean there will be, right?  

"Famous Last Words" Group Show at Toy Art Gallery

    In what is a sad yet growing trend, Toy Art Gallery is closing up their physical location.  I don't know anything beyond the fact that they will continue to operate their store online and continue to manufacture toys.  They want to close their location with a bang, and thus you have the aptly titled "Famous Last Words" group show.  It's happening this Saturday, September 5th, and features all of the artists you see listed above.  You should go, and pour some of your 40 out on the sidewalk for your fallen homies.  

Someone Found a Way To Film My Dreams at Night

    I don't know how they were able to upload my dreams to Youtube, but this may be the biggest breakthrough in technology since the Swiffer.  

Mixed Parts SMD5 from Jeff Lamm x Unbox Industries Available Now!

    The MTV VMA's were on as I was writing this post.  Let me clarify, they weren't actually on MY tv at home, but supposedly they were on someone's, which makes me sad for them.  The only reason I even knew it was airing was because of those ridiculous commercials with Miley Cyrus and her tongue all hanging out, trying to be edgy, or whatever it is that mall kids aspire to be these days.  I wish someone would make clothing that she likes to wear so she can stop showing off her 13 year old boy's body like its something anyone wants to see that isn't already in jail for sex crimes.  Do they air MTV in prison?  They should make you watch it on death row so you stop appealing and start begging for the electric chair.

    I haven't watched the VMA's since Nirvana played on them.  And if you're like me and couldn't care less about who wore what on the red carpet or what dumb thing Kanye West did, you could instead focus your attention on securing one of these mixed parts SMD5 figures from Jeff Lamm and Unbox Industries.  What color combo will you get?  Who knows, cause that's a surprise, and it won't matter anyway cause the figure is so sick that they could make a color scheme called "scab" and it would still be awesome.  These are on sale right now and will be until September 6th or until supplies last.  Snag one for yourself or your favorite internet pseudo-celebrity (no, not Grumpy Cat) by going to http://store.unboxindustries.info. 

Ron English's Apocalypse Grin Dunny Coming Next Week From Kidrobot

    Living in New York must be nuts.  There's always people around, nothing ever seems quiet, and I don't know how anyone affords to buy food after paying their rent.  Seriously, how are all New Yorkers not holding telethons for people to feed them?  I can't even rent a closet in the city for what I pay for my town house.  One benefit of living in the city is you get to stumble upon amazing works of art just hanging out there on the side of a building. People that have insane gallery shows are just painting real estate like its no big deal.  The other day while Sharon and I were roaming around trying to get to Toy Tokyo we ran into a huge mural from Ron English.  While we didn't physically run into it even though we were dehydrated and sweating like some urban nomads in a foreign dessert, you would have thought we had never been anywhere before with our level of amazement.  Which, to divert slightly, we totally embraced our inner podunk Midwesterner when we went into a two-story Target in Brooklyn and were completely floored with the escalator for shopping carts.  Check out this jawn:  you're roaming around my on the first floor, getting all your essentials for domestic life when you realize there is a new Taylor Swift album you will die without, but alas, the electronics department is on the second floor.  Are you supposed to just abandon your cart full of Hot Pockets and tabloids and hope that someone won't pillage your future purchases?  Should you strap it on you back, channel your inner sherpa, and lug that 4 wheeled son of a gun up there?  Fear not, because carts have their own adjoining escalator which moves them effortlessly between floors.  I know, it's crazy right?  I wanted to take a video of it but I didn't want people to think I was adjusting beautifully despite my obvious mental deficiencies.  You get mistaken for simple once in your life and you never forget it.

     The point of all this was originally, I think anyway cause I can't be bothered to read all that again, is that I saw some crazy out of doors art from Ron English and we don't have that stuff where I live.  We have people that paint rude sayings on billboards, but that can hardly be considered art, especially when their vulgar diatribes are not grammatically correct.  You can bring some Ron English art INSIDE the house next week when Kidrobot releases this ballin Dunny.  There's the regular version, which is just a bigger rendition of his original 3 inch design, and there's that super clean white chase design at you're not gonna want your friends to get their dirty finger prints on.  Get one for yourself next Friday, September 4th, for $75 from www.kidrobot.com or wherever you like to buy your toys.
   

"Red Rub" Vertebrata from Paul Kaiju x Blobpus x Toy Art Gallery Lottery Details

    I love when people commit crimes using unconventional weapons.  One of my favorite stories of such an occurrence was when a man walked into a gas station near where I used to live, and robbed the place with a broom.  He cleaned out the cash register by brandishing an item used to clean the floor.  I never found out whether he got to the place and just winged his approach, or if he brought the thing with him as part of a well thought out plan.  The former I can understand, because he could have just had poor impulse control, but the latter is way more bizarre.  The guy looked around his house, was struck by a moment of divine inspiration, and drove with his weapon to make some quick cash from the Texaco.

    You may, in a few brief moments, notice that the above story has nothing to do with the toy you see there.   I had already typed this story out for a different post, but then that toy sold out and I thought it would be a waste to just delete what I had already written, so here it is.  One less story being sent to the landfill.

    The newest edition of Vertebrate from Paul Kaiju x Blobpus x Toy Art Gallery will be available via lottery submission starting today at noon pacific time.  You have until Monday at noon to enter for a chance o buy one of these freaky ladies.  Here's more info on the lottery:

The Vertebrata Red Rub Edition retails for $85 and will be released via email lottery starting on Wednesday, August 26th at 12PM PST and ending on Monday, Aug. 31st at 12PM PST. Email sales@toyartgallery.com with “Vertebrata Lottery” as the subject along with your paypal address and shipping info. If selected you will be sent an invoice for payment. Please allow 24 hours for a response after the closing time (Monday 12PM PST). Winners will be chosen at random, one entry per participant please (if you submit more than once you will be disqualified). Good luck!

   

The Next Installment of SWWF from Healeymade

    I am so pumped right now I want to go ring a random person's doorbell and DDT them on their front porch.  Sharon and I are going to Summerslam in Brooklyn this weekend and I have been super hyped about it for months but now that it's here I've go so much excitement built up inside me that I don't know how I will make it through today without powerbombing someone through a table or using uncontrolled run-on sentences.  The highlight for me is that I'm gonna get to see The Undertaker in person, which hasn't happened in a long time.  When I was a wee little Chris I got to go to a house show in Richmond, Virginia we walked up to the box office the day of the show and got seats right next to the barrier where the performers walk out.  I remember standing their in awe as The Undertaker made his way to the ring; by far the biggest person I had ever seen in my life let alone stood next to.  He was beyond human; something that couldn't have been something naturally occurring in this world, but something born purely of imagination.  Though I'm much older and much more knowledgable about how the world of professional wrestling works, that surreal feeling still comes back to me any time I go see it in person.  

    If you were to ask me how to create the perfect toy I would say you have to take things I love, mash them together, and let the results speak for themselves.  Well, I love Star Wars and I love WWE, so I would say Healeymade has either been rooting around in my brain or the man has some exquisite tastes.  This thing is beautiful in its genius and can be owned right now by checking out http://healeymade.com.  

Galamilk World of Isobelle Pascha Vampire Hunting Miyu and Lizbeth from 3A

    Women seem to dominate the world of vampire hunting for some reason.  While there may be inequality in other forms of employment, killing blood-sucking fiends has predominately been a field where men have had no place.  There are a few notable exceptions, like Blade or Van Helsing, but they are no match for their female counterparts.  I suppose if I were a vampire and someone was to drive a stake through my heart I'd rather it be some attractive woman than some sweaty dude.  Did the vampires form some sort of union and this was on their lists of demands? 

   Who cares about the particulars and let us just enjoy the fact that pretty ladies are keeping us safe from becoming slaves of the undead.  Miyu and Lizbeth from 3A are working hard to literally save your necks and look good while doing it.  Both of these figures are available right now from http://www.bambalandstore.com for $320 each.  Which may seem like a lot, until you realize that they stand 2 feet tall!  That's a lot of toy!And shipping is included in the price, so now your only decision is which one you like best.  I say get them both so one isn't lonely without the other.  This is something I legitimately think about.  

Want To Own Buffalo Bill's House from "Silence of the Lambs"? Now You Can!

    As you can tell from the past two days, I've ben on a real estate kick.  You need somewhere amazing to house your toy collection and I've finally found the perfect place.  On the market now, just south of Pittsburgh (which is the only drawback, really) is Buffalo Bill's house from Silence of the Lambs.  This place is beyond amazing you can see by checking out the listing here.  For $300,000 you can not only own a house that is part of movie making history, but you also get an in-ground pool with an old train caboose as a pool house!  Sadly, the infamous pit in the basement isn't there, as it was just something they created on a sound stage, but the house has enough space that you could make your captives put the lotion in the basket in one of four picturesque bedrooms, or perhaps even the winter parlor (I have no idea what that is, but I need it) or butler's pantry (just as clueless).  

Hello Clarice? More like hello victorian luxury!

Boomu Plush from 100% Soft

     This is how I want to die.  I want a giant, cuddly, kaiju kitten to rise from his home deep within a mountain and devour me with snuggles.  You can keep your "hails of gunfire" and your "blazes of glory" cause I'm going out to the sounds of monster kitty purrs thank you very much.

   

    If you don't love this Boomu plush from 100% Soft you are both wrong and a terrible person.  It is flawless in its adorableness and is ready to stomp its way into your heart (and your city, which is pretty much doomed).  This 8 inch tall plushy is available right now for only $20 from http://100soft.bigcartel.com.  

     

Help Build a Real Version of Minas Tirith from Lord of the Rings

    How many times in your daily life are you forced to drive by another pile of garbage being built that will in a few years time sit abandoned like the bad idea it was?  Every day I pass by this relative ghost town on the way to work that has now decided to build a strip mall.  Never mind the fact that most of the houses sit vacant, or that the only other two businesses for miles are gas station on either side of the road and a produce stand that looks like it was but as a set for the next Mad Max film.  Nope, despite the obvious warning signs by the buzzards circling overhead, what that town needs is a nail salon, a pizza joint (cause you can't find one of those in New Jersey) and another place to buy a cell phone.  Oh joy!

    But this is a construction project I can get behind!  Finally, someone in this world has decided that enough is enough and cookie cutter housing developments and retail establishments have had their time and now we need to pave the way for something new.  Something, like Minas Tirith!

   The great city from Lord of the Rings has been proposed to be built somewhere in southern England, but it needs your help (and a lot of cash) to become a real, livable city.  It's a definite uphill battle, as they need to raise billions of dollars for the project to commence construction.  You can help by checking out the Indiegogo page here and by maybe convincing Bill Gates or Warren Buffet that this would make a pretty baller investment.  Meanwhile, I'll be packing all my things to be ready for move in day.  

"Sand K. Troop at Coin Rides Game #1" from Fools Paradise

    Ok, let me make it perfectly clear that the name of this toy is a bit nuts.  I put that sucker in quotation marks so you didn't think I had a stroke while typing this.  The name reminds me of when my brother went to Korea and he came back with this shirt that had a picture of a monkey in a space helmet and it said underneath "The Matrix Lord of The Rings Return of the King".  They had just taken recently released movie titles, mashed em together, and called it a day.  I was really pissed he didn't buy me one.

  I'm more than willing to overlook what may be a rather confusing name and instead focus on the majesty that is this toy.   Let's break it down into its component elements to fully appreciate what it has going for it:

1.) It's Star Wars presented in a unique way

2.) Half-nekkid lady Storm Trooper

    It practically sells itself on those two points alone!  So since I have convinced you that you need one, I shall now tell you how to make all of your dreams come true.  You're gonna want to go to this link type in your payment info, and one of these will magically appear at your doorstep later this year.  You only have until September 8th to preorder one and they cost $289 with shipping included (magic ain't free, son).

threezero's 1/6 Scale Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad

   Life is easier to fully enjoy when you keep meth dealers out of your house.  Not that I've had the occasion to invite or not invite meth dealers over, because I've never known one.  But if I did, I'd have to be like "look bro, I'm cool with chillin at the food court, maybe grabbing some Sbarro, and checking out the H&M sale, but you can't come over."  See cause folks that sell meth have to have people to buy it, and those people really don't need to know where I live.  I'm not down with extras from The Walking Dead trying to steal my tv or bum money off of my cats.

    That Jesse Pinkman guy from Breaking Bad seems like a pretty cool dude, but rules to live by are not meant to be broken.  Though I would made an exception for this ultra detailed toy from threezero. Despite the fact that it looks amazingly life-like, I don't think the DEA is gonna pressure me to turn informant on an action figure.

    Like every threezero figure, ol Jesse comes with plenty of accessories to live out that life on the edge, like a gun and fat stacks of cash.  Speaking of cash, you can spend yours preordering this figure on Friday, August 21 at 9am Hong Kong time from www.threezerostore.com.

"Leviathan" Lottery from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore Happening Now

    I'm gonna say it:  This is my favorite release EVER from Mutant Vinyl Hardcore.  Other than the fact that this dude looks literally and figuratively killer, I have been obsessed with great white sharks since I can remember.  My dream vacation would be to go to South Africa and see the ones that jump out of the water.  They have boat tours that will fill the water with blood and guts to attract them to the boat and you can see freakishly close, as in they could bite your face off close.  Having never seen one in person I wonder if they would even look real to me.  When Sharon and I went to the National Zoo in Washington we were hell bent on seeing the panda bears.  Upon arrival the three of them were chilling inside this glass enclosure, eating bamboo, and looking like they might have been little people in suits.  You see them on tv and they look so cute, but in person they look like any minute they're gonna check their cell phones and you're gonna realize they're just tiny college kids trying to earn some extra money.  

    If this guy attacks you while you're enjoying a nice day at the beach with the family don't bother punching him in the nose.  Save your energy and start praying for forgiveness for all the bad stuff you've done in life, cause you're gonna meet your maker real soon.  The lottery to own on of these Leviathan figures is happening right now and ends just before the stroke of midnight tonight.  Get your funds together and enter over at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.

    If lotteries aren't your thing and you're more into impressing people with the speed that you can enter your credit card info, then take a crack at purchasing one of these Sludge Demons.  They go on sale this Sunday at noon eastern time only at http://www.mutantvinylhardcore.com.